Silver Lake Series 2 - Survivor
by Fleppy85
Summary: A terrorist attack destroys the Hollywood and Highland Center. Among the many victims is Sofia, whose life is at risk. Will she survive? How will Sara cope?
1. Chapter 1

Note of author: Welcome back to Silver Lake. It's time for the second book of the series. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did when I wrote it. Part 8 is almost finished, so you'll get many more stories about our favorite CSI couple and their (new) friends.

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><p><strong>Monday, June 6th <strong>

With crossed legs Sara sat on the floor, her back to the wall, closed eyes. Time. She needed some time and after that she needed a conversation. A long one. About what just happened. To find out what to do next. Like now.

"Sara?" Jules stopped surprised. The brunette sat on the floor, next to a palm tree, almost hidden under it, didn't make a sound. Her last patient was gone, she was about to lock her office up for tonight when her eyes fell on the other woman.

"Hey."

The first intention Jules had was asking Sara what she was doing on the floor, why she didn't sit on one of the chairs. Instead she crawled under the palm and sat next to Sara. It had been over a year and a half that Sara wasn't a patient anymore. They hadn't met, had barely exchanged a word and when Greg was over, he came to see Sara and Sofia alone. Until six months ago, for Christmas. Over a year the therapist refused to see her former patient, didn't want to break her personal rule. Then Jules came with Greg over to spend the holidays with Sara and Sofia. From this day on they were friends, met once or twice a month, most times when Greg was in Los Angeles. But Sara had never been here again. Until today, over one and a half years after Sara ended her therapy.

"I know I will sound awful shrinky now and you hate it when I sound like this but…do you wanna talk?" She wasn't her psychologist anymore but she could to her like a friend. Sometimes it didn't matter to whom you talked as long as you had somebody to talk to. Somebody who listened to the words you said and – maybe more important – the words you didn't say.

"I've an appointment with your cousin – since five minutes or so." She lost track of time.

"Okay." There was a reason why Sara wasn't with her therapist, the same reason why she sat here with her former therapist and now friend. When she was ready to share her feelings and reason she would do it. No need to ask. To push.

"Jules?"

"Yes."

"You will never be my therapist again, will you?"

"No." They were through with this, Sara knew it was impossible for Jules to be her therapist again. Too many things had happened, too many things had changed. It was impossible to go back.

"Can you be my friend?"

Jules pulled Sara in her arms. "I am your friend. I'm with you." It had been a tricky change but they managed it quite good. Better than Jules had expected.

"Can…I need to talk to doctor Luria about…about something I can't talk about alone. Sofia should be the one who joins me, I know….it's not like I don't trust her…"

"You don't want to worry her."

"Yes. And I shouldn't worry you."

"Why don't we make a deal? We both go down to your doc, if it's okay with her I stay today with you and her and if you feel like it, you talk about what's on your mind. In the unlikely case that I can't handle whatever you have on your mind, I let you know. And if you don't feel like talking to her anymore, you go and I come with you. We get some cake, a coffee and sit down somewhere. Talk, if you like, or just enjoy the cake and coffee if that suits you better."

"That's not your job anymore, you're not my therapist."

"We established a minute ago I'm your friend. As your friend it's my job to have coffee and muffins with you. Come on." Jules got up, took Sara's hand and pulled her up. "Come on, lets see the doc. If she annoys us, like docs sometimes do, we leave her alone. It's a great day, the sun shines and we can use it as an excuse to be outside."

"You're a doctor too."

"I'm a cool doctor, not a medical doctor. Or do you want to tell me I'm like doctor Bendler?"

"She's your mother."

"So?"

"You're not like her, you're cool. That why I stayed with you."

"That's what I wanted to hear." Jules locked her office after them and walked with Sara in her arm down. The door to her cousin's office was open and they found her at the front desk.

"Sara, I'm glad you're here."

"Hi." If there had been the chance Sara had tried hiding behind her friend.

"Amanda, we need a favor." Jules kept her arm around Sara. "A big one."

"What's that?" The psychiatrist with the dark hair looked at the two women, who came into her office.

"Could you bend some rules?"

"According to your mother you bent the rules enough for the rest of the family." There was no annoyance in the voice of the doctor, it was a neutral statement.

"Please."

"Why don't you tell me what I'm supposed to do and I decide then."

"Sara would like me to join her today."

"Is that so?" Doctor Luria looked at Sara.

"Yes. It's not…it's not that I think you can't help me and want Jules to help me. I need her help but not because of you, it's because of me. And I can't ask Sofia it would be…please. Please let her come with me. I…I don't think…no, I know I can't talk about this without her. She…it's crazy and I don't understand why…since I've met her I feel safe with her. She made me get through so many things, whenever things get tough she get me through them. Got me through them. It's like when she's around I've a special security that will catch me if I fall …not that I don't trust in your skills…"

"It's more about the friend you need, not the extra psychologist." Doctor Luria helped out.

"Yes." Relieved her turbid explanation made some sense to the other woman she relaxed a little bit more.

"Okay, I let her stay. Quiet. In the back."

Sara looked at Jules who only nodded. This was her cousin's office, her rules.

"If I…"

"Sara, you'll be fine. If we get the impression you're not good or you tell us something is wrong, I'll be there. And if everything goes wrong, we have some medicine."

"I hate medicine." She hadn't used any medicine since the trial. Something she was very proud of. Like there hadn't been any need for her breathing exercise. It had been a long trial, or it felt long to Sara, but at the end Trevor went to jail and she felt like somebody took away a burden. Her past still haunted her, she wasn't over it but she was able to forget it more often. Her life was better since Trevor was in jail, she faced him and her demons from her childhood. It wasn't over but she made a few steps in the right direction.

"Who doesn't? You know it can help."

"Yes. You chose the right moments for medicine. I trust you, Jules."

"Do you trust your doctor too?"

"Yes."

"Good." Jules took a chair and placed it a little bit behind Sara. This way the brunette knew she was there but she wasn't in front of her eyes, didn't take Sara's focus of her doctor.

After a deep breath Sara started carefully choosing her words: "I got a phone call from my mother yesterday." Since the trial eighteen months ago Sara hadn't talked to her mother. When she needed her mother to send Trevor, the man who raped her as a child, to prison and her mother denied her support, told her to let the past stay in the past. Sara stopped having contact with her after the meeting. The pain that her mother wasn't there for her – again – was too big. Trevor was sent to prison and there were other women who came forward and told the police similar events like Sara's. Some were before Sara's time, some after. It didn't look like Trevor would ever leave prison again.

"She told me my brother called her and she wants to see us both."

"What did you feel at that moment?"

This question wasn't a surprise, she had expected it. Thought about it the last hours. Thought about her feelings when she heard her mother's voice, her request and when she ended the call. Felt since then. "Hate. Desperation. Fear."

"Did you respond that way?"

"I switched off my phone without an answer and haven't switched it on since then. I know I can't go on like this, I could change my phone number but that won't solve the problem."

"What would solve the problem?"

"When my mother never ever tries to contact me."

"How would that help you?"

"I don't have to talk to her anymore this way." Repression of reality never helped, she didn't need another lesson about it. They had been through this a few times.

"Will it change your feelings towards her? Your hate, desperation and fear?"

"No." Sara closed her eyes. Her behavior wouldn't change anything, she was aware of that. But when she could keep her mother out of her life she would think less of Trevor, of the trial. Wasn't it enough that she was still in therapy? Getting better and better but still…and a simple phone call could make her lose her head again.

"Why am I not over it? After this long time in therapy?"

"Because a lot of things happened to you, we haven't been through everything. Like you never told me about your brother, for example."

"Sam is five years older, when I got taken into foster care he ran away. End of story."

"What do you feel for him?"

"Nothing."

"Really?"

No, of course not. It was a lie, a very bad one. "Okay, I'm mad. He left me alone. When they came to get me he could have taken me with him. Instead he left me alone, left me to the strangers and saved his ass. I hate him for that. I really hate him from the bottom of my heart."

"Did he know what Trevor did to you?"

Sara bit her lips, turned and looked at Jules. It was time for her support.

"Sara?" Doctor Luria got the attention back at herself. "She is there, you can tell me without her by your side."

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"We never talked about it."

"You're a very sensitive woman, you know when people hide something and I can imagine you were like this when you were young. Like you know your mother knew about the rape. Did Sam know it too?"

"He has never been around when it happened."

"That's not a real answer."

Sara was aware of that. She tried to get around the answer, it brought too many thoughts with it. Things she didn't want to think about. "I think he knew. He hated Trevor, he was often angry and…I don't know."

"Did Trevor touch him?"

"No." Nobody touched Sam. He wasn't a victim, he was a fighter. If Trevor had tried to touch him, Sam had put up a fight and hurt the man. He had been tall and strong. So different to Sara.

"Can you imagine meeting your mother and your brother?"

"No."

"What do you think would happen if you meet them?"

"Either I yell at them, assault them or I have a bout. I didn't have a bout for over one and a half years, I don't want to risk another one. Why should I meet them anyway? They both left me alone when I needed them most. There're no reasons to meet them, talk to them. They all should leave me alone and rot in hell!" Sara jumped up and wanted to leave the room but was stopped by Jules who stood in her way.

"Running away isn't a solution, I thought you remember our sessions better, Sara." Jules voice was calm. She didn't touch Sara, only looked into her eyes.

"Fuck." Sara sat back down. "I don't want to see them. Over and out."

"Okay, it's your decision."

"You don't like it, I can see it in your face. You want me to see them, talk to them."

"In my opinion it would be better when you face them, you won't get over your problems when you try to ignore them. Repression doesn't help. They are a part of your problems. If you can't face them, can't talk to them, you're not over your past, not over your disorder."

"You want me to go there? Meet them?"

"I want you to be able to live a life without fear, without suffering, without worrying if the bouts come back. You made process Sara, you worked hard on yourself, you reached a lot of goals and I want you to reach the final goal."

"When?"

"That's something I don't know, can't tell you."

"I come to therapy for almost two years. This wasn't supposed to take such a long time." She felt frustrated. When she agreed to see Jules she thought of a few months and not a few years. Therapy started to annoy her and cost a lot a of money. A lot of money for getting her nowhere. Waste of money. "I'm sick and tired of therapy, doc."

"You're not there, Sara."

"It feels like I'm stuck."

"You know Trevor has to face court again?"

"Yes. Another woman stepped forward, he raped her when she was twelve, now that she's twenty-one she wants him to pay for it. I thought of going to San Francisco when the trial starts. Hopefully they find him guilty and make sure he will never get out of prison." The idea her attacker would stand in front of her door one day scared her, had ruined a few nights already.

"She needed eleven years to step forward and I'm sure that your trial last year helped her a lot. When she tells her story now she will know people believe her. She has to tell her story in court, you will hear what he did to her."

"I'm afraid he did the same to her like he did to me. The friend of her father, the parents out of house, the nice friends offered to look after the daughter and when they're alone he gets into her room and rapes her. After that he threatens her not to tell anybody or very bad things will happen to her, her family, if she has, to her pets. I told you he threatened to kill my parents and my brother so I had to go into foster care. They do nasty things to girls in foster homes." Sara swallowed. The words were still in her ears, she could hear them like he just said them to her.

"For being stuck and not making any process you can talk about the abuse without trembling or getting close to a bout." Doctor Luria smiled lightly.

"We've been through it for over eighteen months."

"I've a patient who had to go through the same you did, Sara and she's in therapy for over twenty years. With a few breaks, changing therapists, one, two or three appointments per week. She still can't talk about what happened to her without trembling, without crying."

"Over twenty years?" Was she supposed to feel good? Feel strong? Proud of herself? Right now it scared her. Such a long time and no success. What if the same happened to you? When she was stuck too. Twenty years, another eighteen years of therapy?

"Yes. You are making progress, Sara. He hurt you for a long time, not only once which is already bad enough, you buried it for almost thirty years deep inside you, it takes some time to get it out completely. And when you are over it you can talk to your mother and brother without worrying they might talk about the trial. And if you don't want to talk to them it won't have anything to do with what Trevor did to you."

Sara closed her eyes. Twenty years and still therapy. Was that her future too? Would she end up for the rest of her life in therapy? Spilling her guts, working on a goal that seemed to stay out of reach.


	2. Chapter 2

Sofia took a look at her watch. Another half an hour before she could go home. An evening with Sara on the sofa, watching a movie and talking about their days. Her lover had worked in the morning, should be almost out of therapy. Maybe they would play some basketball if Sara didn't have a busy day, walked around a lot. Don and Kyle would certainly join them if they asked, Lynn had a date with her new boyfriend.

Another report was written, all her work was done. Time to think of a thought that crossed her mind the last couple of weeks. Working on her career. She was a lieutenant one and wanted to become a lieutenant two. She knew her boss would give his okay to it and when she felt ready for the tests she could do it. One step closer to become a captain. First a career with the police was more her mother's wish, this had changed when she came to Los Angeles. She knew she was good, she knew she had everything you need to be a great captain, so it was obvious it was her destiny to become one. And maybe, only maybe, she could outrank her mother one say. Deputy Chief Curtis. Didn't this sound cool?

Another thought that came up her mind was going home early. That was a good idea. She had some overtime, why not leave the office early and go home? She packed her bag, got up and was almost at her door when her pager went of.

"Oh fuck! Screw it! Why?" Ten seconds later and she had been out of the office, on her way home…okay, her pager was with her anyway.

"Multiple hostage, multiple shots fired at the Hollywood Boulevard, Hollywood and Highland Center. Shooters are still active. Holy shit." She grabbed her service weapon, her vest and stormed out of the room. With her there were dozen more officers storming out of offices, running to their cars. Screaming police sirens cut through the warm June afternoon air, getting the attention of everybody around.

The street was closed from North La Brea Avenue, a lot of police cars and ambulances were already on the street, made it impossible to get any further. They parked and got out of their cars. Sofia heard more shots, more sirens. People were running towards her. Old, young, white, black, they all ran and…a woman fell only a few yards away from Sofia. Like she lost her balance but when she touched ground the backside of her head was missing. A man not too far away went down too. Screaming, there was blood on his shirt. Before Sofia could reach him she felt something flying close to her ear. A bullet. She dove down, tried to locate the shooter. Somewhere from the Hollywood and Highland Center. They had to secure the area, get the people out. Not via the street. The shooters were somewhere, watching them, killing them like it was only a computer game. An easy game.

"With what are we dealing?" She asked an officer, who looked for some shelter next to her.

"I've no idea, they said out of the blue somebody started shooting from the second story of the Hollywood and Highland Center. So far we know about seven shooters but it's unknown how many are inside. It's a mess, I couldn't talk to witness and there are several officers already injured and/or down."

"Damn it." What were they dealing with? A group of terrorists? A robbery gone bad? Why the Hollywood and Highland Center? The Oscar night was long over, were there any stars around? At the Kodak Theatre? Usually premier show of a movie started later, had been an early one today? Were actors the target? Or tourists? Was somebody trying to destroy the tourist industry in Hollywood?

"Here's Lieutenant Curtis, is anybody in the Theatre?" There were so many voice on the radio, a lot of shouting, most of it was not to understand. "We need to get inside, stop them." But how? They were less than fifty yards away, there was nothing to hide from the bullets.

SWAT teams arrived, heavy armed, with protection. They started to get injured people of the streets, were hit by bullets. It felt like rain, bullet rain. Sofia looked at the door of a shop a few yards away. From the inside she could have a better look at the Theatre. Somehow they had to get eye to eye with the shooter. If it wasn't possible to get them from the Kodak Theatre maybe they had a chance from one of the shops across the street.

Taking a deep breath she held on to her weapon, jumped up and started running towards the door. Only a few more yards and she was inside, safe, could hide and…heat. A lot of heat, noise and pain were the last things she felt before the world turned black around her.

* * *

><p>"What is this noise?" Doctor Luria went to the window. The last five minutes it was impossible for her to talk to Sara, police, emergency and fire brigade sirens cried out loud without a stop.<p>

"An accident?" Jules stepped next to her cousin.

"They don't make so much noise for an accident. All vehicles drive west, maybe somebody attacked an actor? Or more than one. Is there a premier going on tonight?"

"Don't ask me, I'm not into celebrities."

"Me neither." A pager went off.

"That's yours."

"Yeah. Sorry." Doctor Luria went to the desk and took her pager. "Oh god!"

"What?"

"There was a massive shooting at the Hollywood and Highland Center and…I can't believe this is real but the message says, somebody just blew up the Hollywood and Highland Center."

"What?"

"I'm sorry Sara, I need to get there…" Doctor Luria worked with LAPD and in a case like this it was her job to be around.

"Me too! Sofia is on duty! And even if she wasn't, they'd call her in. I've to make sure she's all right."

"I come with you." Jules was next to Sara. Both knew it wasn't very likely they could get close to the scene but maybe it was possible to see Sofia somewhere.

Nervously Sara changed the radio station every few seconds in Jules's car. News, she wanted to hear the news. Doctor Luria had to be wrong, nobody had blown off the Hollywood and Highland Center, that was impossible. And made no sense. Why would somebody do something like that? Especially when it was an ordinary day, no Oscar night. Then again when terrorists flew into the World Trade Center it had been an ordinary day too – until nine in the morning.

"Did you reach Sofia?"

"No, when I called her cell phone I got straight to voice mail."

"Work and private?"

"Yes. Both didn't get me Sofia." Fear was in Sara's voice. Something was wrong. Even when her lover was busy, she had a special ring tone for Sara and answered the phone all the time. Especially in a case like today, when it was obvious her lover was worried.

"Nothing to worry about. If she's there she'll have other things to do."

"Probably." Sara tried to tell herself these things the whole time. The problem was she didn't believe it. She was nervous, she felt something was wrong. Her lover wasn't fine, Sara had no idea if her feeling meant Sofia was injured or just had a lot of stress. Hopefully the second one.

"The trip is over." Jules stopped her car. A police car stood in the middle of the road and stopped them from continuing their trip.

"We've two feet, we can walk." Sara got out of the car. They were four blocks away from Hollywood Boulevard, they could walk this distance.

"Sorry ma'am, you can't go on from here." An officer stopped her.

"Why?"

"Because the whole area is a red zone. Nobody is allowed to get in. We need space for the ambulance, fire brigade and police cars."

"Did somebody really blow off the Hollywood and Highland Center?"

"Yes."

"Shit." It was true. "How many…"

"We don't know yet. A lot."

Sara leant into Jules. A lot of dead bodies. Of course. It was a beautiful day, the streets were filled with tourists, tour guides. Summer in L.A., the busiest time of the year.

"Do you need volunteers?" Jules asked.

"At the moment we're still securing the scene, there are still a lot of people injured and dead in the area, we can't let anybody in. The shooters could be still hiding somewhere and strike again. What do you want to help?"

"I'm a therapist, I can talk to survivor."

"I can contact our counselors, if they want help you can get in."

"Thanks." Jules pulled Sara aside. "You should go home, when Sofia is somewhere in there she won't be back for a few hours and not available on the phone."

"Jules, something happened to her. She knows I know by now about the incident, she knows I worry and even when she's busy she'd send a text to tell me she's fine."

"She's busy."

"Not that busy. Something happened, Jules. I can feel it." Her heart ached, she felt like she didn't get any oxygen, something bad had happened to Sofia. Sara didn't need more proof than her feelings. As a CSI she was after hard evidence, evidence you could see, touch, analyze. As a lover all she needed were her feelings.

"Try to call Don, Lyn or Kyle. Maybe they can help out. I bet every cop of Hollywood and West Los Angeles is in there."

Not satisfied Sara took her cell phone and tried the numbers of her friends. Like with Sofia's numbers she ended up in voice mail. Not good. Absolutely not good.

* * *

><p>Sara made the decision it was better to wait as close as possible to the scene than being at home. She'd go crazy there. Not that she could do anything here, she was caught behind the barrier but she was she closer to Sofia. Jules got them two bottles of water, which Sara hadn't touched yet.<p>

"I could get in, I'm a CSI, I can help."

"You're not a CSI anymore and you never worked in L.A.."

"Who cares? Do you think I forgot everything I learnt?"

"No. Do you want to call your former boss so he can let LAPD know you're available? Your chances to get in are higher this way."

"I need a kit and can start right away. Like you could if they let you in."

"Amanda will let me know when I can do something." Jules's cell phone rang. Maybe this was her cousin. No, her mother. "Hey mom, did you hear…"

"I'm aware of it Jules. We have the hospital full with injured and dead people." Of course, what a stupid question. Her mother knew about the incident before she did.

"Do you want me there?"

"I need you to call your former patient, now friend, Miss Sidle."

"Why?" Jules felt how her stomach tightened. Why did her mother want her to call Sara? That couldn't be good. Was Sara's feeling right? Did something happen to Sofia? Was she with her mother? In hospital?

"I've Miss Curtis here and even when Miss Sidle isn't family, I know Miss Curtis would want her here."

"What did happen? Is she all right?"

"Get her here, Jules. Fast."

"Mom…" Her mother ended the call already.

"Jules? What happened?" Sara saw how pale her friend became. Whatever the phone call was about it wasn't something good.

"We need to get to hospital."

"Why?"

"Mom called, Sofia is there and wants to see you." Maybe Sara wasn't that concerned when she said, Sofia wanted to see her. When you want to see somebody you were awake, couldn't be too injured. Unfortunately this theory didn't work with Sara.

"Jules, what happened to Sofia?" If Sofia was fine she had called Sara herself. Or gave the doctor Sara's cell phone number.

"I've no idea. Mom just said we should get there."

"Is she…?" Sara didn't dare to say the words out loud. She didn't even want to think Sofia was dead. That was impossible.

"I don't know. Come on." Like Sara Jules didn't want to think what exactly could have happened to Sofia. She could have nothing more than a concussion, a broken arm or was dead. Everybody, no matter if dead or alive, was taken to hospital first.


	3. Chapter 3

"Holy shit." Jules stared appalled at all the people at the emergency room. This place was full on an ordinary day, today it was massive overloaded. Bleeding people, bruised people, children crying in the arms of their parents, alone, men holding their arms, shoulders or heads, women with bandages, crying soundless, eyes filled with horror. So much blood. These were only a few people, the ones that weren't seriously injured. Wherever the emergency cases were, when somebody blew off a big building there were a lot of them. More than one room could hold.

They had opened the cafeteria for arriving patients and nurses were all over these two rooms, helping injured people, stopping bleedings, giving away band aids and bandages. It wasn't the closest hospital to Hollywood Boulevard and the psychologist didn't want to think about how the other hospitals closer to the Hollywood and Highland Center looked like.

"Can you see Sofia?"

"No." It was impossible to see somebody. All the people became one crowd and the constant movement in the rooms made it not possible to see one particular person.

"Reception." Sara pushed her way through people to the reception and got the attention of a nurse.

"We can't help you right away, ma'am. Please take a seat, a doctor will be with you as soon as possible."

"I'm not injured, I'm looking for Sofia Curtis."

"Sorry ma'am, I can't give you any information about patients, we haven't been able to list them."

"Can we talk to doctor Bendler please?" Jules asked.

"I doubt doctor Bendler has the time. All doctors are treating patients or are in surgery."

"Okay, I call her."

"Are you a relative?"

"Her daughter." Jules tried to reach her mother but all she got was voice mail. "Mom, we're in the ER. Where's Sofia? What happened to her?" She ended the call and looked at Sara.

"Now what?"

"Now we wait."

"Can't we just…?"

"What? Walk in and look around? You know it's not possible."

"I go crazy when they let me wait for hours and no shrink on this planet will stop that."

"I take the challenge." Jules took Sara's hand and pulled her towards a free chair. "Sit."

"Jules…"

"No discussion. We can't do anything right now, you sit here and we wait until my mother or Sofia appear."

"Why can't we walk in and have a look for ourselves?"

"Because we'd be in the way of all doctors and nurses, we're not supposed to be inside and there are five hundred beds inside, we can't walk up to every single bed and look if Sofia is inside. Or have a look at all surgery rooms. We need somebody who tells us where to go."

"Why isn't she answering her phone?"

"My mom? I guess she's in surgery."

"Sofia."

"When she's inside she isn't supposed to use her cell phone."

"She knows I know about the theatre and that I worry. Something bad happened to her, Jules. Otherwise she had called. She always calls when she comes home late. Always. Because she knows I worry and drive myself crazy when I don't hear from her."

"Sometimes you can't call. If she has a broken arm she'll be somewhere inside and can't use her phone."

"People with broken arms are sitting here." Sara had seen at least a dozen people with broken arms and legs, a few dislocated shoulders. Today a broken limb was not a major injury. Another fact that scared her. Sofia's injuries had to be severe.

"Cops get special treatment."

"Not today."

Jules knew as good as Sara did that this was true. Today everybody cared mostly about the people whose life were at risk. With a disaster like an exploded Hollywood and Highland Center there were more than enough seriously injured people. How many people could have been around? A hundred? Two hundred? Jules had no idea how many tourists visit the famous Oscar place on a warm summer day.

Her eyes fell on a screen on the wall. The news channel. Her breath stopped when she saw the first pictures of the Hollywood and Highland Center. Or she had to rephrase this: when she found out the scene she saw was once the Hollywood and Highland Center. Nothing was left of it. When the camera zoomed away from it they could see it was the Hollywood Boulevard. Not because of glamour, not because of stars and advertisements, simply because she saw the Hollywood sign in the back. Once you were able to see it from the theatre, when you went to the second story at the little plaza next to the theatre, you had a pretty good look at the sign. Now there was no second story, no third or first. There were only stones, bricks and a lot of dust. Search troops were all over the place, with dogs, with machines.

"The buildings around the Theatre look like some of them will break down." Sara's voice was quietly. "Some of them are down. The building across the street are more ruins than buildings."

"Yes."

"I'm scared, Jules."

"Sofia is alive, Sara."

"How can you know?"

"If she wasn't mom had told me so. Believe me Sara, she is alive."

"I pray for that." When was the last time she prayed? Really prayed? With the belief of a God who heard the prayer and helped. She must have been a small child the last time she did so. "Do you think there is a god?"

"I don't know. People start to believe in a higher power when they feel helpless. If this hope is legitimate is a question I can't answer. For some people is the believe in god a help. Calms them down."

"When I see pictures like these I don't think there is any god above us. If there's a god and god is good how can things like today happen? A good god, a god who loves people, wouldn't let bad things happen."

"The fight between good and bad, you know it as a former CSI."

"Our bad guys were all human, no devil. I never had a case with a victim of a higher power killer. As a psychologist, do you believe there are plain evil people? Born evil?"

"No."

"Do you think you can change bad people to good?"

"You mean everybody? No. Some people enjoy doing bad things to others too much. It's power and power makes addicted. Therapy can help but it doesn't do wonder."

"Isn't it power over other people when you go into their heads and make them change their behavior?"

"I don't go into other people's head. I offer ways to change if people want to change. You know as good as I do, a therapy works only when the patient also wants to change. Or did I ever force you into something?"

"No, you only showed me once what will happen if I don't listen to you. I had the chance to ignore your advice but I knew it wasn't smart not to listen to you."

"All advises I gave you were in good intentions."

"I know. And I miss having you as a therapist sometimes. Nothing against your cousins, she's good but there was something about you, something about you made me feel safe all the time. Still does. I'm glad to have you back in my life and I know it wasn't an easy decision for you." She saw the fight of the therapist, knew how difficult it had been for her to make the decision to see Sara as the best friend of her boyfriend, let her become her friend too. A therapist wasn't supposed to be friend with a former patient.

"It's not the way it's supposed to be. But being in a relationship with your best friend makes it impossible to have no contact." It had been difficult the whole time, to let Greg go visiting his friends while she couldn't join him. When he came back, he couldn't talk to her what they did, couldn't let her participate on his life.

"Especially when he moves to L.A. to be with you."

"One day."

"I've the feeling this day will be sooner than later." For the first time Sara smiled a bit. The last time she talked to Greg, last night, she had the feeling her friend had concrete plans to move from Sin City to the City of Angeles.

"We will see. If he makes the decision to move it would be good for you."

"You mean: if the two of you make the decision he moves over it would be good for all of us."

"Yes."

"Jules, he is in love with you, he will move. We both know it, he knows it. And I want Sofia around when he arrives."

"She'll be there." Jules checked her cell phone. No call from her mother so far. Nothing ordinary, a surgery could take a few hours. Hopefully they didn't have to wait this long.

"Can't you do something to get us in?" Sara asked.

"Like what? I'm not a doctor."

"Yes you are."

"Not a medical doctor."

"You're a therapist, don't they need a therapist for the people with a trauma? You could offer to help them out like you did at the scene."

"That leaves you where?"

"Next to you as a proof you're good? A helping hand for the nurses? Collecting evidence for the CSI lap in Los Angeles?"

"That won't work out. Wait here." Jules got up and went back to the nurse at the reception. After half a dozen people were sent to different chairs to wait it was her turn. "Sorry to bother you again, can you tell me where my mother is? Is she in surgery? Doctor Bendler."

"Every doctor is in surgery at the moment, Miss Bendler."

"Actually it's doctor Weinberg."

"Doctor? What kind of doctor?"

"I work with trauma patients, as a psychologist. Shall I help you out somewhere? I mean most of these people can use a counselor right now but do you have a trauma ward? Shall I help you out there?"

"I need some kind of identification…"

"Sure." Jules pulled her wallet out of her pocket and showed the woman a photo. "My proud mother next to me after I got my degree."

"You haven't changed a lot."

"Thanks."

"What about your friend? Is she a doctor too?"

"No, she used to be one of Las Vegas best CSI, according to my mother her partner is somewhere here. Unfortunately she never told us where and why."

"I have another look. Who is the one you're looking for?"

"Lieutenant Sofia Curtis."

The woman checked again in the computer. "Nothing. But I don't have any new patients since two hours because nobody has the time to write those things down. Sorry. You know where your mother usually works?"

"Sure. I've been around many times."

"Go there. If she saw Lieutenant Curtis she has to be somewhere there."

"Thanks. What about your trauma ward?"

"You know your way?"

"Of course. I worked there a few times."

"Ask one of the doctors there if they want any help. I can't make decisions for them."

"Thanks." Jules walked back to Sara. There was her advantages of working at the same hospital like her mother did. The months of practicing here paid out now. Connection could help you out a lot in life.

"We're allowed to go inside. Mom is still in surgery but when she saw Sofia somewhere we might get more information there."

"Okay." Following Jules Sara went into the inner building of the hospital. Here weren't so many people anymore but the ones she saw were rushing around, trying to be somewhere else, somewhere where they were needed urgently.

"Now what?"

"Now we ask a nurse if she knows where Sofia is." Jules walked towards the room where the nurses sat most times. Today nobody was sitting around. Like everywhere else in the hospital the nurses were on their feet, helping people.

"Possibility one is we have a look ourselves, the computer is running. Number two is we wait until somebody comes around. Number three we open every door and look for Sofia. Any other ideas?"

"When your mother saw Sofia what is the most likely place where she could be now?"

"Can be anything from surgery to a room. Depends on why Sofia is or was here."

"She called you and told you to get me here, it's something serious Jules. We both know that."

"Yes." Jules sighed. She tried everything to cheer Sara up, to make her think positive. The problem was they both knew her mother didn't call because Sofia had a little bruise. Whatever happened to the blonde it was serious. Very serious otherwise she had called herself.

"Idea?"

"Do you know where to look in the computer and is there anything written in that the nurse downstairs couldn't see?"

"I know where to look but I doubt there's something written in that they didn't see in the ER. They can see the basics and in the basic every patient has is a name."

"I'm sorry what…oh, hello Jules."

"Hi Derek." Jules smiled when a doctor stopped next to them. He was in his late thirties, tall and the smile he send Jules made it obvious they knew each other. Very good.

"This isn't a good moment to see your mother…" With one hand he removed his longish hair out of his face while he let his green eyes on Jules.

"I know she's in surgery."

"Yes. Sorry, I don't have time to talk to you, I need to get into surgery myself."

"Of course. Can you tell me where the lieutenant is you got an hour ago? Blonde, in her thirties. Sofia Curtis. Mom called me because of her, she must be here."

"Sorry, there have been so many patients…but your mother is doing a surgery on a patient who could fit your description right now."

"Really? You know what…?"

"Sorry, no idea. Something with her leg. I must go, sorry. Come around soon, maybe we can meet for a coffee."

"Sure."

"Something with her leg? Broken?" Sara tasted blood. She had bitten her finger nails too much. An old bad habit.

"Maybe." Jules took Sara's hand out of her mouth, pulled the brunette into the room, opened a cabinet, got a band aid out and put it on the little wound.

"Nobody worries about my nails today."

"I do. I worry about you all the time and that includes your nails. Besides it's not the best idea to walk around with an open wound, especially not in a hospital."

"Can we walk to wherever your mother is? Probably with Sofia."

"We can walk there, wait in front of the door if they let us do that."

"Lets go." Sara didn't want to waste any time here when Sofia was somewhere else. She wanted to be with her lover as soon as possible. Right when she came out of surgery. A thought that made her heart ache. Sofia was in surgery. It couldn't be good. It couldn't be a broken leg, nobody worried about broken legs today. It was serious. Very serious.


	4. Chapter 4

"How long do surgeries take?" Sara forced herself to stay on her chair. She had been sitting here since two hours and nobody came out of the room so far. No doctor, no nurse, nobody. Why? In TV series they went in and out the whole time. Why not here?

"From a few minutes to a few hours, you know that yourself."

"Like I know why we can't just walk in and ask what's up with Sofia…nevertheless I want to do exactly that."

"You can't."

"I know." Sara buried her face in her hands. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I go crazy, Jules. Do something."

"If she's in there she will be fine."

"Or they're losing her right now." Being in surgery doesn't save your life. A lot of people lost their life in surgery. Anything could go wrong.

"Sara." Jules took Sara's face between her hands and got close to her own face. "Sofia will be fine, you hear me? She will live. Whatever happened to her, she'll survive, she's a fighter and a survivor. Don't you dare to doubt your girlfriend. She would trust you to fight for her, so trust her too. She knows you're waiting for her, do you believe there's anything that will make her stay away from you? She loves you more than her own life, she'll live, no matter what the odds are."

"I'm so scared Jules."

"She will be with you soon."

"There's nothing I can do for her."

"Of course you can. Believe in her. She feels you're around, I'm sure of that."

"Bullshit."

"Bullshit? Don't you feel her around? Don't you know she's there before you see her? Can't you feel her when she's close to you?"

"Of course but…"

"But what?"

"She's in surgery."

"People in surgery might be in anesthesia but she is aware of you being here. Trust the power of your love, Sara."

"Fear takes over and I doubt breathing exercises will help. Any other ideas?"

"What does help you when you're in stress?"

"Sofia."

"How do you cope at work when she isn't around?"

"I call her or read a few text messages she sent me."

"Read them."

"They won't get her here. Won't help her."

"Will they hurt?"

"No, of course not."

"So? Go on and read. And remember the fun you have with her, think of what you want to do with her."

"We thought about Christmas last week. Isn't that crazy? It's summer and we talked about winter, about gifts for Christmas." Christmas gifts seemed so unimportant now. Who cared for them? All Sara needed was Sofia, no gifts.

"You made any plans?"

"No real plans, only talked about ideas. One included you."

"Me?"

"Yes. You and Greg. We thought it would be fun when you come with us for skiing. For the holidays, some nice days away from work, skiing, long evenings in front of the fire."

"Sounds like a nice plan. Want me to ask Greg if he likes the idea too?"

"Yes. If you tell him you want to go he'll come. He does everything you want, like a little puppy."

"Greg is an adult and can make his own decisions."

"Yeah but your suggestions are like his decisions. When you're in love you do what your partner wants." Sara sighed. "I wish Sofia would tell me what to do now."

"She'd tell you to stop worrying and kiss her."

"Maybe." Sara starred at the door. Why was it closed? Why did nobody open it? "This doctor earlier, he checked you out?"

"Huh? Derek?"

"Yes. The tall one who wants to have coffee with you. Coffee has always been a key word. Do I have to tell Greg you're flirting with a tall dark haired doctor?"

"My ex."

"Even worse."

"Not every ex is a nightmare or a reason to be jealous. Greg has no reason. Derek is married and father of two lovely kids."

"I doubt his wife is a wonderful as you are."

"Don't flirt with me, Sara."

"You're not my therapist anymore."

"No but I'll tell your girlfriend."

"She called you hot. And the only reason she didn't hit on you like Greg did was because you were my therapist. Not like Mister: Wow, are you single?"

Jules laughed. "I must say he impressed me with that. I like it when people are straight forward and cute at the same time."

"Yeah, you dated the best friend of your patient, I'm sure there's a rule that says you're not supposed to do so."

"I bent a lot of rules in your case."

"Yeah. Thanks for that, I appreciated it. Without it I had never continued therapy."

"I know. And I knew it's important you do, more than sticking to all rules." Jules took Sara's hand and squeezed it. Apart from now Sara looked much better and was more settled than before. There were a lot of things unfinished, like the thing with her brother and her mother but Sara could sleep without nightmares and didn't have bouts anymore.

The door to the operating room was opened and doctor Bendler stepped out.

"There you are, I don't have much time. Walk with me."

Sara and Jules followed her towards a vending machine. Doctor Bendler chose a coffee and a chocolate bar.

Unable to hold back her fear and the questions that drive her crazy Sara started talking: "Where's Sofia? How is she? Can I see her?"

"She's still in surgery, her status is critical during a lot of blood loss. What blood type are you?"

"A positive."

"Doesn't work for Sofia, anyway it would be helpful when you give a blood donation. We have a lot of people with blood loss. Same for you Jules, you have Sofia's type by the way."

"When can I see her?"

"You're not family, usually you're not supposed to see her at all nor am I supposed to talk to you. But I know your relationship to her and her parents told me to let you to her ASAP. They're on their way too. If the doctor agrees you can see her after the operation for a minute. Not longer. She won't be conscious, she's in an artificial coma and will stay in it for another day or two. Her body doesn't have the power to be awake. She survives the night and tomorrow she'll live." Doctor Bendler got her pager out of her pocket. "Gotta go." She handed her half full coffee to Jules.

"But…" Sara looked at the doctor who vanished down the hallway into another room. She had so many questions and barely any answers. What did that mean if Sofia survived the night and the next day? How bad was she injured? What exactly did happen to her?

"I want answers. She left me with a lot of questions."

"Yes, the problem is she doesn't have the time to answer all your questions, there are more patients waiting for her and every second she stands here can cost a life."

"They have to finish Sofia…what does that mean?"

"That means mom did the operation and the other doctor and nurses finish it. Taking care of the injury, stitching the wound, whatever they did."

"Something that made Sofia lose a lot of blood. It can be everything, we saw the picture."

"Yes."

"You know what scares me most?"

"What's that?"

"That she never told us exactly what happened to Sofia and that she called her parents and they're on their way." If a doctor called the parents of a patient to make a four hours one way trip from one state to another it was very serious.

"They are her closest family. As long as you're not married a hospital will inform them and not you."

"She has me written down as a contact person."

"Mom called you."

"Why didn't she tell me what happened? It must be serious, Sofia's life is still at risk."

"Sara, I can't tell you what happened to her, I know as much as you do. All we can do is sit here and wait until they get her out."

"I hate waiting." Sara buried her face in her hands again and started crying. Why was nobody helping her? Why wasn't she allowed to see her lover? Know what happened to her? Why did they keep her hanging on?

"You see her soon." Jules pulled Sara in her arms.

"I need her…without her I can't…I can't live without her, Jules. She's my life and if I lose her there's nothing left that makes my life worth living."

"You lived before you were with Sofia and you would live without her. There's no need to think about it because you will have her. You will live with her."

"There is no life without Sofia." Not for Sara. The blonde was her life, her elixir of life. Without it, her life wasn't livable anymore.

"You won't have to live without her." Jules hoped her words were true. If anything happened to Sofia, if she would die, there was nothing Jules could do to keep Sara save. As much as she hated the thought of it, if they got bad news, she had to get Sara under medical surveillance. The brunette said it herself, without the blonde she couldn't live and there was no doubt she'd try to end her life if the blonde died.

* * *

><p>It took almost an hour before the door to the surgery was opened again. Two nurses came out with a bed. Immediately Sara jumped up. Sofia?<p>

"Who are you?" One of the nurses got between Sara and the bed.

"Hello Amy, if you have Lieutenant Sofia Curtis on the table, Sara is her partner. Mom called me a few hours ago to take her here."

"Oh, hi Jules. We need to get Miss Curtis to her room."

"Of course. Can Sara have a short look at her while you take a deep breath. I'm sure you need a boost." She offered both a bar of chocolate.

"One minute."

"Thanks."

"Thanks." Sara stood next to the bed. There she was, Sofia. Hard to recognize with all scratches in her face, bloodstained, bruised. Infusions on both wrists. Her left shoulder and arm looked like something was wrong. The position they were in wasn't natural.

"What happened?"

"We assume she was close to the explosion, was thrown through the air, hit by several objects, some of the were sharp. Her luck was that she was found and taken here ASAP. Your mother did an incredible job, Jules."

"Glad to hear that. She said if Sofia survives the night and the next day she'll be okay."

"She lost a lot of blood and is critical. We need to get her into her room otherwise we endanger her."

"Okay. Thanks Amy." Jules pulled Sara carefully away from the bed. Time to let go of Sofia.

"No. Sofia!" She hadn't hold Sofia's hand, hadn't touched her. They couldn't take her away before she kissed her and told her she was there, everything would be fine if her lover only fought. She had to tell her to fight. Tell her to be strong. That she was here, ready for her to be there if she needed her.

"You can't go with her, not now. Let them take care of her, otherwise you only harm her, Sara."

"Why can't I go with her?"

"They have to connect her with the machine to keep her alive."

"Why can't I stay and watch? I won't do anything Jules, I promise."

"You can't. Not now. Maybe later. Let them do their job, they have to go to other people. Come on, we go to the café next door. As soon as we can see her they will let us know. Mom will call me."

"She's busy."

"Very busy. But you will know when you can see Sofia. Come on, we get out of here and then you call Sofia's parents. They want to see her too and they worry. You can tell them she's out of surgery."

"I've to call Don, Kyle and Lynn too. And Greg."

"See, you can talk in the café." Jules guided Sara out of the hospital. Under different circumstances she would have stayed and talk to a few patients, comfort them but she was too afraid to leave Sara alone. She felt her friend was on the edge and when something made her lose the rest of balance she had, it could end badly for her. Especially because Jules was sure Sara hadn't realized everything she saw, hadn't fully understood how badly Sofia was injured and with which consequences.


	5. Chapter 5

"I still can't reach Don, Kyle or Lynn." Sara sighed. Were her friends injured too? Or just too busy to answer their phones? To the fear because of Sofia added new fear. What if her anything really bad happened to her friends?

"You talked on their mail box?"

"Yes. Several times. Maybe I should call the police station and ask for them."

"They'll be busy, every cop, fire fighter, doctor and nurse in the city will be busy."

"And still there are no answers. So far the news couldn't answer any question. Not why somebody did this, who did it, how many people are affected by it, what will happen next, will there be more than one attack?" Right now Sara regretted that she wasn't working in the law enforcement anymore. As a CSI she could be at the scene, get answers, see people she couldn't reach now – and wouldn't have any time to be with Sofia, to look after her.

"Greg is on his way." Jules had called Greg while Sara tried to reach her friends in Los Angeles.

"What?"

"He takes the next flight to be here with you."

"Doesn't he have to work?"

"Some things are more important than work."

"Sofia's parents are almost here. They sent me a message they're looking for a place to park their car somewhere around. Apparently half of the city is here to get treatment or look for somebody who gets treatment."

"All hospitals around will be overloaded."

"I want to see her, Jules."

"Soon. Give them and her a little bit more time. You won't be able to talk to her until tomorrow or the day after tomorrow."

"I can sit next to her bed, hold her hand, be with her, make her feel I'm there, that she isn't alone. It would help her when I'm around, when she feels, I'm with her."

"If it's possible and won't cause any danger to her I will ask my mother if you can stay with her. But if her status doesn't allow you around you have to stay away."

"How can I be bad for her? How can I endanger her recovery when I sit next to her bed? I can wear hospital clothes, disinfect myself, whatever it takes."

"Some rules can't be bend."

"I hate rules."

"Right now you hate everything and everybody who doesn't get you to Sofia."

"Desperation."

"Waste of energy." Jules caught a tear from Sara's cheek and lifted her head with her index finger. "Tears help to get through bad times, they help letting bad feelings out. Do you need some arms to hold you?"

"No." Sara climbed onto Jules lap and snuggled into her arms. "I don't want another session. We ended them a long time ago." Until today. Right now Jules used all her knowledge as a therapist to help Sara. Every little thing she learnt in university, during the years as a therapist, all was used to help. To make Sara keep the faith, keep her strong.

"Honey, you never had a session on my lap and nobody will ever have on there." Stroking softly over Sara's back there was only a bit of relaxation in the body. Too many tensions, too many fears. "Why don't you try your breathing exercise?"

"Breathing exercise doesn't give me Sofia back."

"No, but it will make you lose some tensions. Give it a try, if it doesn't work you haven't lost anything."

"Can I have a bourbon? Double without ice."

"You won't touch any alcohol until my daughter sits next to you at your barbecue and shares the drink with you. Am I clear?"

"Marie!" Sara jumped off Jules's lap and hugged Sofia's mother. Captain Curtis was here. Finally. With the mother of her lover by her side everything had to turn good. "I'm glad you're here."

"I wish I weren't because then everything would be all right with my baby. How is she? Where is she? Why aren't you with her? We were told she's here."

"No, they took her to a room. They sent me away, I saw her when she came out of surgery."

"They sent you away? We need a serious conversation with them – and with you. Why are you with another woman?"

"Huh? Oh, Captain Curtis may I introduce you to Doctor Weinberg."

"A doctor? Isn't there enough work for a doctor around? Do you have to hit on my daughter-in-law?"

"I don't hit on my former patient." Jules said calmly.

"She used to be my therapist, Marie. Greg's girlfriend. Sofia's and my friend. Jules told me that Sofia is here, her mother did the operation and without Jules I had never seen Sofia. She was my ticket in."

"So you're not a medical doctor."

"No, I'm a therapist."

"Are there any reasons why you stick with Sara? This close."

"You mean beside the fact that you don't leave a friend alone in a situation like this? Am I so close to her because we're having an affair? Or I use her vulnerability and try to get her into my arms?"

"Could you both sit down and stop fighting? That's the last thing Sofia needs now." Sara sat down. Almost all of her energy was gone by now, if she found herself in the middle of a fight between Marie and Jules it would take the rest of power away, she had saved to see Sofia again.

"Sara."

"Marc." She hugged Sofia's father. The calm part of the family.

"Sorry, I needed to park the car first. How is Sofia?"

"Out of surgery, still critical. She lost a lot of blood. Her doctor said, when she survives the night and tomorrow she'll live."

"What happened to her?"

"Apparently the explosion blew her away, she had to been close to the Hollywood and Highland Center."

"I watched the news on my cell phone, are there any messages from the people who did that? Does LAPD know if other places are at risk too?"

"We have no idea."

"There are doctors, fire fighter and police officers from all around on their way to L.A.. We saw some of the Vegas guys. When can we see Sofia?"

"We wanted to wait until you're here before we try it again." Sara looked at Jules. "Do you think we can try to see her?"

"It's worth a try but they could send you away." They got up and followed Jules. The psychologist knew where Sofia was, to which ward they had taken her.

"Nobody sends me away when my baby is suffering!"

"I'm afraid my mother would dare you if she believes it's better for Sofia."

"Her mother is like you Marie."

"What do you mean with that Sara?"

"She's scary. And strong minded. I'm afraid when you try to push her too much she'll kick us all out. It's her hospital."

"And Sofia is my daughter."

Sara looked at Jules. She remembered a moment when Sofia and Jules talked about their mothers and their hope both women would never meet. From Sara's point of view they either would kill each other or form a bond. She hoped for the second possibility.

* * *

><p>"They don't let us in? Maybe I've to get my weapon."<p>

"Marie, calm down or you will never be allowed to see our daughter." Marc put his arm around his wife. The nurse denied their wish to see Sofia. She was unconscious and needed to rest. No visitors until the next day.

"Calm down? She's our daughter."

"Yes and when you start a fight they will keep us away from her."

"I'm her mother, I've a right to know how she is, what happened to her."

"There are no doctors and nurses available at the moment, they have to take care of all the injured people. We saw the pictures of the scene, you, as a cop, know best how messy it is there, how much damaged happened and what the explosion can do to people. There are more parents like us waiting for any news of their kid and some parent's children are in surgery right now. If the doctors talk to us, they can't save other parent's children. Leave your weapon where it is."

Sara felt like supporting Marie with her idea of shooting their way free to Sofia. No matter how stupid the idea was, the thought of being held away from her lover for a couple more hours made her feel sick, mad and angry. Again and again she clenched her fist, took deep breaths.

"You threaten my nurses and doctors once more and you will find yourself arrested by the security team!"

No need to look up, Sara knew this voice. And she could hear how pissed doctor Bendler was. There it was, the meeting of the mothers. Not the way they imagined it, it was worse. Both were in a war mood.

"Mom, that's Sofia's mother…"

"I can see that, Jules. It doesn't change a damn thing. Sofia needs to rest, no visitors for today and when her vitals aren't better tomorrow there won't be any guests tomorrow. If you want to do something for your daughter go and donate blood, that's what she needs. Am I clear, Captain Curtis?"

"You want to send me away?" So far Sara had seen scenes like this only on Discovery Channel, when they showed fights of alpha male animals. Now she had her own front row seat in the fight of the human women about the power and the last word. And she wasn't sure if this fight would be over without blood and fists.

"No, I don't want, I do send you away."

"You…"

"Marie." Marc got between the two women and for this very moment he was the bravest man on earth for Sara. Stepping between Zeus and Hades. Who was who was a question she didn't want to think of. "Doctor Bendler wants the best for our daughter, just like we do. If it's better for her not to have any visitors around we will accept that because we want her getting well soon, don't we?"

"I want to know what happened to our daughter! We're her parents we have a damn right to know what's going on, what happened to her and how she is."

"And we don't have the time to discuss everything with you. Stay out or the security men will throw you out. Jules, with me."

"Yes Ma'am."

"You can't…" The door was closed before Marie could enter the ward. "I don't believe this. What is this woman thinking?"

"She's the boss of the ward, she takes care of her doctors and nurses and you, as a potential threat, have to stay out. Why don't we have a seat and wait until somebody has the time to talk with us about Sofia?"

"How many hours do you want to wait?"

"As many as it takes. I waited once a lot of hours for her and I will do it again." He pushed his wife down onto a chair. "You know Sara, when Marie was due and in labor Sofia took her time. We went to hospital at six in the morning and it wasn't until six in the evening when we could finally see our daughter. She was never good with being on time."

"As a teenager she was never on time, especially when it came to the time she was supposed to be back home. I've no idea how often we grounded her."

"You."

"Yeah me, I was always the bad one while you spoiled her, daddy's little girl."

"Sometimes you have more success when you're not this hard on somebody. Some people are more willing to do what you ask them to do when you don't threaten them."

"People need rules otherwise everybody does what they want."

"Not everybody is a criminal."

"No but there are a lot of criminals, like the guys who did whatever to our baby, and those people have to be punished. Hard. I'd like to squeeze the life out of them with my bare hands."

"Sara?" Jules's head popped out of the door.

"Yes?"

"Can you come in please?"

"Sure."

"What is going on?" Marie wanted to know.

"I've no idea." Sara's sad eyes met Maries for a second. Whatever she was supposed to do it got her closer to Sofia.

"You know what this is?" Jules held up a sheet of paper.

"No."

"It belongs to Sofia, tells everybody no matter what happens to her she wants you around. Mom won't allow anybody to stay with her but she's willing to let you in the room for a minute. Not more. A minute. You can't hold her hand, you can't touch her in any way. All you can do is have a look and go out. Can you manage that?"

Sara swallowed. No physical contact to Sofia? Not even hold her hand? That was hard. But the best she could get.

"Yes."

"I will be with you."

"What about her parents?"

"After the show of Sofia's mother they have to wait, my mother is really angry with Captain Curtis. But I got the medical record and will talk to them after we saw Sofia. Sara, it's important that you promise you will stay next to me, no matter what happens, no matter what you see."

"Why? What do you know that I don't know?"

"Promise first, Sara."

"Jules!"

"No Sara, first I need your word. I know you don't break your word."

"Okay." Sara knew when Jules asked for her word and stayed with her, there was something that Sara didn't like. Something really bad.

"Come on." Jules took Sara's hand and guided her to a room. There was no name on the sign next to the door, probably because nobody had the time to put one up. Without knocking Jules opened the door quietly and stepped inside, Sara next to her.

Sofia lay in her bed, pale, connected to a lot of tubes. Sara felt how her heart ached, how it broke and how she had problems to breathe and swallow. If the machines didn't tell her how often the heart beat of the blonde, she would bet Sofia wasn't alive anymore. She certainly didn't look alive. There were still blood stains in her face, wherever there was skin visible it was bruised and scratched. This wasn't a woman after a successful surgery, this was a woman who needed a doctor.

"Oh god." Jules held Sara's hand tighter. "Are there any internal injuries? Your mother said Sofia was blown away from the explosion."

"Yes. We get to that later when we we're out with her parents."

Sara couldn't take her eyes off her lover. She looked… heartbreaking. Her Sofia, her lover, her life. Bruised and bloody. There was a lot of skin missing on her right arm, some of it hung down. Apparently there was no time to fix it, nothing that threatens her life. Nobody cared about beauty on a day like today. Scars. There would be a lot of scars, not only visible. To her it didn't matter if there were scars on the arm of her lover, all that matters was Sofia was alive and would survive. She was the most beautiful woman for Sara, nothing could change that.

"Jules?"

"Yes."

"What happened to her left leg?" Now Sara saw there was something wrong with Sofia's left leg. It looked bigger than the right one and somehow different.

This was the fact and the moment Jules had been afraid of, the reason why she wanted the promise of her friend to stay with her. The words she had to say now would hurt more than anything else she ever heard. And there was no way to say the truth with nice words, in a comforting way.

"Thru the explosion something sharp cut into her left lower leg, just under the knee. A long cut, almost to her ankle. It cut off most of her leg, they had to perform an amputation to stop the bleeding, there was no chance to save the leg."

"What?" Sofia lost half of her leg? They amputated it? This couldn't be true.

"I'm sorry Sara. They did what they could but all they could do was saving her life. The bones and most of the muscles were separated, parts of them were missing, they had no other chance. In order to stop the bleeding they amputate what was left of the leg. Otherwise she would be dead."

"She…they…oh god…"

Jules pulled Sara in her arms. When she tried to push her out of the room Sara resisted.

"No! I don't want to leave!"

"Sara, you can't stay. You promised. One minute. We need to get out, let Sofia rest."

"There's…"

"Please. If you stay they will call security and then you won't see her until she's awake. There is nothing you can do for her, she felt you here, she knows you're with her but now she has to concentrate on recover."

"What? Recover? Did you see her? She can't recover from an amputation."

"I know." Jules closed the door behind them. "Come on, we go back to her parents. Do you want to walk alone or shall I support you?"

"I can walk! I've both legs."

"Okay." Jules kept an eye on Sara who walked unsteady. She knew the brunette needed a moment to get through the shock. That there was something wrong with Sofia's leg did Jules realize when she saw her after surgery. Knowing the expertise of her mother and being around the hospital for many years she knew where to look. And when they talked about a lot of loss of blood it was mostly a bigger wound. The unusual shape of Sofia's left leg made her suspect nothing good.

"Did you see Sofia?" Marie jumped up when she saw Sara.

"Yes." Taking the arms of the older woman as support the brunette leant into the woman, tried to get some energy, keep herself together.

"How is she? Did you talk to a doctor? Why weren't we allowed to see her?"

"Because you fought with the doctor in charge." Jules sat down, resisted the impulse to pull Sara on her lap but took her hand when she sat next to her. "It's never wise to fight with somebody who can deny you a wish. You should know that as a captain. When your officers fight with you, you don't do them favors. Sofia has a document that says she wants Sara around when something happens to her. That was why she was allowed to see her for a minute, not longer."

"Do you have any information how she is?"

"Yes. I had a look in her file."

"She lost her lower left leg." Sara said soundless.

"What?" Marie stared at her.

"It's gone."

"Thru severe damage to her leg, something cut into it from below the knee to the ankle and separated most of the leg, the bones and most muscles, they had no other choice than remove this part to stop the bleeding. Sofia had lost over two liters already because of this injury, they had to make a decision. If they had tried to save the leg it was very likely that it had cost her life.

The left shoulder is dislocated, the left arm is broken. There's a lot of damage to the right leg, mostly cuts but it's not broken. Something sharp got into her lower abdomen, was removed but damaged the appendix and spleen. They removed the appendix and fixed the spleen. There was blood in her stomach, they have to find out where it comes from.

Not to mention that there are various scratches, bruises and wounds that haven't been treated yet because there's no time for it. I will contact Amanda and ask her to have a look after Sofia, she must be somewhere and she can treat the basics. I doubt anybody here has the time to worry about the little things right now. I'd do it myself but I'm not trained for it.

From what I've seen so far it's very likely they'll keep Sofia in an artificial coma for a little while. This way her body can start recovering. And she will need more blood so if you donate blood for your daughter it would be helpful. In fact we should all go and donate blood, they will need a lot. There are a lot of people who lost a lot of blood. It's the best thing we can do at the moment."

"When can we see Sofia?"

"Not today. If my mother is in a good mood tomorrow."

"We have a right to see her, she's our daughter."

"And she has a right to send people away, she's the doctor. Her word counts more in this building. Please don't fight with her, she can be very stubborn and won't do you a tiny favor if you try to tell her what to do."

"Why don't we go and donate some blood and think about what to do next after that?" Marc said. He was tired and didn't want his wife to fight a war she couldn't win. Sometimes you had no other choice than listen to people, even when you didn't like what they said.


	6. Chapter 6

When her cell phone rang Sara had for a second the hope it was Sofia, calling her from her room. Then she saw the ID and despite the fact that she was relieved there was some disappointment that it wasn't her lover.

"Hey Don, where are you?"

"I'm in hospital, don't worry it's nothing serious."

"What is nothing serious?" She wasn't sure anymore what was serious and what not. Today seemed have changed the meaning of these definitions. And most times people told you it was nothing serious only to keep you calm.

"A broken arm, a few bruises, a dislocated shoulder. Have you heard anything of the others?"

That wasn't life threatening but also no small injuries. Or on a day like today maybe they count as small injuries. "Nothing from Kyle and Lynn so far."

"Sofia?"

"She's in hospital."

"How bad is it? You're with her, aren't you?" He felt she tried to hold back information.

"Yes, I am. It's very, very bad. They…" Sara swallowed. Her voice was gone. "They're not sure if she makes it… she…shit." She handed the phone over to Jules, jumped up and left the table. Like many other people they had taken a seat in a café and waited for any news. Everywhere were people on the phone, crying, trying to calm other people, with hope, fear or desperation written all over their face.

"Don, here's Jules, how are you?"

"Hey, I'm okay, nothing that won't heal. What is with Sofia? Where's Sara?"

"Sara needs some time to work through all the things that happened in the last hours. Sofia is pretty bad injured, lost a lot of blood and is still critical. They had to perform an amputation of her lower left leg. There are several other injuries the doctor hadn't taken care of because they're not life threatening and there're too many injured people. Where are you?"

"Beverly Hills. I was on the north side of the building when it exploded."

"Do you stay there or shall we get you home?"

"First I need my treatment. Because my injuries aren't life threatening I'm in the ER and have to wait. Guess it looks the same where you are. Where are you by the way?"

"Hollywood, where my mom works. She called me when she saw Sofia."

"Is she her doctor?"

"She was, yes."

"At least Sofia was in good hands. I try to reach Kyle and Lynn, if I get them I let you know. Do you give me a call when there's something new from Sofia?"

"Of course. And Don, her parents are here and Greg should be here any time soon. We can get you if you don't want to sit alone."

"There's a reason why they took me here. I'm sure your hospital is as busy as mine and can't use more patients. When they're done with me I call you, maybe Greg can get me home. My injuries won't qualify me for a bed and I can't drive without my car."

"You can't drive at all with a broken arm and a dislocated shoulder. Call me when you need a ride, okay?"

"I will. Take care of Sara and say hi to Sofia's parents. I'm with you ASAP."

"Okay. Take care, Don."

"You too."

She ended the call and had a look for Sara. There she was, on the other side of the building, looking out of a window, watching the hospital like she could have a look through the walls into the room of her lover. There were still ambulances rushing in and out, meant there were still a lot of injured people around. They hadn't checked the news the last hour. The last time they had a look the reporter talked about two hundred dead people and almost five hundred injured. Helper from San Diego, Las Vegas and the cities north of Los Angeles arrived and supported their colleagues here. They saw buses loaded with doctors and nurses from Santa Barbara, Bakersfield, Barstow and other cities.

"Don is all right, he is in a hospital in Beverly Hills, a broken arm, dislocated shoulder, nothing to worry about. He will come over as soon as they've fixed him. Or more, he calls so we can get him."

"Good to know." Marie looked at Sara. "When will you do your therapist magic on help her?"

"When she's ready for it. It's not magic, I can't do anything for her as long as she isn't ready for it. At the moment there's too much pain."

"Would it help all of us to go home?"

"It won't take your mind of Sofia, it won't let you have a good night sleep, it won't relax you. Greg will make a detour to their home, look after the dogs and come here. They will call us when there's something new but I doubt we'll hear anything before the morning. We can go home, it's more comfortable than the café but it's further away from Sofia."

"I want to be close to her."

"We all do."

"Marc?"

"I think doctor Weinberg is right, we can't do anything and we won't be allowed to see her before the morning, probably later."

"My mother will let us know when we can see her. She takes care of Sofia."

"What about all the other injuries? Apart from the leg. You said there are several others."

"They will take of them tomorrow. There will be scars but they would be there anyway. As long as she isn't completely taken care of, she'll be in the artificial coma to reduce the pain."

"Do you think you can make Sara go home?"

"I can try." Jules got up. "Do you go too?" When Sofia's parents agreed on going home it was something Jules could use.

"Yes. There's nothing we can do from here."

"No, there isn't." Jules walked towards Sara. "Don tries to get Kyle and Lynn, he calls again when he reached them. And when he needs a lift back home."

"Okay."

"Sara, I know you want to be close to Sofia…"

"I won't go anywhere without her, Jules."

"We can't take her with us, we can't see her the next hours. I know you won't sleep but we should go home. There are dogs waiting for you and you could use at least some…some quiet time. Lie down, close your eyes and give your body a chance for some rest. Otherwise you will end up in hospital too."

"Who cares? It doesn't make a difference."

"Here are three people who care and if we don't count, there's a woman who loves you and wants you healthy. If you don't do it for yourself do it for Sofia. She wouldn't want you in hospital because you're too exhausted. It's not a help when you are in hospital too. Quite the opposite. When she worries about you, it will take longer until she's fine again. My mother will let us know as soon as anything changes and when we can see her."

"What about her parents?"

"They come with us."

"When anything happens we're not there for her."

"Sara, if anything happens you won't be there anyway because you're here. You're not in her room, you have to wait. Do it at home. If you want I stay with you."

"Don't you need your sleep? Don't you have patients tomorrow?"

"Yes I do. You can send me to your bed and wake me up when you need me."

"Who said I want you in my bed?"

"Want me in Sofia's bed?"

"She would have liked that at one point."

"Well, now she wants you and only you. Come on, we call Greg and tell him, he can stay at your place. Maybe he is already there."

"Your mom calls as soon as there's anything new?" It felt wrong to. Like she left Sofia alone with her pain. Her lover experienced the hardest time of her life at the moment and Sara left her. This felt so wrong. Like she betrayed her.

"Yes. We come back here if there's anything new. But bear in mind, it's best for Sofia when mom doesn't call. No call means Sofia sleeps, everything is the way it's best for her."

"Does doctor Luria look after her?"

"She did already. Took care of the smaller wounds, checked on her. They take care of her, now it's time you take care of yourself, make sure the lieutenant has a girlfriend who is in a good shape when she wakes up."

"Okay." Sara wasn't happy with the idea of going home but she knew there was nothing she could do from here. All she did was staring at the hospital building, biting her nails, pacing around and mumbling words.

* * *

><p>Greg pulled Sara into his arms she couldn't hold back her tears and started crying. Dozens of tears paired with sobs, shivers and trembles overcame her, made it impossible to control her body. No matter if she tried to stop or hold back, she wasn't able to control herself and did the only thing she could do: she held on to her friend, let him hold her, take care of her. All the pressure, all the pain, all the fear had to get out.<p>

"Everything will be all right, everything will be all right." Greg lifted Sara up, carried her to the couch and sat down with her. Gently he stroke her back, tried to comfort her a little bit.

"She's…she's…they amputated her lower left leg."

"I know. It will piss her off. But do you know what would have pissed her off even more?" He kissed her hair and cheeks.

"What?"

"Dying not being able to spend more time with you. I'm sure when somebody asks her later, if she prefers to be dead with her complete leg or alive with you, she'll pick you. She loves you and she wants more time with you. More than anything else."

"What if she dies anyway?" Sofia's life wasn't saved, it was on the edge and nobody gave them a guarantee the blonde woke up the next day or the day after tomorrow. Or at all. They were hold in a nimbus – the same place where Sofia's life. Somewhere in between.

"Hey, we're talking about our lieutenant, she's a fighter. She'll survive and be with us soon. Trust your girlfriend. You have her back in no time."

"I'm so scared Greg."

"We are all scared. That's no reason not to believe in her. She's strong."

"I love her."

"She knows that. Another reason why she will survive. Look who is here." Greg took Sara's hand and put it on Scooby's head. Both dogs gathered around them, quietly whining like they knew something was very wrong.

"Oh guys." Sara slipped from Greg's lap on the ground and buried her face in the hair of the dogs, holding on them. Sofia's dog. A part of Sofia. Something of her lover she could hold.

"Anything new?" Greg pulled Jules in his arms and kissed her. Today he had greeted Sara before his girlfriend.

"No. Mom will call when there's something new."

"Good. Are you working tomorrow?"

"Yes. I don't feel like it but I'm sure this was a huge shock for most of my patients and I will be very busy." Especially when some lost a family member or friend today. Or had experienced something similar and were reminded of it now.

"Mhm, you should go to bed and get some sleep. It's after midnight. I take care of Sara."

"Don is in a hospital in Beverly Hills, broken arm, dislocated shoulder."

"If he needs a lift I get him home."

"Thanks. You must be tired too."

"I'm a nightshift person, I'm all right. Go to bed, Sara's room is prepared." Greg always slept in Sara's bed when he was here. After Jules called him that they were on their way back home, he prepared the bed, knowing if Sara would go to bed, it was Sofia's bed. They always slept in the blonde's room.

"What about Sofia's parents?"

"Like Sara I doubt I get them to bed but if they want to rest, there's bedding next to the couch. Come on Jules, I take you upstairs."

"I try to get some sleep, if there's something wake me up, please. I leave my cell phone with you in case the hospital calls me." Jules handed her cell phone over to Marie. "Sleep would be better for all of us."

"Thanks for everything, doctor Weinberg."

"You're welcome, I did what a friend does for another friend. I'm to leave you alone now but I can't cancel my appointment tomorrow, not after a day like today."

"Of course."

"Sara, try to get some rest." Jules stroke over Sara's hair. She would have liked it when Sara took some medicine to calm down, have some sleep but the brunette denied her request.

"I can't. Thanks Jules."

"When you need me, I'm in your bed."

"I'll be right back." Greg pulled his girlfriend softly out of the room. It was time for the therapist to get some rest to be fit the next day.

"Twenty-four hours ago everything was all right. Sofia was here, we were in bed, I was in her arms and we both slept. I had weird dreams last night, we were in the Universal Studios and somebody stopped us because he wanted Sofia for his movie. When he put down his shades I saw it was Steven Spielberg. So crazy. I mean it's absolutely unlikely that you wait in a row for your action thrill ride and one of the most important and famous producer of all time comes up to you and wants you in his new movie. He said, she was so beautiful, she had to be a movie star, everything would be wasted talent.

Guess what she said to him." Sara turned and looked at Marc.

"She can't take the offer because she loves her job too much?"

"No, she told him if he wants her to be his movie star he had to write in the contract I can be with her all the time and every where. And she knew she was beautiful."

"She always knew she is beautiful."

"Yeah, she knows it and she showed it. A reason why we had some problems when we first met. I thought she's very arrogant and smug."

"Most people get this impression from her when they don't know her."

"I was blind too. Why did it take me so long to find out how wonderful she is? If she hadn't seen my name on the list of suspects two years ago we had never met."

"There's a reason why she saw your name, why she was assigned to work your case. Somebody gave you a second chance."

"How many chances do you get in life? What if that chance was our last?"

"Fate wanted you together, it won't take her away from you."

"Maybe fate wanted us together for a short time, to show both of us what we missed out in Las Vegas."

"I don't believe so, Sara." Marc pulled Sara in his arms. "Sofia will be fine and you and her will spend a lot of time together. She loves you, she won't let anybody take this away from her. No matter what."


	7. Chapter 7

**Tuesday, June 7th**

A hand was placed on her shoulder and Sara flinched. She hadn't been asleep, only closed her eyes for a few moments to relax, give her eyes a rest. They burnt from the tears.

"Anything new?"

"No, I checked my cell phone, no message. I send her a text that she should call you when there's something new. And your phone number is in the computer, when the nurse has news, she will call you. I need to go home to be in the office on time. When you want and need it, doctor Luria will make some time for you." Jules stroke softly over Sara's back before she checked her pulse.

"There's nothing your cousin can do for me."

There were a lot of things her therapist could try to do for Sara, the problem was, the brunette didn't want this kind of help. She didn't want any help for herself, she wanted help for Sofia. Everything else didn't make any sense to her.

"Okay. You have my phone number, call me if there's anything I can do. Don isn't back home, he must still be waiting for his treatment."

"I call him later. Thanks Jules." Sara had a look around. Sofia's parents lay half on the couch, arm in arm and were asleep, Greg wasn't there nor were the dogs. Probably he was out with them. Her friend took care of all the things she should take care of. After a look at her cell phone she made the decision it was time to take a shower. If the hospital called she wanted to be ready. And when she was allowed to see Sofia she didn't want to smell like old coffee, sweat, tears and whatever else.

With wet hair she came back into the kitchen and found Greg with some fresh coffee.

"Good morning."

"Morning." He pulled her in his arms. "You look tired."

"I am. Have you been out with the dogs?"

"Yes, I woke Jules up and took them for a run around the reservoir. They feel something is wrong, they barely touched their food and weren't happy to be away from the house."

"They're missing Sofia."

"Jules told me she doesn't look good."

"She looks…heartbreaking. Like somebody beat her up and left her to die…Like you when I saw you the day on the streets after the gang got you." The picture of Greg on the ground came back to her mind and a gave her heart a painful sting. Her Greg on the ground, the fear what happened to him, if he was alive, if he would be fine. Sofia had been there, had told her he'd be all right. Now Greg was here and told her the same.

"And she lost half of her left leg."

"Yes. I'm scared she can't cope with it."

"It will be a shock, it will change her life but she will be fine because she still has you."

"Do you think I'm more important than her leg?"

"If I remember correctly she said her life has no sense without you and was suicidal when you were gone for a few days. So yes I'm very sure you're more important than her leg. I bet she would give both legs to keep you. Can you love her with only and a half leg?"

"Are you kidding me? Do you really think my love to Sofia has anything to do with her legs?" What a stupid question was that? Of course Sara loved Sofia with one and a half leg. She was her girlfriend, her everything.

"No."

"Good. I want to go back to hospital and see her."

"Do you believe you're allowed to see her?"

"I don't know. Maybe when I annoy them enough they give in and let me see her."

"Or they kick you out and won't let you see her any time soon." Greg knew Jules's mother, knew it wasn't a good idea to annoy her. Especially not when she had worked more than a double or a triple shift.

"She needs me."

"She needs you when she's awake. Right now she needs medical attention."

"Are these your words or the words of your girlfriend?"

"Since when don't you trust her anymore?"

"I do trust her."

"Good. She tries everything to get you to Sofia."

"Yes." Sara was aware of that. Without Jules she hadn't seen Sofia yesterday, it was her former therapist who made it possible. "Did she get some sleep?"

"A little bit."

"How long can you stay?"

"Grissom gave me three days off but if you need me I can stay longer."

"You should move to Los Angeles, your girlfriend isn't happy with the long distance relationship, she misses you."

"Did she say that?"

"No need to say it, I can see it. Besides when I imagine Sofia lives in Vegas and I here, the first thing on my list would be a move."

"I take your advice."

"Which advice?" Marc came into the kitchen.

"Sara told me to move to Vegas so I can be with my girlfriend."

"She's right. Or your girlfriend has to move."

"It's easier for me to move, I don't have my own office. Plus I can work with your daughter again."

"If she continues to be a lieutenant."

"Can you imagine Sofia in any other job?"

"The question is can she imagine herself as a lieutenant any longer."

"Sofia is strong!" Marie said. "When she wants to be a lieutenant or a captain she can make it. People go skiing with one leg, they climb mountains, there's no reason why she shouldn't be able to fulfill all her dreams." She poured herself some coffee in the mug. "Eat something, Sara."

"I'm not hungry."

"Neither am I. That doesn't change the fact that our bodies need food. I make vegetarian omelet and hash brown, you will sit down and eat it otherwise we won't take you with us. Sofia would tell you to eat, do her the favor and eat, take care of yourself."

"You sound like her."

"Surprise, I'm her mother. What you see now is what you'll get in twenty-five years. And yes, you will be by her side in twenty-five years because you're the one she had been waiting for all her years. Believe me, after nightmares like this model actress alley cat I'm glad she found a woman who cares for her, who loves her. I won't let you leave her nor will I allow her to leave you."

"Sofia mentioned you weren't a fan of Ellen."

"Was that her name? I never understood why Sofia chose her."

"Why did you not scare her away?"

"Believe me, if Sofia had taken her to our house I had thrown her out. And make her jump because I shot a few rounds in the ground next to her."

"I was sure you'd do the same with me." Sara remembered the evening they drove to Vegas. At one point, when Sofia let her drive, she was close to turn the car and drive back to Los Angeles.

"No. I like you Sara, it didn't take a lot to see you love her. That's what important for a mother. Of course, as a captain you'd be better but a ranger…at least you have a service weapon." Marie smiled a bit.

"I haven't used it. Plus since this summer I'm allowed to guide my own tours. When you visit me I can show you around."

"I should do that when Sofia is out of hospital. Fresh air is good when you have to recover."

"Should we call them…?"

"They won't give us any information. Doctor Weinberg organized everything for us, we should eat and go there after breakfast. Even when being sensible sucks big times."

"It does." Sara sighed. One thing was for sure, she wouldn't go home before she hadn't seen Sofia. So it was sensible to eat something.

* * *

><p>"Your daughter is still in a critical status."<p>

"How critical?"

"Due to the blood loss her body isn't fully able to fight. At the moment she can't survive without machines." The nurse answered patiently. Sara, Marie, Marc and Greg were back at the hospital. It was late morning and they couldn't stay at home any longer. There had been no phone call, no message.

"Can we see her?"

"I'm sorry that's not possible right now."

"When will it be possible?"

"Maybe tonight, depends on how her status is."

"How can it hurt when we have a short look at her?"

"She has open wounds, you can bring in bacteria that can kill her. For a healthy person a little infection isn't anything to worry about, for your daughter it's life threatening at the moment."

Sara wanted to argue that she had seen Sofia yesterday for a minute but she was quiet. This information could get Jules and whoever allowed her to have this minute in trouble.

"When will she wake up?" So far Sara had let Marie talk, she was tired of fighting and not getting anywhere.

"I doubt she'll get out of artificial coma today."

"Is it possible to be with her when she wakes up? She …she will need somebody when she realizes she lost half of her leg." In the most difficult situation of her life Sara didn't want to leave her lover alone. And she was sure Sofia didn't want a doctor around. A shrink who tried to tell her life was beautiful.

"That's a decision of the doctor. Doctor Bendler will let you know when it's time for that."

"Can't we do anything for her?"

"Have you donated blood?"

"Yes. Shall we do it again?"

"That wouldn't be good for you."

"You send us away to wait?" Why didn't they realize waiting was the worst thing to do? Sitting somewhere, not being able to do anything, to help, occupy your mind, made you crazy. Every second felt like an eternity.

"Sorry, there's nothing you can do right now."

Frustrated they turned and walked away. Nothing they could do. How long were they supposed to wait? And to make sure they don't bring any bacteria inside the room, they could wear hospital clothes. Where there's a will there's a way.

"Back into the café?" Marc asked.

"Actually I'd prefer to stay outside. We can get the dogs and take them for a walk." Scooby and Rantanplan needed them. They suffered like they did and couldn't ask where Sofia was, didn't understand why she wasn't there.

"That's a good idea. Sara?"

"Yeah, we have to make sure they're fine. They feel something is wrong…" Her cell phone rang. A text from Don. _After a night on a hard chair my arm and shoulder are fixed and ready to be taken home. Anybody available for a lift or shall I take a taxi? Any news from Sofia?_

"Don is fixed, I get him home. Shall we meet at the dog park? When you get around the reservoir first it should work out with the time."

"Okay."

"Shall I come with you?" Greg offered. He didn't feel good thinking of Sara alone in the car.

"No, thanks. I think these few minutes alone will be good for me." She hugged him. They drove in two cars to the hospital in case one had to go somewhere else.

"Be on time or I will worry." He kissed her. "Say hi to Don and ask him about Kyle." After midnight Don had sent them a text message that Lynn was all right. She had been one of the officers who secured the scene while there was a shoot out. So far they hadn't heard anything of Kyle. Somebody else to worry about. It wasn't a good sign their friend didn't answer his phone.

"Will do." Sara took her car keys and left the others.

Some time to think. So many things had happened the last hours. Yesterday at this time everything was fine, nobody thought of anything like this could ever happen. Sara remembered that had been annoyed because of a bus with tourists was on her way back from work and made her be late. Maybe the same tourists had been around the Hollywood and Highland Center in the afternoon.

She turned on the radio. Since the explosion there was nothing else on. Two hundred and fifty dead people, six hundred injured. The whole Hollywood and Highland Center was destroyed. All seventy-five shops with numberless people inside, the Chinese Theatre, the Metro Line was damaged, there were so many things that were gone now. And even more lives. Fire fighters, doctors and other rescue teams were still working on recovering people, dead and alive. Since 9/11 Sara hadn't seen such a senseless scenery of destruction made by human hands. For no reason.

So far nobody had contacted the police, the press or uploaded a message to the internet about the explosion. According to the news reporter investigator have no idea why somebody blew away the Theatre and most of the Center. Usually there was always somebody who took the responsibility for those things, somebody who let the world know why it happened. Having a reason why didn't mean you understand why but it gives you something. Anything is better than nothing.

Early in the morning she called her boss, told him about Sofia and asked for the next two or three days off. Lucky for her he gave her the time off, knowing she wasn't able to concentrate with the life of her partner on the edge. They were thinking about closing the forest for the next days and help with the recovery. After all they had people who were trained in finding people after every year people got lost in Angels National Forest too.

Don was outside, his arm in a cast. There were bruises on his face, scratches too and he didn't walk properly. When he saw her car he walked straight up to her.

"Don." She didn't bother to turn off the car, put it on park, jumped out and hugged him carefully.

"Hey, ouch."

"Sorry."

"It's all right. How is Sofia?"

"Still not stable."

"Shit."

"Kyle?"

"At the scene. He was lucky, when the building exploded he was far away, his car was stuck in traffic so they arrived later. He has some scratches, got checked by the medicals, took some pills and keeps going. Can you get me to the department?"

"You want to work?"

"Yes. We need everybody."

"Don, your arm…"

"Is broken, I know. That won't stop me from sitting in an office and do whatever I can do with my arm and shoulder. If it's reading papers or work on the computer I'll do it. Better than nothing, than sitting at home."

"Did you sleep?" She was the last one who should tell him to have some rest. After she didn't sleep the whole night she wasn't in position to give him advices.

"A little bit. I promise I call when I'm too tired, mom."

"Sofia's mom is here, I make her talk to your captain if you're not back before the evening."

"I'm not scared of Marie, she's cool."

"She fought with Jules's mother. At the hospital."

"Not the best thing to do when you need a favor from the doc. Does Jules work?"

"Yes. Her office will be full after yesterday. I'm sure there will be a lot patients in need for a short treatment without an appointment."

"Probably. Greg?"

"Is with Sofia's parents at home, taking care of the dogs. The nurse said we won't be allowed to see Sofia before the evening – and it's more likely we see her tomorrow." Another night without her lover. Another night she had no idea if she ever was able to sleep next to the woman she loved. Or was all that she had left of Sofia the memories and the room of the blonde?

"How do you cope?"

"Not at all." She managed a smile that turned straight into a grimace. "My former therapist had a lot of work with me and recommends a visit at my therapist office today."

"Will you go?"

"No. My favorite therapist will be with me tonight, she's better than a medical doctor. All she has to do is being around me and I feel better."

"Don't tell Sofia." Don blinked. "Come on, give me a ride."

"Home?"

"Nice try."

"But you come home in a few hours?"

"Yes."

"Good." She set the turn signal. Sofia would want her to make sure he took care of himself. If she couldn't see her lover, be with her, she had to act the way she would want her to act. Also when it came to herself, which was the most difficult part.


	8. Chapter 8

"Did you eat and drink?" Jules put a glass with orange juice in front of Sara.

"Yeah." Whenever somebody put something in front of her she ate or drank it. Not because she felt hungry or thirsty, more because she knew she had to. The thing of acting the way Sofia wants her to act. It was after six in the evening and they hadn't received a call that they were allowed to see the blonde.

"Enough?"

"Probably. Your boyfriend takes care of me."

"He's a good guy."

"Is your mother still at work?"

"She's there since eight o'clock yesterday morning. Dad and me tried to talk her into going home, so far we didn't succeed. I know they need her there but after almost thirty-six hours she's exhausted and can't work the way she's supposed to. Unfortunately she's like you, she doesn't use her smart head all the time, what means I've to go there, fight with her and get her home. There are doctors from all over the country, she can go home for a few hours, sleep and come back to help more people. Nobody will think less of her."

"Can you take me with you?"

"Did they call and say you can see her?"

"No. I want to sit there and wait."

"You hope they give you a minute again when you're there."

"Yes. When they see me they're more likely to give in. Please."

"I take you with me, get my mother home and come back around ten. When you haven't been in until then they won't let you in at all before tomorrow morning. You won't stay the whole night there, waiting. Deal?"

"Why do you make deals and ask for promises all the time?"

"Because I want your word that you act smart. And listen when I try to do something that's necessary for your health."

"As a friend you're even more annoying than as a therapist."

"I worry now personally and not only professional. Drink your juice, on our way you eat a slice of the pizza I took with me."

"Will Greg come with us?"

"They won't let him in."

"No, but he should spend some time with you. And make sure this ex doctor boyfriend of you won't get any stupid ideas."

"Derek? I told you he's married."

"Married men do change their mind when they see a beautiful woman."

"Thanks but the beautiful woman has a mind on her own and her mind is made for the CSI from Vegas and not the doctor from L.A.. He had his chance, that's over and I don't live in the past when the present offers more."

"Good answer. I might repeat myself but he's absolutely in love with you."

"Don't worry about him and me, we're fine. I get there, take mom home and meet Greg for dinner at my place. Which doesn't mean you can stay longer than ten in hospital, don't get any ideas. We will get you."

"I can get myself home."

"Yes you can but I doubt you will."

"I promise I will go home at ten when they say I won't see Sofia until tomorrow. Spend some time with your boyfriend, Jules."

Jules looked suspicious at Sara. "Don't lie to me."

"I don't. And won't."

"Okay."

"Want me to call when I'm back and let the dogs bark so you know I'm really home."

"No, I trust like you trust me." Jules pulled Sara in her arms. Some time with Greg sounded good in her ears. When Sara really went home.

* * *

><p>At one point Sara had stopped watching the news or listen to it. The words the reporter said, the pictures they showed, the interviews they had with injured people, people who lost loved ones and police officers who still had no idea why somebody would do something like this, depressed her. Every pictures, every words reminded her of Sofia, that her life was still on the edge and she hadn't seen her in almost twenty-four hours. The last time they had been apart this long was…when Sara acted like a stupid bitch and left the house to be no burden. Now she understood how Sofia felt, now she understood how painful it was when the one you love wasn't there and you had no chance to get to her, talk to her, see her.<p>

Since one hour she sat in front of the ward Sofia was in. One hour, at least nobody sent her away. They saw her, ignored her, told her she couldn't see her lover but most times they only rushed by. The ER was still full, there were still people coming in with injuries. The last time she watched the news a man from the rescue team said they expected to find people- dead or alive – for at least two or three more days. The longer the search took the more bodies were pulled out.

"Are you planning to stay here all night?" Out of the blue doctor Bendler stood in front of Sara, looking down on her.

"No. I promised your daughter to go home at ten. It's just…I feel closer to Sofia when I'm here. Even when I can't see her, can't hold her hand, I know she's only a few yards away and that helps. Hopefully she feels that I'm around and it helps her too." The doctor looked tired, Sara knew doctors Bendler had quite often shifts of twenty-four hours but no ordinary twenty-four hours shift could prepare you for something like this.

"Did Jules tell you to go home?"

"Yes. I do it because I feel I need a little rest otherwise I might make mistakes and that's the last thing patients need now. A doctor who messes up."

"Can you tell me how Sofia is?"

Doctor Bendler sat down next to Sara. "I think she'll make it. Your girlfriend is a strong fighter and so far she did everything she had to do to wake up. We have her on machines to make sure she stays stable, hopefully we can switch off the first machines tomorrow. Because of all the incoming patients we didn't have to time to work on her minor injuries, we should be able to do so tomorrow. Her left arm is broken, the shoulder dislocated. All in all she must have stood in a position that exposed her left side more than the right. There was internal bleeding and damage to the spleen. We fixed that. And her leg. I'm sorry we had to amputate it but there was no chance to save it. It was a decision between life and death and we chose life."

"Sofia will appreciate it and there are no words I can say to show you how thankful I am."

"I know you don't understand why you can't see her but it's not to annoy you, it's for her safety. And the safety of the people who are in her room too. It's quite full in there now, five more in a three beds room. But there's always somebody around who has an eye on her vitals and checks on her. I had a look at her before I came here."

"Thanks."

"Okay, lets go home, mom." Jules came out of the door. "You need some rest."

"I'm a doctor, I'm aware of what I need."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sara, Derek will have an eye on Sofia and contact you if anything happens. You won't see her today, but if you want you can stay here a little bit longer. I know you feel closer to her when you're here."

"I do. Your mother gave me the heads up. I call Sofia's parents."

"Good. Greg and me come over for breakfast tomorrow morning, try to get some sleep."

"I go home at ten, take the dogs out and lie down."

"That's a start. See you." Jules hugged Sara. "If you need anything, call."

"I'll be fine, thanks. Sleep tight, you too doctor Bendler. And thank you for giving me some information."

"You're welcome. See you tomorrow."

Sara watched them leave the hallway and shifted her attention back to the door to the ward. Internal bleeding, damage to the spleen, loss of blood, a broken arm, dislocated shoulder and many more wounds. How close had Sofia been to the building?

* * *

><p>Scooby and Rantanplan greeted Sara when she returned like she had been away for weeks. They flanked her to make sure she couldn't go anywhere without them. One of their mommies was gone since two days, they couldn't lose the second one too.<p>

"You're back on time." Marie greeted her.

"Yeah. Like doctor Bendler said, I wasn't allowed to get in so I thought it's better to come back, take a walk with the dogs."

"We have been out with them from seven until nine." Marc handed Sara a sandwich. "They're fed too."

"Thanks. And thanks for the sandwich." Her stomach called for food for a while, she never listened because there was the hope she could see Sofia for a second.

"A doctor Luria called and asked how you are."

"My therapist. What did you tell her?"

"That you're with doctor Weinberg at the hospital and we aren't allowed to see Sofia, what is hard on you. She says if you need her you can come to her office tomorrow morning."

"That wouldn't change a thing." Not about Sofia but maybe about the thing with her mother and brother. Not later than next week she had to talk about it with her therapist. The topic wasn't over and it was still a problem for Sara, even when it got a little bit under in the fear about Sofia.

"Are you all right? I mean beside the fact that you suffer because of Sofia like we all do."

"Nothing that can wait until Sofia is better."

"Sara." He put his hand on her shoulder. "I know it's hard to concentrate on anything with Sofia in hospital but we have to take care of yourselves. That is what she wants us to do. You don't have to talk to us if you don't feel comfortable but use the offer of your therapist and let her help you if there's anything that bothers you."

"It's…" They knew about her mother. Sara had told them where her mother was, what she did and how she was doing. That was during the trial against Trevor. "I had contact with my mother."

"The first time since the trial?"

"The first time since I told her I want Trevor to pay what he did to me. We didn't have any contact since that day."

"Oh, that's not nice."

"Your mother is ill but that's not a reason to let you down." Marie pulled Sara down on the couch. "Does she want to see you again?"

"She wants to see me and so does my brother, who called her."

"You have a brother?"

"You didn't check on the girlfriend of your daughter?"

"No, I did that once and when Sofia found she didn't talk to me for two months. Sometimes I learn from my mistakes. Can we do something for you? Is he bothering you?"

"Sam? I haven't seen him since…since that day when I was taken into foster care. He never tried to contact me, never tried to get me to him and I don't…I don't feel comfortable when I think I've to see him."

"He didn't call you?"

"No, mom did. I'm afraid the next time it will be him." The thought she picked up her phone and heard the voice of her brother scared her. Not the voice but all the memories that certainly would shoot into her head when she heard his voice. He'd get her back into her childhood, back to all the bad memories.

"You don't want to meet them? Him? Or her?"

"No. The thought of being in…in San Francisco…I don't want to go back there. Not yet. It's part of my therapy to go there but at the moment I don't think I can get through this." Not in the state she was now.

"Would it be easier when he comes here?"

"You mean to our house?" The idea of having her past into her present scared her. She hadn't seen her brother in twenty-five years, what should she talk about? What if he asks question about their past? About the trial? Or told her he knew about everything and never cared?

"A neutral place?"

"Why do I have to meet him at all?"

"You don't have to." Marc said. "If you don't want him in your life it's okay."

"Maybe when Sofia is back and well…she's my highest priority, what my brother does doesn't matter to me."

"If you ever feel like meeting him and don't want to go to San Francisco or have him here in Los Angeles you can see him in Vegas. Sofia will come with you and Marc and me are there too. You know Vegas, you have a place to stay and people around who care about you."

"I think about it. Thanks."

"You're welcome, Honey. And now go to bed, you can use some rest. We all do. Tomorrow we can see Sofia and in case she opens her eyes, we don't want to look like straight out of a horror movie, do we?"

"No." Sara smiled a bit. It was very unlikely that Sofia woke up tomorrow but the thought of that, seeing into the wonderful deep blue eyes of her lover put a smile on her face. It always did.

Plus she felt better since she told Marc and Marie about the phone call. She never mentioned the call to Sofia, never had the chance. Weird to tell the parents of your parents what bothered you before you told it your lover.

"Sara." Don came out of his room. The fact that he wore his sleep shirt and boxers told Sara, he kept his promise and came back a while ago.

"Hey, good to see you home." She hugged him.

"Good to be back home and see you here too. I thought you'd stay in hospital." He pulled her in his good right arm and kissed her hair.

"Jules's mother told me I won't be allowed to see Sofia today. Because my lover would want me home and I promised Jules to go home, I came home."

"It's better this way. They will call you when something changes and you can see her."

"She's my girlfriend, I should be with her. Sit next to her bed and wait."

"Not when she won't wake up any time soon. They get her out of the coma tomorrow?"

"That's the plan. I pray it will happen and can talk to her tomorrow afternoon. Will you come with us?"

"They won't let me see her, I'm not her family."

"You go back to the department."

"Yes. My captain isn't happy but at the moment he can use every man he gets. We have no new clues, don't know who is responsible for the explosion."

"Not?" Somehow Sara was surprised how less it mattered to her. She didn't really care who was responsible. All what counted was Sofia. Maybe when her lover was awake she started to care more about the question who was responsible. Right now she had no energy for this.


	9. Chapter 9

**Wednesday, June 8th**

When Greg and Jules arrived for breakfast at half past seven Sara had been around the reservoir with the dogs, fed them and took a shower. Sofia's parents were down from Sara's room and Don sat with his arm in the cast at the table and tried to made himself a sandwich with one hand.

"Will you stop that or you end up stabbing yourself." Marie took away the knife from Don's hand. "What do you want to eat?"

"Ham. Thanks."

"Do you plan on going to the department today?"

"Yes."

"What does your captain say about this?" She pointed on his arm.

"Stay in the office, you're no in condition to work outside. Actually you're on a sick leave, you are supposed to stay at home."

"Good. Any news of the bomber?"

"No, nothing. If they left any clues it can take a while before we find them. The area is a mess and highest priority is rescuing people and not evidence. They still pull people out."

"What are the numbers?"

"Fatality under three hundred, injuries over seven hundred. I had no idea that so many people are around the place during an ordinary day."

"Summer holidays, travelers from all around the world. The president is in town." Marie had called a friend who worked with the LAPD in Downtown L.A. and gotten a few facts.

"He had been at the scene yesterday. Doesn't help anybody, only slows us down because we needed extra caution to protect him. Politicians always visit scenes to get more votes, believe their appearance helps anybody but them."

"I hope you don't take your car to the department."

"That was the plan." He had no idea how exactly he would drove but he'd find a solution. It was an automatic car, you could make it with one hand when you drove carefully.

"Forget the plan, I take you there, detective."

"I can do that." Jules offered. "It's on my way to the office anyway. And pick you up after work. This way we make sure you don't stay too long at work and get some rest. You are injured, Don."

"Thanks Jules. For the ride. Not for the medical advice. I've been told this yesterday by a very nice nurse. Should have asked her for her number."

"I'm sure she had other things on her mind than giving you her number."

"Yeah, like I had other things on my mind than asking her for it. Well, I know where she works." He smiled.

"Doctor Weinberg, do you have any knowledge of prostheses?"

"Not much, Captain. Sorry."

"I wonder how long it will take until Sofia gets one."

"A while. First her wounds have to heal, after that they can measure the leg to get the perfect prosthesis. I'm afraid she has to use crutches first. And she should make sure not only the physical wounds are looked after." In Jules experience people were fast with looking after physical wounds and very bad when it came to treating wounds they couldn't see, only feel.

"You want her as a patient?"

"She can't be a patient, she's a friend. But I would recommend talking to a mental specialist about what happened to her – the explosion and the lost of her lower leg. It can trigger depression and/or other mental disorders; like PTSD."

"We can share the couch of your cousin." Sara sat down, not happy with the sandwich Maria put in front of her. Cheese and salad was great but she didn't feel hungry. Especially not when they talked about Sofia's injuries and the need of a shrink for her. The story of the woman and her twenty years in therapy were still in her mind, scared her.

"No, she needs her own therapist."

"You're the best, your cousin is okay but I doubt there's anybody coming close to the two of you."

"Thanks Sara but there are a few good therapists around. If Sofia wants I can help her choose one. If she is as stubborn as you are, we have to fight with her first."

"There's no point in fighting with you, you always win, that's annoying. How do you plan to live with somebody like her, Greg? Do you stay in Vegas because you can't stand having somebody around who is always right?"

"We don't fight, we have disagreements and work on them. Sometimes her arguments are better, sometimes mine."

"She might use some psychological tricks on you."

"When she does I use some CSI evidence knowledge and we're even."

"You're quite a pair." Marie said.

"Like you and your husband?"

"We complete each other, don't we Marc?"

"Sure." Marc fed Scooby a piece of his sandwich. "You're always right and I don't argue with you when you're wrong. I point out other ways of solving a problem."

"I wish Sofia and me could have an argument." Sara sighed. "Your friend didn't call me, Jules."

"Take it as a good sign, nothing bad happened to her, she's recovering."

"I take it as a good sign when we can finally see her today."

"That's not up to me."

"I know. Marie and Marc, shall we go there after breakfast?"

"Yes. Today I want to see my daughter and I won't let anybody come between her and me. No matter what doctor title she has."

"Try not to piss off my mother too much. She won't be any help when she's mad. And she is Sofia's personal doctor."

"I'm Sofia's personal mother."

"Yes and when my mother would try to get through your barricades to see me, you would stop her too."

"When you're my responsibility all you have to cry is 'lawyer' and you have some company."

"Sofia has nurses too, that's not the same like family."

"We won't make her mad." Sara sighed. Doctor Bendler did what was good for Sofia. It wasn't easy to accept for Sara when the decision of the doctor made her not see her lover but she had no other choices. After all, the doctor had told her about Sofia and her recovery state when she was there last night. It wasn't like she tried to keep them in a nimbus. "But after three days we should be allowed to see her."

"If that's not a threat for Sofia's health you will see her. Mom knows hom important this is for you. Will you go with them, Greg?"

"Yes and I'll be back for lunch with you. Marie, Marc, when do you have to get back to Vegas?"

"Not before we have spoken to Sofia!" Marc said firmly. "There's no way we leave without hearing Sofia say she's all right."

"I talked to Grissom this morning, I've to be back in Vegas tomorrow night, five nights and then I can take off for two nights. Sorry."

"I'm glad you were allowed to come here at all." Sara hugged him. "Thanks for supporting us."

"You need me I'll be there. That was the deal and I always keep my word." He kissed her. "Come on, lets have a look how your girlfriend is while mine goes and earns some money."

"She earns good money, I saw the bill of the insurance company." Sara smiled. "Plus, she's worth every cent."

"She's worth even more." Greg kissed Jules softly. "I see you for lunch, take care of my doc."

"Make sure your Vegas family and your Los Angeles family won't kill each other."

"Call me the peace maker." If he had to he'd get between Sofia's and Jules's mother. He wasn't sure if he was the perfect person for that but he'd give it a try.

* * *

><p>"I feel like I've a déjà vu." Doctor Bendler looked at Sara, Marie, Marc and Greg. All four of them sat in front of the ward where Sofia lay.<p>

"Your daughter told me not to fight with you because it's a stupid thing to do. The problem is, the police captain inside me wants to act smart, the mother inside tells me the whole time to do everything to see my daughter, no matter who tries to get between us."

"Sofia is not here anymore."

"What?" Fear was in Sara's voice. What did happen to her lover? Why wasn't she here anymore? She was supposed to be here, under the surveillance of doctor Bendler.

"We moved her to another ward, she's out of risk and we need the space here for other patients."

"Means you're not in charge for her anymore." Marie said.

"No, I'm not."

"Not possible!" Sara protested. "You're the best. She needs you!" Jules promised her mother would take care of her.

"At the moment she doesn't need me."

"Her leg…"

"Sara, we took care of her leg, now it's time for the other injuries. When she needs me again I'll be there. See the bright side, you can see her easier now."

"Where is she?"

"Two floors up, give them a little bit time to take care of her injuries. They took her up two hours ago, there should be time for a second coffee for all of you."

"Is she conscious?"

"No. Sorry, I need to get back inside. Greg, tell Jules dinner is all right. Eight."

"I let her know." With a smile he took Sara's hand. "Come on, we get a coffee and after that we annoy some other doctors before I get back to your place, take the dogs out and meet Jules for lunch. I'll be back later in the afternoon."

"There's no way I leave today without seeing her."

"Neither will we." Marc got up. "Coffee, a sandwich and we're back, ready to see Sofia. No compromises anymore."

Sara looked at Sofia's father. She never heard so much anger in his voice, it was usually Marie who spoke this way. Apparently he could get angry too.

What happened to her anger? Why didn't she put up a fight? Insisted on seeing her lover right away? Since when did she accept a no? She was used to fight for the things she wanted, never got them for free. When did she stop fighting? Was it because she had no energy left to fight? Or because she knew she'd lose this fight and probably the chance to see her lover too? Did her head stop her from fighting?

A coffee and a sandwich. She wasn't hungry nor thirsty. Food and drinks didn't give her what she wanted, what she needed. Sofia. She needed her lover, need to see her, hold her hand.

And why wasn't Sofia conscious? She was supposed to wake up today, two days in artificial coma was what they told her. Not three. How could everything be fine when her girlfriend was still in a coma? How could she be better when she wasn't awake? It all made no sense to her.


	10. Chapter 10

"We want to see Sofia Curtis." Marie said to the nurse. Her voice made it clear, she wasn't in a mood to accept a deny.

"I'm sorry, she isn't cleared for…"

"I don't give a shit. I came here from Vegas, I've been waiting for three days to see her, she is out of risk and neither my husband nor my daughter-in-law will leave before we haven't seen her. Today. You better let us see her or you will have more trouble on your ward than you can ask for."

"Ma'am I need to call the security…"

"Don't Ma'am me, it's Captain Curtis and your security guys won't be a threat to me. Where is my daughter?"

"I need to talk to the doctor first."

"You got one minute, after that we will enter every room until we found her."

The nurse looked at them and left. Satisfied Marie looked at Sara. "Your friend Jules told us not to fight with her mother, she never mentioned something about anybody else."

"What if she calls security? You're a Captain in Vegas, not here." On one side she was happy Marie fought for them, made it clear they wanted to see Sofia and weren't willing to let anybody send them away. On the other hand she was afraid they got kicked out and weren't allowed to get in anymore.

"Who says I've no connection to L.A.? Don't underestimate me, Sara."

"How could I, mother-in-law?" It felt good to hear those honest words. Daughter-in-law. A better compliment was impossible to get. The mother of her lover wanted her to marry her daughter. She was wanted in Sofia's family. And loved. A lot. More than her family ever loved her. She had a new one now. A better one.

"Good girl. Look who's coming, a God in white. Lets hear what he has to say." Marie crossed her arms and stared at the doctor.

"You can't just storm in here, threaten my nurses and try to take the place over. Do you have idea what's going on in here? After a day like…"

"Suck it up, I've been in New York during 9/11, I've walked through scenes you can't even imagine, my husband worked in a hospital during that time, we're both aware of what is going on here. Are you aware how parents feel when they can't see her daughter? When they get a phone call that their daughter is injured, might not survive the night and nobody let them see her? Can you imagine how it feels to sit for two days in front of a door, fearing your daughter might die and you weren't allowed to see her, say goodbye? Have you any ideas what that does to a mother and a father? Or have you been separated from your wife while she was in this position, fighting for her life? Have you, doctor?"

Silence was in the hallway, everybody stared at Marie and the doctor. Sofia's mother's words hadn't been loud, she never raised her voice louder than you ordinary spoke but the way she said it made everybody stop and stare.

To Sara it felt like her heart stopped beating. Not only because of all those things she heard she had no idea of but also because of the answer she was waiting for. Would the doctor give in? Did Marie's strategy worked out or were her words useless? They had played their last and only card, now it was time to see if they won or lost.

"Room number fifteen, one person at a time, not longer than five minutes each. After that you leave the building for today and won't come back without an appointment for tomorrow. Am I clear?"

"Absolutely."

"Good."

"Thanks for your cooperation, doctor." Sara saw the relief in Marie's face. For a second her cop face had dropped and only the worried mother was visible. A rare thing. Something that almost made her cry.

"Stick to the rules here, Captain as a sign of your gratitude."

"I don't make promises I can't keep." Marie smiled a bit. At this moment she reminded her so much of Sofia that Sara couldn't hold back her tears.

"Who starts crying now? You can see her, Sara." Marc pulled Sara in his arms. He saw what Sara saw and knew what she felt.

"No, you first. I saw her two days ago."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I…I need a minute anyway. I don't want Sofia see me like this."

"She loves you no matter if you cry or not."

"Yes but…"

"You stay out here with me." Marie pulled Sara in her arms. "Go inside Marc, tell our baby we're here and she'll get in trouble for scaring us so much."

"I leave the threats to you, it has always been your part, Honey." He squeezed the hand of his wife for a second and walked towards the door of Sofia's room.

"Come on, we sit down for a moment." Marie pushed Sara on a chair. "As a civilian you're allowed to cry, I won't lecture you for it."

"Thanks. And thanks for getting us to her.

"It's important to be patient but when the point is reached that patience isn't the right method anymore, you have to attack." Two days were enough. For a mother who worried about her child, heard barely any positive news but a lot of bad words, bad things that could happen to her, she had been very patient.

"I…I didn't know you've been in New York during 9/11." Sofia never mentioned her parents had been in New York during the attack.

"We were on holidays when it happened. I volunteered to help NYPD while Marc helped in one of the hospitals. He was a nurse when he was in the army and could help them out. They needed every available hand."

"He was a nurse?" Another fact she didn't know.

"Yes, before my husband turned to an all boring financial adviser he had a real job."

"Don't let him hear you think it's not a real job he's working."

"He knows what I think."

"You have an amazing marriage."

"So will you and Sofia – or relationship when you won't be allowed to get married. You completed her life, Sara. Knowing the two of you are together makes me very happy. A mother needs to know her daughter found her place in the world, found the one who will be there for her, makes her happy and gives her a reason to live every single day."

"She completed mine." And here they came again, the tears. Somehow Sara couldn't stop them today. Horrible. She was such a whiny person. When somebody told Sofia how she acted the whole time, her girlfriend would be ashamed.

"Like I said: the perfect constellation for everlasting love." Marie hugged Sara and kissed her cheek. For her there was no doubt that her daughter and Sara would stay together.

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later her face was covered in tears again. When she stood in Sofia's room and saw her lover in bed. The left arm in a cast, cleaned wounds and scratches that didn't look better than the dirties ones she saw before, a big bandage around the left knee. Most terrifying was what she didn't see: the left lower leg of the blonde. For a whole minute she stared at the place where Sofia's foot used to be. Nothing. Emptiness. This couldn't be real, this couldn't be true. It didn't matter that she knew about the foot, it didn't matter that she read about accidents when people lost their leg or parts of it, it didn't matter that the scientist inside her told her, Sofia could have a happy life with one and a half leg, when she saw her lover and saw what the explosion did to her, she had to cry.<p>

"Sorry Honey." She ignored the chair next to the bed and sat on the edge of the bed. For a moment she hesitated to take Sofia's hand into hers because of all the tubes getting in and out of the blonde. Carefully she stroke her finger of the hand of the blonde.

"I missed you. Not being allowed to see you for so many hours broke my heart and at the same time I'm very happy because doctor Bendler told me your life isn't at risk anymore. She isn't such a dragon, actually she was more than fair and very helpful. She's a lot like your mother, who called me her daughter-in-law."

If Sara didn't know it better she would swear she saw a little smile on Sofia's face. Could it be that her lover heard every word she said? Was she unconscious but not unable to following all conversation around her?

"They gave me only five minutes to be with you, you need to rest but I will be back tonight and try to see you again even when the doctor said we won't be allowed to see you again and need an appointment for tomorrow. It's worth a try. I've no idea how long you have to stay in artificial coma, I think now that they have more time they will get you out of there, your wounds are all looked after, you wear a cast and the next time I'm here I write something on it so if you wake up and I'm not here, you see I was here, I think of you and I love you more than anything else."

What did all the machines say? Sara knew the basics, could read the vitals but all of them meant, she had no idea.

"Greg will go home tomorrow, Grissom doesn't give him more days off. My boss was very nice, gave me three days off with the opportunity to extend it on five. There's no place in the world I'd rather be than with you but I think I need to get back. You're here asleep, I'm not allowed to be with you all the time, so it makes more sense to have a few days off when I can visit you or you come home."

Sofia's return home. How long would it be before the blonde was allowed to go home? And what did the new situation mean to them? Did they have to change something on the house? With a prosthesis the stairs shouldn't be such a big problem, with crutches they were a challenge. A new shower? One you don't have to step in?

"The dogs miss you, Don is at work, he doesn't want to stay home with his broken arm. Kyle and Lynn are so far all right. Somehow you managed to get into the bull's eye. Always in the middle, always there to serve and protect. A real cop by heart. Something that got you almost killed but nevertheless I love you for being you, for risking everything even when it scares the hell out of me."

What happened if she kissed Sofia? Could it be wrong? Could it be bad? How could a kiss be bad? Carefully she bent over and kissed her lover on the cheek. "I love you, Sofia. Nothing will change that. You're my everything." Don't cry! Don't cry! Don't cry! You can't cry after you kissed your girlfriend, what will she think of you if you kiss her and then start crying? Be brave.

A short look at her watch told her she was supposed to leave the room. She didn't want to leave it, leave Sofia. The problem was, when she stayed and got thrown out by a nurse or the doctor, her chances of seeing Sofia again any time soon was gone.

"I've to go now, Honey. My five minutes are over but I'll be back tonight. You better get well soon they wake you up and you can have some chocolate. People in hospital always get chocolate from their family and friends. And a lot of kisses." She kissed Sofia again. "Gosh, I love you so much, Sofia." She pressed her face on the left cheek of her lover and cried. Leaving Sofia behind, going home without her, felt so wrong, made her feel sick to her guts. It couldn't be right to leave her behind. Why wasn't she allowed to stay? How could it be bad for Sofia when Sara was with her? She smiled at her, Sara had seen it. Her lover wanted her around, she was good for her. They were good for each other, they were meant for each other. Couldn't the doctors see that?

"Sara." Marie's voice got softly into Sara's ears.

"I don't want to leave her alone, she needs me, she knows I'm here. She smiled, Marie."

"Of course she knows you're here, like she knows you have to go. Sorry Sara, if you don't come with me you might get in trouble with the doctor." Gently Marie pulled Sara away from Sofia and pulled her into her arms. "Come on, I take you out. We go and get some air and later we try to see her again. She knows you love her and doesn't want to see you crying."

"I should be with her, Marie."

"Yes, you should but you can't. Not at the moment." She guided Sara out of the room. One look at her husband and Marc was at the other side of Sara. Having the brunette in their middle they guided Sara out of hospital into the little park in front of the building. Sara sat on a bench, knees up, her chin on them and continued crying. How many tears were in a human? How many tears could you cry before you were dried out? Was there a limit or was it possible to cry yourself to death?

* * *

><p>"How is she?" Jules took Greg's hand. She found her boyfriend in Sara's and Sofia's garden where he stood and watched Sara, who had both dogs in her arms, laying in the grass, holding on to them. None of the three moved like they were in trance.<p>

"She lays there since one hour, with the dogs, none of them moves. It's like they're in their own world. Jules, I worry about her. A lot."

"Did she see Sofia today?"

"Yes. Your mother sent her to another ward and they were allowed to see her each for five minutes. Marie had to get Sara out of the room, found her covered in tears, holding on to Sofia in there."

"The first time she saw Sofia after the incident, the first time she saw her without her full leg. In moments like that you start to realize what your partner lost, what you almost lost. She could have lost Sofia, a step more towards the building, a few minutes later detected by the paramedics and Sofia could be dead now."

"Does her PTSD come back?"

"It was never gone."

"How do you…do you know what your cousin talks to her?"

"Yes. Sara told Amanda she can talk with me about her, can ask me for my opinion. They're working together since eighteen months but there are still things Sara hasn't told her. Or asks me for. Like this week when she showed up in my office and asked me to join her to Amanda." Jules had no idea how much Greg knew about Sara's brother, if she had called him, and made the decision she wouldn't tell her boyfriends any details. Usually he never asked because he knew his girlfriend preferred to keep the things Sara told her between like. Like she did with her patients.

"She trusts you a lot."

"I know. Usually I stay out of Amanda's business, in Sara's case we have the agreement I will be involved to a certain degree. I joined her in therapy but I stayed out of sight, didn't talk until I had to stop her from running away."

"I bet she stopped as soon as you told her to."

"Running away isn't a solution, she knows that."

"Do you have a solution to get her out of that?" He pointed to Sara on the ground.

"The solution is Sofia, unfortunately I can't do anything to get Sofia out of coma and back to Sara."

"How long do you think can she cope? I'm afraid that when I go back to Vegas I get a call from you or Sofia's parents a few days later with bad news about Sara." He feared for Sara's life, feared his friend could do something stupid, hurt herself or worse. There was nothing he could do to stop her from this, no matter if he was here or not, but he felt better when he was around, had an eye on her.

"They're both fighter and both know they're fighting for each other, that gives them even more strength. Does Sara want to go back to Sofia tonight?"

"Yes, she wants to try her luck."

"Sofia's parents?"

"They lay down an hour ago, I think after seeing their daughter today they ran out of energy. The last days were hard on them, now that they know their baby is out of danger and saw her, they need some rest. I won't wake them up and I doubt they will wake up today."

"Go with her there."

"Shouldn't you do that? You're a therapist, you know what to do."

"You're her friend, her oldest friend. She doesn't need a therapist right now, she needs you. Get her in the car, drive with her to the hospital, I try to reach my mother, talk her into taking the two of you to Sofia." Even when Sofia wasn't on the ward anymore her mother worked on, maybe she could talk her colleague into giving Sara five more minutes.

"You think it's the best?"

"I know."

"You're the expert."

"And you're the friend. You're the one she needs by her side, Greg. You, her and Sofia have a past, you know both for several years. You can talk with her about Vegas, what you did there. Get her mind off the now and today. Make her remind nice things, things you all three laughed about."

Not the easiest thing to do. Sara and Sofia weren't close friends in Vegas, he had to remember a few cases that might make his friend smile. Funny occasions.

"Okay. I get her there."

"And I organize the rest."

"Thanks." He kissed her. "It won't take too long."

"No, it won't. You won't be allowed to see her for longer than five or ten minutes."

"After that I get Sara home, try to talk her into going to bed and come over. Your mother will be there at eight, I can't promise I'll be on time. After our lunch tomorrow I need to get back to Vegas."

"Yes. For a little while."

"Not too long, I'll be back soon."

"You better are." She smiled. "We miss you."

"I miss you too." He hated going back to Vegas for various reasons and all had to do with women he missed.


	11. Chapter 11

"Greg, I hope you won't be too late to dinner." Doctor Bendler greeted them. It was after seven, both didn't have much time to be at Jules's place at eight.

"That depends on you. If you get us to Sofia ASAP I can come with you right away. Otherwise you have to have dinner without me because Sara and me will wait here until we can see Sofia."

"She isn't on my ward, Miss Sidle knows that. I came here because Jules called me and told me you're on your way to here and I'm supposed to let you see Miss Curtis."

"You can help us out."

"It's your last night before you go back to Vegas."

"I am aware of that."

"I want you with us when we have dinner."

"You know the condition." Greg smiled. He also wanted to have dinner with Jules's mother but first things first.

"You are as much a pain in the ass as Jules is. Miss Sidle, what do you have to say?"

"Nothing." Sara leant on Greg's shoulder and closed her eyes. She was tired. Too tired to fight. There was no power left for arguments.

"Nothing? What's wrong with you?"

"Don't, please." Greg stopped doctor Bendler. "Just tell us if we can see Sofia or not. I won't let Sara alone, she will stay here for hours if she can't see her now and that wouldn't be good for her. She needs some sleep."

"Did you sleep, Miss Sidle?"

"No, not really."

"You need some sleep."

"I need Sofia, without her I can't sleep." That was a fact. Even before they were a couple Sara couldn't sleep without Sofia. There were so many nights she spent in the bed of the blonde, in her arms, when her PTSD gave her nightmares, only Sofia was able to scare away. Next to the blonde she felt safe.

"We can't let you walk around like a zombie until your girlfriend is back, you have to work, haven't you?"

"Yes."

"If I give you something to sleep would you take it?"

"Pills don't give me Sofia back, they're not her."

"Nobody and nothing is like her. Do you think she wants you to suffer?"

"No."

"Good. I get you something light that will get you some sleep. Meanwhile you take her to Sofia's room, Greg. I talk to the doctor and join you in a minute."

"Thanks."

"Yeah, yeah, you and my daughter together with your friend, you're my downfall."

"No, we light up your life."

"I can't see the light yet."

"You will soon, believe me. Where is Sofia's room, Sara?"

"Two levels up."

"You guide me, I stay by your side, how does that sound?"

"Good."

"Thought so." With a smile Greg took Sara's hand and let her guide him to the elevator. That was easier than he expected, whatever Jules told her mother, it worked. Wasn't his girlfriend fantastic? No wonder he was in love with her.

"Hi, doctor Bendler sent us up here to see Miss Curtis." He said to the first nurse they saw.

"Room fifteen, you can't stay long."

"We won't. Doctor Bendler will be here soon and join us." Greg's arm was tightly around Sara when they entered Sofia's room. Nevertheless the brunette was out of his arms as soon as she saw her lover. The left arm over Sofia's body, snuggling in as close as possible, Sara lay more on the bed than she sat. The first intention of Greg was to pull her away, when he realized Sara didn't endangered any tubes he let her stay where she was.

"Hey Honey, I'm back. Missed you so much."

What a picture. A woman who looked shattered because of her appearance, all her injuries, the tubes, wounds and bandages and a woman who looked shattered because her broken inside was visible on the healthy outside. This looked only difference to the scenery he saw this afternoon because Sara hugged Sofia and not the dogs. The rest was the same. Hopeless, powerless and desperation spoke to his eyes.

"You should make sure she takes this." Doctor Bendler dropped a little pill into Greg's hand. "Or she'll look like Sofia soon."

"I worry about her; more than about Sofia. Sofia is in good hands, under surveillance, Sara is at home and when she goes back to work tomorrow nobody can take care of her."

"She isn't fit to work, not like this."

"No, she isn't."

"Make her stay at home."

"How?"

"If everything works out like we expect it, Sofia will be waken up out of the artificial coma tomorrow afternoon. I'm sure Sara wants to be around."

"Is that possible?"

"We can make it possible."

"That would help."

"Like therapy – for both of them."

"You make it possible that Sara can be here when Sofia wakes up tomorrow and I make it possible that she goes to your…niece." He had no idea how to do that but he had to find a way. Maybe by just telling Sara she could be here when Sofia woke up when she goes to therapy and talks to doctor Luria. The brunette would do everything to be with her lover when she woke up.

"We have a deal."

"Will Sofia have any pain when she wakes up?"

"Light pain, she is on morphine. Phantom pain in her left leg will hit later."

"This will stay for a while, won't it?"

"Yes. And they will be severe."

"I've got another deal for you?"

"Which one?"

"You make sure she gets all the medical attention she needs for her physical pain and I do the same for her psychological pain."

"Are you planning her as a patient for Jules?"

"No, that's not possible. She needs somebody else, somebody who is almost as good as Jules because nobody is as good as she is."

"Of course not. Now, say hello and goodbye to your friend and get Miss Sidle out of the bed. The time is over and she needs a bed of her own."

"Okay." Greg knew getting Sara away from Sofia wouldn't be easy but they had no other choice. And maybe the possibility of being here with her lover when she woke up, cheered the brunette up a little bit.

* * *

><p>"Weren't you supposed to sleep?" Don took Sara's hand and squeezed it softly.<p>

"Weren't you supposed to stay at home?" She shot back. Twelve hours of work with a broken arm, dislocated shoulder and whatever else he had and didn't tell her about wasn't what his doctor ordered. Nevertheless she knew he would go back to work tomorrow and pull the same hours. He worked injured more than he did when he was healthy.

"I've killers to catch."

"Any news?"

"We found out the group who is responsible for the explosion. They are twelve people we know of so far. At least our CSI teams found TNT belt around twelve people. In addition there were twelve packages with TNT hidden in the building, one for each."

"Twelve assailants?"

"Yes. All twelve belts and packages explode at the same time, all twelve men are dead."

"How many others?"

"We're still under three hundred which is my highlight of the day. I hope we won't get over this number."

"Less than 9/11 more than Oklahoma."

"Yes."

"What kind of group was it?"

"We're working on it, so far we know there were twelve people with TNT belts, we don't have any I.D., it's hard to get when there's barely something left of them. You're a CSI, you know how complicated and time-consuming it is to get results. We're not on TV where you get all the information you need served after the advertisements."

"I was a CSI. There are no letters, no messages?"

"No."

"Who blows up a building complex and doesn't leave a note why? When people do something like this they want the world to know why."

"If these people wanted us to know they hid their message very good. There's nothing on the internet, we have team searching online for videos, letters, nothing. There were three letters from copycats who claimed the assassination was their work, we got them in, interrogated them and found out, they were lying. Five minutes of fame, a few years in jail for obstruction of justice. People are crazy."

"Yeah."

"What about Sofia? You sent me a text at noon you have been in her room." He pulled Sara in his healthy arm.

"Twice. This evening Greg and me were with her. Both times was only for five minutes and I never wanted to leave her. Doctor Bendler said they want to get her out of coma tomorrow afternoon."

"You can talk to her tomorrow night."

"Hopefully."

"They won't keep you away. What about her parents?"

"They fell asleep in the late afternoon and haven't been up since that time. Seeing their daughter for the first time wasn't easy."

"It's not easy for any one of us. How does she look?"

"Still bashed up even after they took care of all her injuries finally. And her leg…I think today I realized what happened to her for the first time. When I really saw that there is half a leg missing. First it was all under the sheets, today I could see it. Her leg ends under her left knee."

"Is she in pain?"

"Not at the moment."

"But when she wakes up?"

"Phantom pain. I'm afraid of the moment when she realizes she lost half of her leg, Don. There's nothing I can do to comfort her because I can't give her her leg back. It's gone forever." Sara felt helpless and useless. There was nothing she could do for her lover. What kind of girlfriend was she when she wasn't a help?

"Yes, it is. Nobody can give it back to her, what you can give her is your love. That is what will help her. Your love, knowing you're there, you care and you won't leave her because she is incomplete."

"She isn't incomplete."

"She will feel like it, everybody would."

"I love her, no matter how many legs she has."

"Yes you do. I'm afraid she will withdraw a bit, suffering, feeling like a burden for you. Like you felt when you withdraw from her and left the house."

"That was the most stupid thing I've ever done." She regretted every second she spent away. Every second she caused pain to the one she loved. How could she think for a second it was better for Sofia to be without her? How could it be better for somebody to be without your lover? That was impossible.

"I don't know about that but it was stupid and you know now it was stupid. When you did it, it made perfectly sense to you. As will it to Sofia when she thinks you're better off without her now."

"Without her I can't live."

"Tell her when she's awake."

"I will."

"What about your work?"

"They want to wake her up in the late afternoon, I call in and told my boss I'll be there in the morning. They won't let me see Sofia before she isn't awake, I can go to work. Maybe that takes my mind away for a second. Plus I want to ask for a few days off when she comes home."

"Sounds sensible."

"Will you go back to the department tomorrow?"

"Yes. We still need everybody."

"Greg leaves tomorrow, he has to be back in Vegas in the evening." She was grateful he was here at all, but letting him go now hurt.

"He will be back soon, I bet he already requested two nights off for next week. There's no way he won't be with you ASAP."

"And Jules."

"He loves her but he knows, you need him more than she does now."

"What did she do there, Don? Why was she at the scene? She's homicide and not SWAT."

"All divisions were called to the scene, no matter if homicide, robbery, narcotics or gangs. We had no idea what was going on, all we could see it that it was massive and we needed everybody who was available."

"I wish she wasn't a cop."

"Do you want to ask her to change her job?"

Sara thought about it. A part of her, a big part, yelled: Yes! Yes, Sofia shouldn't be a cop anymore! Mostly her heart told her so. Her mind told her asking her lover to change her occupation was wrong. Sofia had worked as a CSI, she did something else for a while and changed back because she wanted to be a cop. She made lieutenant and Sara knew, her lover wanted to be a captain. Could she be a police captain with only one leg?

"No."

"Good decision. She loves her job. But if you seriously ask her to change she'd do it."

"I know. Like I know she wants to be a captain one day. Do you think she can still be a captain?"

"She won't work the streets again, she'll be in the office. I'm not sure if she's happy with that."

"No." Sofia liked being outside, she liked to run, to work out…how was that possible with one leg? "People can continue their life with one leg."

"Yes, but you can't be a suspect chasing cop with one leg. Even when Sofia can run fast with her new leg, she can't defend herself the way she's supposed to. It would be too dangerous. Nobody wants her at risk."

"She'll be so devastated. I want to be there when she wakes up." Losing half of your leg and the job you loved at the same time. Sara had no idea how to explain all those things to Sofia, how to support her, show her there were still things it was worth living for.

"I doubt they'll let her wake up alone."

"The shrink there sucks."

"Did you ask Jules to be there?"

"No."

"Do it. She's a friend and a therapist. Not perfect for therapy but perfect to be there when she wakes up. Let me know when I'm allowed to see her, I miss her."

"Come around tomorrow evening, when she's awake, I'm sure she wants to see you too."

""No, I leave her to you and her parents. But give her a huge kiss from me, will you?"

"Just one? Why not two or three?" Sara smiled a bit. Just the thought of Sofia's lips on her own made her smile. One more day. One more day and she could kiss Sofia again, feel her lips, talk to her. One more day. It wasn't a long time and felt like eternity at the same moment.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thursday, June 9th**

Somehow Sara made it through the day. She had been in Angeles National Forest at six in the morning, managed to work until three and was in front of the hospital at four, Sofia's parents by her side. Work hadn't distracted her, hadn't stopped her worrying but it did her good. Fresh air, taking care of an injured deer and talking to her colleagues. Of course there was only one topic, the big explosion but it felt good to talk with people who didn't work law enforcement.

"How was work?" Marie hugged Sara.

"All right. I think it was a good decision to go there. How was your day?"

"We tried to relax, had two walks with the dogs and went shopping. When they wake Sofia up today she'll be home any time soon and we want to spoil our baby. Marc and me called at work and told them we won't be back until the end of next week."

"Good. I like having you around." No, she needed them around. They were a reason why she held herself more or less together.

"You came a long way from almost turning the car and driving back to Los Angeles when you were supposed to meet us for the first time and today." Marc smiled. His daughter had told him how Sara had suffered during their drive to Vegas that night.

"I was scared to death Marie would shoot me."

"What a stupid thing to do. You were invited because my daughter loves you. Shooting the one my daughter loves is very stupid, brings me to jail and makes me lose my daughter. Plus after this actress slut it couldn't get worse. After all, you were a former CSI and I saw you once or twice at crime scenes."

"Your reputation is…scary. As a police captain. I was sure when you were like this as a private person I had all reasons to be scared and saver far, far away from you and your weapon."

"As long as you're not scared anymore I'm satisfied."

"I'm not."

"Good." Marie took her hand and squeezed it.

"Otherwise I'd tell her off." Marc chuckled. "I know how to handle my wife, the scary captain."

"You're a civilian…"

"Your husband. Lets get inside, maybe we can see our daughter and watch her waking up. She needs her family around."

Sara swallowed. Did Sofia think the same? Did she need her family or didn't she need her leg more? They couldn't give it back to her, couldn't do something to make her feel better. They were helpless and could only tell her, they were there for her. Did that comfort you when you lost half of your leg?

When they saw nobody in the room of the nurses they made their way to Sofia's room. They had an appointment, were cleared for their visit and knew their way. No need to talk to somebody or wait for somebody and waste time they could spend with Sofia.

Just before they could knock on the door, it got pushed open and two nurses with a doctor were pushing a bed outside, rushing, shouting. To Sara's horror it was Sofia who was in the bed. This didn't look like getting her lover out of coma, this looked like an emergency.

"What's going on?" Marie asked and was ignored by the nurses and the doctor. All three were with the bed halfway down the hallway, pressing a button for the elevator.

"Doctor, what's going on? That's our daughter." Marc repeated the question of his wife. They were right behind them.

"Complications. Please step back." They pushed the bed in the elevator and blocked the door.

"What kind of…" The door closed. Marie was as pale as the white wall behind her and it was the first time Sara saw her not knowing what to say or to do. "Where are they taking her?"

"We need a nurse or another doctor." Sara looked around, surprised that she could function after seeing her lover taken away. As an emergency. A nurse came out of a room. "Excuse me." Sara stepped towards her. "We're here to see Sofia Curtis and she was rushed into the elevator, the nurse said something about an emergency. We were told she gets out of coma today."

"Room fifteen? Yes, she's supposed to wake up tonight." The nurse pushed her glasses up her nose. "Are you family?"

"Yes, her parents and partner. The doctor said something of complications. Can you look into the computer what he meant with that?" Marie asked.

"I can have a look but when they were in a hurry there was no time to write down what happened." The nurse walked into the little room where the nurses met and sat down in front of a computer. "Curtis…Curtis…Sofia…is due to wake up at six. And I've an emergency call from her room five minutes ago…sorry, no note what it is. I'm afraid you have to wait until the doctor comes back ….operation seven…doctor Bendler is requested…"

"What?"

"She's in here as a her personal doctor."

"Right." Jules did mention something like that and also doctor Bendler told her, she'd take care of Sofia. Apparently it didn't work out. "Is it something with her amputated leg or why do they need doctor Bendler?"

"She's the best general surgeon."

"But why…?" Operation? Doctor Bendler? Why did Sofia need a surgeon when she was supposed to wakeup soon? What complications? They had her on so many machines, shouldn't these machines alert them before there is a complication?

"I can't tell you what happened, I'm sorry. You can go to operation room seven, ground level, left side. But it can take a while until you get an information, depends on what has happened. Sorry."

"Thanks anyway." Sara looked at Sofia's parents. "Shall we?"

"There's nothing that will keep us away from her." Marie took the hand of her husband and Sara. Together they would wait until somebody gave them some information about Sofia and her status.

* * *

><p>"What did happen?" Jules jogged down the hallway. Sara had sent her a text message half an hour ago that Sofia was in surgery as an emergency patient and her mother was called as a surgeon.<p>

"We have no idea. When we arrived they got Sofia to here, as an emergency. Your mother is requested. Jules, Sofia was supposed to wake up. What happened?"

"I've no idea." Jules sat next to Sara, took her hand. She hadn't heard of anything. Of course not. Her mother had other things to do than calling her. Especially when Sofia was an emergency case.

"Mom will take care of her."

"Could it be that she…that she amputates another leg?"

"I doubt that. They never mentioned anything about that, it has to be something else. We had a look at her file, the injuries of the right leg weren't that bad, nothing was broken. No, it shouldn't have caused any trouble."

"What else can be an emergency?"

"Almost everything." The way Sofia looked, the list of injuries she had, everything was possible.

"They called your mother…"

"She's a general surgeon, she made Sofia her personal patient, of course they call her. And if there was a problem with one of Sofia's limbs they had called an orthopedic as well. It's their job to remove limbs. You have me speculating if I continue."

"Do it."

"She was stable the last day, they planed to wake her up, her vitals were all right…my money is on internal bleeding. Or an infection." Both nasty, both very dangerous and nothing she wanted to discuss with Sara in details.

"Could it be that I…when I was with her…she got this infection…"

"No! It's more likely that it's an infection due contamination. Infections in hospitals are nothing unusual – unfortunately."

"She can die from HAI. How did she catch it?"

"Nosocomial infection occur in all hospitals. She had open wounds but we should stop guessing and wait what they tell us."

"It can't be good with them being in there for so long." The longer it took them to get out, the more they had to work on Sofia, the more the life of the blonde was at risk. Why did they get only bad news? This wasn't fair. They deserved a few good news as well.

"Try to think positive. Sofia is a fighter, she fought through so much the last days, she'll survive this one too."

"Exactly." Marie joined the conversation. "You know her, Sofia doesn't give up easily."

"There were so many fights the last days…" At one point you were tired and want to give up. Why fight when it didn't get you anywhere?

"Sara, won't you stop believing in your lover? She needs your support ant not your desperation. She'll get out of there alive and will get well soon!"

"Hopefully." Sara felt how she lost all her energy. Another backlash. How many more did they have to handle? She wasn't sure if she could handle more. The last days wore her out, more days like them wasn't something she could cope with.

"I need to call Don."

"I did that. And Greg. Don is outside, they didn't let him in."

"Family only?"

"Yes. Or family member of the surgeon."

"Is there anything we can do beside waiting? And don't start with something like praying. We had this topic already. I don't believe in God, there can't be a God. Not with Sofia suffering like that."

"Believe in your girlfriend and my mother."

"I told Sofia your mother isn't that bad…when I was with her yesterday. And I'm sure she smiled at me. Could it be that she heard me?"

"Maybe she heard you, maybe she felt you around, dreamed of you. I'm sure it was because of you that she smiled."

"Do you think she will smile when she wakes up?"

"When she sees you: Yes."

"But…her leg…"

"Her leg will be a shock, seeing you will send a smile on her face."

"We've been through this before…"

"Yes."

"I try to stop it and just wait. Before you send me to your cousin for depressions…I need to see her anyway, I promised Greg."

"If you have depressions my cousin will take care of them. At the moment you're a concerned lover."

"Whiny and inpatient." Sara got up and started pacing. Why did this take so much time? The more time they needed the worse was Sofia's condition. Nothing she wanted to think about.

* * *

><p>Marie jumped off her place the same second the door to the operation room was opened. Right away she was next to doctor Bendler.<p>

"How is my daughter?"

"Stable again."

"What did happen?"

"One of the nurses noticed a change in her vitals, called the doctor who found out your daughter suffered from internal bleeding. We stopped it, she's unconscious and will stay in intensive care for tonight."

"Is her life still at risk?"

"After the loss of blood four days ago it didn't do her any good to suffer from more bleeding today but she will survive. Like I said she's stable."

"Can we see her?"

Doctor Bendler sighed. It was obvious she wanted to deny this wish. "For a minute."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Make it short." She turned to her daughter. "Jules?"

"Yes?"

"Since when are you family?"

"Since you're my mother."

"Get out, you shouldn't be here."

"She's here for us, especially for me." Sara said. "Without Jules I'd go crazy and had probably knocked on the door a few times to ask you what is going on."

"You do that once and our security will escort you out. It's against the rules and it's a risk for the patient."

"I go and tell Don what's going on, call Greg and wait for you outside." Jules hugged her mother. "You're the best, thanks for saving my friend again."

"Always told you a medical doctor is worth more than a psychological doctor. But somehow you didn't want to listen to me."

"Because the psychological doctor also saves life, just not so spectacular like you do. We work more subtle and you are proud of me anyway. Later best GS of L.A.." She kissed her mother and walked away.

"Let us get Sofia up to intensive care, it will take a few minutes. Why don't you have a cop of coffee or a tea and come up then?" Doctor Bendler said.

"Okay." Marc sighed. "I really thought she'd be over the worst and wake up today. Instead we have to fear for her life again."

"Your daughter is a fighter, she doesn't give up and will get through it."

"The question is for how many fights does her body have the energy?"

"We try to make sure there won't be any more fights."

"Our daughter should be home soon, doctor."

"It will take a few more days. When there won't be any complications she will be awake tomorrow evening."

"Will she stay in intensive care?"

"For this night. Tomorrow she will be back on an ordinary ward."

"And you will take care of her?"

"Yes. She's my personal patient."

"Good. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Get some tea and something to eat. You don't help her when you're dehydrated or your blood sugar is too low."

Sara sighed. Why were doctors always sending them away? Told them to take care of themselves? All she worried about was Sofia, everything could wait and no food and drinks for another hour or two wouldn't kill her.


	13. Chapter 13

"Sara, how are you and Sofia?" Greg's voice got into Sara's ear.

"Both could be better." She played with the sandwich on her plate. After half a cup of tea and a bite from her sandwich Greg called and she was thankful that she could stop pretending she was eating. She wasn't hungry. It made her feel sick.

"Jules said it was internal bleeding."

"Yes. She had internal bleeding on Monday when she came in, it must have started again. Or another wound? I don't know. Doctor Bendler saved her. And the nurse who realized something was wrong. I should stay next to her bed in case something like that happens again."

"They won't let you stay there, you know that. Plus they'll have an extra eye on her after tonight. How are her parents?"

"We're all quite shaken up as you can imagine." She closed her eyes. "How was your flight back home?"

"I feel like jumping into the next plane back to Los Angeles and be with you."

"No, stay Greg. We can't do anything and you have to work. Doctor Bendler said Sofia is stable and if there won't be any complications they'll wake her up tomorrow evening. You can talk to her on the phone then.

By the way your girlfriend got in trouble with her own mom for sitting in front of the operation room. Only family is supposed to be there, that doesn't include the doctor's family. It doesn't count when the psychologist is there for the family members."

"Alison knows where her daughter got her stubborn head from. It's like with Sofia and her mother, very similar families. How long will her parents stay?"

"Another week. They want to see Sofia back home before they go back to Vegas. After an evening like today they might want to make sure she's fine the first days at home too."

"Will you have a few days off when Sofia comes home?"

"Yes. I will go back to work tomorrow because there's nothing I can do for her, I can't be with her, so it's better to get back to work. My head is with Sofia all the times but as far as I remember I didn't break anything today and didn't make a mess."

"Anything new of the bomber?"

"No. Don is with us, he is also in touch with the department. When something new occurs he lets us know. Who do you think was it? And why?"

"I don't believe in terrorists anymore. If this had been their work one of them had made contact and told the police why it happened. It wasn't a gang thing, nor were the attacker some high school kids who got bored. According to what Don told me, these twelve men were all well trained with guns and knew how to handle TNT."

"They will work through a lot of orders for TNT."

"Yes. Is the scene free for the CSI now?"

"Since tonight. We're still under three hundred dead people and most people are stabilized. Two dozen are still critical, almost eight hundred are injured." While they were waiting in front of the operation room Don had sent Sara all the news on her cell phone.

"These two dozen will make it. So will Sofia. When will you go home? Don't tell me you want to wait the whole night in front of the ward."

"We can see her now and after that we'll go home. I was supposed to talk to her tonight, Greg." Sara sobbed. Everything seemed to go wrong this time. Whenever there was a little spark of hope a wave of destruction came and killed the spark.

"Tomorrow. It's better that they found the internal bleeding now that she was in hospital than when it had happened when she was home with you. She had all the help she needed right away and didn't have to wait for an ambulance. Plus they will check her really good before she's allowed to go home, more safety for both of you."

"There're only backlashes."

"No, there aren't."

"So far everything went wrong. She lost her leg, she suffered from internal bleeding, she has to stay in coma, nothing ever worked out for her."

"They saved her life twice in a dangerous situation. Two times she was lucky enough to have doctors around who helped her, made her stay alive. She has the best surgeon of the hospital who looks personal after her, will look after her when she's back home. You can be sure Sofia doesn't have to go to a doctor and wait for an hour to let her leg checked, Alison will come to your house and look after her."

"Why would she do that?"

"Because otherwise she's in trouble with her daughter. You were the favor she asked Jules for, now Sofia is a the return Jules asked her for. Means special rules for your beautiful girlfriend."

"I'm sure Jules curses the day I entered the life of her family. Since that day she has nothing but more work."

"Bullshit. My better half likes you, always liked you. And you get your ass to your therapist tomorrow after work before you go to Sofia, your PTSD sends out a lot of symptoms of depression. Do now something against them before they get too strong."

"I can't focus on that, I need to focus on Sofia."

"You only help Sofia when you're strong, with PTSD you can't be strong. Come on, I know something bothers you, something that has nothing to do with Sofia. Don't withdraw, you know it works the wrong way when you try to ignore your problems. They stick to you, they won't leave you and give you only more problems and pain. Or do you want Sofia to look after you when she's awake? Because she'll see what I saw and she will worry. When she worries about you she can't get better. If you don't go to doctor Luria for yourself do it for her."

"You're a pain in the ass."

"That's what friends are for. You go to her?"

Sara sighed annoyed. She had no time for this. No head for it neither. It wasn't a help on Monday when she was with her therapist, why should it be a help now?

"Sara?"

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"I promised you already, want me to repeat my promise? Yes, I go and see her. I talked on her mail box that if she doesn't give me a call during the day tomorrow I come to her office at five. For half an hour. After that I want to be with Sofia."

"Thanks for that."

"I should thank you, it's not like I did something for you."

"You did. When you take care of yourself I feel much better. Gotta go or your ex will give me a hard time. Talk to you tomorrow."

"All right. Thanks Greg. Say hello to the guys. I miss you."

"Miss you too, big sis."

Big sis? When did she become his sister? Not that she minded, for her he was a little brother. Always had. Brother…Sam…not the best thought…nothing she wanted to think about now. For him was time tomorrow. Half an hour, no second longer.

And she had to talk to Greg about Sam. It didn't feel right not to tell him about her brother. When did she become so chatty? Since when she have to share her private problems with other people? Must be one of the side effects of therapy.

* * *

><p>"She looks so pale again." Marie said when they were in Sofia's room.<p>

"Like she has a nightmare and can't wake up of it." Marc added. "Somehow it's true. They don't let her wake up, they keep her in coma and she doesn't experience anything nice. No wonder she looks like she suffers, she does."

"I hope she doesn't feel pain."

"She's on morphine, the infusion over there is it."

"What else can you see?"

"Benzodiazepine on the right hand side to make her stay in coma, liquids to feed her in her nose, she can breathe alone which is worth a lot. Her vitals look all right, to me there's no reason why she shouldn't wake up tomorrow. Unless there are other complications but there is no indication for one."

"There was no indication for the internal bleeding."

"For some things there are no indications. There weren't any indications on Sunday that the Kodak Theatre and the other buildings explode the next day. Some things don't have indications."

"And they happen anyway."

"There are some things we can't influence."

"I hate being helpless." Marie sighed and watched Sara, who sat on the edge of Sofia's bed, one hand the blonde's hand, eyes closed like she talked to her without words.

"If our daughter doesn't get better any time soon we'll have our daughter-in-law in here too. Look at them, you see barely a difference in their appearance." How much had changed the last time she saw her daughter and her girlfriend together. The two happy women, who were in love and enjoyed their life, were gone. There were only shadows of these women left. One sitting and holding the hand of the other who lay in bed and was as white as her sheets. There was barely any life left in both of them. So wrong.

"Sara." Marc put his hand on her shoulder. "Are you all right? You look pale."

"I'm so scared."

"She's all right."

"She's in hospital, she can't be all right." People who are all right weren't in hospitals. They were at home, on the beach, in the wood, watched a movie, went for a run.

"The operation was successful, you don't have to worry anymore." Doctor Bendler had entered the room without that any of them heard her. "She's stable, we checked on internal injuries, there aren't any left. We wake her up tomorrow evening, if you want you can be here, hold her hand while she wakes up."

"Yes."

"Okay. Be here at six. I assume you want to be here too?" Doctor Bendler looked at Marie and Marc.

"Yes, of course."

"Same for you like for Miss Sidle. Be here at six. Shall I ask a colleague to be here when your daughter wakes up? Because of her leg."

"I'm not sure if Sofia likes your shrink. Your daughter would be a better help. What do you think, Sara?"

"Jules is better than any other doctor."

"Doctor Weinberg doesn't work for this hospital, she isn't family, she can't be here."

"If you want the best for your special patient she's the one you want." Sara squeezed Sofia's hand a little bit. "And somebody who kicks in a door to save her life belongs to the family. For a shrink she's great – as a friend she is simply great."

"My daughter can visit Miss Curtis the day after tomorrow like any other friend can. No bonus for being my daughter anymore, she got enough already."

"Or being the ex of one of the doctors."

"I briefed them all not to give her any special treatment anymore. There are rules and you have to stick to these rules."

"Like her daughter when I brought ice cream and muffins. You hear that, Honey? They are so similar, like you and your mother. Amazing. Which makes me wonder…no, I shouldn't wonder or think about it…I miss you Sofia, please wake up tomorrow and talk to me. I've no idea if I can handle another day without talking to you. I definitely can't survive another evening like today. I just can't. Please, please wake up tomorrow. I need you so much." Sara buried her face in Sofia's hair. She was tired, there was no energy left. Another day like today and she had no idea if she could continue or end up next to her lover. Or worse.


	14. Chapter 14

**Friday, June 10th**

"Doc, I have to be back with Sofia soon, they'll wake her up at six." Not the nicest way to greet your therapist but Sara had no time for being nice. There was only one thing on her mind and that was Sofia.

"I know, don't worry you will be there, Sara. Have a seat please."

"Sorry." She dropped on the arm chair she always sat and took a deep breath. Relax. Arrive at your new place.

"Thanks for checking on her, taking care of some wounds."

"You're welcome. I tried to help where I could."

"You know what happened yesterday?"

"Yes, doctor Weinberg told me." The doctor handed Sara a cup of tea. "Drink something. I'm sure you forgot to look after yourself."

"I'm alive." Sara grumbled. Busted. She didn't drink enough the whole day, barely ate and didn't waste a thought about herself. All that count was Sofia.

"We want you alive and healthy. Are those dark lines under your eyes because of Sofia or are some of them because of your family?"

"Sofia is my family. My only true family."

"You know what I mean."

"My mother hasn't called me and if she did, I wouldn't answer the phone. Neither would I answer a call from an unknown number caller." Whenever her cell phone rang her first thought was it was something with Sofia and the second was the fear her brother or mother called.

"Do you want to avoid them for the rest of your life?"

"At least as long as Sofia needs me. I don't have time nor the head to worry about them. My mother is the reason why I ended up here, if she had been a real mother I never needed therapy, Trevor's trial had been easier for me and if my brother hadn't left me alone I could have stayed with him instead of foster families. Why should I pay attention to them?"

"They are a part of your life."

"Not an important one."

"Compared to Sofia nothing is important to you. When she's back home – which should be by the beginning of the next week if there aren't any more complications – will you work on your family topic?"

Sara sighed. "Honestly, I can't imagine I give anything or anybody else than Sofia my full attention. When she is back home I want to be there for her, completely. And not think about my mother or my brother all the time. They are not important. You really think she'll be back at the beginning of next week?"

"I can't see a reason why she should stay longer. Of course I don't know her medical record but her leg shouldn't be a reason to keep for a long time. The internal bleeding is stopped, she should be fine to leave within a few days. It all depends on how she feels, how she copes with the new situation. And she'll need a neurologist, there'll be phantom pain, strong phantom pain."

"She might suffer from PTSD too."

"Yes."

"You can't help her, can you?"

"It wouldn't be good. She needs a therapist of her own, Sara."

"Jules said she can recommend somebody to Sofia if she likes. Could you do the same?"

"Since when don't you trust doctor Weinberg anymore?"

"I trust her. But if you suggest the same person I can be sure this one is really good."

"Jules might recommend a psychotherapist, I recommend a neurologist who also works as a psychiatrist to have one doctor for both areas. If Sofia wants I can give her a name or names."

"Thanks."

"I'd like you to give your own life some thoughts, Sara. With Trevor facing trial again and your brother trying to contact you after a long time, there are a lot of things going on in and with you. Sofia is your highest priority, I'm aware of that. You are her highest priority and as that you should take care of yourself."

"She doesn't know about my brother or my mother's call. I never told her." And felt so guilty for it. She kept it a secret. Hadn't they sworn to tell each other everything? To let the other help? She broke this promise.

"Will you tell her?"

"Yes." As soon as there was the right time for it.

"What will you tell her?"

"That mom called and she and Sam want to see me. I can't see me going up to San Francisco to see them nor do I want them – or Sam in this case – here in Los Angeles. Marie, Sofia's mother, offered I can come to Vegas and meet him there. I told her about the call."

"Do you think about the offer?"

"Yes. At the moment it's the only way I can imagine I want to see him. Vegas is like home, I feel safe there and I've…I've family there. Marie and Marc both treat me like I'm a part of their family, like I'm their daughter. I feel more love from them than I ever felt from my parents. For them I'm their daughter-in-law. It doesn't matter that Sofia and me aren't married, all that matter is we love each other. I…this…something like this never happened to me before. I never…I never had a family…damn." Now she was crying again. Annoyed with herself she grabbed a tissue out of the box that was placed on the table. She had used this box way to often. Why did therapy make her cry all the time? How could therapy be good when she cried all the time?

"They love you and worry about you, want to make sure you're all right."

"Yes."

"What makes that feel you towards your mother?"

"She doesn't deserve the title mother. If there are any criteria for being called a mother. All she did was giving birth to me."

"There are a few, it depends on how you see a mother. Traditional it's a woman who gives birth to a child, raises it. Nowadays with surrogate mothers, a woman who supplied her ovum is a mother too."

"She didn't raise me, she didn't care about me, she didn't take care of me, she didn't save me, I think she was a surrogate mother who stuck around for a while."

"Your brother?"

"Somebody who lived in our house and never cared about the other people there. My father slapped both of us, Sam was away whenever he had the chance."

"You sound angry."

"I am angry. Mostly at me because I'm angry with him. He shouldn't make me angry anymore, I shouldn't care."

"What would you say to your brother if he sat in front of you now?"

"Fuck off! You weren't there when I needed you, now I don't want you in my life anymore. I've people who care for me, who are my real family. You're nothing more than a part of my past and I don't want you in my present or future. Go back to where you came from!" It felt good to say out these words loud, with all the anger she felt.

"Do you feel like slapping him?"

"No! I'm not my father!" Sara almost jumped up. Mostly because she felt how she clenched her fist and felt like punching something. She had to stop this. Violence didn't help, it was bad. She wasn't like her father. She didn't solve problems with her hands. And she wasn't like her mother, she didn't solve problems with a knife.

"Of you're not your father."

"I…he…I…"

"Sara." Doctor Luria got up, put her hand on Sara's shoulder. "Take a deep breath please."

"I don't need breathing exercises, I need to leave and see Sofia."

"No, stay. You need a few more minutes, I can't let you go like this. Please. Lean back, close your eyes and take a deep breath."

Biting her lips the brunette did what she as asked to do. She wasn't her father, she wasn't her mother.

"The urge to hurt somebody, physical hurt somebody, is not unusual. We get taught by TV and other medias violence is normal, it's nothing you have to be ashamed of. You're a victim of violence, you experienced yourself what it means to be a in the hands of somebody who is stronger, has power over you.

Now somebody of your past, when you experienced this violence, steps into your life. It's natural to defend yourself. Animals don't do anything else. You attack them, scare them, drive them into a corner, they attack. It's how we stayed alive for all those years. It's necessary to survive."

"I'm not like my father."

"No, you're not. You don't hurt somebody just because you can. You're not like him. You are a good person. And when your brother presses himself into your life you have a right to fight him. He has to accept your decision, if he doesn't you can push him back. Even physically. You're not a victim, you're a strong woman, you can fight him. And it's right to fight him if he threatens you, scares you. Okay?"

Sara nodded.

"Good. Does Sam still live in San Francisco?"

"I don't know and I don't care."

"If he lives somewhere else, on the east coast, the middle and comes to Vegas to see you, it must be important to him to meet you."

"Not my problem."

"Are there any circumstances you could agree on meeting him?"

"Not at the moment. When Sofia is back home and feels good maybe. Until she isn't better I don't care about Sam nor my mother. Sorry doc, but my priority is Sofia."

"Which is absolutely okay, Sara. She's your partner."

"If I could I'd ask her to marry me."

"She'd say yes without hesitation."

"You think?" For the first time today there was a little smile on Sara's face. Being the real daughter-in-law of Marie and Marc. A nice thought. Almost as nice as being Sofia's wife. Never seemed a commitment be this good and important to Sara. A promise to love Sofia, to stay with her for the rest of their lives seems to be the right thing.

"Absolutely."

"Thanks. Would you come to our wedding?"

"As your therapist I can't come, sorry."

"These therapist rules suck, do you know that?"

"They're there for a reason." Doctor Luria chuckled.

"Doctor Weinberg forgot them."

"Because she's seriously involved with your best friend. She had no other choice if she didn't want him to give up your friendship. And she waited for a year before she had any contact with you."

"Seriously involved? What does that mean in your world?"

"It means you're not paying attention to your problems, Sara. Sam?"

"Not a topic anymore. Lets make a new appointment, I need to go to Sofia. Your…aunt won't wait until I'm there and I don't want to miss a second of Sofia waking up. I want to see into her eyes as soon as they're open and tell her I love her."

"And she wants to see you as soon as she opens her eyes. Shall we go back to our usual Monday appointment? Four in the afternoon?"

"Yes." If everything worked out the way it should Sofia was home then. Sara crossed all her fingers that this would happen.


	15. Chapter 15

"Sorry I'm late." Sara gasped for some air. She ran the whole way from her car into hospital, up the stairs because she didn't want to wait for the elevator and was glad to see Marie and Marc waiting for her.

"You're not late, doctor Bendler said six, it's five to six." Marc said.

"You're here."

"We've been here the whole afternoon, couldn't stand sitting around and waiting. Sofia is still in her room, everything seems to be fine. The last big check on her was around noon, no sign of any complications."

"Good."

"How was your day?"

"I thought the whole time of Sofia, must have driven my colleagues crazy."

"Everything will be all right." Marie pulled Sara into her arms. "I'm glad you talked to your doctor, you have to take care of yourself Sara, even when it's difficult at the moment."

"Impossible. But I'll see doctor Luria on Monday again. We go back to our usual appointments."

"That's good. Are you ready to get in?"

"Yes. We shouldn't let Sofia wait."

"Or doctor Bendler."

"I'm not sure if she would wait."

"She would." Marc smiled. He opened the door for them and all three stepped inside. There was this certain smell of hospitals on all stories, for Sara it felt like this story, this ward, smelled especially like hospital, disease, medicine and…death.

"You must be the visitors for Miss Curtis a male nurse greeted them.

"Yes. We're her family."

"Please follow me, the doctor is with her, everything looks fine and she should be awake very soon."

Words that sounded like music. Sofia should be awake soon, everything was fine. It was one thing when Marc told her these words, something else when a nurse said them.

Doctor Bendler was next to Sofia's bed, checking on the machines when they entered the room.

"Look who is here Miss Curtis, your whole family. I'm sure they like watching at you asleep but after four days in a row it's time you wake up and talk to them. Why don't you relax and let the medicine get you out of this long dream?"

In Sara's eyes Sofia looked more rested than yesterday. After the emergency operation her lover looked like in pain, like she had a lot of stress and could barely manage to cope. Today she looked more relaxed.

"Oliver, you stay here and have a look at our patient. I injected the medicine, she should start to wake up slowly now. She's likely to feel pain, increase the morphine dose when she's awake and get me. I'd like to welcome her into the world of the awaken people.

Now to her family: if you want to hug Miss Curtis please make sure she keeps all her injections. She'll be in pain, with the morphine we're able to reduce that. Fact is, when she goes home she has to bear the pain, we can't give her the amount of morphine she gets here. It's important that she has a doctor who checks on her, she needs a specialist for her nerves, you might want to have a look for a neurologist. Plus the leg and the incident on Monday. When things like that happen to people it has an impact on their soul, she needs a doctor for that. I can recommend a neurologist and psychiatrist if you want or you have a look for yourself."

"I talked about this with doctor Luria, she wants to recommend somebody who is a neurologist and psychiatrist. Please give me the name of the one you have on your mind too, I'd like to have some possibilities in case Sofia doesn't like one of them or they don't have time for her.." Sara hoped her girlfriend would agree on seeing somebody. If she was as stubborn as Sara was, it would be quite a hard job to get her into the office of a shrink. After all she was a cop and they were strong and could handle everything.

"It's nice to see you're more sensible when it comes to your girlfriend than to your own health. Will she be as stubborn as you were?"

Sara looked at Marie.

"Probably." The captain sighed. "She's a lot like her mother. Together we'll make her take the help."

"The sooner she works on these things the sooner she loses them. All diseases and disorders are easier to treat when the treatment starts in the beginning."

"Get her out of the coma and we work out the rest."

"Sofia gets herself out of coma, captain. Oliver is around, he will contact me if necessary. This shouldn't be the case. I talk to you and your daughter later, after she's awake."

"Thanks."

Sara took a chair, sat next to Sofia's bed and hold her hand. With one eye she observed the tubes with the other she watched her lover. Only a few more minutes and Sofia was awake. The first time she could look into her eyes since Monday morning. An eternity. The first time since Monday morning that she could hear her voice, tell her she loved her.

What did Sofia know of Monday? Could she remember the whole day? Only until she arrived at the scene? Could she remember the pain when the building exploded and she was hit by something sharp? When she flew through the air and landed somewhere hard? Were all these bad memories still there? Or had her mind deleted those scenes and there was nothing than black. Like Sara's mind had deleted most of the bad things that happened to her. Only with the therapy she was able to reconstruct the things that gave her PTSD. Only when her doctor guided her carefully through it she could face the days again, could face what happened. Would it be the same with Sofia?

Sofia was a fighter, would she continue to fight after she realized she lost her leg? When she realized her dream of working with the police wasn't possible anymore; not the way she had planned it. With so many bad news would she be able to continue her life? And Sara's biggest fear: what if Sofia didn't want her in her life anymore? Self pity could make you push away the people who love you. Sara had been there, she knew about the danger.

"I think her eyelid moved a bit." Marie said. "Sofia, can you hear us?"

No reaction. Sara squeezed her lovers hand. "Squeeze my hand if you can hear me, Sofia. I'm here, I hold your hand." Nothing. Was it too soon? Did Sofia need a little bit more time? Was something going wrong?

"Is there a reason why she doesn't hear us? Doesn't react?" She asked the nurse.

"Give her some time, she had been in a coma for four days, she needs some time to wake up. Rushing her through the process wouldn't be good for her. The vitals are like they're supposed to be, everything is fine."

"How can everything be fine when she's still in this bed?" Sara mumbled. Until Sofia wasn't with her, in their house, nothing was fine. Could their life ever be fine after the explosion? Could they ever be happy again?

"Talk to her, Sara." Marc said. "Tell her about your day, what happened the last days. Anything nice."

"Anything nice? Uhm…our dogs. They miss you, I told you that already the last times but you can see with every day you're away they miss you more. Scooby leaves food in his bowl, Rantanplan whines and stays the most time in our room or in front of the door and waits for you. They need you back home.

Don, Jules, Kyle and Lynn are outside, they want to see you, hope they're allowed to talk to you today. Don's arm gets better, Lynn had a shock but she's fine and Kyle was stuck in traffic, nothing happened to him. Your team is fine. They want me to let you know you won't get out of the basketball group, there's no way they let you out. Greg had to go back to Vegas but he'll be here next week to see you, talk to you. They all wish you all the best, hope you'll recover soon. And I…I just want you back. Without you my life isn't complete. I love you." No tears! Not now. Don't let the first thing Sofia see be a crying lover. She deserved better after four days in coma. A smile. A loving smile to show her, she wasn't alone and was loved. Loved more than anything else.

"Love you too." Carefully like she talked for the first time, a little bit blurry and with a sigh like it was hard work Sofia answered and opened her eyes.

"Sofia!" When their eyes met there was nothing that could hold Sara back. The chair fell backwards and she hugged her lover. "There you are again. I love you. I love you so much. You are awake. Thanks god for that. Oh Honey, I love you." Great, now there were tears. Happy tears. Happy tears were all right.

"What…where…mom? Dad?"

"Hey baby, glad to see you awake again." Her mother smiled and blinked a few times to lose the tears in her eyes.

"How are you?" Her father asked, his voice obviously shaken too.

"I feel…strange…painful…did I drink too much and have a hell of a hangover?"

"No."

"Where am I?"

"In hospital."

"Why?"

"Because you had an accident. Can you adjust the morphine?" Marc saw pain in the eyes of his daughter. Right now the full blow of pain hasn't reached Sofia's conscious, in a few minutes she'd feel it.

"Sure. Hello Miss Curtis I'm Oliver, I give you something for the pain."

"It's not that bad…"

"Believe me, you'll be thankful for it in a few minutes. Can you see me clearly?"

"Yeah, more or less. My eyes are filled with salt. How long did I sleep?"

"Since Monday afternoon."

"What's now? Tuesday morning?"

"Friday evening."

"What?"

"I get doctor Bendler, she can explain you all the important things."

"Doctor Bendler? Jules's mother?" Sofia looked at Sara. What was going on? Why did nobody give her a full explanation of everything? She missed four days, slept four days, there had to be reason.

"Yes." Sara couldn't let go of her lover.

"Can somebody please let me…ouch…" There was the pain. A sting. "Honey, you need to get off my left leg, it hurts."

"I'm not…" Sara bit on her lips. She didn't touch the leg. She sat on the left side of Sofia's body but not on her leg.

"There's pain." Sofia wanted to sit up and was held back from Sara.

"Wait."

"What? I want to see what stings me."

"There's something we have to tell you." Marie said.

Slowly Sara got up and gave Sofia the full view of her leg. All the color left the blonde's face.

"No! No! No! " Unable to get her eyes off the sheets she repeated all the time this one word. To be sure that what she saw was real, she pulled the sheets away and looked at her left leg, that ended at the knee with a big white bandage.

"Sofia, we…" Marie started and was stopped by her daughter.

"No! Please…leave me alone!"

"Sofia…"

"I don't want to see anybody! This can't be real!"

"I can send them all out but it won't change a thing." Doctor Bendler came into the room.

"You can go as well."

"That won't happen."

"What did you do to me?"

"We had to amputate your lower left leg or you had bled out, I'm sorry. There was no choice." The voice of the doctor was a matter-of-fact-voice, no pity, no sorrow. Just the truth.

"No choice? No choice? Nobody asked me if I want this! Maybe I prefer to die than being like…like this!"

"As a doctor it's my job to save your life. No matter what. We did that."

"I don't want to see anybody anymore!"

"Of course you can make the decision your family and friends aren't allowed to see you, it's up to you. Bear in mind it won't change something and they're not here to pity you, they're here because they love you. You've been unconscious for four days, suffered from internal bleeding yesterday, they were here for you."

"Why didn't you let me die?" Tears ran down Sofia's face. Half of her leg was gone. Her life was over. She was worthless. Everything she ever wanted, she loved, enjoyed was over now. What kind of a life lay ahead? How could her life be enjoyable under these circumstances?

"I want to be alone."

"Sofia…"

"No mom, leave me alone. Please. I want to be alone."

"I'm sorry but when your daughter insists on it I've to ask you to leave."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"I don't believe this." Marie shook her head.

"We'll be outside if you change your mind, Honey." Marc put his arm around his wife and guided her towards the door.

"Miss Sidle, you need to leave to."

Sara looked at Sofia. "You can kick me out but I want a minute first. After that I go. A minute alone."

"Miss Curtis?"

"What for?"

"One minute, Sofia."

"Okay."

"I'll be back soon to check on you, Miss Curtis." Doctor Bendler left the room.

"Say what you have to say."

Sara got her keys out of the pocket, took one off and threw it on Sofia's bed. "There's your key. I assume when you don't want me in here you also don't want me in your house and your life. I'll pack my stuff tonight and leave in the morning."

"What…"

"There's no reason for me to stay. Obviously you don't love me anymore, why should I stay? I get my stuff and go, let you drown in self pity and drown in my own self pity because I was so stupid that I really believed you love me. You played me the whole time, respect, you were great. Have a great life." Sara turned and started walking.

God, this was hard. It hurt. Every inch she moved away from Sofia felt like she moved away from her beating heart into death. It was wrong, it was the opposite of what she wanted to do. But she had to do it. There was no other way. Sofia did exactly what she did when she pushed the blonde away and the only way to make her understand she was making a mistake was doing what she wanted her to do and hope, she'd wake up before it was too late.

"You can't be serious."

"Just as serious as you are." She opened the door. "Bye." Without waiting for an answer she closed the door behind her and took a deep breath. Fight the tears, fight the tears. She couldn't cry now. She had to keep herself together.

"What happened?" Marie saw Sara's face and knew something was wrong.

"I gave her my keys back. I told her when she wants me out of her life I'll be out of it completely. I'll pack my things and will leave in the morning."


	16. Chapter 16

"You can't be serious, Sara she doesn't know what she's saying…"

"She made it clear she doesn't want me, she has what she wanted."

"Tomorrow the world will look different."

"So will her house. Without my things."

"No!" Marie got into Sara's way when the brunette wanted go. "No way I let you go! Forget it. You come with me." She grabbed Sara's hand and pulled her into Sofia's room. "You will tell her now that you don't want her to leave, Sofia! Now! Are you nuts? Did you hit your head? This woman loves you, she almost lost her mind the last days because she worried so much about you, you are her life, she told the doctor if they can't save you, they can put her right next to you into a grave. You can't tell me you don't love her anymore.

Don't say something wrong, think hard what you say now because I'm sure if she goes now there's no way you, me or anybody gets her back. Do you want to lose her? Do you really want her out of your life? Do you?"

"Apparently she wants it this way. I won't stop her, won't ask her to be my personal nurse. She has better things to do than care about a worthless gimp."

"Are you listening to the bullshit you say? A few moments ago she told you that she loves you, she was with you when you woke up, can't recall that the nurse in the room did the same. Sofia, please use your head. I won't stop her again and I'll let go of her arm now, you better make sure she stays here or you lose her. Do you really want that? Don't you love her anymore?"

"How can anybody seriously love me when I look like…like this."

"Sara, do you still love Sofia?" Marie asked.

Her pride told her to ignore the question or say something like it didn't matter, she could just go. Why tell the blonde something she didn't deserve to hear? Why should she make a fool out of herself? Then there was her heart that screamed only one thing: Yes! Yes! Yes! Of course she loved her. More than anything else. Sofia was her life, her only true love.

"I love her more than anything else and it breaks my heart that she doesn't want me in her life anymore but love means that you have to accept the decisions of the one you love. She made her decision and I will accept it, no matter how hard it is, how painful." Sara's eyes met Sofia's and she swallowed. "I love you but if you don't want me in your life anymore I will go."

"I don't want…I love you…but how…how can you love me when I…when I'm incomplete?"

"You should talk and take for that more than a minute." Marie pushed Sara towards the bed. Children. They wanted to be adults, wanted to be treated like adults and when it was time to be adults they behaved like kindergarten children.

"Why would I not love you anymore Sofia? You're still the same woman you were one week ago. You haven't changed."

"I lost my leg."

"I'm aware of that. That changes your body but it doesn't change the person I love."

"Don't you think I look disgusting?"

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, your leg doesn't change a damn thing about that. Okay, when you walk around Venice in shorts now, maybe there won't be dozen of men and women turn and undress you with their eyes but for what it's worth I do. To me you're beautiful."

"How am I supposed to walk around Venice?"

"On your right foot, your prosthesis and with your hand in mine."

"I'll limp."

"Not necessarily. If you do, doesn't matter. Not to me. Not to your parents, not to Don, not to Kyle, Lynn, Jules or Greg. And especially not to your dogs."

"I feel like…I lost my old life, the life I always wanted and now I'm left behind with this garbage."

"That makes me garbage."

"You're not garbage."

"If your life now is garbage I'm garbage too."

"Sara…shit…"

"Yes, I'm shit too, shitty garbage."

"No, you're not…" Sofia buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry. Could you…could you come here, not stand there like you're about to go?"

"You wanted me to go."

"No, I don't. Please." Sofia petted on her bed.

Slowly Sara walked to her, sat on the edge of the bed.

"I hurt you."

"Yes."

"I'm sorry."

"Did you mean what you said?"

"No. Of course not." What a stupid question. She loved her. And when she pushed away the shock, the pain, the self pity she knew it.

"Why did you say it?"

"Because…I don't know. Shock? I woke up and half of my left leg is gone. That's like living in a nightmare and I …please don't move out. I love you and I want to be with you."

"You hurt me."

"Yes. I'm so sorry."

"It was a stupid thing to say when you sent me away, when you sent us all away. We love you."

"I know, I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

"Not forgiving you would be stupid, I did the same when I vanished because I thought I'm a burden for you and you're better off without me. I was wrong, I was very stupid, hurt you and you forgave me. There's no reason to be mad at you."

Sofia offered Sara her key. "It's your key."

"Under one condition."

"Whatever you want." Sofia meant it. She'd do whatever she had to do to make Sara stay.

"I want a kiss." A little smile appeared on the brunette's face. For the first time. A smile that made Sofia's heart jump. There was her Sara. The woman she loved. She smiled for her. Because of her.

"Denied. One isn't enough." Sofia pulled Sara in her arms and kissed her. She lost half of her leg yes, but also almost lost the love of her life. The first thing wasn't her fault, the second one would have been the biggest mistake of her life. She realized this now.

* * *

><p>"I'm glad you changed your mind." Doctor Bendler gave Sofia a good look over, checked on the machines. "You look better now."<p>

"That's because of the wonderful woman next to me." Sofia squeezed Sara's hand. Since they had talked they hadn't broken contact. They needed to feel each other, needed to be as close as possible.

"It might be your company, girlfriend, parents but it's also you. There are some friends of you outside, they don't really want to accept that I told them you can't have a party in here. Three showed me a police badge and the fourth one said she's your therapist. What am I supposed to do with them?"

"If you keep the police outside they'll arrest you of obstruction of justice and my therapist is important for my health, my mental health." Was she ready to face her friends? Less than an hour ago she wanted everybody to leave the room, her life. Could she stand their looks? When they saw what happened to her. Of course they knew but there was a difference between knowing and seeing something.

"What about the pain?"

"Since your male nurse gave me more morphine it's better." Sofia looked for a second at her leg. It hurt to look at what was missing. She couldn't bear looking at her left leg for longer than a blink of an eye. It would take some time before she was used to her body it looked now. The change. "Did you …was it you who amputated the leg?"

"Yes."

"Why? What happened? My parents told me the was the explosion, apparently something hit me. I can't remember it, I can remember that I drove there, I watched people die from bullets that seemed to rain and that's it. I can't even tell you where I was."

"They found you not too far away from the Kodak Theatre. A piece of window glass flew through the air due to the explosion, hit your left lower leg, the cut was deep, you lost a lot of blood, we almost lost you because of that. It was literally the last minute you got here. When we tried to stop the bleeding we saw that the glass had cut through most of your muscles, blood vessels and veins. It was impossible to reconnect them, repair them in any way so we had no other choice than amputate your leg beneath the knee.

I talked with your family if it was better when you wake up with a therapist by your side, who knows what to say in situations like this. They agreed it was better when you wake up and are with them. We respected their wish, I offer you the therapist now. You're still in shock, there are more than physical consequences, it can only help when you talk to somebody about what happened, about the things you can remember and can't."

"You said there's a therapist in front of my door."

"It can't be Jules, she's your friend. You need somebody neutral, somebody you don't know. We have an expert here for the time you're here and he can give you names for therapists outside. Like I suggest you look for a neurologist. I can give you two or three names, Sara talked to doctor Luria about these doctors, she can provide some names too. In the end it's your decision but it's better to get some help. The loss of a limb often triggers depressions, due to the explosion you might develop PTSD and you know from your girlfriend, that's nothing funny. There's no need to make a decision now or tonight, you can think about it tomorrow and let us know when you're done."

"Will I get a prosthesis?"

"Yes. And there're no reasons why you can't continue your life. You can go out, you can walk your dogs, go for a swim and work. Your life isn't over, it has changed. You were given a second chance, Sofia."

"I can't become a police captain anymore. Not with my legs. How am I supposed to defend myself? I can't work the streets anymore." How could this be a second chance when she couldn't do what she loved to do? When she lost one of the important parts of her life?

"Are they all out on the streets? You can stay inside."

"I'm not made to stay inside." Sofia sighed. The idea of staying inside for the rest of her work life didn't make her happy. "When I was a kid it was hell for me to sit the whole day in school, I needed fresh air, needed to be out. My mother grounded me for various reasons and all the time I climbed out of my window because it was impossible for me to stay inside."

"You will find something that suits you."

"Yeah…what about the internal bleeding? Can it return?"

"Only when you give it a reason. There are no reasons to worry about it now, you're fine and should be able to leave in a few days."

"Really?"

"Yes. Your wounds get better each day, you've been here four days, give it another four or five days and you can go home. If there are no complications. Although I'd rather send you to a rehabilitation center, but I assume, you don't want to go there."

"No, not if I have a choice. I want to go back home. As soon as possible."

"Wednesday, if you're lucky Tuesday. Not sooner."

"Wow, that's cool. I thought I had to stay forever." Some light in her dark tunnel. Getting home. Although the thought scared her a bit. The change. Did she have to change her home a lot? Could she continue to live there the way she was used to?

"No, we don't want you around forever. You're too much trouble, you bring too many people in here, the vending machine is always empty." Doctor Bendler smiled. "We'll try to make Tuesday your last day, don't be mad if it's Wednesday. You will have rehabilitation here and continue it when you're home. Like you have to see a doctor frequently. Twice a week I'll come around and have a look after you and your leg."

"Wow. How comes?"

"This annoying therapist outside made me promise it."

"We should let her and the police in, don't you think."

"Exceptional." Doctor Bendler looked at Sofia's parents and Sara. "If I hear any party music from here you'll get kicked out – expect for you Miss Curtis. You will stay here without any visitors."

"Ouch. She's a party pooper, just like you mom when I was young." Sofia grinned at her mother.

"There were very good reasons why I stopped your parties."

"Nonsense. We had a lot of fun."

"You were a trouble maker."

"They never stop being one, no matter how old they are. The trouble just changes." Doctor Bendler sighed. "I get mine in here and go back to work. Captain Curtis, I give the command over to you, make them behave the way it's supposed to be in hospital. Otherwise you all have to leave and I can't promise you'll see Sofia any time soon."

"No problem, I know how to handle detectives and officers and I'll make sure this therapist won't turn into a terrorist." Marie grinned.

"Can you remember the day we got Jules some ice cream and she and me found out our mothers should never meet? Now you see why we said that!" Sofia complained at Sara like it had been her idea to have both women in one room.

"Because you both love your mothers."

"Even when they don't make it easy for us to love them all the time."

"Lieutenant, you better show some respect!"

"Are we in the middle of the police academy?" Don asked.

"Who gave you the order to talk, detective? Down and give me ten?"

"Uhm, can I have a rain check on that? Like for a time when I have two arms available? Until then I give my lieutenant a hug and a kiss. Good to see you awake and alive." Don hugged Sofia and placed a big sloppy kiss right on her cheek. "I missed you at home and in the department. Your team is a mess without your firm hand. You have to put on some clothes… no, forget that I said that, you can stay in your sexy shirt and come with me."

"What happened to your arm?"

"The pressure of the explosion threw me against a wall, too hard to let my shoulder and arm enjoy it. The shoulder is dislocated, the arm is broken. No need to worry, I'll be fine."

"And you are both fine?" She looked at Kyle and Lynn.

"Yes, nothing happened to us." They hugged Sofia. "We were far away. We miss you and don't you think you can leave the team, you stay a full member and before the end of the year we want another competition. We can still kick their arrogant asses." Kyle blinked at Sofia. Most times they lost against Don and Lynn. Most times, not always.

"And the therapist, what brings you here?"

"I want to see how the women is I asked so many favors for the last days. Glad to see you awake, you scared us a few times."

"Sorry, it wasn't my intention."

"Better not. The dragon did take good care of you."

"Who do you mean? You can't talk about your mother because if you do, my mother will tell her everything, they made a pact. You remember the day Sara and me got your ice cream? We were so right!"

"Of course we were, we're always right. And guess what I've got for you: a muffin."

"From the shop?"

"Where else? The one and only muffin shop across the street. Unfortunately I couldn't get you any ice cream because I had no idea how long it takes before you wake up and I can smuggle it inside."

"Am I allowed to eat it?"

"If your mother doesn't tell anybody, we certainly won't." Jules grinned. She had talked to her mother before and got her okay. Sofia was allowed to have this muffin.

"Mom, you won't mention this muffin. Gosh now that I see it, I feel hungry. And what could be better after five days of liquids than a muffin?" Sofia took a big bite. Food. Yes, she was very hungry. And because her mother saw how happy Sofia looked with her muffin, there was no way she'd tell anybody about. Quite contrary, she planed to bring her daughter a big box the next day.


	17. Chapter 17

An hour later Sofia was alone in her room. All her visitors had to leave to give her some rest. And time to think. After the shock when she woke up with half a leg missing and the fight with her lover she had tried to put on a happy face. For her family, her friends and partly for herself.

On her cast was Sara's name written in black letters. A few hearts were around the name, big smiley and in capital letters: I LOVE YOU. Her girlfriend must have written it on it when Sofia was in coma. She loved her, her feelings hadn't changed. Carefully she stroke over the words and the smiley.

The old Charlie Chaplin song came into her mind:

Smile, though your heart is aching  
>Smile, even though it's breaking<br>When there are clouds in the sky  
>you'll get by<br>If you smile through your fear and sorrow  
>Smile and maybe tomorrow<br>You'll see the sun come shining through  
>for you<p>

It seemed unreal that there was sun come shining through tomorrow because nothing about her situation would be different. No matter how often she smiled, no matter how she often she waited for another day, the part of her leg was gone and it wouldn't come back. Never. All she got was a prosthesis and that's it. A plastic leg. Okay, not really plastic but not her own leg. A replacement. Nothing could be an equal replacement to her real leg. No matter what mankind create, it can never be as perfect as what mother nature gives you.

Now here she was, a broken arm, a dislocated shoulder, bruised and scratched, with one and a half leg. This was her new life, the second chance she got. They hadn't told her much about Monday, hadn't given her any details about the explosion but what she heard was enough to know, it was huge and there were a lot of dead people. The only thing she was thankful for was that her friends seemed to be fine – despite Don and his arm and shoulder. Kyle and Lynn had no scratches and Sara was fine.

Tine to worry about her own health. Her future. Watching the little drops of morphine falling down, ready to enter her system via the tube she knew the next weeks and months would be painful. Physical and mental. A little taste of phantom pain was given to her after she woke up, when she thought Sara sat on her leg. She didn't need a doctor to know it would get worse. For how long could she take morphine and what came after it? Being on a drug twenty-four/seven as a cop was impossible.

Could she continue working as a cop? Inside the department yes. There was no reason why she shouldn't sit on a computer, answer the phone and talk to people who wanted to file charges. Desktop work. A pen pusher. That wasn't her thing. Sitting the whole day in a building, she'd die like a flower in a dark room. No, no desk life. There had to be another possibility. When she was out of hospital she needed a conversation with her boss. After all the accident happened in the line of duty.

"You look tired."

Sofia flinched. She hadn't heard how doctor Bendler came into the room. The older woman didn't look that rested herself. It was a hard week for her, not a lot of sleep. No need to ask about it, Sofia knew it. The job of a doctor wasn't that different from a cop's job when something like this happened. The doctors fought for lives, the cops fought to get the people who caused the death and injuries into custody so they couldn't hurt more people.

"I am."

"But you can't sleep because you're restless."

"Yes."

"Do you want something that helps you with your sleep? To have a rest."

"No, thanks. I'm sure I'm on a lot of medicine already and will continue to take it for a long time. Or the rest of my life." She was about to become a junkies. A pain blocker junkie.

"You will take some pills for a long time, yes."

"Great."

"Was it right to let your family be here when you woke up or had you preferred to wake up with a doctor? To have some time to realize what happened."

That was a good question. With her family around she didn't feel alone when she woke up. On the other hand she had been overstrained with the bad news. The shock, fear, pain, hate, helplessness, jealousy. All her friends were still able to continue their life, had their legs, only she was incomplete. Worthless.

"I heard Sara when I was unconscious. I heard her voice, not her words and it felt good to know she was there. When I was awake and realized what happened to me I was…shocked. I lost half of my leg, I was…I was disgusted by myself. Now there's a big bandage, soon there will be nothing, I will look like an alien.

How can Sara be attracted to me? How can she have feelings, romantic feelings, for somebody like me? Somebody with only half a left leg. Why does she want to share her life with me? I will make her life more complicated. She has enough problems already, she doesn't need more problems, doesn't need me and my problems."

"As far as I know your girlfriend had similar thoughts when she left you. Jules told me only a little bit about it, but she wanted to leave you because she felt like a burden, like you can't be happy with her. She has scars you can't see but they effect her life. You have lost half of your leg, it's visible, leaves scars as well. Inside and outside. You love Sara despite her past, her problems, scars and nightmares. She does the same with you.

Before the accident you were without a doubt a beautiful woman and you know what? You are still a beautiful woman. The amputation doesn't change that. Besides I'm sure Sara is more attracted to your personality."

"Yeah…her ex wasn't exactly a cover boy, more an elderly scientist codger. But a great boss, a wonderful friend with a warm heart and his own little mistakes."

"See."

"For somebody who didn't know all the details you nailed it quite good."

"A doctor has to be good at observation and making conclusions. Like a cop. I like to think of myself as a damn good doctor."

"You're the best surgeon they have in Los Angeles, the nurse told me this much. And I'm very thankful Jules asked you to take care of me and that you did and do it. I'm sure you've enough on your hands and don't need another patient and her whole family to take care of. I'm sure they didn't make it easy for you."

"No, they were a pain in the ass and I was close to kick them out more than once. Your mother wasn't very cooperative and threatened my doctors and nurses."

"Sounds a lot like her."

"We gave her credits for being a scared to hell mother who drove a long way to see her daughter. They all spent a lot of time sitting in front of the ward, waiting for any news of you."

"I acted very stupid when I sent Sara away. And my family."

"They forgave you, they know you were in shock and they love you. No matter what."

"And I love them." Sofia looked at her leg. "It was a close thing, wasn't it? Keeping me alive."

"It wasn't a walk in the park. You were very lucky, I told you before it was literally the last minute."

"Did I end up on your table or did you come around later?"

"You ended on my table. I called Jules as soon as there was a minute so she could call Miss Sidle. We thought first we could save your leg but it wasn't possible, there was too much damage. I was aware that I might kill your career with the amputation but I prefer to kill your career than let you die under my hands. I can't stand it when people die under my hands, too many died there this week and there was no way I let you be one of them. There was not only professional pressure and pride but also emotional pressure. You're a friend of my daughter, I had to be extra good to keep you alive. Family made emotional pressure."

"At the moment I've difficulties to feel happy about being alive. The future will be so different to what I imagined it all the years. New things scare people. Maybe I need to change a lot of things. Then I think that a future, no matter how it will look, with Sara is better than death without her. I haven't done all the things I want to do with her, we know each other for a couple of years but I really know her since she's in Los Angeles. Definitely not enough time." Could there ever be enough time when it came to Sara? Hard to believe.

"Sara was here every day, we had to send her away because she couldn't see you, she used every chance she had to have at least a short look, bribed my people, your mother fought with me, was about to fight with another doctor. Jules talked her ex into calling Sara when there were any news on you. They all knew what happened to your leg and they never showed any sign of pushing you away because they think you're incomplete."

"You called her Sara and not Miss Sidle."

"I guess the last days you were all too much involved in my life so I developed some emotional connection or something like that. Don't know, ask Jules, this kind of hocus-pocus is her area."

"Hocus-pocus?" Sofia grinned.

"You're a cop, I'm a medical doctor, we work with real things, things you can see. You don't press charges against somebody because his karma has the wrong color, you use hard evidence, things you can see, touch, read, hold in your hands."

"Jules would tell you off for these words."

"My daughter is at home where she belongs. You should try to get some sleep, tomorrow all those people who invaded your room today will be back, maybe even more."

"Do you and your doctors have a lot of plans for me?" Sofia doubted she was supposed to sit in her bed for a few more days and do nothing. The doctors must have plans with her, maybe there was another little operation planed. She surely looked like she could use some more medical attention. Plus the physiotherapy they mentioned before.

"We have a few appointments for you, with your guests you'll be on a tight schedule. Whenever it gets too much, no matter if with your family or the treatments, let us know. It's important you get enough sleep and have time to relax."

"Okay. Thanks doc. Thanks for everything. I promise I do everything I can to get well soon. You didn't save my life for nothing."

"No, I saved it for a lot of good reasons and I'm glad I succeeded."

"Now you are on the same level like your daughter, who kicked in my door to stop me from doing anything stupid."

"She kicked in your door? Seriously? I thought it was a joke."

"No, she really did it. Ended on her belly, not very elegant but it got her into my room. And I talked to her, stopped scaring her and my friends and used my brain again. Don't ask me how she did it, must be her hocus-pocus."

"She's good at her psycho magic."

"The best." Sofia smiled. And when Jules heard they called her work psycho magic and hocus-pocus they were both in trouble. After all, psychology was sciences – kind of.


	18. Chapter 18

**Saturday, 11****th**** of June**

"You are early." Marc looked up surprised when Sara came into the living room. It was two in the afternoon, her shift didn't end before three. For a second he feared something happened to Sofia, the hospital called Sara and that was the reason why she was back earlier. But the look of the face of his daughter's girlfriend was relaxed, there was no fear.

"Yeah, they said I should go home earlier to see Sofia. My boss was very happy for me when I told him she's awake. He said it's written all over my face she's awake." The dogs came in from the garden, greeted her and made themselves comfortable on her feet, Rantanplan's head on her lap. They noticed the change in their human around, knew something good had happened. Scooby still didn't eat all of his food and Rantanplan still spent the whole night in front of Sofia's bed but they felt, there was a good change.

"It is. It's written all over our faces. Last night was the first time since Sunday I slept. In a way my body got some time to relax. The last nights whenever I fell asleep I was ready to jump up and run to the hospital in case my cell phone rang or you called us because they called you. Now with Sofia awake, out of coma, the worst part is over and we are allowed to relax, think of ourselves." He put the paper away and sipped on his tea. Seeing him sitting on the couch, his feet up, made Sara feel at home. It was good to come home and somebody was there. A family member.

"Where's Marie?"

"I sent her shopping. The fridge is empty, the dogs need new food and she needs something to distract herself, allow herself to be a woman and not a worried mother. That's why I sent her to the big shopping center with al these horrible boutiques. She'll forget some of her problems over new skirts and shoes, will buy me things I can't stand but will wear to make her happy and she'll get you and Sofia something."

"She doesn't have to…"

"Take, don't argue with her. It's important to her to do this. We almost lost our daughter, when we saw her awake yesterday it was like she was born again. It was a long and hard labor but we are happy she's there and we can hug her again. Marie will celebrate a second birthday for Sofia. When we see her tonight there'll be cake and sweets."

"Starbucks coffee."

"I beg your pardon?"

Sara smiled. "Sofia loves Starbucks coffee. They've got crème brulee coffee at the moment, she's addicted to it. I'll get her the biggest cup they have."

"That's a good idea. Will Don join us?"

"He better does. And he better went to his doctor today." It felt odd to Sara to say these things. She of all people who tried to avoid doctors as long as possible told him to see his doctor and let him check on him. Since Don had been in hospital he didn't see a physician to let check on him. Instead he worked a lot, took barely care of himself.

"It's Saturday, Sara."

"Oh."

"Don't worry Marie took him to the department doctor, she went to his department, talked to his captain and he was sent to the doctor. Due to the incident on Monday the department doctor works today. And I'm afraid every other physician too."

"Good. I bet he didn't dare to put up a fight."

"No, he doesn't argue with a captain. Plus he's like a son to us, when his second mother tells him to see the doctor, he does it."

"A second son and a second daughter-in-law. You want a big family." Sara smiled.

"Marie gave birth to two children and we adopted three. Two daughters-in-law and a son. Don is like a brother to Sofia and we're happy they share this place. To be honest first we hoped there's more between them, they got along so good and seemed to spent a lot of time together. Then Sofia told us she doesn't want to date men anymore and Don would be the last man on earth she'd date. Finally she found a man who made her laugh, had the same job and interest she had and was reliable, she didn't want to risk these things over a relationship. Even when he was damn good looking."

"Damn good looking? I need to talk to my girlfriend about our housemate." Sara grinned. Sofia was right, Don was all these things and more.

"I called the hospital today and asked when we can see Sofia. She'll be done with all her appointments by four, we can come and see her at five, give her an hours to relax and have some sleep."

"Okay." Almost three more hours. Sara had hoped they could go to the hospital right away and see the blonde.

"She needs a rest before we come and see her." Marc read her mind. He understood she wanted to go there soon, be with Sofia.

"I know. I miss her and I wish we could take her home today."

"When we can take her home on Tuesday we're lucky. She needs medical attention, needs morphine for the pain. Of course she wants to be here, wants out but they can take better care of her than we can. And after the internal bleeding I feel much better when she's surrounded by doctors for a few more days until we're sure everything is all right."

"You are right." That didn't make it easier. Only bearable. Stroking the heads of the dogs she sighed. Patience. Patience was such a horrible thing and made your life more difficult.

* * *

><p>To say she wasn't nervous would be a lie. There wasn't a reason to be nervous, she knew it and when she was honest to herself she wasn't nervous, she was scared. Scared something bad had happened again. Scared when they arrived at the hospital a nurse told them there was another backlash, that Sofia lost conscious again, there was another internal bleeding or anything else bad. It seemed to be more possible something went wrong than right. The last days most things went wrong.<p>

So when Sara opened the door to the ward Sofia was in she took a deep breath and waited for somebody to step forward, talk to her, make her stop and bring her some bad news. Marie and Marc next to her looked also a little bit pale, like they expected something to happen any time soon. They were all a little bit suspicious at the moment. Suspicious and used to too many negative changes.

"Shall we ask if Sofia is in her room or just go there and have a look ourselves?" Sara asked.

"We ask. If the open her door and find an empty or no bed I'll get a heart attack." Marie answered. "If anything happened, I want to hear it from a doctor or a nurse, want to know immediately what it is and where to find our baby."

"Good idea." Sara went to the room where the nurses were. One sat on the computer, which the brunette took as a good sign. When this woman could sit here relaxed there couldn't be a emergency case. Meant, Sofia was fine.

"Hello, we would like to see Miss Curtis, is she in her room?"

"She should, her therapies are over since one hour. You know which room?"

"Yes. Thank you." Sara breathed a sigh of relief. Everything was all right, there was no reason to worry. No complications. The first good news in a long time.

Followed by Sofia's parents she went to the room, knocked on the door and entered. Not that pale anymore the blonde sat on her bed. When she saw her lover a smile appeared on her face.

"Hey."

"Hey." Pulling Sofia carefully in her arms Sara kissed her girlfriend. "It's good to see you awake."

"It's good to be awake. Hi mom, dad."

"Hello dear, how do you feel today?"

"Like I got ran over by a train."

"Are you in a lot of pain?"

"Yes and if they didn't give me enough morphine to tranquilize an elephant I'd die of pain. I have no idea how I can stay at home with this pain."

"You'll get pain killers, strong pain killers." Her father assured her.

"Yeah. By the way, that's Kate, she's a victim of the explosion too."

Now Sara saw the woman in the bed next to Sofia's. She was in her late fifties and her arm and head were covered with thick bandages.

"Hello. You don't look too good neither."

"Good evening. No, I'm not that bad injured like Sofia but I felt better."

"A broken arm and head injuries?" Sofia's father asked.

"Yes. A nurse?"

"Not anymore, when I was with the army I was a nurse. Did you talk to your doctor, Honey?"

"Not yet. Doctor Bendler wants to come around later so you can talk to her too. She knows my family has just as many questions as I have."

"We're happy to see you in your bed. Before we came here we asked a nurse if you're there. The thought of open the door and see and empty bed was too scary. What did all the doctors say you have seen today?"

"I'm lucky." Sofia made a grimace. She didn't feel lucky. Maybe she was lucky to be alive but she definitely didn't feel lucky. Only when she held Sara's hand, could look into the eyes of her lover, she felt lucky. Lucky to have her. Lucky she wanted to stay with her and didn't leave her because of the leg or the stupid things she said yesterday.

"You're lucky you survived."

"I'm lucky I've got you."

"Not as lucky as we are to have you." Sara squeezed the hand of her lover.

A knock on the door made them turn.

"Not another doctor." Sofia sighed with a grin. "I thought my therapies are over. Come back tomorrow."

"No, this therapy is an after work therapy." Jules smiled. "It's a muffin therapy."

"Muffin therapy? I love muffin therapy! Have a seat, start the therapy!"

"We have some cake as well." Marie said.

"A double therapy? Even better. A party…there wasn't a party ban for today. Kate, what do you think, shall we let them organize some coffee and we have a muffin and cake party before the nurses come along with their poor excuse of a dinner?"

"Your party, your sweets, Sofia."

"I share. Mom, there should be some coffee outside, it's not great but better than nothing."

"Well, for you we have a crème brulee coffee from Starbucks. Somebody told me you love this stuff we got you a big one in a thermo."

"I love you. All of you. And you get the kisses." She pulled Sara back and kissed her long and passionately. "You're my angel."

"Would you love me this much without coffee?"

"Do I have to answer this stupid question? Of course I love you, no matter if you bring me coffee or not. But with coffee I love you even more. Crème brulee coffee. Starbucks coffee. The coffee here really sucks, want some of my coffee?"

"No, it's all yours."

"Do I get more coffee when I'm back home?"

"Yes."

"Great. Doctor Weinberg?"

"Miss Curtis?" Jules laughed.

"I need your advice as a doctor. Your mother wants to give me the names of various doctors, she said I need a neurologist, a psychiatrist and an orthopedic. Can you give me a few names? I want to see if you name the same like her and your cousin. And do I have to see a worse version of you?"

"Worse version of me?" The psychologist chuckled.

"Yeah, no other therapist can be as good as you are. All the others are only worse versions of you."

"It would be better. Depending on the psychiatrist you can have your therapy there. A pain therapist might be helpful too. I give you a few names, actually I have a colleague in mind for you. He's good."

"Why don't I get a sexy woman like Sara did ?"

"Because it's therapy and not date hour. Besides, who said he doesn't look good?"

"Again, he can't be as Sara's former therapist."

"Your girlfriend sits next to you." Jules reminded Sofia amused of Sara.

"She knows about it. I told her I'd ask her out if she wasn't her therapist. She wasn't jealous…now that I think back. Why weren't you jealous, Sara?"

"You had a…you made worse choices." Sara almost mentioned Sofia's short affair with her ex. Something the blonde didn't want her parents to know. "And at that time I was sure she wouldn't date a friend of mine…I was wrong on that!"

"Sometimes things happened and you can't change them, even when you're supposed to. You can't make a decision with whom you fall in love."

"Tell me about it, I fell for a smug blonde. That was a hard time when I realized I can't change it."

"Hey!" Sofia pinched Sara.

"Look at them. Less than twenty-four hours after our daughter is awake again they can't stop teasing and mocking each other. They look so happy when they do it. I tell you Marc, they're meant for each other." Marie sighed and put a tray with coffee cups on the bed. "There is so much love in their words."

"She called me arrogant, mom!"

"Self-confident, dear."

"Yeah." Sofia grinned. "You heard her? I'm self-confident. Stop calling me smug."

"Smart, magic, ultimate gorgeous."

"Nice try." With a smile the blonde leant back. When her family was around and she could talk to Sara she almost forgot her pain for a minute. That should be a good sign.


	19. Chapter 19

Two hours later everybody was gone. Everybody but Sara who sat next to Sofia, held her hand. The blonde had her eyes closed, snuggled with her right arm onto the brunette's left arm. She was tired, the day had been very exhausting and she was more than due to a long sleep.

"Shall I go and let you sleep?" Marie, Marc, Jules, Don, Kyle and Lynn left half an hour ago. It was written all over the blonde's face how tired and overstrained by all her visitors.

"No, stay a little bit longer. Please." Holding on to the brunette's arm Sofia turned her head and kissed her lover. She didn't want to be without her, needed her a little bit longer around. After so many days of being separated they needed some more time together. Her room mate Kate was asleep after she got some pain killers and sleeping pills.

"Okay."

"How are you doing? You look tired."

"I didn't sleep a lot."

"Do you have nightmares?"

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. It's more important that you get well soon and come home."

"Sara, please."

"The most important thing for me is to have you back as soon as possible. Really. When you back home, when we're back together in one bed, I can pull you in my arms, the nights will be good again. You know when you're around all nightmares disappear. They're scared of you.

I see pictures of you in my dreams…bad pictures. When you came out of surgery on Monday I had only a short look at you and it was…scary. You looked in so much pain, like you were broken and I…I realized it almost lost you. Wasn't sure if I won't lose you at all. The doctor didn't have a lot of good news. When you make it though the night and the next day you should be okay. I wanted so much to be with you, sit next to you, hold you hand and make you feel you're not alone and they sent me away. It was a nightmare.

Last night was a better night, I slept a little bit but…without you I can't relax. I need you by my side. When I lay awake for a while I remembered something Jules told me when she was my therapist: I've to learn to sleep without you in the same bed. At one point we can't be together every night. The last nights told me I'm not ready to spend nights without you."

"I'll be back with you soon. They said Tuesday, I won't stay longer."

"If it's better for you to stay another night you will stay. I can handle another night but I can't handle another backlash."

"Okay. Do you see doctor Luria?"

"Yes. I saw her yesterday before I came here and we'll go back to our Monday afternoon appointments. Means I'll be with you a little bit later."

"I prefer to have you with me a little bit later and with the help of doctor Luria than earlier and with ghosts that haunt you."

"We are two strange people, aren't we? Your body is bruised and so is my soul."

"We're a match."

"Yeah. I love you." Sara kissed her girlfriend. "My perfect match."

"We get through this, won't we?"

"Absolutely. There's a change in our life, most of this change you have to handle because you have to make new choices. All I can do is tell you I'll be with you, support you and love you. Your accident hasn't changed my feelings to you, it showed me how much I love you and that my life is only complete with you."

"You are the reason why I want to fight. At the moment I can think of how my life will be after I left here. My old life is over, I can't get it back and I need to make decisions how to continue. With you. I mean, of course you're the center of my life but I'd like to have your support when it comes to questions like: what can I do now. What about my work. Our life outside work. There are so many questions I have for doctors and…it's all a lot." Tears ran down the blonde's face. It was too much. It was scary.

"We get through all these things together. Doctor Bendler is here, she will be there when you are back home. You have the names of doctors from Jules and her, we get you all the medical help you need and your family and friends are with you. You heard what the guys said, you're not allowed to leave the basketball team."

"I've no idea how to play basketball ever again but I'm willing to try."

"Good. And now you go to sleep, your eyes are tiny and you need your rest."

"Will you be back tomorrow?"

"Yes. Around eleven for an hour and then again at four. You don't have so many appointments tomorrow, we can have cake and coffee together."

"Starbucks crème brulee?"

"Of course."

"Sounds great. Maybe I'm allowed to leave the room. In a wheelchair and sit with you in the sun. When they took me to all the examinations today I had a few looks out of the windows. The weather is so great, I miss sunshine and need some fresh air."

"We'll talk to your doctor. Sleep tight." Sara kissed Sofia softly. "I love you and look forward to see you tomorrow."

"Love you too and I'll dream of you."

* * *

><p>Her eyes popped open when she felt somebody was in the room, walked around. Doctor Bendler stood next to her bed and checked the machine.<p>

"You should go back to sleep, Sofia."

"How do you know I'm awake when you haven't looked at me?" Asked the blonde surprised. The eyes of the doctor laid never on her, only the machines.

"The machine tells me. We have your heart rate on the screen and there's a difference between sleep and being awake."

"Okay. What time is it?"

"Ten."

"Aren't you off the clock?"

"I am. All I wanted was another look at my special patient, make sure you're fine. In how much pain are you?"

"Shouldn't you first ask if I'm in at all? Or can you see this on the screen too?"

"I don't need a screen, I know your injuries. Do you want some more morphine?"

"Yes. I hope I can sleep a few hours with it."

"I get you morphine and something for your sleep. You will sleep anyway but it's better when you sleep more than less."

"Tell the nurses who get in the room in the morning and wake people up."

"Nobody wakes you up, Sofia. They all know you're supposed to sleep and recover."

"The breakfast isn't worth getting up for."

"Not? Is the coffee you get at LAPD much better?"

"I've my own coffee machine…doc, when Sara and my family are back tomorrow, is it okay when they take me out? I've been in closed rooms for a while and would like to be back out again. Only for a few minutes, to have a coffee and some cake. Sunshine is good for my soul, makes me happy."

"There shouldn't be a reason why you can't get out on the balcony for a few minutes. Your family brings you some coffee?"

"Yeah, café brulee, the good stuff. They spoil me."

"You deserve to be spoiled, you had a few big battles the last days. Let them spoil you, it's good for you and for them. Seeing how they can make you happy, put a smile on your face, means a lot to them."

"I'm a lucky woman to have my family and friends."

"Yes you are."

"And my leg…I still can't look at it for longer than a second or two. It makes me feel sick, makes me cry. How long does it take until I'm used to it? Until I accept I lost half of my leg and understand, it doesn't mean my life s over and I can never have fun again?"

"You need to be patient. It's a big bad change in your life, it takes some time. When you allow yourself to get some help it will be faster. I'm sure Jules gave you the same of some of her colleagues."

"Yeah."

"Give the hocus-pocus a try. As far as I know it helped your girlfriend too."

"I'm not sure if it was Jules or her hocus-pocus who helped Sara most."

"Both. Give it a try, it will be somebody she can imagine for you, somebody who knows how to help you. Our orthopedic will see you tomorrow, have a look at your leg. He will prepare everything so you can have a prosthesis ASAP and continue to do all the things you did before. Which will take a while but you don't have to spend the rest of your life on a sofa and watch other people having fun."

"I need to talk to my boss about my work."

"Keep work out of your mind as long as possible. The next weeks you won't work, your leg needs some time and your arm is broken. The first thing we have to work on is to get you home, arrange a few things so you can live there. You will need home care, a wheel chair until your arm is healed and you can use crutches."

"My left side is a disaster."

"Your left side was closer to the explosion, you're lucky your right side of the body didn't get this much hurt. We get you through it. Lay back, close your eyes and sleep. I adjusted the morphine, your pain will ease soon."

"Thanks doc."

"You're welcome. Sleep Sofia." Doctor Bendler stroke over Sofia's left arm and watched her drifting into sleep. Her special patient was brave and would make it. Out of hospital and back into her life. She had the help she needed and the willpower to get through all the possible backlashes.


	20. Chapter 20

**Thursday, June 16****th**

"Ready?"

"For the third time: yes. Yes I'm ready. Absolutely ready, Sara. Lets get out of here!"

"Good." Sara bent over and kissed Sofia. "Time to go home." Sofia was allowed to leave the hospital tonight and without any detours Sara drove straight from work to her lover. Sofia's parents were there too, all ready to get the blonde home. It had taken Sofia two days longer than she hoped, instead of Tuesday the doctors made Thursday her last day, but it had been for her own best. At one point Sofia was close to leave on Tuesday, ignore all the advices and just leave, because she was sick and tired of being in hospital. Sara made her change her mind. There was a reason when the doctors wanted the blonde to stay and she'd rather wait two more days for Sofia to return than take her back to hospital after a day or two and wait another week for her.

"Finally." Sofia looked at the wheel chair in front of her bed. "Do I have to get into that thing?" The wheel chair was all right for the time here, now that she could go home she didn't want it anymore.

"If you can manage to walk on one leg, using one arm for your crutches you can walk. The odds are good that you fall on your broken arm, your dislocated shoulder and can stay in your bed a little bit longer." Marie said. "Forget your arrogance."

"I look like a gimp."

"One more stupid comment like that I will throw all the chocolate muffins we bought for you in the trash." Sara grumbled. "You look like my beautiful girlfriend, you look gorgeous as usual and everything else is a lie."

"How am I supposed to walk around the house? I can't get up the stairs into our room with the wheelchair."

"There's a good looking and strong cop who is a friend of you, he offered to carry you wherever you want to be. When your arm is fine again you can use the crutches until then you need some help and we're all more than happy to help you."

"Don has a broken arm, he can't carry me."

"Kyle."

"Oh, but he doesn't live with us, it's a lot of fuss when he…"

"You either stop complaining and go home or you stay here or a rehabilitation hospital." Marc ended the discussion.

"Home."

"Good. Get into the chair."

Mumbling a few words Sofia got carefully into the wheelchair. She tried it yesterday a few times with her physiotherapist to get used to it. Moving until she sat on the edge of the bed, getting the wheelchair in front of it, holding on with the right arm to the bed and lowering herself down until she sat in the chair. Done. Now came the only fun part of her current situation: it was an electrical wheelchair, all she had to do was pressing a button and the chair drove. Not fast and she wasn't allowed to have a wheelchair race (not in the hallway of the hospital she got told not very friendly by a few nurses after she did exactly this with two other patients) but she could get herself around without a lot of help.

"Ready, set, go!"

"Do you want to end up in trouble again?" Sara knew about the race and the comment of the nurses.

"When we go down to the reservoir am I allowed to have a race with you? The sidewalk is even."

"You, me and the dogs. No races in the house, there isn't enough space and no races on sidewalks or steep roads. You won't try to get down stairs with it, not even one and you will not drive off road."

"You're no fun to be around."

"If that keeps you save I can live with it."

"Great. Thanks."

"Ready to leave?" Doctor Bendler asked when the little group made their way towards the elevator.

"Yes. Thanks for the accommodation, the bed was narrow but the mattress was good. You can improve on the food and beverage, the housekeepers are fun, your room service people aren't. Your entertainment program sucks and your sport coach is a torturer. How many stars do you have by the way?"

"One and she's leaving. Don't forget your appointments with your therapists, they are both important. I come around on Saturday around seven in the evening and have a look at you. The home care is organized, they come to you tomorrow morning at eight and change your bandage. They might decide you need more attention, come to your place twice a day. If I hear that you're mean to them you'll be in trouble. Understand?"

"Jeez, you really sound like my mom, that's creepy. The only thing missing is you threaten to ground me. Sara, lets get out of here, I feel like I'm a teenager again. In a not good way."

"Thanks doctor Bendler for everything. We will make sure Sofia doesn't ruin your work." Marie shook doctor Bendler's hand. She was very grateful her daughter was the special patient of the best surgeon in town.

"If she gets snappy at you, call her therapist and tell him. He'll love to make it a topic in their session."

Sofia stopped her wheel chair. "Who says I'll go to a shrink?"

"I." Sara kissed Sofia. "We have a deal and it's like a promise. Or are the promises you give me nothing worth?"

"There's the elevator, we should take it and go home."

Sara smiled. When you know how where the weak spot of a person was, you had a lot of power and when you use the power wisely it made your life much easier. Because she knew Sofia's weak spots and the blonde knew hers, they were even.

* * *

><p>"Seriously, how is this supposed to work out?" Sofia looked at the stairs. Ten days ago she never thought about her stairs, never paid any attention to them, they were there and they didn't bother her. Now she sat in front of them in her wheelchair, looked at them and found out there were eighteen steps. Eighteen more than she could handle at the moment. The next weeks.<p>

"You will spend most of the time upstairs the next weeks."

"Great. Like a princess in a tower. When I'm up there I can't get out of the house and take the dogs for a walk, when I'm down here the toilet is like in another universe."

"Roll over to the new shopping center, they've a toilet for disabled people." Don grinned.

"The shopping center is like two miles away."

"See, you give the dogs a walk this way. The only thing you have to make sure is to start before you have to go to toilet. Or you have to try a restaurant…the library?"

"I hate you."

"I love you." He kissed her. "It's good to have you back home. We'll figure something out for you. If this stupid cast wasn't there I could carry you."

"Somebody told me you're working. Shouldn't you take some days off?"

"I will. From today on I've a week off."

"Anything new of the bomber?"

"Yes. No. Sort of."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?" She knew it! They kept information away from her. It was about time she was back home and get all the information she needed herself. Now she had a telephone, internet and could get in touch with her colleagues.

"Because you were in hospital and it's fresh."

"Talk! Mom, Don has news about the bomber, why did you not tell me?"

"I had no idea he has this information, he never mentioned it. Report, detective."

"Can we go inside first? Like in the living room?"

"Sounds sensible." Marc answered. "I smell coffee, there are muffins, why don't have a seat, a coffee, muffins and Don tells us then what happened?"

"Okay. Hurry!" Sofia started her wheelchair. Coffee and muffins sounded great, Don's story could be even better. She was just in the room when loud barks and knockings on the door got her attention to the door to the garden. Scooby and Rantanplan jumped against it, happy to see Sofia. They heard her voice, saw her, now there was only this glass door between them and her and they looked like they were willing to break the door.

"My babies!" She opened the door and a second later she was on the ground, moaning with pain, buried under both dogs, sloppy tongues all over her, paws stepping, jumping, climbing on her, not caring about her arm, leg and shoulder. Marc, Don and Marie had to pull them off Sofia, which ended up in barking and snarling.

"Are you all right?" Sara hurried down to help Sofia up. "Scooby, Rantanplan, sit down! Now! Can't you see Sofia is injured? You hurt her! Sit down!" Slowly the dogs obeyed.

"I'm fine. Ouch." One of her dogs jumped on her shoulder, the sharp pain made her see little stars.

"Do you need something? Shall we call a doctor?"

"Bullshit. Scooby, Rantanplan come here, slowly. Got me? Slowly. I'm al little bit bruised at the moment." Her parents came closer with the dogs so they could sniff on Sofia. In turns she petted them. "See, that's better. You can let go of them."

"Sure?" Marie asked. She didn't want to see her daughter on the ground again. It almost got her a heart attack when she saw her there.

"Yes." Immediately Scooby tried to climb on her lap. "No! Scooby, down! Stay down! That's it. You can put her head on my lap but you can't climb on it. See, this is a cast, my arm is broken and when you or Rantanplan try to climb on me, jump on me, it hurts." She let them sniff on the cast. "Better. I'm really happy to see you guys, I missed you and I promise I will stay with you for a while. Not sure how we manage to get by because I can't walk at the moment, so we can't just get out for a run. Looks like you have to come up to my room and visit me there while the dog sitter takes you out. But when Kyle is around he can carry me down and we go down to the reservoir."

"Give me a few days and I can carry you too."

"Don, six weeks for the cast after that physiotherapy to get the old strength back. Did you not listen to your doc? Three weeks for the shoulder. Until you can carry me it will be Christmas or new year."

"Sara, what about your work out?"

"Don't you dare to try it, Sara. When you hurt your back we have a problem, you're only healthy one in the house, don't risk your back for something stupid like carrying me around."

"I might carry you from the chair into bed, everything else I leave to our Mister Universe."

"Yeah, my personal body builder would be nice, who can carry me up and down the stairs, is my company while you're at work…" Sofia caught the evil eyes Sara gave her. "…then again I don't need him, I've got you, my Misses Right. Right?" She grinned.

"Exactly. Sit."

"I sit already."

"On the couch, you can put your legs up, that's better than being in the chair the whole day."

"Yes nurse." Sofia drove to the couch and got onto it. With one crutch and her good leg she could get up and change from wheelchair to wherever. If jumping wasn't so painful she could try to move around that way. Up and down the stairs. Until her shoulder wasn't better and her friends out of house she better didn't try it.


	21. Chapter 21

When they all had their coffee and muffin there was no reason to hold back all the questions Sofia had.

"Don? Who were the bombers?"

"This morning we found a room of a group that called themselves "True Believers". They were unknown so far, nobody in any of our departments heard of them before. They were twelve, which is consistent with the bombers. The walls in the room were painted with portraits of the twelve apostle. It seems like they saw themselves as them. There were a lot bibles, a lot of bible stuff and plans of the Hollywood and Highland Center. Twelve point marked the place where they could have been when they shot and later let their TNT belts explode. CSI has to confirm that.

At the moment it looks like they are responsible for what happened last Monday. We don't know why, we don't know if there are more than twelve apostle, our colleagues are working with the new information, on the new angle. As soon as I know more I let you know."

"You better do, I'm still your lieutenant. They were a cult?"

"Maybe. We'll find out. Enough for now, we both don't work. Our colleagues will close the case without us – not as good and fast as with us but they will. You trained them, you taught them a lot, they can handle it."

"I could work in the department…"

"Sofia? You will work on your health and nothing else. The department needs you fit and not on twenty percent. When you don't care about yourself most you're no help for our guys."

"My left leg doesn't slow me down by eighty percent. I still have a brilliant brain."

"Your leg, your arm, your shoulders, your bruises, scratches."

"I can drive around in my wheelchair."

"You will go to your therapy. Our boss will never let you come back until your arm and shoulder are fine. You can't even use the computer, believe me, it's unbelievable for how many tasks you need both hands to press all the keys." He had been there a few times.

"Sitting around for ages, not able to work, painful therapy, wow I can't wait for this."

"You can handle it. A tough lieutenant won't give up only because the going gets tough." Sara kissed her lover. "And you will be back in your office this year."

"This year is a pretty long time, only half of it is over."

"Another half a year we can be together, wake up every morning arm in arm, have barbecues with our friends and family, fight with all the things that try to get us down. I look forward to a lot of more day, months and years with you."

"My little Miss Sunshine." Sofia put her head on Sara's shoulder. Her lover did really everything to cheer her up, show her the bright sides of life. "Thanks for supporting me."

"Hey, I love you. Of course I support you. There's nothing I can do to give you your old life back but I will try everything to make your life as good as possible."

"Our life."

"Our life." Sara squeezed Sofia's hand.

The door bell got their attention away from each other.

"I can't open the door! Finally something good, it's not me who has to get up to open the door, get something to eat or drink when we sit on the couch. There are butlers who do that for me."

"Don't get used to it, as soon as your arm is out of the cast you have to train a lot, means you will walk a lot." Don warned.

"That will take a little while."

"Knowing you, you'll be faster than anybody else."

"Pressure. He puts on some pressure."

"Or a challenge?" Marie offered. She had watched her daughter for a while, tried to figure out if she was save here or if it was better when she went to a rehabilitation place first. Something Sofia would never agree on. So far it looked like she didn't have to argue about it.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Positive shit."

"My favorite cop is back home." Jules came into the room. "And she's swearing again. When a patient swears she feels better and is on a good way to get well soon. Exactly what I wanted to hear and see."

"A shrink. I don't have an appointment until Friday."

"You have your appointment already? Very good." Jules hugged Sofia. So it helped she had asked a favor from her friend. "How are you?"

"Want a friend answer or a therapist answer?"

"An honest one."

"A part of me still disavows what happened to me, then I look down and instead of seeing what is really there – or isn't there – I see what I saw all the years before. So much on the bad side. The good side is I realized I want to fight my way back into my life, there are some positive vibrations and I know there are worse things that could have happened to me. I lost half of my leg that's bad, but if I've lost one of my friends or a family member it would be worse."

"That was a therapist answer."

"I know…you think I can use it for my therapist?"

"Yes."

"Will he ask a lot of questions after it?"

"That's his job."

"Damn it. What do I have to say that makes him leave me alone?"

"Tell him you don't have any money and he has to work gratuitously."

"Okay. Thanks. And thanks for making your mother my personal doctor."

"She's a pain in the ass, has an awful attitude but is the best doctor you could get."

"We won't tell her what you just said when she's here on Friday. Have a seat, where is Greg?"

"He cancelled his trip."

"What?" That was new to Sofia. "Why?" She couldn't think of a reason why Greg cancelled his trip. He said he wanted to see her and Jules was here. What could possible keep him away from his girlfriend? This didn't sound good.

"He has a few things to sort out."

"You didn't fight, did you?" Not more bad news. No break up. She wasn't in a state to handle a break up of her friends. Not when she painted in her head already their wedding and thought what she can wear – now she had to rethink this part but nevertheless, she wanted this wedding to happen.

"No."

"Good." What a relief.

"He will be back soon and brings more time than just two days. Who knows maybe you have a personal male nurse soon."

"Sounds like something I could like. Especially because my parents will leave me next weekend and my girlfriend will be at work all day."

"You have a nice detective with you, you're not alone."

"A sexy detective." Don added.

"With a broken arm."

"Still sexy. And you know what? I kept this cast clean so you can be the first one to write something on it." He held his cast in front of Sofia.

"You want me to sign? Hah, you get a special signature." Sofia pulled her lipstick out of her pocket, added it on her lips and kissed the cast. The red lipstick was an eye catcher on the white cast. "Want another one?" She pulled his towards her face and kissed his cheek. "Suits you."

"With these signs of your love on my cast and my cheeks I should go to the department…no, they know about Sara, I can't make them believe you're mine…mhm…damn."

"A good looking man like you shouldn't have a problem to get a girlfriend." Marie wondered. There should be a woman on each side of Don.

"New single since one month. She didn't like my job, didn't like my sport teams, didn't like my friends. That's no constellation for eternity."

"Doesn't sound like it. Don't you have nice colleagues?"

"The most beautiful one got her jackpot and won't leave her for me." Don smirked.

"Are you hitting on my daughter?"

"No, I tried that once, she showed me very painfully what she thought of that and explained what would happen to me if I try it again, since that time we're friends and I've to say that's much better than a relationship that ends after a few months. Plus she'd have left me for Sara."

"I never looked for a man when I came here. I was done with you guys. There's no better place to look for a woman than WeHo."

"San Francisco?"

"No, too much Flower Power, too many drugs, you can't do that as a cop."

"Exactly." Marie crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"No." Sara looked at her girlfriend. When she understood the look Marie gave Sofia there had been a time when they discussed this topic and Sofia didn't agree with her mother. "Don't tell me your mother caught you…smoking pot?"

"I won't comment on that."

"She's your girlfriend, she has a right to know what you did when you were a nightmare teenager. Yes Sara, she did smoke pot. I grounded her for a whole month and this little bitch smoked the stuff in our house."

"Mom, you're not supposed to tell such kind of stories before the wedding or your daughter will end up as an unmarried woman for the rest of her life."

"You better marry this woman as soon as possible or you will be in a lot of trouble. She's the best you can get, don't ruin it."

"I told you they called me their daughter-in-law." Sara smiled. "You have no other choice, your parents want us to stay together, I want it, no matter what you want, we're more. You have to do what we want."

"Lucky for me I want what you want." Sofia kissed Sara happily. "And I don't smoke pot anymore. In fact I did it only this one summer to annoy my mother."

"It almost got her thrown out of high school and in jail."

"I was a typical teenager."

"Have you been like her, Sara?"

"Uhm…no. I was more into books than into party."

"Do you have to stab me in the back?"

"Sorry, I don't want to lie to your mother. I studied a lot so I could leave high school earlier and go to Harvard and Berkley."

"Maybe if you hadn't been that pushy mom, I had gone to Harvard too."

"You were smart enough for it, unfortunately you were never serious enough to study. I was glad to get you into college and police academy."

"Of course I'm smart, I was a CSI, an acting supervisor. Could have been Sara's boss."

"In your dreams."

"No, in Vegas." Sofia grinned. If Ecklie hadn't demoted her and put Sara on day shift, Sofia had been Sara's boss. The odds that this had worked out were minus a million, Sofia was aware of that, but she liked the idea.


	22. Chapter 22

Bang! Again. Why was her bathroom so narrow? Sofia stopped counting how often she hit something by the simple attempt to brush her teeth, wash herself and get ready for bed. A bigger bathroom was necessary. Seriously. And why was everything so high? How was she supposed to reach her stuff when it was like twenty yards above her? Hello, she sat here, if she wanted to get up it was hard work.

"I need a solution for the bathroom problem." She grumbled when she came back in the bedroom. "The wheelchair is more a burden than a help. When I sit I can't reach anything, when I get up and try to do everything standing on one foot I lose my balance all the time."

"We can put your stuff down so you can reach it easier. And get a stool in there to sit when you can't hold your balance anymore."

"Then I won't get the wheelchair in there anymore…or only halfway. Shit." Maybe she had to go to a rehabilitation place until she was able to walk or use both of her arms again. Home was better, was what she wanted, but it didn't seem to work out.

"Hey." Sara got out of bed and hugged her girlfriend. "We work something out."

"Easy to say, you're not the one who's caught in her own body and is useless, you can walk around and you're free …sorry." There was no reason to snap at Sara. She had the best intention and wanted to help her.

"It's all right."

"No, it' not all right that I snap at you and the worst thing is, it will happen again. I don't want it to happen but I know when I'm frustrated I'm likely to snap at you again. I'm sorry for that, Sara. I wish I could stop myself behave like that but I can't. As soon as I say it I realize it's wrong, it hurts you which makes me feel extra bad and I regret every word I said."

"I know."

"And I feel stupid and helpless, can't even change into my sleep shirt without help. You're not my nurse, you're my girlfriend."

"In good and in bad times, arm up." Sara got Sofia's right arm out of the shirt. "Now we get off the loop and then the shirt. Hold the arm." She untied the loop that held Sofia's arm in the right position and pulled the shirt carefully over the cast. "Perfect."

"You're a good nurse."

"I didn't talk about getting your shirt off, I talked about you."

"Don't get any idea just because I sit here half naked."

"Never. I want until you sit here completely naked."

Sofia sighed. "No."

"What's wrong, Sofia?"

"I won't sit here naked."

"Not?"

"No. Like I want to wear something long…long pants. I don't feel comfortable wearing shorts, showing off the bandage and when I think of how it…I will look when it's off…I don't want you to see something like that."

"Sofia." Sara took the blonde's hand. "I know how a person looks who has lost a leg."

"You might have seen picture, this is real."

"This is you, my lover, I love you. Believe me I won't let you wear something long for the rest of our lives in bed. Like I'm not willing not to make love with you anymore because of your accident. If you don't feel like it right now it's okay, I can understand that. But I won't stay the rest of our lives on the other side on our bed. I love you. I love you the way you are and there's nothing disgusting about you."

"I'll look…awkward."

"You'll look like you, like the woman I love."

"Like the shadow of the woman you loved."

"No, the woman I love. Not past tense. I'm loving you right now. The feelings haven't changed."

"I guess I'm stupid again." She snapped, she whined, she wasn't fun to be with. Why did Sara wanted to be with her? Why didn't she just let go of her and looked for somebody else? Somebody with two legs, who didn't snap at her when she wanted to help and was fun to be. Somebody not like Sofia. Somebody better. There were millions of better women available for Sara.

"You're bruised – in many ways. Why don't we get you into your sleeping outfit and get into bed? Your girlfriend has to get up early tomorrow morning and she'll wake you up too because she wants a kiss before she takes off to work."

"How can you be so patient with me?"

"The same way you were and are so patient with me." Sara kissed Sofia. "Come on, lose your pants."

"You're just after my body." Sofia laughed. "Okay, let me get up." Carefully Sofia got up with Sara's help and sat on the bed. "Can you get me my stuff?"

"Sure. What do you wanna wear?"

"Snoopy."

"All right, you get Snoopy. Summer Snoopy."

Sofia swallowed shortly. "Okay."

"You would melt in winter Snoopy." Sara blinked at her lover. They had seventy five degrees outside, way too warm to wear flannel with long legs and arms. "Let me see how good you undress yourself."

"You wanna see me strip?"

"Yes."

"That will take some time." The good thing was she didn't wear any jeans so didn't have to fight with button, her sweat pants were easier to handle. Slowly she pulled her pants down with her right hand, stepped out of it and fell backwards on the bed. "Damn. No, don't help me, let me try it alone please." She got up, kicked the pants with her right foot away and took a deep breath. "One more and we're there." She pulled off her underpants and took her boxer shorts with a Snoopy swimming in a lake on it. "Putting clothes on is much easier than taking them off."

"You have to get your clothes off. By the way I liked that you sat here naked for a few moments, now you're half naked and I have your shirt…if I don't give it to you, you have to stay half naked."

"All or nothing."

"Does all mean all clothes or all naked?" Sara cocked her head. She knew exactly which one she'd pick if somebody asked her.

"My shirt, please." Sofia laughed.

"Lift your arm." Carefully Sara got the shirt over Sofia's head. "And get into the other sleeve, that's my lady."

"Show off." Sofia pulled Sara closer and kissed her. "Time for you to strip. Feel free to dance while you do and throw the things to me."

"In your dreams."

"You can make my dreams come true."

"Not today."

"Does 'not today' mean I can ask you again tomorrow and you will strip for me then?"

"No."

"How can you deny your girlfriend, who you love more than anything, this wish? She has been through so much and needs something to cheer her up. It would make me happy and everything that makes me happy is good for me, helps me to get well soon."

"Nice try, Babe."

"Still a no?"

"Still a no. Not today, not tomorrow. Maybe when you can enjoy a strip more, when you can take my clothes of and I can give you a lap dance."

"Lap dance? Now I'm really looking forward to get well ASAP." Sofia grinned. A lap dance by her girlfriend. There was no way she'd let get her off this hook.

"Thought so."

"You better get your ass into our bed, I've been without you way too long."

"Tell me about it." Sara switched off the lights and got next to Sofia. Finally back in bed with her lover. Finally they were back together. Finally they could fall asleep and wake up together.

"Next problem: how to sleep?" With one arm in a cast it wasn't possible to find a comfortable position. Sofia was used to pull Sara into her arms, snuggle into her.

"Why don't I pull you into my arms?"

"Okay…if I lie on my right side you can hold me…and you have to get on the other side of the bed. Sorry."

"It's all right. We will get there."

"By the time we're used to this fuss I might be able to get off the cast and…you know."

"The bandage around your left knee? Yes."

"And I might be used to my physical condition."

"Give yourself some time."

"I'm scared I need too much time and you will leave me." What would she do without Sara?

"Won't happen."

"You were about to leave me when I woke up."

"No, you wanted me to leave, you didn't want to see me anymore. Like I ran away when I thought it was too much of a burden for you."

"Yeah…we're both stupid sometimes, aren't we?"

"That's why we fit so good together."

"I'm glad we're together. And now I let you sleep. Have sweet dreams. I love you."

"Sweet dreams Honey, I love you too." Sara kissed Sofia gently. It was good to have her lover back in her arms.


	23. Chapter 23

**Saturday, June 25****th**

"Sofia?"

There was no time to waste anymore. Sofia got out of her wheelchair and sat on the second step on the stairs up to her room. Don was looking for her and when she didn't hurry, he would find her before she did what she was up to – or even worse, caught her in the act. Her right hand on the railing, pulling her own weight up and pushing her body up with her right leg, One step. Perfect. Seventeen more and then…she could think about the then when she was upstairs. Step by step she got herself up.

"Sofia? Where are you?"

"On my way!" That wasn't a lie. She was on her way, just not to him. Four more to go. Three. Boy, she was tired. That was more difficult than she thought. Sore muscles were a guarantee. Not that they did not hurt enough from physiotherapy. Why did she has to go there every day? One time a week would be enough – enough pain. Her therapist wasn't that good looking either. Nor was her psychotherapist. Two therapists and both tortured her.

Done. She was on top of the world – or her staircase. Now, time for the next step. Well, no step in her case. Where was…ah, there it was. Accidentally she left a skateboard next to the stairs and Don, lazy as usual, didn't put it away. She sat on it, supported her left leg with her right arm, and pushed herself towards the bathroom.

"Sofia?"

"One moment."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm almost there."

"Where?"

Not a good question. How much time did she have when she didn't answer at all? A few seconds?

"Ouch." That was her right shoulder making contact with the door frame to her bedroom. She needed some more practice on the skateboard when she wanted to include it on her getaway vehicles list.

"What the hell…where are you?"

Oh dear, he was there. Just down the stairs. Saw the empty wheel chair and knew, she did something he didn't want her to do.

"In the bathroom…" Almost.

"What? How did you get up the stairs?"

He was coming upstairs. No more time for any accidents, get into the bathroom, turn…there he was…slam the door and lock it. Done! Escaped!

"Sofia, I can't believe this."

"And then I saw her face now I'm a believer, not a trace of doubt in my mind…" Sofia sang cheerfully. She made it! She was good. She was a queen. She, with only one and a half leg, a broken arm, dislocated shoulder and whatever else made it. And he, the one with two healthy legs, wasn't fast enough. She'd do the happy dance if she could. Maybe a happy ass shaker dance was good too. She did it! She did it! She did it!

"Are you crazy?"

"I'm in love, now I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her." Oh she was so great.

"When Sara hears about this she'll tell you off."

Good mood was gone. He wasn't playing fair. "You tell her about my success and I tell her about how the barbecue fell and who lifted it up with one hand, risking a bad back and that the whole thing drops on him and injures him. You will be in trouble when she hears it." Hah, he wasn't the only one who could blackmail people. No, no Mister. She knew enough things about him.

"That's blackmailing."

"No, that's making a bond. We both keep our secrets to ourselves and nobody gets in trouble."

"How you want to get down to your wheelchair?"

"The same way I got up here – just the other way around…well not with my back in front and my legs of behind…you know what I mean."

"I give you a hand."

"You don't have more than one hand."

"I will get you down to your wheelchair."

"Can I have some private time before you escort me downstairs?" Seriously, he didn't plan to stand in front of her bathroom door the whole time, did he?

"You won't sneak off again."

"Bye Don." She grabbed the doorknob and pulled herself up. Standing upright. Now three jumps on one leg to the toilet and the next goal was reached. She was so good.

"You have two minutes, if you're not out then I'll break the door."

"I'm out a long time." She chuckled.

"Funny girl."

"Yeah, I watched the whole last two seasons of "Ellen" since I'm back home. Why don't you get the DVD player started for us?"

"To watch what? "The L-Word"?"

"It's one of your favorites."

"You can't stand it. What about I get some music and we prepare the dinner?"

"Sounds better."

"I leave my door wide open, don't try to get down the stairs without me."

"Jeez, you're such a watchdog." She rolled her eyes. Sooner or later she could try the way down herself too. For today she had her success, she made it to the toilette all by herself in less than five minutes. The only problem was: she didn't have to use it, it was only a test how much time she needed.

* * *

><p>"You know you were not very responsible when you climbed that stairs on your own?" Don put an orange juice in front of Sofia. They were in the garden, sitting in the shade and watched the dogs snoring. Both had been on a walk with them before. It was strange to see her neighborhood from a different angel. Things, she never noticed before, jumped into her eyes today. Even in her own garden she noticed details she never saw before. Like the two hammocks hung not on the same height, the garden swing was slightly lower than the bench and her chairs were pretty narrow to sit on. Plus the grass wasn't as even as it looked to her all the time. She had some rough time with the wheelchair.<p>

"Oh come on, it wasn't dangerous. I sat the whole time, the only thing that could have happened was that I slipped down a step on my ass."

"Or the whole stair."

"No. I was careful and held on to the railing. My right hand is still strong, wanna try arm wrestling with me?"

"No."

"We both did things today that weren't the smartest things to do but if we do only things our doctors approve with, we'd go crazy."

"That's why we have secrets."

"More than one." She blinked at him. "What did your therapist say?"

"Amazingly I'm better with almost being blowing off than with losing Jess…why can't I get her out of my mind?"

"You loved her."

"Sometimes I feel like I'm still in love with her…how can that be? It's been four years."

"You loved her and I think it takes some time to move on."

"Like forever? I mean, all the girls I've been with the last three or so years were…I saw them only as a cheap replacement, that's why it never worked out."

"What does your therapist say?"

"You're not ready to move on and until you won't stop putting yourself under this pressure to be over Jess you won't get over her. I hate therapists."

"They are weird."

"What does your say?"

"I can't remember the bombing because I'm too scared to face it again."

"Are you?"

"No. I don't think so. We talked about it, I remember getting the page about the shooting, driving there, getting out of the car…there were a lot of people running towards me and I…I think I looked for some shelter in a shop …that's where I lose my own story."

"Guess we both will see our therapists a few more times."

"Yeah…at least you have a nice one, doctor Luria is kind of cool while mine is more…he is very old-fashioned." Why did Jules think this guy was good for her?

"If he can't handle you he isn't good."

"They are…strange people."

"Yes."

"We won't let them scare us, will we?" She put her head on his good shoulder.

"They? Us? Babe, we're cops, we're not scared about anything."

"Except of the thought there might be no donuts and muffins one day and coffee is added on the list of illegal drugs."

"Yuck, that's a really bad thought. You have to discuss that with your therapist."

"Next week." A few more days before she had to go back to her psychotherapist. One meeting a week was enough in her eyes, he wanted two but the last guy who asked for a date with her got sent away. Doctor Andrews was lucky he was allowed to see her once a week.

The heads of the dogs got up before the doorbell rang.

"Want me to go?" Sofia offered.

"No, you stay here and I open the door. Remember you have a butler now."

"Why aren't you dressed up in a muscle shirt and hot pants?"

"Butler not a call boy."

"I might call you boy."

"You can do that, sexy Lady."

She smirked. Flirting with Don was always something that made her smile. Being home was boring and drove her crazy sometimes but with him around it was bearable. They had never spent so much time together and it was great. Watching movies, TV shows, taking the dogs out and complaining about doctor and therapist appointments.

"Hey." Talking about therapist. There was one she never minded being around.

"Doctor Weinberg, how are you?"

"I'm good. What about you?" Jules hugged Sofia. "You got some sun complexion."

"Yeah whenever all those doctors and therapists give me the chance I'm in the sun and try to relax. Although it's quite warm with all these things. Why must casts be this hot?"

"They make you feel hot because they like to be so close to you – you can call your cast Sara."

"My girlfriend is much nicer and hotter than this cast. Plus she isn't that close to me or do you see her anywhere around?"

"Nope. Does she have to work longer?"

"Yeah. I hate it when she works overtime, keeps her away from me too long. But who do I tell something about being alone, you're in a even worse position." Sofia wasn't happy she hadn't seen Greg yet. He was supposed to be here, visit her and be with his girlfriend. Instead he cancelled his trips all the time. Something had to be wrong.

"Greg will be here next weekend."

"Really? That's later than expected."

"It is. For being late he promised a surprise."

"A surprise? I hope a good one."

"Do you want a beer, Jules?" Don offered.

"No, I've to drive later and the police told me you're not supposed to drink and drive."

"I can give you a lift."

"You have only one arm available."

"Enough to drive."

"No, I prefer it when my driver uses both arms. Thanks Don, I'm fine with some juice."

"All right. No beer for Sofia and me, guess this will be a juice party until Sara comes home."

"She doesn't drink neither." Sofia smiled. "Until I'm off medicine we're both not drinking alcohol. It's her way to support me. Not that it's necessary, she insisted on it and I think she's the cutest woman ever."

"And when she sees you dressed up like it's winter she'll tell you off." Jules pointed on Sofia's long pants.

"Sweat pants are easier to handle."

"A short skirt would do the same or short pants. You don't have to hide, Sofia." Jules took her hand.


	24. Chapter 24

"I know, I…I wear short pants in bed and that's…at the moment I don't feel comfortable with short pants outside. Not because of other people in the first place, it's because of myself. When I look down and see there's something…there's a part of my leg missing…I'm not ready to admit it completely. Denial isn't a solution but right now it's too much to face the truth the whole time. Can I have some more time before I sit here with shorts, doc?"

"Does your therapist push you?"

"A little bit and I'm free to say stop at any time."

"Good. Your friends won't push you too much neither. Only let you know there's no reason to hide from them. They love you anyway."

"Thanks. Your mother was here yesterday and checked on my leg. It was the first time that I didn't look the other way the whole time when my bandage got changed. I couldn't look at my leg when the bandage was gone…but I watched her when she started and finished. The first time a surgeon changed my bandage and not a nurse or somebody from the home care service. I feel honored."

"Your personal doctor. It's good you look a little bit, I'm sure she didn't try to make you look all the time."

"No. She explained me a few things, said the wound looks as good as a wound can look, there are no infection, the healing process was good and I've got a stump bandage now…which sounds horrible. The good thing is I can keep it for up to four or five days if there isn't any odor, blood or pyrexia."

"Will she come back to have a look?"

"Yes, Tuesday."

"Good."

"Jules, I've got a doctor she doesn't have to work unpaid overtime and look after me."

"I know you have your physician and you're supposed to see him frequently but I'd like to have a second opinion for you. There are a lot of things that can go wrong and I'd like to save you as much trouble as possible."

"Thanks. Do you think I'll have any problems?"

"It's likely there'll be a few sooner or later. That's why it's important it get checked it often. How is your arm? Your shoulder?"

"Annoying useless."

"What about you Don? Is your arm also annoying useless?"

"My arm is in a cast that is covered with a kiss of my landlady. And my shoulder is also annoying. Why don't you place a kiss on my shoulder? It would feel better after that. And maybe a little bit of dinner tomorrow night? With a movie?"

"Since when do we have dinner and movie nights together?"

"We could start it tomorrow."

"I'm not sure what Greg will say about that."

"Probably something like: Damn it, I knew one day she'd fall for this good looking cop with his sexy smile, six pack and…cast. Why did I stay in Vegas? I'm such a fool, I should have moved to L.A. when I met her."

"Sure." Jules shook her head.

"Please? I'd like to get out of here. Sofia doesn't wanna go out, Sara will stay with her so you're my…stopgap." Gosh, no wonder he was single when he called good looking women a stopgap. His therapist was right, he wasn't ready to date.

"A stopgap? That's charming."

"Yeah, if you say no I've to ask Kyle because Lynn will have a night with her boyfriend. You're the more prettier alternative to him."

"With me you won't have any woman asking you for your number."

"That's fine, your cousin suggested I should take a break. Somebody said it's good to listen to your therapist every now and then."

"I come with you when Sara and Sofia join us."

"Sofia?"

"Don…I don't feel like going out."

"Is there a medical reason why Sofia should stay at home, Jules?"

"Not that I know of."

"It's…I can't go there."

"Why?" Don didn't let go.

"Because…I'll need a special seat, can't sit next to you guys, everybody will stare at me…I don't think I'm ready to have people stare at me." The looks she got when they made their dog walk around the reservoir were bad enough.

"If anybody will stare than only because you're beautiful."

"No Don."

"Jules, can you help me out here?" Don begged.

"No, it's her decision. She wants to stay at home, hide here, it's her decision."

"As a therapist?"

"I'm her friend, not her therapist."

"You can go out with Jules alone, Don."

"She doesn't want to go out with me alone and I'm sure Sara deserves a night out again. She had been under a lot of pressure and stress the last two weeks. I mean, it's likely she'll fall asleep during the movie but her head will fall on your shoulder and you will feel her breath on your neck, can eat all the popcorn and tease her at the end that you know how the movie ended while she got yelled at for snoring at the kiss scene."

Sofia sighed. He had a point. Sara was with her all the time, she stayed at home, barely left the home to get shopping, leave alone have any fun. And why was the cinema different to the water reservoir? She was down there every day, she had talked to a few people she knew, survived all their questions and never was attacked. Nobody would offend her at the movies and if they stared, why would she care? She could stare right back, stick out her tongue or raise her middle finger. What other people thought wasn't important. It was more important that she did something for her lover.

"If Sara wants to go and I get a blanket for my legs we can go."

"You're the best." He hugged and kissed her. "And I'll buy you as much popcorn as you want."

"I want chocolate with my popcorn."

"You get it."

"And a huge fancy cocktail – without alcohol."

"Done."

"Jules?"

"I said I'm there if you come."

"Looks like you have a date with Don."

"No, I only date Greg."

"Will you tell him we go out?" Don asked.

"I tell him we all get Sofia into a movie and that you hit on me. This way he'll kick your ass when he's here next weekend."

"He's a CSI, I'm not scared of a CSI."

"You should, he's very smart."

"Whatever. I've a date for tomorrow. I go to the movies with a doctor." Don grinned Actually he would go out with three beautiful women, that made him the luckiest man in town.. If he would tell his therapist he went out with Jules…he shouldn't tell her. No, not a good idea. She'd hear it anyway as she was Jules's cousin. He should mention this as a therapy for Sofia, to fight her fear of being outside. And for him to be with women without dating them. He made progress.

* * *

><p>"It was a beautiful evening." Sara snuggled into Sofia's left arm.<p>

"Yes."

"Sorry I came back that late."

"You were working overtime. Sixteen hours, like in Vegas." Something Sofia hated for various reasons. First of all it was too much, Sara was too tired when she came back home, second they were apart for the whole day.

"Summer time hours. When Greg comes over next weekend I'll try to be back sooner so we can have a barbecue together – not a midnight snack." It was ten when Sara came back tonight, all the other had their dinner at this time.

"You missed a lot of work the last weeks."

"A few hours, I missed you more."

"Are you fine with the cinema tomorrow?"

"Of course. We haven't been in a movie for a while."

"We haven't done anything for a while which is my fault."

"Why is it your fault?"

"I'm not able to do things we usually did. Dancing is quite impossible at the moment."

"We can do that when you have your prosthesis."

"Yeah…weirdo dance."

"Love dance." Sara kissed Sofia softly. "There's no reason for any pressure, Honey. I don't expect us to do the same things like we did last summer. If we don't go surfing this year we'll find something different. Why can't we see this as a possibility to explore new things? Things we never tried before because they never crossed our mind?"

"We like the beach, you love to surf."

"I love you more. Plus when your wound is healed is there's no reason why you can't go to the beach."

"Not on a surfboard. I mean I haven't been able to stand up on a board and now it won't happen at all. Or are there any surfer with one leg?"

"Yes, you can watch videos on youtube."

"Really? Will you ever be out of good arguments? So I won't be sad ."

"No." Sara grinned. Two years ago Sofia did everything to cheer Sara up, make her smile, now it was the other way around. Just like it's supposed to be in a good relationship. Give and take.

"Thought so. What about you? How are you? Everybody is focusing on me, we talk the whole time about me, what about you? I remember you didn't look relaxed two weeks ago, the day I had the accident. Actually you looked worried on Sunday evening. And we haven't finish our conversation about what you have on your mind beside me. There was something, you didn't much when I was in hospital…"

"Nothing to worry about."

"When your eyes are sad I worry. You know I had the plan to pick you up at doctor Luria, invite you to dinner and ask you what's on your mind. Maybe it's a little bit belated now but I'd like to know what happened."

"We shouldn't talk about it, we have other things to worry."

"No." Sofia sat up. "No, you told me I'm your highest priority. Guess what, you're my highest priority and when you don't tell me what is on your mind I can't believe I'm really important to you. Don't we have a deal we'd be honest to each other?"

"Honey." Sara sat up too, switched on the light and looked at Sofia. "We have to focus on things we can change."

"Your problem isn't changeable? What is it, Sara? Please."

Sara buried her face in her hands. How did they end up here? With this topic?

"Hey." Sofia pulled her lover in her good right arm and kissed her cheek. "I love you, no matter what it is."

"I know."

"But?"

"I'm sick of having my past in my present. Can't we just talk about our future?"

"Do you talk with doctor Luria about your future or your past? Because the last time I read a book about PTSD it said the disorder comes form the past and not the future. You see her every week, I bet you don't sit around, drink coffee and eat cake.

Is it Trevor again? You mentioned there's a trial for him, some other victim of him stood up and told the police what he did to her. Does this make you sleep bad? Is he the reason why you have these shadows under your eyes? Sleep worse than before."

The easiest way would be if Sara said all these things were because of what happened to Sofia. The injuries of her lover and the fear she felt during the days the blonde was unconscious were partly a reason too. No doubt about it. The main reason? No, the main reason was something else and not telling Sofia about it would be a lie. She wouldn't lie to the one she loved.

"My mom called."

"The first time since we were up in San Francisco, right?"

"Yes. She…my brother contact her, the first time since she was arrested for killing our father. They want a family reunion."

"Wow…did you have any contact with your brother?" Sofia knew there was a brother but Sara never mentioned his name, never told her anything about him and from the impression she had, Sofia knew it had been better not to ask.

"Not since he left the night before we were both supposed to get into a foster care family."

"He left you alone, never cared what happened to you." Sofia could understand why Sara wasn't happy about the reunion idea.

"Yes. I don't want to see him."

"Okay."

"My therapist and a friend of mine who is a therapist too think I should see him. Both of them. Part of my therapy, I can't get over it when I don't see them."

"Do you think they're right?"

"I don't know. When she told me they want to see me I felt sick. That was Sunday evening, you were right I didn't look then. The next day when I was supposed to see doctor Luria I went to Jules and asked her to join me. It should have been you who I asked, I didn't want to bother you, didn't want you to worry more than you already do. Now I wish I would have asked you. I accuse myself of being stupid, stubborn and the reason why you lost your leg."

"What? That's bullshit Sara."

"No. If I had asked you to join me, you had come with me, would have been with me and nothing had happened to you. It's my fault." Tears fell down Sara's face. This thought had been spinning around her mind for almost two weeks. It was her fault. Why did she have to hide everything? If she had been open for once, Sofia had been with her and nothing had happened to her. Only because Sara Sidle, the drama queen, queen of hiding things, had been stupid Sofia lost her leg.

"If you had told me Sunday evening you want me with you in therapy I couldn't have that made working. I can't change my schedule in this short time. I could have offered you another appointment later that week…"

"Sofia, we both know you. You would have tried everything if I had told you I need you."

"I was about to leave my office early because the day was quieter than expected. I didn't know that Sunday, I didn't know that Monday morning. So I might have tried to get to you in time for your appointment – with my pager on – and had left from there to get to the scene. You know me, when something like that happens, I go to the scene. I had asked you and doctor Luria to reschedule everything and left."

"No, you wouldn't have."

"Yes I would have. It wasn't like I had a choice. They called all cops in, even the one who were on holidays. Everybody was requested. Like your therapist left in the middle of your session because of it. None of the things that happened to me were your fault. The only one who is responsible for what happened to my leg are the people who let the center explode. Nobody else.

And now we get back to the topic we talked about and that wasn't my accident, it was your family. Tell me how can I help you?"

"You can't. I won't answer her phone calls anymore, she doesn't know where I live so they can't stand up in front of the door and surprise us. Or he. She can't go anywhere."

"Denial isn't a solution." Somehow these words sounded familiar. Wasn't these the exact words she heard this afternoon? Didn't she say these words about herself? It was always easier to use them for somebody else.

"Why do I need to have contact with them? I didn't talk to my brother in over twenty-five years. Most of my life I lived without him."

"You don't have to involve him in your life, tell him you don't want to see him because you haven't seen him all those years. But tell him face to face. So you can see if you're really over the things or if it's not better to see him, talk with him and…does he know what happened to you?"

"Maybe he read about the trial."

"Did he know as a child?"

Sara bit her lips. "Maybe."

"You never talked about it."

"No. He…he wasn't around when it happened…"

"Which doesn't mean he didn't know."

"If he did, he didn't help me. Another reason not to see him."

"Or to see him so you can close it."

"Your mother offered me to meet him in Vegas because I said I don't want to go to San Francisco and I don't want him here in Los Angeles. Las Vegas is a place I know, there are people I know and it's a place I feel safe."

For a moment Sofia was disappointed that Sara told her mother about her brother and didn't want to tell her. Then she thought of her mother, that she knew Sara too, knew a lot about people, knew how to ask the right questions to get answers.

"Did you tell her or did she figured it out?"

"She figured out something was wrong. Besides that you were in coma. I've no idea why I told her about it…guess because she reminds me so much of you and it felt a bit like talking to you." Sara smiled a bit. Marie and Sofia were so alike. Having the mother of her lover around made a lot of things easier and sometimes it had felt like she talked to Sofia.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to be with you." Sofia took Sara's hand.

"You had a pretty good excuse and…they didn't really gave me time to talk to you while you were unconscious but I told you a few things. At one point I was sure you smiled."

"I dreamed a few times of you. I can't really remember much, but there were times when I felt better and I'm sure those were the times when you were around. And now that I'm awake and here I want to help you, Sara. Please. Can we make a deal?"

"What kind of deal?"

"You tell me about the things that worry and scare you, I tell you about the things that worry and scare me. No exceptions allowed. We're open and honest to each other, just the way it's supposed to be when you're in love."

"Okay." A challenge.

"Perfect. Lets seal it with a kiss." Sofia kissed Sara gently. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Now, shall I come with you on Monday when you see doctor Luria?"

"No. Doc Luria and me talked about it the last time, at least a bit because you are more on my mind than my family…or the parts of my family I don't want in my life. You're my family too. The most important member of my family. After all, I'm the daughter-in-law of your parents, that makes me your wife."

"Says it, smiles and forgets how scared she was the night we drove to Vegas to see them the first time. You wanted me to drive back to Los Angeles."

"Yes."

"Well, my mom wasn't nice first. She changed after the first night."

"Lucky for me."

"Now she loves you and I'm sure it won't take long until she's back here to see her favorite daughter-in-law."

"That could be your sister-in-law."

"No. They didn't come over when I was in hospital, they're not very popular at the moment." Sofia grinned. Her mother found a few not nice words for her son when she called him to tell him Sofia was in hospital and he didn't show up to support them. It would take a long time until he was forgiven.

"They were…are…in Europe."

"So? There are more than a dozen flights back to America each day."

"I'm sure they'll come here as soon as they're back."

"We won't let them in."

"We will."

"I will pout."

"That's okay."

"Good."

"And now we'll sleep because I've to work tomorrow morning. Come in my arms."

"There's no place I'd rather be." Sofia smiled, switched off the light, slipped down and snuggled into Sara's arms. There were still a lot of things they had to talk about but for now they talked about the most important things.


	25. Chapter 25

**Saturday, July 2nd**

"Sara? Sara! Wake up! You're going to be late!" Sofia shook her girlfriends shoulder. It was five in the morning and when Sara wanted to be on time in Angeles National Forest she had to hurry, her shift started at six.

"Mhm…good morning Love." Sara pulled the blonde into her arms and kissed her.

"Morning, you need to get up."

"No, I don't."

"Of course. You've one more hour before it's time to start your shift."

"Forty-eight."

"What?"

"Forty-eight hours. Did I forget to mention I've the weekend off?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Surprise."

"How can you forget…?"

"Well…the plan was going to bed early with you, which worked out yesterday evening. Then having sweet sex with you, which also worked out and after that telling you we can sleep in and have two lovely days together. Somehow this point got lost during other activities last night."

"We can sleep in?"

"Yes." Sara kissed Sofia's throat. "It's six in the morning, we can stay in bed for another three or four hours."

"You didn't tell me this because you wanted me to go to bed earlier last night?"

"We had the possibility to watch another movie with Don, Kyle and Lynn or we go to bed and make our own love story. As much as I like our friends, I preferred some quality time with you because I could barely remember how it was to hold you naked in my arms, kissing you wherever I want and feel your lips all over my body. Maybe that's why I forgot to mention my day off."

"Not that we couldn't have done all those things after the last movie."

"We could but it had been a delay of two hours plus. Nothing I was willing to accept. Sorry to ruin the movie night, I offered you that you can stay downstairs with them."

"Knowing I'd never take this offer."

"Yes."

"You played me."

"Yes."

"You enjoyed that."

"Absolutely."

"I'm glad you did it." Sofia smiled and kissed her lover. Their quality time together was better than any movie. "The next time just mention after the sex that we can sleep in and I won't wake you up, horrified you'll be late for work."

"Okay. Now do you want to get up or stay in bed?"

"We're late for the sunrise, too early for breakfast, why don't we stay here? There wasn't a chance for a sleep in since I'm back home. Two weeks. Gosh, no wonder I couldn't resist your lips last night, two weeks at home without sex, over a week before that in hospital, I was dying for your lips and hands all over me."

"Are you telling me there was no reason to lure you up here last night, if I had told you straight away what I had on my mind the movie would have been not an issue?"

"No movie will ever be a better choice than being with you."

"I've to keep this in mind." Sofia sighed happily. Sara would stay with her the whole weekend, No more twelve hour shifts, no more overtime, no more goodbye in the early morning and hello after dinner. Two days for them. Two days for themselves. A whole weekend to take the dogs out, have a barbecue and maybe a little trip down to the beach. Although Sofia wasn't sure if the last point was something she really wanted. Maybe it was better to go to the beach during the week, when less people were around. For the first time she returned to the ocean she wanted less people around her. Especially if she could get herself to wear some shorts.

* * *

><p>Her nose close to the throat of the brunette Sofia woke up in Sara's arms, feeling her skin on her own and smelling the sweet scent of her lover. This was good, this was the way their lives were supposed to be. Waking up arm in arm, with a smile and no need to hurry for anything. A nice day for two people in love.<p>

"Cinderella wakes up."

"You mean Sleepy Beauty." Sofia corrected.

"Sorry, of course."

"Sleepy Beauty wakes up in the arms of her princess. We didn't sleep one hundred years but I feel good anyway."

"We're in bed for over twelve hours."

"Are we? What time is it?"

"Eleven."

"Wow. Lucky us I took my medicine at six when I woke you up. Otherwise you had a whiny wimp next to you." Sofia had forgotten once her pain killers in the morning and in the late morning she suffered from so much pain, she regretted her thoughtlessness. There was a very good reason why you were supposed to take your medicine every day at the same time. She had learnt that.

"Lucky for us it's not a home care day."

"No, they will come back on Monday. If there aren't any complications."

"There had never been any. Plus if you feel like something is wrong you have the number of doctor Bendler."

"My personal surgeon should have some time off too. She did enough for me."

"Actually she did her job, only with more passion and pressure because you're a friend of her daughter."

"Her daughter who doesn't want to work with me so I've to see this old and boring guy."

"He isn't Mister America but you said he always hit the spot."

"Yeah." Sofia grumbled. Her psychotherapist also hit the spots she didn't want to talk about and made her talk. With his help she could remember a lot of more of the explosion than before. Plus he made her aware of some behavior of herself that had changed. She was a little bit jumpy sometimes, she was moody and unfair. When she felt like staying the whole day in bed because her life seemed to offer no reasons to get up she knew it was part of the light PTSD and depression. Normal and nothing to worry about when she continued to work on it. So like Sara she'd go to therapy on Monday, first physiotherapy and after it psychotherapy. No wonder people all around the world believed Americans weren't able to handle any problems without therapists anymore. She was the best example.

"Shall we take a shower together?"

"You mean shall you take a shower and while I try to get up and wrap my cast and bandages so I can have a kind of shower."

"I mean I help you wrapping up and we have a shower together."

"A really nice idea…I'm afraid I will wrap up my bandages and casts and wash myself while you have a shower."

"Didn't I buy you a shower chair? We wrap you up, get you onto the chair and wash you."

"You only want to see me naked."

"Honey, you're naked right now."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Oh yes." Sara slipped onto Sofia carefully. "I enjoy every second I spend with you."

"I love you. Come on, time to clean us up. Wrap me up."

"Mhm, later." Sara bit playfully into the blonde's throat.

"Honey, if we don't start getting prepared we'll be late for all our appointments – and the dogs will…won't complain when we're a little bit late." Sofia pulled Sara's head down. How was she supposed to keep her head straight when her lover did everything for her to lose it.


	26. Chapter 26

"Wow, you made it out of your room, I'm impressed." Don teased Sara and Sofia when they came down. After a few days of practicing Sofia's way to crawl the stairs was her usual way to move up and down. Not the favorite way of Sara and Don but the only way when the three were home alone.

"Were the stairs higher than usual today?"

"Very funny, you're only jealous because I've spent my morning with a beautiful woman in bed." Sofia got herself into the wheelchair.

"While I spent the morning with the dogs."

"Thanks. We were awake at five, when I panicked and woke Sara up because she forgot to tell me it's her day off. Why didn't you come up to wake us?"

"Because I figured when you sleep until eight and nobody from Angeles National Forest calls to ask what happened to Sara, she must have the day off and celebrates this with you and a long sleep."

"Such a smart man, you should try to become a lieutenant." Sara kissed Don't cheek.

"Thanks. Do you want breakfast or lunch?"

"We take an apple and that's it. After you took care of the dogs in the morning we'll take them out for a walk now before our barbecue party starts."

"No coffee?"

"We have one at the reservoir. Do you wanna join us?"

"No, I have a date with my hair dresser."

"Is he a nice guy?"

"She's a lovely lady and knows exactly what I want. This way I can read the latest sport news while she cuts my hair."

"Samson lost all his power after Delilah cut his hair."

"I'm a real man, my power doesn't come from my hair."

"You don't have seven curls…anyway, we see you later. Ready to leave, Honey?"

"Sure." Sofia started her wheelchair while Sara opened the door to the garden to let the dogs inside. With them jumping around them they left the house and got themselves on their way to the water reservoir. The path around the reservoir was even, there were no problems for Sofia to drive there and the dogs stayed always close to her wheelchair like they wanted to make sure, their owner was safe.

Maneuvering the wheelchair with her right hand it made it impossible for Sofia to hold Sara's hand, the only downside of their walk. She was so used to hold the hand of her lover when they were here together, it felt weird to have space between them. Weirder than it felt when people looked at her. It wasn't the first time today that she was here after her accident, she tried to be here at least once a day to get some fresh air but still people looked at her, stopped and asked what happened. A lot of them were people she knew for years, talked to all the time when she took the dogs here for a walk or a run.

"Do you want to have some coffee here or shall we get the coffee at the dog park?" Sara asked.

"The dog park. This way our babies can run around and have fun while we enjoy the coffee. And maybe a muffin? There's some hunger in my stomach."

"Really? How could that happen?" Sara kissed Sofia's forehead. "You get a muffin and a coffee and when I'm in a good mood you might also get another sweet treat."

"You are in a good mood, you slept in, we spent a lot of time in bed with other things than sleep, we had a shower together – kind of – and we walk around in the summer sun with our dogs. This could be the perfect day when we were eye to eye."

"My eyes might be not at the same level like your eyes are but my heart is close connected to your heart."

"If you bend down you can kiss me."

"What an offer." The brunette bent down and kissed Sofia gently. "I love you."

"Love you too. Can't you have more days off?"

"In winter."

"That's a long time to go."

"I know."

"Do you think I'll be working in winter again?"

"There's no reason why you shouldn't work as soon as your arm and shoulder are fine."

"The shoulder isn't that bad anymore, only the cast is in my way. When I was a kid I broke my arm because I was climbing up a tree and fell and I remember how painful physiotherapy was when they took off the cast. It will take a while before I can use my arm the way I'm used to."

"There isn't a reason why you shouldn't be able to play basketball with the guys this year."

"My leg."

"Wheelchair basketball. Knowing you, you will be fast on wheels and won't have any problems throwing point while you sit."

"All they have to do is stand in front of me and I can't throw a point. They're almost a yard taller than me."

"Means we need another three wheel chairs and we all play in them."

"No, I'll be the referee. Not my favorite job but it's the only one I can do."

"Or you put on your prosthesis and play like you always play."

"You think that's possible?"

"Yes. We should really talk to an orthopedic soon, you have a lot of things to learn about what you can do with your prosthesis."

"While you know everything."

"I read a few things and if you use your head too, you know all these things too. It's not your brain talking when you deny all these things that are possible, it's your disappointment. I can imagine it sometimes feels like it but your life isn't over."

"At the moment it doesn't feel like I can continue my life the way it was. Maybe it changes when I can use my upper body again." Sofia knew she was overreacting most times, that there were a lot of things she could still do but she felt like she was a nursing case forever.

"I'm sure it will."

"Hey, will you try skiing with me?"

"Sure."

"And if it doesn't work out we take a sled, that's a better workout anyway, especially when you have to climb up the mountains and after that we deserve a huge cup of hot chocolate with extra crème."

"A chocolate fondue? With three different kinds of chocolate?"

"That's the woman I love."

Sara grinned. She knew how to get her lover smiling. "And that's the dog with the most beautiful eyes."

"Dusty." Sofia smiled and offered her hand to the Husky.

"Good morning, ladies."

"Hey Mister Bennett, how are you?"

"I'm fine. You don't look too good yourself." He hadn't seen Sofia since the accident and had no idea of her physical condition.

"Well I'm getting better every day even if I don't realize it and Sara needs to remind me of it. Some things won't be like they were before, some will come back and some…have to be rearrange."

"At least you have somebody beside you to get through this hard time."

"Yes, my reason not to give up."

"Is she a good patient, Sara?"

"No, she's a nightmare but I love her anyway." Sara grinned.

"Ouch, honest words from the woman of your heart."

"Unfortunately she's right. I'm either whiny and blue or I try to do things I shouldn't do. It reminds me a bit of being a teenager."

"You don't see Sara as your mother, do you?"

"No. She's worse. No, seriously, she's right when she tells me off, which I don't always admit but who does?"

"What about the men who blew off the center? Are they all in custody?"

"They're all dead." As far as Sofia knew the twelve men who set up the bombs were the only members of this group. Her colleagues were still working on the case, looking for clues, other members but at the moment everything pointed towards the clue they did it because they wanted to teach the world a lesson. Don't follow any human stars, stop wasting your time and money for celebrities and useless stuff, turn around and focus on the important things in life and the most important thing in your life is supposed to be Jesus.

The question Sofia had in her mind was, if Jesus – if he existed – wanted that so many people were killed in his name. It was a never ending list of victims of all races, ages and sex who had to die because somebody killed them in the name of Jesus or God or Allah or however you called the higher power you believed in.


	27. Chapter 27

Back home they found Don laying in the hammock, a beer next to him, the music on. He reminded both women more of a tourist somewhere on an island than of a police detective on sick leave. Only his cast showed he wasn't fit.

"Alcohol while you're on sick leave? What will your lieutenant say about this, detective?" Sofia said.

"She'll complain that she can't drink because she's on medication and beg me to let her have a tiny little sip of my beer."

"Will you share your beer with her?"

"No, that wouldn't be good for her. How was your walk?"

"Good, we met Dusty."

"The most beautiful blue eyes." Don chuckled.

"Yes, deep blue." Sara checked the barbecue. Everything was set, they could start their little party now. "I fix the salads before Greg and Jules come over. Kyle and Lynn will come here later?" Finally she'd see Greg again. After rescheduling his next trip to Los Angeles two times he arrived this morning.

"Yes for dinner. Lynn brings her new lover."

"Oh well, she likes him, he must be good."

"We'll see about that."

"Don is always very territorial when it comes to one of his girls – like he likes to say." Sofia grinned and got herself into the garden swing. Not the easiest thing when your seat moves away from you all the time you try to sit down.

"Did you need his approval for me?"

"I got it before you wanted me. The fact that he agreed on you moving in was enough. He's even more picky about the people who live here then the one we date."

"I'm a cop, I need to check people out first. Especially whey they live in my house. Imagine we have a thief in here. All our belongings would be gone and we keep our weapons here too. The trouble our captain gave us for losing the weapon is something I don't want to think of nor do I want to experience it."

"Sure. It's all about the cop life."

"Being a cop means you're on duty twenty-four/seven. You should know that by know. You live with us for almost two years and have been in the law enforcement before."

"And now I live an ordinary life…all I need are ordinary friends."

"When you decide you gets your stuff into Sofia's room we can have a look for a new house member. I don't understand why you need two rooms."

"Don, women have a lot of clothes, we need a lot of space. My wardrobe is already overfilled, there's no space for Sara's clothes." Sofia grinned. Both women had talked about moving into one room because they were the whole time in one room but so far there was no solution for the logistic problem.

"If the new housemate is a woman she can have my wardrobe too. I don't mind when she comes in to change clothes or get dressed."

"My accountant will love the idea, I don't think it's a good idea."

"Bugger. We could need a babe to serve us drinks while we sit in the garden and Sara is at work."

"If there will be a new housemate any time we'll get a man."

"Not fair."

"Very fair. We can't let you live with three women."

"I don't mind."

"Imagine she brings her boyfriend over."

"We don't let boyfriends in."

"You tell Lynn."

"I will kick this jerk out if I don't like him…what his name? Dirk the clerk? Dirk the jerk? There's only one real Dirk and he plays for the wrong basketball team."

"You're so nice and friendly all the time, Donald." Sofia laughed.

"Just trying to keep the man of the premises."

"What about Greg? He's a man too and he'll be here any time soon."

"He's a friend of yours. And a cool guy. He can come along whenever he wants. The only thing I don't understand about him is why he's still in Vegas when he has his hot doctor lover here. Would you stay here if Sara worked in Vegas?"

"I'm not sure. If Sara insisted on staying in Vegas I think I'd rent the house to somebody and move over to Vegas. It seems impossible to imagine we can see each other only once in two weeks. No, I need her with me every day."

"True love."

"Yes. And one day I'll walk next to her, hold her hand and we are eye to eye again."

"This year."

"Hopefully." Sofia wished she could always share the enthusiasm of her friends, the believe they had in her but most times there was only hope. There was a good chance for her to have a prosthesis that fits at the end of the year and walk with it. So far her wound was healing fine, she knew there could be complications any time, that was why she let it checked regularly.

Her dogs jumping up and ran into the house, let her know somebody was at the front door, somebody they knew and were happy to see. Greg and Jules. There was the doorbell.

"I'm going!" Sara called from the kitchen.

"Don't we have the sexiest butler ever?" Sofia grinned.

"Absolutely."

"I'd get up and greet our guests…if the garden swing wouldn't be such a difficult place to get in. They have to greet me here."

"With a broken arm and nothing else I don't have an excuse why I can't get up and greet them. Shall I get you something?"

"Jules mentioned something about muffins and cake she wants to bring, all we need is coffee to pass the time before we can use the barbecue. Or do we have to wait with the sweet things until after dinner?"

"I'm sure some people might suggest this, we don't give a shit about what other people say, do we?"

"No. Muffins and coffee before barbecue it is."

"Your girlfriend will have prepared some, she turns into a housewife since we're ill."

"We have a lot of to make up to her. I guess organizing and preparing Christmas is our job this year."

"Yes. She deserves some time out when we're fit again." Don turned the sunshade so Sofia was completely out of the sun. "You had enough sun, your complexion gets too dark and too red. We have one lobster in the house."

"The lobster from Venice." Sofia grinned. That was how she found Sara two years ago on the beach. Burnt because the brunette had fallen asleep in the hot summer sun, not very friendly even when Sofia offered her help. How much had their relationship changed. From being mad and snappy to love. Who would have thought the two fighting women from Las Vegas Graveyard Shift could change so much? Instead of leaving the room when one came in they could barely stand it when one of them left the room.

"Greggo!" There was their visitor, all relaxed in shorts and shirt, a baseball cap on the head and big smile on his face.

"Lieutenant Curtis, good to see you awake again." Greg hugged Sofia and kissed her cheek. "You look much better than the last time I saw you."

"Thanks, I didn't see you at that time so I can't say you look better but you look good."

"I always do. Do they treat you good?"

"Most times. Sometimes they're mean like when they put the chocolate on the highest shelf so I can't reach it. Magically the fruits are always in a position where I can reach them without any trouble."

"Your girlfriend makes sure you recover ASAP."

"She and your future mother-in-law. Does she call you son-in-law? My mom called Sara her daughter-in-law and I think that's best thing she ever said. She wants Sara and me to stay together for the rest of our lives."

"I can't recall Alison calling me her son-in-law. I do recall my girlfriend calling me Love. Does that count as well?"

"It's better. You're not involved with her mother, Jules is the one who has to love you."

"That's what I think."

"Can you make her being my therapist? Mine is no fun. Boring old guy."

"Jules is your friend."

"And fun to be around."

"Sorry, that's something you have to figure out with her."

"Come on, be on my side." Sofia bumped Greg in his side.

"Nope. Can't do that."

"How about you tell her to change her mind and I tell Sara to get us to Vegas soon."

"No." He laughed. It was a nice idea but he wouldn't fall for it.

"Damn it."

"I've got the coffee. Hey Greg, how are you?"

"Good. Is it okay when I sit next to your girlfriend?"

"Sure."

"Or do you need a hand?"

"No, Jules and me are fine."

"Where is Don?"

"Here, starting the fire for the potatoes."

"And here's the cake." Jules came with a tablet of cake and muffins out of the living room, both dogs right by her side in case she dropped something.

"Greg, your girlfriend looks even sweeter with these cake and muffins." Sofia grinned.

"If you hit on my girlfriend you're be in trouble. She's mine."

"I hit on her cake and muffins, sweet sugar rush."

"One slice of cake, one muffin, that's it." Sara said firmly. "One before you have dinner, one after. And I don't mean one each."

"My girlfriend is afraid I get fat, she doesn't want a fat woman next to her."

"Your physiotherapist will give you more exercise when you put on too much weight. In a few weeks you can walk and your right leg won't like it when it has to carry all the weight and the calories of the sweets. Work with your body to get fit and not against it."

"Other people have a conscious that's in their head, remembers them every now and then what's good and what isn't so good. Usually you can shut this one up with chocolate and a lot of alcohol. Mine is out of my body and tells me all the time what is wrong and how to act smarter. Am I a lucky person or a cursed one?"

"Sara loves you, do you feel lucky because of that?" Greg shot back dryly.

"I feel like I'm the luckiest person in the world. Okay, one each. Plus two little cups of coffee and after it tea or juice. Gosh, I need this prosthesis ASAP so I can start work out again. When I ran around the reservoir she doesn't complain when I have two muffins. Jules, I need your mother again. To fix me a runner prosthesis."

"Tell her the next time she's here."

"Tuesday." From twice a week Sofia had talked doctor Bendler down to once a week. She had her appointments with her physician, the home care team was there, she should be taken care of. Other people needed doctor Bendler more than she did at the moment.

"Hey ol' blue eyes." Sara kissed Sofia and sat next to her in the garden swing. "How are you? You look a little bit tired."

"Just a tiny little bit." Sofia snuggled into Sara's arm, put her head on the shoulder of the brunette and closed her eyes. Since she took all the medication she was more tired and needed little breaks during the day. Healing and recovering time, doctor Bendler called it.

"Want to take a little nap?"

"Only close my eyes for a few seconds on your shoulder."

"Like a child that's tired but doesn't want to go to bed because it could miss something of the party."

"Guilty."

"Does one of you ladies wants something to drink?" Don asked.

"No, thanks."

"I still have my tea and I won't get a beer."

"No you won't. Greg, Jules? Two beer?"

"I take another juice, thanks Don." Jules answered.

"Do you have to drive?"

"Yes."

"You can stay here, we have a free bed." Sara offered. Her bed had fresh sheets and was ready to use.

"No, that's fine."

"We wanna sleep in tomorrow before we meet her mother for lunch."

"Everybody here sleeps in – except me because I've to take care of the dogs. These two love birds didn't come down until lunch. Not very responsible."

"Sorry Don, that won't happen again." Sara apologized.

"Tell the dogs, they want you and not me."

"They love their daddy as much as they love their mommies." Sofia answered back. "We're their herd."

"Who's the alpha dog?"

"The lieutenant has the highest rank."

"Does the police grade count in a dog herd? I thought we have to fight for the alpha position."

"In that case Sara will win at the moment. Do we want to challenge her?"

"No. I need her to go shopping with me on Monday."

"Ditto."

"The sweet taste of power." Sara grinned and got her arm around Sofia's shoulder. "Jules, you and Greg can really sleep here, it's no problem. I prepared the bed yesterday, it's all fresh and ready to use."

"What do you say, Honey?"

"I don't mind when we stay here, saves us a twenty minutes drive. And the way to your mother is the same from here."

"Okay, we stay."

"Shall I get two beer now?" Don offered.

"No, I stick to my juice."

"Looks like Greg is the only one who's drinking tonight." Sara grinned. As long as Sofia wasn't allowed to drink she'd stick to non alcoholic drinks too.

"One beer now, one later with the steak, that's it. Is that okay with you, Jules?"

"Sure." She kissed him.

"Why do you need her approval? She can drink as well."

"No, I can't." Jules smiled and looked at Greg. "Do you tell them or shall I tell them?"

"Ohmygod!" Sofia gasped. No more words needed, the look said enough. There was a reason why Jules stuck to juice and she just told them without telling them.

"You can do that." Greg pulled Jules closer in his arms.

"Well then, I can eat more the next months because I can eat for more than one."

"Wow! That's cool. Congratulation." Don hugged Jules. "No wonder you refused to date me."

"I said no because I'm in a relationship, not because I'm pregnant. Besides, you have to be very strong now, Don, you're not my type."

"Who is your type?"

"This CSI with the crazy hair." Sara answered for Jules and kissed Greg. "I'm so happy for you. You'll be a dad. You know what means?"

"You have to accept you and me will never be together? I'm sure you'll get over me. One day." He smirked.

"Hopefully. And it means you have to move to L.A. soon. Don't tell me Jules moves to Vegas, she can't, she has her office here."

"No, she'll stay here. I put in a request of changing departments four weeks ago. Grissom wonders why we all leave to L.A., if that's a kind of Hollywood virus. In the middle of July I can start as a CSI in L.A.."

"Like next week?"

"Like in a week, yes."

"Wow. You knew this longer than today." Sara's finger dug into Greg's chest. "Don't lie to me, since when do you know you'll be a dad?"

"Since last month. Jules told me when I was here, we made the decision we won't tell you until week twelve. And then Sofia's accident happened and we all had other thing on our minds."

"How far are you and when will one or both of you hug and kiss me?" Sofia complained. She couldn't leave her seat and was left outside.

"Thirteenth week." Jules hugged Sofia. "Do you want your kiss from Greg or me?"

"Both. Congratulation, Jules. That are terrific news."

"Thanks. You know we picked you as a babysitter."

"Me? Cool. I take the job. Baby Jules and me will spend the day in the garden and come over to your office in the evening."

"You'll work yourself, you can babysit in the evening."

"We'll see. It's cool. Seven more months and there'll be a little baby…do you want a boy or a girl?"

"I don't care as long as the baby is healthy. Greg wants a boy so he can send our son to all different kind of sport groups, something his parents didn't want him to do. As a psychologist I have a word for that."

"As a mother you agree because sport is good. Don't shrink the baby." Sara sat next to Sofia and kissed her. "We should be mad with them, they didn't tell us about the baby, they didn't tell us Greg will work here soon, what else did you not mention? Come on, there must be more." She pulled Sofia in her arms and took her hand.

"Well, I stay until Monday noon, Jules will see her doctor on Monday, I can see our child live finally and get a picture. If Sara calls it snowflake I slap her! And on Saturday I'll be back in L.A. with most of my things. The moving truck is ordered, I packed everything, all we have to do is load it into the truck and I get it over.

What else did we not tell them, Jules?"

"We didn't tell them about our plan to find a new home for us. Greg will leave his things in the garage of my parents and we'll start looking for a house tomorrow after lunch with my parents. Before you ask, we're looking for a house in this area, Silver Lake, Los Feliz or Hollywood. If you know anything nice and affordable let us know, we found four houses on the internet. And of course you're allowed to help us move in the house, renovate it if necessary and are invited to the big welcome party."

"We have a room available." Sofia smiled. "And an attic."

"No thanks, we take the house."

"Bugger. I saw my accountant already doing the happy dance."

"Are you looking for new housemates?"

"We talked about it, the problem is, Sara needs her wardrobe, so we have only a free bed. Don offers a single woman his wardrobe."

"He wants to see her change clothes all the time."

"Yes."

"See, another reason why I chose Greg and not you, Don Juan."

"Not that Greggo was any different." Sara chuckled. "Did you tell her what you did back in the days? When you worked in the lab?"

"No and we won't tell her. Otherwise she might not marry me."

"Did you ask her?"

"Sure."

"What? Wait, you mention a house first and then, hours later, you mention you will get married too?" Sara asked indignant.

"We didn't mention it? Oh, sorry."

"Jules!" Sofia pocked the woman next to her. "You did that on purpose."

"Where's your evidence?"

"I know you. When will you get married?"

"Not this year. My boyfriend has to buy me a very beautiful engagement ring first. The wedding has time until the baby is born, I want to look sexy in my wedding dress and have a glass of champagne."

"If my opinion is relevant we can wait with the wedding another year or two."

"Greggo, are you scared of tying the knot?"

"No, I want our baby to carry the rings and for that he or she has to be old enough to walk."

"Awww, a little boy in a monkey suit or a girl in a pink dress would be sooo cute." Sofia sighed. When she closed her eyes she could see Greg and Jules on their wedding day, in front of them a toddler carrying a pillow with the rings. Like in a movie, only better because she'd be live at this wedding.

"Your opinion is very relevant and I like your idea." Jules smiled. "You explain my mother why we won't marry this year. I'm sure she'd prefer to have us married when we become parents."

"You can't have a decent hen's night when you're pregnant. And you deserve one. It's not fair when only I have a party before we get married."

"True."

"Pregnant, engaged, a new home, a new job for Greg…wham. Anything else? Wanna make it a handful of surprises?"

"No, I like even numbers." Jules smiled.

"OCD." Sara shot back dryly.

"Somebody read the books in my waiting area."

"With a shrink as a friend you need to know the most important disorders she might talk you in."

"There's still a little bit of suspicion, isn't it Sara?"

"Not when it comes to you but there's another shrink in my life. You never know what she's up to. Better safe than sorry."

"She won't talk you into anything."

"Better safe than sorry." Sara repeated with a smile. She was sure doctor Luria wouldn't try to talk her into any kind of disorder but it was a good of teasing Jules.

"Greg, you will marry into a doctor family." Sofia said. So far she had only heard of doctors in Jules's family. Worse than her own cop family. Her father and brother weren't cops….but her cousins, aunt, uncle, her grandparents both were cops.

"I know, puts me under pressure. Maybe I've to become a doctor myself. Otherwise I get the worst place at the table on family feasts. Or won't get invited at all."

"You don't have to be a doctor."

"Everybody in your family is a doctor – or married to one. Or is a married doctor to another doctor. Is this a kind of rule?"

"It's easy to end up with a doctor when you study medicine and work in a hospital."

"Luckily you don't work at a hospital, you could meet a normal person."

"Somebody who asked me if I'm single before he said anything else."

"Yeah."

"That was so embarrassing." Sara sighed. When Greg asked this question she so wished the earth would open and pull her somewhere else. That wasn't like Greg, not like the Greg she knew. No matter if the story had a happy end, she would never forgive him embarrass her so much.


	28. Chapter 28

**Monday, July 4th**

Waking up next to Sara was the perfect way for Sofia to start the week. In fact any day was perfect when you wake up next to Sara. After their great day Saturday and a very romantic Sunday she felt the first time like her life had a chance to get back on tracks. Some normality got back to her, she was out with her dogs, had a barbecue with her friends and spent a lot of time with Sara. Well, the whole two days.

And a lot of good news. An engagement, a wedding in the future, a pregnancy, a new house, a new job. All of these things won't happen to her but she would be there when these things happen. Greg would move to L.A. within the next week, he and Jules were more or less engaged, about to become parents of a wonderful child, get married and live in a house not too far away from Sofia's. Okay, that was something she added to the list, it wasn't her decision where they looked for a house, if they preferred some-thing close to Sofia but right now she was in a state of mind where she could dream of it.

"Gotcha!" Sara's lips attacked Sofia's cheek.

"Hey, you're awake." Sara had to go to work later today, from noon to ten in the evening. Her boss had called her yesterday evening and asked, if she could change her shift. Not the best shift to spend an evening together but the perfect shift to sleep in.

"Yes. How do you feel?"

"Better. In my head I feel like there's some light for the first time. Our weekend was almost ordinary."

"It was a good weekend."

"The perfect weekend – under the circumstances we have."

"No matter what circumstances a day with you is always better than a day without you. How would you like to start this day? Shower? Breakfast?"

"Some more time in your arms?"

"Good choice." Sara kissed Sofia. "Were you thinking of the weekend?"

"Yes, all the things we found out on Saturday. Greg and Jules will be married parents soon."

"Our little Greggo starts a family." Sara was very happy for her friend.

"Amazing. Makes me want to have a baby too. Did you ever think about a baby? Having a real family?"

"No."

"No? Not even when you were with Grissom?"

"Especially not when I was with Grissom. We weren't exactly what you want a child to have as parents."

"You don't want children?"

"I'm not sure if I can be a good mother. Or second mother?"

"You'd be a great mother."

"No, I wouldn't."

"What makes you say that?"

"My own family situation? My childhood? The fact that I was never around children?"

"Your childhood isn't a reason for you not being a mother, you know all the mistakes and won't make them. Your family? I thought I'm your family. Your mother and brother are not here, they don't have to be a part of the child."

"Do you want a baby?"

"Since they told us about Jules's pregnancy I can't get the thought out of my head. All these years the idea was there but I didn't have the right partner and wanted more success in my job. Now I have somebody I want to spend my life with and the job isn't important anymore, the ideas come back."

"Your job is still important for you."

"I can't become a captain anymore, not in the physical condition I am. Probably I work less time so there is more spare time…I should stop talking about it, shouldn't I?"

"No, tell me your thoughts."

"You don't want a baby, without you I won't want one neither."

"Can I think about it? Regarding the new situation."

"Sure. I love you anyway." Sofia kissed Sara. "What about some other change?"

"Like what?"

"A move?"

"A move? You want to move out of the house?"

"No, into another level. With my leg I should go for the ground level but I thought if we get all the rubbish out of the attic we can have a nice big bedroom up there. You know…one big bedroom for us, like moving in together."

"I moved in a while ago."

"Yeah and while you sleep in my bed – where you belong – stays your stuff in the other room. We should get our own big wardrobe."

"Somebody feels like commitments."

Sofia swallowed. Was she about to ask too much? Did she throw her lover off her guard? "Sorry. Maybe the last weekend impressed me too much."

"Sofia, I like you with all this enthusiasm much more than sad and it's an old plan to clean the attic and get a gym up there. So we clean the attic, get a huge bedroom with an even bigger wardrobe inside, a bathroom and a second bedroom in case we need to be with somebody little fast."

"Like Greg's baby when we babysit. Do we need a little kitchen as well?"

"A fridge and an oven for beer and pizza in bed."

"And a gym, your girlfriend has to work out a lot. Especially after beer and pizza in bed."

"I know some other ways to burn calories."

"Really? Wanna tell me about them?"

"Yeah, when we have the bedroom upstairs and had beer and pizza in bed."

"I order a container and throw everything out. Today!"

"You won't throw anything out, not the next weeks. Why don't you put up a sign in the front garden saying we've an attic sale. Instead of a garage or yard sale. This way you make some money with the stuff that's up there and don't have to carry it."

"I always wanted somebody in my life who is smart and sexy. Looks like you're the one I was after." An attic sale. What a great idea. She would make some money with the things up there, things she never used, most of them she never bought. Even when they couldn't sell of the stuff, when there was less left they didn't have to pay so much for the rest to been thrown away.

* * *

><p>"We are too late for shopping." Sara said when they came downstairs in the kitchen.<p>

"A little bit. You've got one hour before you have to leave. Bugger. It was too good to be in your arms."

"Ditto. I've therapy tomorrow morning at nine and can do the shopping after that." Something she had to change due the new time of work today. Lucky for her doctor Luria had another appointment.

"Why don't you take Sofia and me to the shopping center, we do the shopping and you pick us up an hour later? Morning sleeping beauties." Don came with some coffee in the kitchen, accompanied by Rantanplan and Scooby, who both greeted Sara and Sofia like long lost family members.

"Good idea."

"Take Don, When you take me and the wheel chair there won't be any place for our shopping stuff. I take the dogs out for a walk, after three mornings of being lazy it's my turn to spend some times with my babies. Yuck, thanks Scooby." The dog had given his owner a big sloppy dog kiss. It was much easier for them to kiss Sofia since she was in the wheelchair.

"He loves you."

"I know and I love him…but I could smell his breakfast. You didn't brush your teeth young man. Wait a minute, we can change that." She drove to the cupboard and got two dental care bones out. "Time to clean your teeth and get a fresh breath." She throw one bone to each dog and both took off with them, happily waggling. Somehow she imagined it wasn't that easy to enthuse children about cleaning their teeth.

"You're such a good mommy." Don teased.

"I'm good at everything. Hah, there was my old self-esteem."

"The smug Sofia is back, I missed her." Sara kissed her lover. "Soon we will see this arrogant swagger again."

"It will be more like an arrogant limp but I try to put some of my famous Curtis swagger in it, only to turn a few heads. All I need are tight long pants and nobody will notice I've only one and a half leg. Means also I need to work out a lot to keep a sexy ass."

"So far it looks very sexy." Don said.

"Thanks. Don't check your landlady out."

"Sorry, I like watching sexy things. When you and Sara stand next to each other I've no idea where to look first."

"You hit on my woman and you can leave the house."

"She's so sexy when she's jealous." Sara grinned and put on arm around Don's waist. "How do Don and I look together?"

"Horrible. Like a nightmare."

"That's her jealousy talking, we look good together."

"Go and open the door, I heard a car stopped in front of the house, that will be Greg."

"We can open the door arm in arm…or I go alone." Sara smirked, bent down, kissed Sofia and left the kitchen. Greg wanted to say goodbye before he drove back to Vegas.

"Mine!"

"Of course she's yours, my little seagull…mine! Mine! Mine! We should the movie later after YOUR girlfriend is gone and we took the dogs out. What do you think?"

"I start to like you again."

"You always like me."

"Sometimes I don't like you much."

"Oh come on." Don sat next to Sofia on a chair. "We're partners in crime fighting. Or partner in arm breaking."

"You should become partners in crime fighting or do I have to do that as well when I work here? Is LAPD capable of doing a good job so we can all get home on time or are you guys only good in getting injured and sit lazy at home in the kitchen?" Greg asked amused.

"We should kick him out for that, don't you think Sofia?"

"Yeah. Unfortunately I want the news on his baby and see the ultrasonic image. Show us little Snowflake."

"She said it! It wasn't me! Not me! Don't slap me!" Sara laughed.

"I should take the photos with me to Vegas, Cath will appreciate them."

"Oh come on, Snowflake is a really cute nickname for the baby. Show me the photo. Please. Please. Pretty please."

"Okay. Only because I'm so happy." Greg pulled a folder out of his little bag and put an ultrasonic photo on the table.

"Wow, I can actually see two babies…is Jules having twins? She said only baby and not babies."

"I didn't know there are two babies inside her until this morning. It was her surprise for me."

"Twins. So cool. But I can't see if they are boy or girl."

"That's something we don't want to know – at the moment. I'm sure it will change soon because Jules wants to know everything ASAP. Aren't they cute? I'm going to copy this photo and pin it everywhere. Have huge poster of it. My babies."

"Can I have one of them?"

"No!"

"Come on, you don't need two to start, give one to me."

"Sara, your girlfriend is crazy."

"Not my fault, you show a woman photos of babies they go crazy and want one too."

"You know what that means for you."

"Yes. I've to talk her out of that. It's more important that she gets well again. Her body has a lot to do recovering, it doesn't need a pregnancy to worry about. Not this year."

"Did you just tell her she can have a baby next year?" Greg chuckled.

"Sofia and me can talk about everything after her shoulder and arm are healed and she can walk on her prosthesis around the reservoir. Without problems or being out of breath."

The urge to ask her lover if that was a promise was huge but a inner voice told her not to do so. They talked about it two hours ago, when Sofia wanted to continue this conversation she should wait until she was alone with Sara. Without pressure.

"When I get my prosthesis I will practice walking every day. The swelling decreases every day and I hope by the end of next month they will measure my leg. When your babies are born I want to play with them."

"Alison will support you and with Sara by your side you should be able to get to your goal. Greg Junior and Georgia will enjoy being out with you."

"What does your fiancé say about the names?" Don chuckled.

"Nothing. She doesn't know about them. That's my surprise. I'll give her a pretty ring and then we talk about names."

"For those names you need a very expensive ring, Greggo." Sara hugged her friend. "Try different names. And don't let her wait with your return."

"I won't. Believe me the last weeks were hell, I knew she is pregnant and couldn't be there for her, had to stay in Vegas. When I think of it, it would have been easier if I had moved to Los Angeles earlier. For me it was clear she is the one."

"Yeah…are you single? I could still slap you for that."

"The funny thing is she wasn't single. Not really. Two or three weeks before she started seeing somebody else but somehow I got her attention with my question and the evening together must have been at least a little bit good for her. Or very good. After that evening she didn't meet the other man anymore."

"She's a smart woman, no matter who else this man was, you're the better choice."

"He was a doctor – of course."

"Of course, she's from a doctor family. Maybe that's the reason why she agreed on seeing you. Something different. After all, her ex was a doctor too."

"How do you know?"

"I met him when Sofia was in hospital. He's married and father of two now, no reason for you to be jealous."

"Really? She didn't tell me."

"Jules will be a married woman with two children herself soon. Your wife."

"Yeah. I feel like I'm the luckiest man in the world."

"You are, she's great. Ask my girlfriend, she was about to fall for her too."

"All I said was she doesn't look too bad." Sofia defended herself. Okay, if Jules had asked her out she had said yes, like Greg did. But…Sara didn't have to know about this! Some things were better kept for yourself.

"You called her hot and sexy."

Instead of an answer the blonde grumbled something. That was a long time ago. Before she and Sara were together. All she wanted to find out was if Sara was jealous, if she cared when Sofia was interested in another woman. Test the water. So after one evening out with Jules she would have had her answer and had stopped seeing the therapist. After all, she was Sara's therapist and therefore not a woman she could date. Not as long as Sara was with her and she wanted make her stay for a long time – like forever.


	29. Chapter 29

"Ooooooh fuuuuuuuuuck!" Sofia closed her eyes and saw stars. A whole sky full of colorful, happy stars, moving all around, swinging from side to side, coming closer, moving away. With them there was pain, a lot of pain, from her little finger through her left arm to the shoulder, down her upper body to the legs, ending in her toes. This couldn't be physiotherapy, this had to be a mean antique kind of torture.

"Repeat the move, Sofia." Her physiotherapist said calmly.

"Are you nuts? That was pain! I can't remember that it hurt so much when I broke my arm. It's still broken, I can't do the thing you want me to do."

"When the cast is off you will have more training, until then you can't just sit around and do nothing."

"We train my leg as much as it's possible at the moment. My shoulder should be fine soon but my arm can't be part of your torture."

"Are you the physiotherapist or me?"

"Do you feel the pain or I?"

"You will recover faster when you work on your arm already."

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." Sofia leant back and eyed the physiotherapist. His longish gray hair was tied back to a ponytail. For him it was easy to say, he didn't have a broken arm and a dislocated shoulder. He could do all these things without pain.

"Repeat the move, please."

"Over my dead body."

"Sofia…" He sighed. "Please. Lets do it again, together."

"You want to see me suffer."

"I want you to be able to use your arm ASAP."

"Sure." Unwillingly Sofia tried to her exercise, clenched her teeth and saw less stars this time. Was that the first success? If you call a lot of pain a success.

"See, it worked out."

"Satisfied? Can I leave now?"

"Yes. I see you tomorrow."

"That's a threat."

"A challenge."

"I will be back and I will get out of here ASAP. If I've to repeat this torture so be it."

"There more you suffer now the less you will suffer later."

"If you're not right I'll kick your ass."

"When you can kick me the therapy worked out the way it was supposed to be."

She throw an evil look in his direction. This man was smug and made fun of her. With her wheelchair she got out of the room and took a deep breath. It was one thing to get back to the hospital she stayed in for over a week, something else when she had to get through a lot of pain again. This time without morphine.

"Hello Miss Curtis, how are you?"

"Doctor Bendler, hi. I'm fine, how are you?"

"Not too bad when I can go home. Do you have to go to physiotherapy?"

"No! I survived it already. He's a torture, likes to see me suffer."

"He's a good physiotherapist."

"Sure when you compare him to the devil he's an angel. What happens if I don't go back to him?"

"Your arm will hurt for a long time, you won't be able to work or do sports for a long time and you'll be in trouble with your girlfriend who won't like your idea."

"Why can't I wait until the cast is off?"

"Because when you start now you will recover faster."

"That's what he said."

"That's what I say. It will hurt any time, no matter if now or later. When you do it now you can end it sooner. Don't you want to use your arm completely until Christmas? Do all the shopping, play basketball with your friends?"

"Can I do that with my leg? Until Christmas?"

"Depends on how your wound heals. When it heals the way it does now there's no reason why you shouldn't do all these things. Unless you don't go to your therapy anymore."

"Physiotherapy, psychotherapy, seeing doctors all day, life is no fun."

"I'm sure you had better times in life but at least you are alive. We had a lot of people here who weren't as lucky as you are. You lost half of your leg, it could have been your life or more limbs. As a fighter you shouldn't whine and complain about therapy but see it as a chance to recover faster than we all expect."

"I'm one of the babysitter of your grandchildren."

"So I've been told."

"Since when do you know Jules expects twins?"

"A month. When she came around we made an ultrasound photo and saw two babies. We didn't tell anybody because Greg has a right to hear it from her first."

"And since when do you know he'll move to Los Angeles?"

"Since he knows about the baby. Or babies. We never mentioned it because we had to focus on you and all the others were supposed to focus on you too. Plus you appreciate news like that more when you're at home and not in hospital."

"A baby for Greg and Jules is always great news. It gave me new energy. Which reminds me: do you need something for your house?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"We start an attic sale tomorrow, come around and have a look, everything is supposed to get off the attic. Don't ask me what's up there, most things are from the old owner, I never bothered to throw it away."

"There could be expensive treasures hidden."

"Maybe. Don will have a look if I get the wheelchair up somehow I do the same."

"Don't fall down the stairs."

"No." Sofia sighed. Why did everybody act like she was a baby? She was aware of what she could do in her condition and what not.

* * *

><p>"I had no idea there is so much stuff around." Sofia couldn't believe her eyes. Her attic had always been full but this wasn't full anymore, it was overcrowded. When did she accumulate so many things? Or did they all belong to the former owner of her house?<p>

"Tell me about it." Don had needed five minutes until he had enough space for a stool for Sofia. It was impossible to get the wheelchair up here, they had to improvise. "Asking you what you want to keep is unnecessary I guess."

"Uhm…I remember we put Sara's surfboard up here … there it is!" Only a yard away from the blonde was Sara's old surfboard, unreachable buried behind boxes and other stuff. "And in front of it should be a box or two that belong to her. You are in front of the Christmas decoration if I'm not mistaken."

Don turned and read what was written on the big box behind him. "You're right. Christmas. We keep this one …I hear the dogs, Kyle must be here. Perfect. He can carry the boxes down, I can't do it with my arm. Give me a second, I get him up here. Don't run away."

"Very funny." Like she could go anywhere from here. It wasn't possible to get off the stool and craw down the stairs like she usually did when she moved between the first and the second level. Up here she was caught. Caught between…a quarter of a century or so of history. And dust.

An attic sale. Did she rush into something with this? On the other hand she didn't use the things up here; most of them. And what she needed could be stored somewhere else while hundreds of people came up here and bought all the things. A lot of money, money she needed to rebuild the attic into a big bedroom, a second bedroom, a bathroom, an open kitchen and a gym. Her accountant wouldn't like this idea. She needed some money to persuade him – and two more housemates.

"Hi Lieutenant, how are you?" Kyle hugged Sofia.

"Better since I'm back home. Remind that when I'm back at the department we'll employ an physiotherapist as a modern torturer. They know no mercy and you can't send them to trial."

"That bad?"

"Worse. Don?"

"Yeah, they like it when we suffer. Lets forget them. We need your healthy arms and legs, Kyle."

"To get all the heavy things down. I told you're a long time ago you need a real man in your house and not a Yankee."

"If I had two healthy arms we wouldn't need you." Don protested.

"Sure. Tell me what you want where."

"The box with the Christmas decoration down. We or you can put everything in Sara's room as long as she can still reach her wardrobe."

"Not her bed?"

"No, the last time she slept in there…I can't remember when it was. Greg stayed in there a couple of times. And Jules. My parents. Sara has her half of my bed."

"Lucky woman. Both of you. Okay, I get the Christmas box down. Can you carry something too, little broken wing Yankee? An empty bottle?"

"Wait until my arm is healed and I kick your ass, Kyle."

"Uh-huh, so scary." Kyle laughed, took the box and went downstairs.

"He enjoys this way too much."

"So would you if you were in his shoes. Do you see anything that belongs to you?"

"Yeah, there's a box with books, CDs and DVDs. Old stuff I don't want anymore. This bag is mine too, my winter clothes. I get it into my room. You never know I might end up in a snow storm the next time I fly to New York." He pulled bag pulling after him to the stairs, before he kicked it down the stairs. There was nothing inside that could break.

Sara's surfboard had to go down, they could make their way to it first. The good thing was their stuff was in front of all the other things she had no idea of what they were. If mice live up here? Or any other animals? Besides spiders. The attic needed a good clean before they could have their rooms up here. Was it a good place for a bedroom? The roof needed some extra isolation otherwise they'd die here, it was hot and Sofia wished already for a fan or air-condition.

Sofia had contact a few builders already, had them sent information about the attic, what she wanted and asked for prices and how fast they could do it. One told her it was possible to change everything within a week, another one said they'd need a month so she guest reality was somewhere in between. She'd check again tonight, ask Sara, Don and Kyle about their opinions and choose then.

"What next?" Kyle asked when he was back.

"The surfboard belongs to Sara, I think it's good to get there first. Kyle, do you think it's a good idea to get a bedroom up here?"

"Well." Kyle looked around. "Hard to imagine with all this chaos. The rooftop is around four yards up, you have high rooms if you want, what also means you have some space on the short walls for a wardrobe. How much is it at the end? Four or five yards that are two yards high. A new isolation, a few windows. It will cost you some money."

"Yeah, my accountant will kill me. There have to be a lot of people paying a lot of money for the stuff up here so I can show him, there's some money. Plus two more housemates."

"You will figure something out and I'm sure it won't be a problem to find new housemates, this place is great."

"Want to move in?"

"No, I prefer to be a guest and see my lieutenant for a few drinks on the weekend and not before I've to go to work. Some people say it's not good to be too friendly with your boss."

"Works out good for us, doesn't it?" They never had any problems because of their friendship and Sofia's higher rank. Or did she recognize them?

"Absolutely. And it will stay this way with me in my own apartment. You've got the Yankee, that should be enough department for your time off. Back to your things up here. What about this box?"

"Is something written on it?"

"Nope."

"Open it."

"Like looking for treasures. When it's a box with porn magazines we found a box of Don."

"Very funny." Don was back and heard the last words.

"A box with board games. Hey, we played this game last winter."

"Yeah, we can keep them, maybe we use them more often."

"Dumbbells." Don lifted a dumbbell. "Perfect for our gym later. I get them down."

"Gosh, that's a long time ago that I practiced with them." Sofia remember she bought them in Las Vegas a couple of years ago when she got her job as a detective. At that time she wanted to build up some muscles to fight bad guys.

If she was ever able to get back on the streets, fight the bad guys? Probably not. Not with her leg. She needed something else, something that didn't include possible fighting and shooting with suspects. And no desk job!

"A box with letters, postcards and greeting cards."

"Oh, my favorites, is it very sentimental to keep them? Like the first love letter you got?"

"Very girlie."

"Good…no, not good. Sara won't like stumbling over old love letters I got."

"I'm sure she's aware of the fact that you got a few love letters and had relationships before her."

"Sure…but I kept some of them."

"Totally normal for a woman."

"You don't have the first love letter you ever got?"

"No. I have the first love letter I ever wrote."

"Why do you have it? Shouldn't it be with the woman it was written for?"

"Absolutely, the problem was Marilyn Monroe was long dead when I wrote it. God, how was I in love with her when I was seven or eight." He laughed.

"Crazy. Oh, those paper rolls over there are old poster …they can stay here."

"I put them up here so we work our way to the board …how did you get in the corner?"

"We pushed and pulled a few boxes aside, put it there and since that day everything we put up here was put in front of the board….like that old ironing board."

"Broken?"

"Yes. Don't ask me why I kept it."

"I get the broken stuff in your garage…or shall we pray somebody wants a broken ironing board?"

"You never know. Maybe we can have a corner with broken stuff, free give away."

"Wow, six bottles of red wine. Forty years old." Kyle said happily.

"Keep them if you want, I took them here when I moved in."

"Don't you want to drink them?"

"Not the next months and you deserve them for all the things you have to carry today."

"Cool. Thanks. The perfect gift for my mother. What about the baseball equipment?"

"Mine." Don called from the stairs. "I keep them."

"So far you kept most of the stuff. Sure you want the attic empty?"

"Yes." Perhaps they needed a small room up here later to keep things like their Christmas decoration or winter stuff. Or they had to make a second decision about a few things. It was easy to say you need this and that but when you were honest and thought about how often you used those things the last months, you found out you lived without them, never thought of them.


	30. Chapter 30

**Wednesday, July 27th**

With a smile Sofia moved her left arm with clenched teeth from left to right, up and down. Freedom. No more cast. Her arm was hers again. It looked like an arm and not like a white role with some writings on it. Okay, it felt strange after over six weeks of wearing a cast to have the additional weight no longer with her, moving the arm wasn't painless and the angle she could move it was limited but it was her arm. She saw it, she could touch it and when there was a damn itch she could scratch herself with her other hand and didn't have to find a long knitting needle – something she didn't own before the accident – to scratch. People start to appreciate being able to scratch themselves when they had a cast. Past tense. It was gone. She was free.

"How do you feel?" Doctor Bendler asked. She had insisted to take off the cast herself in her break. Called it a part of the deal she had with Jules. Who else could say a top surgeon called you to remove your cast? For that Sofia was back in the doctor's office.

"Free."

The doctor smiled. "Shall we work on a little bit more freedom for you?"

"Don't tell me you want to do physiotherapy with me. I've my appointment later." And when she thought about it she felt pain already. Her personal torturer was very likely to have a lot of sadistic exercises for her. A man who knew no mercy.

"No, I thought more of we call my colleague and he measures your leg for a prosthesis. Or do you want to wait until you see your orthopedic? Your wound looked good the last time I checked, there shouldn't be a reason why you should wait any longer."

"Wow. Yeah. When you think that I can have one already."

"It's been over six weeks, the orthopedic can measure your leg. It will take some time before you have your prosthesis but I'm sure you will have it before fall. Maybe you will even be able to go swimming in the ocean this season."

"Wow again." Sofia had never dreamed of having the chance for a swim this summer. To her surprise and of her doctors her wound healed fast and didn't give her any trouble, she sometimes wondered if her arm wasn't worse than the leg. Of course she had a lot of pain, she experienced phantom pain often and needed medication. Since she had seen a neurologist and got different pills the pain was less and there were times when she sat in her garden swing and forgot for a few seconds what happened to her.

"When is your next appointment with your orthopedic?"

"In two weeks."

"Why don't you have a sooner appointment?"

"He's chronically busy."

"Okay. You get yourself to your physiotherapy and I call my colleague and tell him to make some time available for you."

"You don't have to…"

"My daughter found a house she likes, when she and her fiancé buy it, they'll move soon. You as her friend can help, for that you need both legs. And your arms. Off you go to your personal torturer, I get the doctor for later."

At least the doctor knew this man was a torturer. "I can drive the boxes when I sit in my wheelchair."

"For the first weeks you will rely a lot on the wheelchair because you can't use your arm, so you can't use crutches. That's no reason not to practice and keep coming to your therapy."

"Yeah, yeah, I understand. When shall I be back? Right after therapy?"

"Yes. Have fun."

"Very funny. I might use my new freedom to punch him." Sofia moved her arm. Hah, she had the power. No more cast. Without the bandage around her knee she could finally take an ordinary shower again. No more sitting on a chair, washing herself, always careful that no water comes in contact with her cast. Freedom. From now on she could dress herself and… okay she wasn't able to get out of the wheelchair and walk around but she could jump on one leg and hold on to whatever was around. Preferentially with her right hand but soon her left one would be good again and help her to more freedom – crutches. Who would have thought she'd see crutches as a part of freedom one day?

* * *

><p>Sara threw her keys on the kitchen counter, dropped the leashes of the dogs on the ground and jumped through the half kitchen to get her cell phone.<p>

"Sidle." She gasped for some air.

"Honey, where have you been? I've been waiting for a call from you for weeks."

"Mom." She slipped on the floor. These two sentences were enough to rob her all her energy. Not that there was a lot of energy left after ten hours of work and a run with the dogs around the reservoir. Her plan had been to come home, have a big coffee and a muffin, a little nap in a hammock and go shopping.

"Mom."

"You didn't call me, you didn't call your brother."

"Sorry I was…a lot of things happened."

"You didn't call."

"I know." How was it possible that her mother could make her feel guilty within seconds? Without a reason to feel guilty.

"We want to see you."

She didn't want to see them. Wasn't ready for that.

"When will you come to San Francisco?"

Not any time soon. She had talked about this with doctor Luria, had thought what she would say when her mother called. That she would call was obvious. Sara could be happy that she had so much time to prepare herself. Nevertheless she felt unprepared and like a little girl on her first day at school.

"Mom, I can't leave Los Angeles at the moment."

"Why?" So many reproaches in one word.

"Because…Sofia had an accident and needs me."

"We need you here, we're your family."

In front of the law they were her family, yes, in her heart they didn't come close to Sofia. If Sara had to make a decision between her mother and brother and Sofia, the blonde was her pick. Always. Without any hesitation.

"When I needed you during the trial you weren't there for me. Now you expect me to come to San Francisco because you ask for it and leave the woman I love, who is always there for me, supports me, alone? No way."

"Do you still live in this fantasy world? That you love this woman?"

Fantasy world? When she and Sofia were up there her mother seemed to be okay with their relationship. Said it wouldn't matter who Sara loved.

"Does she tell you to stay away from your family?"

"Don't be ridiculous mother."

"Your brother…"

"Sam didn't care about me when I needed him, he left and didn't call in over twenty years. I have no interest in meeting him. For all I care he can be in San Francisco, Chicago, Washington or Kuala Lumpur. He isn't a part of my life.

You left me alone when I needed you for the trial, you told me not to tell anybody what Trevor did to me, told me to leave the past in the past. I will do that now, I will leave the past in the past and won't come up to see you and Sam. Not today, not this week, not this year. You disappointed me, mother. You made me feel miserable, you made me feel like I'm worthless, like it's okay when somebody hurts me. Sorry but I don't want to talk to you now. Or see you. Goodbye." She ended the call and switched off her phone to get around another call.

Exhausted she dropped her cell phone next to her. This didn't work out the way she had talked it through with doctor Luria. Hanging up on her mother. Not was a good daughter was supposed to do. On the other hand side her mother didn't act like a mother. Schizophrenia or not, she could expect some motherly feelings from her mother, couldn't she? Her mother left her twice alone when she needed her, disappointed her, why was she supposed to forgive her all the time? Not this time.

A cold snout touched her cheek and Rantanplan's tongue got all over her face. Rubbing his snout gently over Sara's face he tried to comfort her.

"Hey Ran." Sara got her arms around the dog and pulled him closer. From the other side appeared Scooby's head. With both dogs in her arms she stayed on the kitchen floor. It was good not to be alone.

Should she call somebody and talk about the phone call? Her therapist? No, it was five, her therapist was about to close her office, she could call her tomorrow or tell her Monday when she had hew next appointment. How many more appointments did it take to be a normal person again? Or to be as normal as you had to not need a therapist.

"Honey, what happened?"

When Sara lifted her head she saw Sofia in the door frame, fear in her eyes because her lover was on the ground. Instead of greeting her owner the dogs stayed with Sara, only waggled shortly when they looked at the blonde.

"Nothing…hey, your cast isn't with you."

"Doctor Bendler removed it herself. Tell me what's going on? Are you not feeling good?"

Sara got on her feet, walked to her girlfriend and kissed her. "I'm glad to see your arm again. Do you want something to drink?"

"No, I want a damn answer what's up with you." Sofia wasn't sure if it was anger or desperation that she felt.

"Can we go in the living room?"

"Sure."

"The construction worker left around four."

"Okay." Not that Sofia was interested in that. They had been around for a week. After their two week attic sale, where they sold a lot of stuff, made some money and throwing the rest away, two men put up a new isolation followed by four men who build walls, worked on the electricity and pipes. A new little attic was build over the part of the old attic that was supposed to be their new two bedrooms, bathroom and kitchen. A place to leave all the things they kept and didn't want to have in a room or the garages. Although a bathroom downstairs, so Sofia didn't have to go upstairs all the time. Not that it was important now, now was important why Sara looked so sad, why she sat on the ground, her face buried in the hair of the dogs.


	31. Chapter 31

"My mom called again." With a glass of water in her hands Sara sat on the couch.

"Shit." Sofia took the hand of the other woman. They hadn't talked about Sara's family for a while, Sofia hoped their wouldn't call and Sara could forget the trouble, the calls, the pain. Apparently she was wrong, Misses Sidle didn't plan to leave her daughter alone. "She wants you in San Francisco?"

"She accused me of not calling her or my brother, not caring about them and being a bad daughter. You are by the way only a fantasy. Our relationship isn't real."

"Am I? I thought she was cool about it."

"Apparently not. Anyway I told her I don't want to see or talk to her or Sam now. You are my highest priority and until you're not fine there's no way I go anywhere."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. No trip to San Francisco. Not this year. She disappointed me. Again. I know she's ill and I've to be understanding but…I can't. I don't have the power to forgiver her everything. Suffering from a disorder or not, there are certain things people can expect you to do. Telling your daughter it's okay she was raped isn't one these things. No, I don't want to see or talk to her or Sam. Not today, not this year."

"Okay." Sofia hugged Sara. She wouldn't push her to do things she didn't want, didn't like.

"How was your day? Beside the fact you lost your cast. Finally. Any other news?"

"My stump was measured today for a prosthesis. Doctor Bendler said there's a good possibility that I can go swimming in the ocean this summer."

"Hey, that's wonderful." Sara pulled her lover in her arms and kissed her softly. No cast and the chance of getting her life back as much as possible. Some good news on a day like today.

"Yeah. We can go to Frisco in fall if you want. My leg is no reason."

"No! When you have your prosthesis you need to practice with it, have to get comfortable with it. After that we go on a holiday trip somewhere nice and not to San Francisco."

"Running away? Doesn't work." Who put those strange words in her mouth?

"Don't sound like a therapist."

"Sorry, I saw two of them today. And two different doctors." Sofia pulled Sara in her arms. What a great feeling to actually feel her girlfriend. No cast that was between them, made it almost impossible to hold hands. "Will you talk about it with doctor Luria?"

"Next week."

"Did you call her? Told her about the call?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because…it was already five and she has a right of going home on time."

"You're stubborn. She's your therapist."

"With a nine to five work day. The last one made an exception for me, that's enough."

"Talking about Jules, we can invite her and Greg."

"No. Not today. I don't want to talk with her about my family and she'd know something happened. Leave them to their own problems, they're busy enough with the move and all the preparations."

"Do you want me around? Or do you want to be alone?"

"I always want to be with you, you should know that by now." Sara smiled and kissed Sofia. If there was one person she could and would talk to it was her lover. Not a therapist, not a friend, only Sofia.

"What do you think will happen now?"

"Now mom will call Sam and complain what a bad daughter I am. Again."

"Is he in San Francisco too?"

"I don't know. He had to be there when she called me the first time, if he's still there, I don't know. Wherever he has been all the years, maybe in the same city, it's not difficult not to see each other. Or he moved back, wants to work on his past. Needs some money? Mom doesn't have any, could be the reason why he wants to see me."

"How was your relationship when you were young? You said he wasn't much at home."

"No. My father got both of us into hospitals a few times, there were only screaming, punishing, no love, no peace. Very strange when you think they were hippies. Sam always ran away as far as I can remember. Most times some friends brought him back home a few hours later where he got in trouble for running away. When he was older he managed to vanish for a few days but he had nowhere to go. We didn't get any money from our parents, didn't have any belongings, no family members on the other side of the city we could trust. He had to choose between getting smacked up on the streets or at home. At least nobody killed you at home and you got into medical care after you got what you deserved."

"How did react when your mother killed your father?"

"Relieved? Shocked? He hated our father. Our mother acted weird most times, he had no person to turn to with his sister being five years younger."

"I'm not so close to my brother, I mean I see him once or twice a year but we're not like other siblings, always calling each other, visiting." Sofia's brother had been over to Los Angeles two weeks ago to see his sister, he called a few times before that, to make sure she was fine after the accident, but unlike her parents, her brother didn't rush over to be here. That was okay, she didn't want all of her family over, it was difficult enough to talk a few aunts out of coming to Los Angeles and visit her. Too much stress, Marie told her siblings and brothers and sisters-in-law.

"My life was okay without him, I don't need him in my life and I don't want him in my life. Maybe I'm a bad unforgiving sister. After all he was a kid himself."

"He was sixteen when Trevor abused you, he could gone to the police."

"Our parents told us the police is bad. They only put you into prison, they don't like hippies and won't help them. And he had been in trouble with the police a few times for smoking dope."

"Except you every teenager smokes dope at one point…gosh when I say that again Greg will never let me see his kids."

"Probably not." Sara smiled a bit. "Am I a bad mother when I block my mother's phone number? Or the number of the telephone she uses in prison."

"Is she likely to accept that you don't want any contact?"

"No."

"Block it. You can unblock it when you feel like it."

"Yeah." Sara got up. "I get my phone. And a muffin for you. Coffee too? A little celebration of losing the cast?"

"Only if you throw in a few kisses."

"Sounds possible." Sara was afraid when she switched on her phone now there were a few messages of her mother, she had to delete them and block the number. It was a hard decision but at the moment she felt like it was the only decision that helped her.

* * *

><p>One last step and Sofia was in the third level. Her former attic now construction side of the house. The construction workers had been busy, since she had been up here two days ago. There were white walls and a floor, five windows let the sunshine inside. Nothing reminded her of her old dark attic.<p>

"Wheelchair's coming." Sara got the wheelchair up and took a deep breath. The wheelchair was heavy and not very cooperative when you had to push it up some stairs.

"Thanks. Sorry I can't use crutches yet." Her physiotherapist had forbidden her to try crutches. He understood that Sofia was sick and tired of the wheelchair but her left arm didn't have the strength to support her using crutches. It was likely she fell and broke her arm again.

"That's okay. Give me your hand." Instead of pulling the blonde simple up she pulled her in her arms and kissed her. Her brave girlfriend, her fighter. She was so strong, fought and forgot her own problems as soon as she saw her lover was sad. The perfect partner. With her Sara would find a solution for her family problems, would cope and get over everything. Her Sofia. The one.

Carefully she let her down onto the chair so they could move around.

"Wow, you can pull me up more often."

"We see about that. What do you say about your old attic? New living area."

"I see white walls and a hallway. How high are the walls?"

"Slightly over two yards, that gives us a little bit over five yards of straight walls." Sara pushed the wheelchair. There was a hallway – or what would be the hallway soon. No doors so far, on the right side was a little room, three by four that would be the bathroom. On the left was a bigger room, four by four that would be the second bedroom. In front of the bathroom would be a kitchenette, open to the rest of the third level. At the end of the short hallway was their bedroom. A four by five yards room when you counted the area you could use for a wardrobe or other taller furniture. All in all the room was ten yards long but what were they supposed to do with the area where the floor met the roof?

"This is what I call a bedroom. Will we get all our clothes in here?" Sofia asked.

"Depends. Will you continue to buy so many clothes? If so I've to throw half of my clothes away or we have a problem with the new wardrobe."

"Hey!" Sofia bopped her lover. She didn't have so many …okay, she had a lot of clothes. When they cleaned the attic they found four more big bags with clothes, some of them Sofia gave away, some were in Sara's room. Maybe she should check which clothes she really needed before she packed and moved into the new room. Was it really necessary to have forty shirts? And the same amount of blouses.

"Do we want a wardrobe or shelves?"

"Shelves?" Sara furrowed her brows. Shelves for her clothes was something new for her. She had never seen clothes in shelves – except in shops.

"Yeah. To use the space. We get a horizontal pole about a yard above the floor across the room for all our pants, blouses, jackets and what else we need to hang. Next to it we can have shelves for our shoes on each side. Above more shelves for all other clothes. The only downside is we won't have a huge mirror this way."

"What do you need a huge mirror for?" Another chance to tease the blonde.

"To look at me. How all the new things look when I mix them up with other clothes. Which shoes fit best."

"You look always gorgeous, no matter what you wear and how you wear it."

"Thanks, I love you too but I want a mirror! I don't care if we get only curtains in front of the shelves but I want a big mirror."

"Don't you think an ordinary wardrobe will do it too? Or two."

"And shelves next to them? Yeah, you're right. It will look better this way. Okay, we can go wardrobe shopping the next time you have a day off. What about the bed? Shall we take my bed with us or do we get a new one?"

"A new one, our own bed. Queen size."

"Not king?" They shared a king size bed at the moment, why change to a smaller bed?

"No, I don't want a big bed, I want to lie next to you, have you close to me."

"Awww." Sofia sighed happily. Wasn't her lover great? And so cute.

"Okay, queen size bed. When we get our balcony on the left side we can put the bed on the right side." Sofia had asked for a balcony for them, one they could see the reservoir and the Hollywood sign from. First they wanted one to look over the garden, then one that went around the house to see to three directions. After the architect told them how much they had to pay for it, they decided a view over the reservoir and to the Hollywood sign was just perfect. A window to the garden would be enough.

"Yes, under the window. We can watch the stars this way."

"I love it when you're romantic. What else do we need? Candles? Wine? A stereo to listen to romantic music?"

"A fan. Even with isolation it's hot up here and when we want some sleep we need a fan to get us some air. One or two book shelves, a big desk we can share."

"Two dresser. Can I pin photos of us on the bevel walls? I'd like to have a place where we pin photos from us, some old ones, some of future travel adventures. Like our trip to Ireland in May." What a great trip and now they were very happy they went earlier than planned. If they hat stuck to their old plan to fly in the middle of June, they would have have to cancel the trip.

"Okay. Do we need a TV?"

"No don't need one, there's one in the living room but we want one for evenings in bed, watching romantic movies and having sex. I don't want to have sex with you while we watch a hot movie and have three or more people around me. I'm too shy for that."

"Really? You never stroke me as the shy kind."

"I am and you don't want audience neither."

"No. What about the other bedroom? Any ideas for it?"

"I think we can put a sleep couch and dresser in it and use it as a guest room. And two cots for our baby guests next year. Greg promised we can look after them once a month when he takes Jules out." And Sofia was more than happy about this. Two cute little babies in her house, to take care of. When she was good with them, she knew she would be a good mother. So Greg's babies would be her test for her own planed child.

"Wait until you want to have sex with me and both babies start crying, you have to leave the bed, look after them and when you come back two hours later after you had a shower because they puked on you, I'm sound asleep."

"Are you trying to get my baby idea out of my head?"

"No, I tell you what will happen."

"When we have our own baby one day – if we decide we want one – will you leave the work to me too?"

"If we both want the baby we both take care of it."

"Thanks. We'll talk about this topic later, I can't walk around the reservoir the next weeks, no need to discuss it now. Back to our house."

"The area above us will be our tiny attic for things like decoration." They had a few boxes left they didn't want in their room and had no idea where else to leave them. And it was likely they got more when they moved up and had a close look at the things they really needed or thought they needed and couldn't throw away yet.

"Yes. That leaves half of the third story for the gym. Don bought already a multi exercise machine." Sofia stopped in the middle of the big room. "This is like moving into an own apartment. We have everything we need up here, our own little place."

"As I know us we'll be downstairs anyway."

"Yeah. Have a seat."

"No, I don't think your leg likes it when I sit on it."

"I like it, my wound looks good. Doctor Bendler was very happy I'm such a good patient. I do complain sometimes – often – but I always do what they ask me to do."

"And we want to keep it this way and don't add unnecessary weight to it. Not now. Lets go down, I feel a little hunger."

"For me or food?"

"Food."

"Bugger."

"The hunger could change after I had something to eat. What to you want?"

"A sandwich. Salad, cheese, tomatoes."

"I make two and you have a look what our dogs are doing."

"Telling Don with their eyes he wants to share his steak with them?" Sofia grinned. When Don started the barbecues both dogs joined him and there was no chance they would leave him and the steak before it wasn't eaten – preferable by them. If they called him to help them with the wheelchair their dogs had to be very good behaved to leave it on the barbecue.


	32. Chapter 32

**Sunday, July 31st**

Sara couldn't believe she had been baby shopping. How crazy was that? Sofia was the enthusiastic one, the one who couldn't wait for a new ultrasonic photo of the unborn twins, it should have been her who accompanied Jules at the shop with hundred of baby furniture and at least a million women with big, very big and too big bellies. The problem was, Sofia relied on the wheelchair and most shops had aisles that weren't big enough for a wheelchair and the Sunday morning shopping craziness. Was every woman in Los Angeles pregnant? Was there a meeting of all pregnant women of the United States of America in this city? It had to be something like this, it couldn't be a normal Sunday.

"How did you talk me into this again? Please repeat it to me, explain your strategy so I'm aware of it the next time you do this again." She said to Jules on their ride back to Sofia's house.

"For that I've to explain my whole university time to you. I used my skills as a psychologist and made you do what I wanted you to do."

"Yeah…how?"

"I asked you."

"That's it? Can't be. Under normal circumstances I tell everybody who approaches me with such a question to fuck off!"

"You feel guilty because I did so many things for you. This is your way to thank me. Plus you like the fact we spend more time together."

"You knew it would work, you played me. Used your skills as a psychologist for your advantages. I'm sure that's not allowed."

"The jury will let me off the hook when they see my big belly."

"It's not that big."

"Soon it will and then it will be impossible to go shopping."

"I'll never understand why people love shopping. I go food shopping, that's something necessary and when I ever find a web page that offers all the food I like and deliver it the next day to my home, the frozen food still frozen, I won't set a foot into a shop anymore. Why doesn't Amazon offer fresh vegetables and fruits? Good quality of course."

"Because shopping is an act where you can socially interact with other people, see what new offers are in the shop, choose between a dozen different coffee brands, jams or juices. You meet your neighbors there, talk to them, find out more information about them, about other neighbors, keep in contact with them."

"Do I look like I want to meet my neighbors? Have contact with them?"

"You do have contact with them, you talk to them often and they're sometimes over."

"That's Sofia's fault." Sara grumbled. It wasn't her who invited the old woman from three doors down the road. Since her lover was in the wheelchair, she and this woman met every two days for coffee. It wasn't like Sara didn't like the widow, she talked to her as well, had done it before Sofia's accident but…what has old Misses Brighton to do with shopping?

"You like playing the anti-social type every now and then, I'm aware of it."

"Shrinky shit."

"Language please. There are two babies around."

"They don't know what that means." Sara bent over, her head close to Jules's belly that showed obvious signs of her twins now. Or it was because the psychologist wore a tight shirt and not something that was wide enough to hide her body. "Your mommy is a player! Be aware of that! As soon as you're out she'll play you with her shrinky shit and makes you do whatever she wants. You won't be allowed to have your own opinion."

"Shut up!" Jules laughed and stopped the car in front of Sofia's house. "You want to know how I got you into this? What the whole trick was? I asked you. Simple as that. I asked you to join me because I wanted to buy some furniture for the babies, something Greg would like and I can surprise him with. You know him best, you're the perfect person to join me."

"Emotional blackmailing. You used something like that. Like I said, you took advantages of my situation, of your knowledge about me."

"Do you regret already that we don't have nothing more than a professional relationship?"

"For a shrink you ask pretty stupid questions." Sara opened the door. She was glad they were friends and didn't avoid each other anymore. Of course there were good reasons why shrinks shouldn't be friendly with their patients or former patients but in their case it was impossible to stay out of touch. And Sara couldn't see anything bad about it.

"Do I?" Jules followed her out of the car. "Can I have an answer to my stupid question?"

"I don't answer obvious questions."

"How about the questions: why did you change your cell phone number?"

The little paper bag with bread and milk in Sara's hand fell on the ground, the milk bottle shattered. A man in his late thirties, early forties, leant on the front door frame. His dark brown hair was cut short, despite the heat he wore a black suit, sun shades and had his hands in his pockets. Very in control he looked at Sara, whose face looked like the milk on the ground.

"Now you owe two people an answer, Sara. And a third one an explanation."

"What do you want here?"

"I want answers."

"Here is one: Fuck off! Now!"

"Not very polite. You must be her girlfriend. Quite cute. Never thought we have something in common, little sis."

The last two words saved Jules the question who this man was. Little sis. This man was Sam, Sara's older brother. The reason why the brunette's therapy was stuck instead of moving on. Jules had been with her when she told doctor Luria about Sam, she had asked her two or three questions later but didn't go deeper into the topic because she felt, Sara didn't want to talk about it. They were friends and a friend accepts when you say you don't want to talk about something at the moment. As a therapist she would have made Sara talk, now she regretted a bit she let her go off so easily.

"And you are?"

"Sam, her brother."

"Are you a banker?"

"Lawyer."

"Perfect." Jules picked up the bag, got her arm around Sara. "Then you know when the owner of a property tells you to leave and you stay it's trespassing and illegal. She told you to leave loud and clear." She pulled Sara with her to the front door. "Can I have your keys, Honey? I left mine in the kitchen."

"S-sure." Sara pulled the keys out of her pockets, needed all her concentration not to drop them when she handed them over and Jules unlocked the door.

With one hand Jules pushed Sara inside, turned and found Sam right in front of her, ready to get in too. "You are not invited."

"Come on, she's my sister."

"She said no and when she says no, it means no and nothing else. Time for you to learn that." She gave him a push so she could close the door and followed Sara in the living room, where the other woman stood and breathed heavily.

"Close your eyes." Jules pulled Sara in her arms. "And now do the breathing exercise you learnt when you came to me. Take a deep breath through your nose, inhale the air deep into your belly, not your chest, keep it there until you've count to five and exhale the same way. Count to five and breathe in again."

"I…I think I need to lie down."

"Okay, get on the couch, I get you glass of water."

"Can you…please have a look if he's still there."

"Sure." Jules stayed on Sara's side until she lay down and started her breathing exercise. Then she went into the kitchen, pulled her cell phone out of he pocket and dialed Sofia's number.

"We're still at the reservoir, the dogs enjoy the playground so much." The blonde greeted her. Together with Greg and the dogs Sofia had made a walk around the reservoir.

"Sara's brother is here. I give you all the explanation you need later but could you call one of your friends in uniform and make Sam leave the premises? Sara asked him to leave, he still sticks around."

"What? We come home, give us…"

"No, stay there. She isn't ready to tell you about him. Just send somebody over to make him leave and come home after it."

"Are you sure?"

"Trust me as a friend and a therapist."

"Okay. You take care of her?"

"As soon as you call your friends I can do that."

"Do it." Sofia ended the call.

Jules checked through the window. Sam was still in front of the door and the doorbell told her, he wanted in.

"Stay down!" She ordered Sara when she put a glass of water on the table. With a chair she went to the front door, put the chair in front of it and made a grimace when he rang the bell repeatedly. That was too close to comfort for her ear. She took off the cover of the door bell, looked at the two wires and made the decision, she was dealing with a door bell and not an active bomb so it didn't matter which one she pulled. Red was her charming color today and when she pulled the wire out of a little box the bell was quiet.

The kitchen window was closed, she checked on the living room window, closed the curtains and went back to Sara.

"He's still here, isn't he?"

"Yeah."

"What did you do to the doorbell?"

"I pulled a wire out. He might start banging on the door but that's not so annoying."

"We can call the cops."

"Do you want to explain them why you want your own brother to leave?"

"No."

"See, that's why I asked Sofia to call one of her friends in uniform. They won't ask a question and will make him leave too."

"You called…"

"Yes. She's with Greg and the dogs in the dog park, I told them not to rush home, she won't stay there longer than five minutes because she worries too much about you. Your breath is more even."

"Yeah." Sara sat up and took a sip of her water. "Thanks Jules."

"That's what friends and shrinks are for. How did he find out your address?"

"I've no idea…fuck…I wrote it down in…when I visit my mother with Sofia…they needed an address before they let me in…shit…sorry baby. Babies."

"They'll be fine, don't worry about them. Protection of privacy shouldn't allow them to give him your address, then again he's your brother, she's your mother, they don't know you don't want any contact."

"It's the only way I can think of."

"Okay, now he knows where you live. You can ban him from the premises but that doesn't mean he won't follow you to your work place or a supermarket."

"I know."

"Coping theory?"

"Shoot him."

"Not approved. It seems like he's not good in taking orders."

"He never was. A family issue."

"Thought so…and he found the kitchen window." Jules stopped Sara from getting up when Sam banged on the window. "You stay here, he can't come in and I've the feeling he won't be here for much longer."

"How…"

"Sofia's balcony faces the front, doesn't it?"

"Yes…do you think he'll try to climb…?"

"No. Come on, lets get on the balcony." Hand in hand they walked upstairs. The balcony door was open, quietly they stepped onto the balcony and heard Sam beneath them swearing.

"Sara, if you don't open the door now I kick it in. Stop hiding inside!"

Jules put her index finger in front of her lips and nodded with her head towards the street. A black and white drove up the streets and stopped in front of the house. Kyle and a colleague got out and walked towards the house.

"Sir, what are you doing?"

"What?" Sam turned. "This must be a joke. You called the cops? Sara, come on, don't be ridiculous."

"Weren't you told by Miss Sidle to leave the premises?"

"She's my damn sister."

"Did she tell you to leave?"

"No."

"I'd like to see your ID."

"Are you serious?"

Kyle just stared at Sam. Did he look like he was joking?

"All right."

"Mister Sidle…so you're the brother of Sara Sidle. From Seattle. What brings you to Los Angeles?"

"My sister."

"Apparently your sister doesn't want to see you."

"She didn't mean it this way."

"When somebody calls us this person usually means it this way. Please leave the premises."

"I didn't do anything wrong."

"He threatened to kick in the door if we don't open it." Jules bent over the railing of the balcony to have a better view and let them see her.

"Tell your girlfriend, who is my sister, I want to see her. Now."

"Sara told you, you're not welcome here and asked you to leave."

"That's…"

"That's what she wants and you will leave now or I've to arrest you."

"I'm a lawyer…"

"Wonderful, you know you've no right to stay. Go. Now!" Kyle and his colleagues shifted their weight a bit and got their hands over their guns. Sam stared at them for a few seconds before he turned and went back to his car.

"This isn't over, Sara."


	33. Chapter 33

"If that was a threat, Mister Sidle, we have to arrest you. Stay away from the house and your sister. Obviously she doesn't want to see you."

"BS." Sam got into his car, tried to look at Sara who was in the room, out of his view.

"Ma'am." Kyle greeted Jules by tipping his head. "If you need us again, don't hesitate to call."

"Thanks officer." Jules went inside and sat next to Sara on the bed. "He's gone."

"He'll be back."

"He risks a lot of trouble if he comes back."

"Sam won't care about that. He never did. Another family issue." Did they only have bad habits in their family? Right now Sara couldn't recall anything good that was passed on to another generation.

"Looks like you're the only normal one."

"Sure." The laughter was bitter.

"You know you have issues." Jules pulled her into her arms. "Your thinks the whole time he's right."

"A lawyer issue."

"Are lawyers worse than shrinks?"

"Yes."

"Oh good, I'm not the worst case."

"You're the best." Sara hold on to Jules. "Sorry you had to see all this, had to do what I was supposed to do."

"As your girlfriend it's my job to protect you. Serve and protect."

"Sofia will be jealous." Protect and serve were her jobs and being Sara's girlfriend too. In fact, she was the only one who was allowed to call herself Sara's lover while there were many people who protected and served.

"Hey, I never said I'm your girlfriend."

"You never said anything else."

"He assumed I'm Sofia, I took that as a compliment and saw no need in correcting him. Not his business who I am. Kyle played a good role and whoever was with him will have no clue who is your real girlfriend – in case Sofia doesn't want the whole department know."

"They know she's involved with a woman, her ex made sure of that. The cop with Kyle knows you're not Sofia, he'll think this a house full of lesbians…and Don."

"We don't know if he's a lucky or sad man. A lot of women all around him and none of them is interested in him."

"Maybe he's gay."

"That's not a new rumor."

"A gay Don? Never heard of that rumor."

"It's a mean one, a lie." Both women turned surprised. They hadn't heard how Don entered the house and went upstairs. "How about the rumor the two of you have an affair? After all, you're together in one bed."

"On one bed." Jules corrected amused.

"Whatever. Care to tell me what Kyle did here? I saw him when I walked up the road."

"He was here because of a car from Seattle."

"Car from Seattle? I saw that one when I left, thought one of the neighbors had visitors."

"It was an unwanted guest. Of Sara."

"Shit. Sorry Sara, I didn't know that. Otherwise I had taken care of him."

"Not your fault, Don. It was my brother, Sam."

"You told him to stay away?" This was Don, he didn't ask any details, didn't want a whole story and a lot of reasons, all he cared for was, what he could do to help Sara to solve the problem. No matter if the problem was a thing or her own brother.

"Yes."

"He said it's not over. Kyle heard it."

"Good. He will make sure your brother will stay away. And if I see his car around I take care of him."

"You're on light duty."

"A guy from Seattle? That's light duty for me." He grinned.

"San Francisco."

"Doesn't matter. You two take a few more minutes while I go down and get the barbecue started, you must be hungry after you missed lunch. I'm sure Sofia and Greg will be back soon."

"You bet. Thanks Don."

"You're welcome Honey."

Jules waited until he was gone. "You're really lucky with a housemate like him."

"I know. Since I'm in Los Angeles I've been very lucky when it comes to people. And my job. Despite the not so good start I had here. And even that had it good sides because it got me to Sofia. No reason to complain and whine. Sofia had a harder time."

"You both had and have your share of bad moments but I'm sure you wouldn't change a thing if you could because all those things made you and her what and who you are. And you love what and who Sofia is and she loves what and who you are."

"Shrink." Sara placed her head on Jules's shoulder and kissed her hair.

"When the word 'Shrink' comes out of your mouth I take it as a compliment." Jules smiled. "Come on, we have a look if we can help Don. He lost his cast but his arm is as bad as Sofias. They both need help, even if that's hard to admit for a cop."

"How many cops do you have or had as patients?"

"Can't tell you, that's confidentially."

"Spoilsport."

"Shrinky spoilsport." Jules got up and pulled Sara up. "Come on, my babies and me are hungry. We need some steaks and salad and lots of ice cream."

"Ice cream isn't what babies need. They need fruits."

"Over the ice cream."

"Like Sofia." Sara sighed with a smile. Maybe she was able to forget her brother for a while when she was with her friends.

* * *

><p>There was no way that Sofia would move an inch away from Sara. The look into the eyes of her lover told her more than she needed to know. There was fear inside, every few minutes the brunette looked around, seemed to listen into the evening if there was a sound indicating her brother was back.<p>

"Honey, he isn't here and won't get in. This is a cop house, you don't break in like in any other house."

"I know."

"Good. You get my service weapon next to the bed when you want."

"Don't be ridiculous. Even if he makes it inside, the dogs will make enough noise to wake us up."

"They'll eat him alive."

"We would invite you in our house but it's not ready to move in." Greg sat next to Sara, had her hand in his. He and Jules found their perfect house five minutes by car from Sofia's house away. It needed a renovation and new furniture so it would take another month or two until they could move in.

"Running away isn't a solution."

"She isn't running away, Jules. She avoids trouble."

"Avoiding is a sign of my disorder." Sara said. "No, we won't run. If he comes back I've two cops here and if he follows me to my job I've my own weapon."

"That's my woman."

"Actually she's mine but you can have her tonight." Jules smirked.

"It's not my fault your belly grows and grows."

"No, but you might end up as a godmother."

"What?" Sara choked on her tea.

"I don't have a sister and you're the reason why we met." Greg explained cheerful. "The best reason to make you a godmother."

"Oh, we'll have our own godchild. See, I told you the extra room upstairs will be for a baby. Our godchild has to stay over every weekend." Sofia squeaked. Sara's godchild was also her godchild and if anybody tried to tell her different, this person would be in trouble.

"We both have to work during most weekends. Don't promise something you can't keep. But when you have plans and need a babysitter, the second room on the third story will have two cots. My girlfriend planed that already. And a pull out sleep couch. You can stay here too when we have a barbecue."

"Thanks. We might take that offer." Jules snuggled into Greg's arms. It was good to know they could come over with the babies and didn't have to leave early to put them to bed. They could sleep upstairs, the baby radio outside so they heard if they woke up and stay longer with their friends.

"Do it. We like having you over. And Don, when shall we look for new housemates? My accountant asked this already twice, he wants me to get some more money and with my leg I'm not exactly trustworthy. He's afraid I can't work anymore and don't earn any money."

"Of course you will work again, stupid idiot. When will your rooms be ready to use?"

"We hope the worker are done by the end of next week, means my lovely girlfriend and me have to go shopping tomorrow, find two wardrobes, a bed and everything we need for our new rooms."

"Shopping? Again?" Sara sighed. Wasn't one shopping day per month enough? They could order furniture from the internet.

"Yes. It's your day off, we can go early in the mornings when most people work. Or we wait until the next time you have a day off, or an afternoon off, and squeeze in with all other shoppers. Your pick."

"Fate isn't very nice to me today. Okay, we go shopping. Nine o'clock, after we bought all our furniture – we will buy all of them, there won't be a second shopping day –we go grocery shopping. And that's it. No more shopping for the next week!"

"I love you." Sofia smiled. A shopping day. Hopefully they had no problems with the wheelchair.

"You better do. And if we see Sam somewhere you shoot him."

"What about I tell him I've a gun with me, that I am a lieutenant and when he doesn't leave you alone I've to arrest him? And call the guys to get him downtown. Otherwise we need a good explanation why I shot him, need something that makes it look like self-defense."

"I'd join you but since I'm in L.A. and don't work nights anymore, I have to work. Sorry." Greg was happy with his new shift. There had never been any doubts that he wanted to work days now, otherwise there was barely any time for his fiancé nor later for the twins. He was a family father soon.

* * *

><p>"Honey, wake up!" Sofia shook Sara and pulled her in her arms.<p>

"What?"

"You had a nightmare."

"Oh…sorry to wake you up." Sara sat up irritated and took a deep breath. She was in her room. In Los Angeles. Not in San Francisco. That was long over. She wasn't a child anymore. Trevor was in jail and not somewhere in the house. He couldn't. Even if he escaped jail, found out where she lived, the dogs had woken them up when he came near the house. There was no danger. She was save. One hundred percent save. And with Sofia. Her personal savior.

"You didn't wake me up, I was awake myself because I had a nightmare too."

"The same again?" Sara laid back, got her arm around Sofia, pulled her closer and kissed her hair. Her poor lover suffered enough herself and didn't need Sara's nightmares too.

"No, today I did escape the explosion, in fact I came there when everything was over. But you tell yours first. What did happen?"

"I dreamed of Sam. He was here and he told me it was my fault what happened, what Trevor did and that it's my fault that our mother is upset. I couldn't leave the past in the past. He forced me in his car and drove me to our mother. She was so angry and at the same time upset with what I did. I had to justify myself, they didn't understand and forced me to go to Trevor, tell him I'm sorry and do everything to get him out of prison.

When I was there, in his cell, he…he tried to rape me again. I started screaming and that's what woke you up… or make you realize I had a nightmare. Again. I'm sorry Sofia, I thought it was over." There were enough other problems, problems of the present, they didn't need her old problems.

"I realized before you had a bad dream, you were turning a lot, mumbled loud. I should have woken you up earlier."

"Not your fault."

"Where was I in your dream? What a bad girlfriend am I? There's no way I'd let him taken you away from me. Never. If he takes you away it's my fault."

"No. It was a silly dream. What was different in your dream? When you arrived after the explosion nothing happened to you."

"No, nothing happened to me. Worse. When I walked the scene I found you under some bricks. You were dead and that hurt more than my injuries. I got down on my knees next to you, tried to shake life back into your body, cried, couldn't stop shaking you, crying and then a voice said, you had to die because of me. It should have been me but I wasn't there so they killed you. Knowing, it hurts me more than anything else.

There was so much pain, I felt it through my dream. Worse than the phantom pain earlier." Before they went to bed Sofia suffered from a severe bout of phantom pain, took more of her pain killers than ordinary and needed to be carried upstairs. It was the worst bout she had since she left hospital and wished for morphine.

"I'm alive."

"Thank whoever for that. I can live with one leg, no matter how painful it is, no matter how many things I can't do anymore and miss, but the thought of living without you rips out my heart, smashes it on the ground and tears it apart. No part of my body is as important to me than you are."

"I love you." With tears in her eyes Sara pulled her lover closer. Here they were, both bruised, both suffering from nightmares. The difference was, Sofia suffered because she worried about Sara while she, Sara, had nothing worse on her mind than herself and Trevor.

"I'm so selfish. My nightmares spin around Trevor all the time, I should worry about you. After all…"

"Stop it right there!" Sofia said angrily. "I Know exactly what you want to say! Don't you dare to say it! It's not your fault Sara! Stop telling yourself I lost my leg because you didn't ask me to join you in therapy. That's bullshit and you know that."

"You would have been with me…"

"I had left like doctor Luria had."

"When she left the explosion had already happen."

"Of course, they don't call a psychiatrist to an active scene but would have called me. It happen to me because it was meant to be. There was nothing you or me could have done to avoid it. It's not your fault, it's not my fault. Stop bashing yourself for it."

"But…"

"No, no but." Sofia took a deep breath to calm herself a bit. She didn't mean to practically yell at Sara. That was never her intention. "Look." Her voice was softer again, she pulled the brunette closer, kissed her. "I can understand your feelings, your fear. I'd feel the same, believe me, I'd bash myself and you'd tell me what I tell you. It's who we are.

Nevertheless it's wrong. The only one who is to blame are these twelve men, who made the decision people have to die because they don't believe in the same things they do. It wasn't the first time something like this happened and I'm sadly sure it won't be the last time. Human being is made to kill other human being if they don't agree in some or most points. It has always been this way and it will always be this way. It's a reason why I have a job, why you worked for years as a CSI.

Me losing my leg is something that's very painful for you because you see how I suffer, because you feel guilty. For me there's a lot of physical pain, you saw my bout. How something that isn't there, can give me so much pain. I can feel pain in my left lower leg. I can feel how every toe hurts, feels like I step on broken glass. It's like you twist your ankle, fall and break your foot. Without having any of these limbs. No medicine will ever take all the pain forever away. I'm aware of it and I'm ready to live with it, no matter how often you find me sitting somewhere, crying, with sad eyes or without hope. Those times will be a part of my life from now on, nothing can change that. It doesn't matter. You know why? Because I love you and you love me and that's more important. To keep you I'd give my other leg as well. Or an arm or both. Doesn't matter.

If you want to do me a favor, want to see me happy, please stop telling yourself it's your fault. Please Sara."

"I'm so sorry." Sara cried. She was whining while her lover was strong. It was about time that she was strong, supported Sofia and not the other way around all the time. "I guess I'm not the best support, am I?"

"Remember how you told me once I was your savior?"

"Yes. You are. Without you I would have never been able to get through everything, tell people what Trevor did to me, stay with a therapist and work on my issues, accept who I am and open myself up for other people. You made me feel at home by not only giving me a place to stay but allowing me to find myself, love myself. You showed me there are people who care, who help without thinking what their benefit is. You gave me strength to carry on, to fight my demons and for my rights, do right what was wrong. You were and you are still my savior."

"You are my savior. Without you I had no reason to fight, to carry on. When I woke up, saw I lost a leg, it was you who kept me from killing myself. I knew I lost the life I built up, have to accept there are a lot of things I can't do anymore. But I had you. Have you. You promised me to stay, you said you love me. That was and is worth more than anything else. You're my savior, Sara."

"Looks like we had a pretty rough time, got bruised a lot but still have what keeps us alive: ourselves."

"Exactly. We still have a reason to live, to fight. As long as we have ourselves we have what is most important."

"I know as long as I can wake up in your arms there's nothing I'm not ready to fight." Sara kissed Sofia softly. Her lover, her savior. They both completed themselves. Or like Marie had said: The perfect match. They were meant for each other .


	34. Chapter 34

**Monday August 1st**

"I just found our new bed." Sofia let herself fall on the mattress. A king size bright wooden bed got her attention and after a few failed attempts she was out of her wheelchair an on the bed. It felt good, she liked the height, it felt higher than other beds. Something that would made it easier for her to get up later and offered both some space under the bed for storage.

"Bright wooden?" Sara furrowed her brows. Didn't her lover say something about a modern and cool bed when they had breakfast?

"Yes, very Canadian, isn't it? It's great. We can move and it makes no sound, the mattress is perfect and it's high. With the crutches next to it I can start the day without problems."

"What happened to modern and cool? Bright colors, fancy style and what the last one? I forgot it already."

"Is overrated. Do you like it at least a bit?"

"I like wood, I like bright colors when they are natural wood colors, you can't see dust on it so easily. The best argument is it makes your life easier. When you promise to stay in my arms in this huge bed we take it."

"Honey, our bed could be as big as the whole room and the only place I'd lie is in your arms." Sofia offered Sara her hand so she could help her up. Now they had a bed and needed two matching wardrobes. The deal was when they saw something they both liked they would stop looking for something and take it.

"Wardrobes are the other way." Sofia wanted to stop Sara when the brunette turned right instead of left.

"I know, we're not done with the beds."

"Why? We have only one bedroom."

"Yeah and a room for the babies. We need two cots, the baby beds are over there."

"She shops cots with me, I love this woman." Sofia grinned and followed Sara. Luckily for her the aisles were wide and she had no problems with her wheelchair. On a Monday morning there weren't too many people in the shop, the perfect day to buy everything they needed. Or wanted.

"Oh look! A Bambi bed." Sofia pointed to a bed that had a wooden Bambi on the front. With kind eyes the fawn watched the bed.

"And over there is Mickey. Did we found our cots in less than a minute?"

"Yes."

"I love them already." Sofia wrote the number of the two beds down. "Do you think Jules and Greg will like them too?"

"I'm very sure of that."

Sofia looked at her lover. "I never asked you but what exactly did you and Jules buy yesterday?"

"These two beds. They will feel like home."

"You bought Bambi and Mickey?"

"Yes. Because they've no idea if they get only boys, girls or one each they need something neutral. Otherwise it had been Cars and Cinderella."

"Wow. What else did you buy?"

"Only the beds and some beddings. No matter if boys or girls, both babies have to sleep in very sporty beddings. A football field and a basketball field. Jules bought that for Greg so he knows their kids can try every kind of sport they want."

"She goes on like this and he'll marry her right on the sport."

"Whenever the wedding is, we'll be invited." Sara stopped in front of a wardrobe. "Do you like this one?"

"It matches to the bed but there's no mirror on it. I want a mirror. Like this one over there."

"All doors are mirrors."

"Exactly."

"No way. It's a bedroom and not a mirror room. One door with a mirror is okay, not more."

"We settle on two and I found another one."

Sara looked at the four door wardrobe, opened it. Behind the two door on the sides was space for blouses, suits and jackets. On the floor was on each side a drawer for underwear and socks. In the middle, behind the two mirrors, were shelves. On the ground were three drawers for shoes. The best way to handle their always growing mountains of shoes in the hallway downstairs – okay no matter if the wardrobe had a place for shoes, they'd kick the off right behind the door anyway and leave them there.

"Deal."

"You're not agreeing so you can get out here ASAP, are you?" Sofia looked suspicious at her lover. This was way too easy, there had to be a catch-22 somewhere. The furniture they chose had to stay in their room for a few years, Sara was supposed to like it.

"It matches to the bed, does not have a mirror front, the rest isn't important to me. Shall we continue with the dressers?"

"Sara, I want you happy with our furniture."

"They'll be our first own furniture, I love them already. Honestly Sofia, I don't care that much about them."

"Okay, tell me about the perfect dresser. Which one would you prefer?"

"One with two doors and drawers. And the book shelves should be deep enough to fit photo albums. Plus we need an entertainment center for the TV and DVD player. Plus a stereo system in case we want romantic music with our breakfast in bed."

"Breakfast in bed? You have nice ideas today. There's your dresser." Two doors, slightly over a yard tall, a yard and a half long, with five drawers the dresser was perfect for their bedroom.

"Perfect. The eyes of a real lieutenant. Time to go to the office area, a desk, a chair and two book shelves. If we make it out of here in under ninety minutes I buy us a coffee and donut outside."

"Keep on rolling, we've no time to waste!" With coffee and sweets it wasn't difficult to get Sofia started. Three more items, little ones, no problem for them.

* * *

><p>"We bought our complete bedroom, two cots, a pull out sleep couch and a bathroom cabinet. With the kitchen we chose online we're done. Two more days for the kitchen to arrive, on Saturday will all the other furniture arrive. We are so damn good." Sofia was satisfied with them. They spent a lot of money but had everything they needed for their new rooms. Rooms. Not only one room. A little apartment. In under ninety minutes. That was a record. There were times when she needed more time to choose one bikini.<p>

"What a lucky coincidence, your parents arrive Friday evening." Not only was it good to have some more helping hands but she was also happy to see the blonde's parents again. She missed them and had to admit, the time they lived with them was good for her.

"It is, isn't it?" Sofia smirked. Maybe that was timed. But her father had asked when they should come around to see their daughter again, she mentioned the furniture and that she and Don had to handle everything alone because Sara was working. No more sentence was necessary, her father said right away they'd come over on Friday and stay until Monday. And they'd talk her brother into joining them. Without family so he could help and not make more work. Their grandchildren were lovely but no help.

For Sunday they had four people coming along to look at Sara's and Sofia's rooms in the second story. Until then their belongings had to be removed a story higher. This was Sofia's job, at least the packing of boxes as far as it was possible with her arms and the leg. One of the construction worker would carry them. If there were no delays they could be settled within the next two weeks and have new housemates.

"I try to come back in time so we can spend some time together. Looks like I get the shift until five, if you get up early we can have breakfast together."

"Well, I will have breakfast with you." There hasn't been a single day when Sofia didn't get up with Sara and had breakfast with her. If she was forced to stay at home, she wanted to make the best out of it and that meant, spend as much time as possible with her lover. Within the next two weeks it could be she not only had a complete new room but also return to her job. At least it was her goal.

Or what was left of her job. She needed a serious conversation with her boss about her future. Did she have a future in the department? And if so, in which position? On a desk? She'd prefer to sit on a passenger's seat of a rookie's car. A teacher at the police academy? That was better than a desk. She'd get some mean nicknames, that was something she had to consider. Young cadets were like this, she wouldn't have been different. Or something else. There was a thought in the back of her head, so far she didn't allow this thought to come forward, maybe one evening after she talked to her boss and when she was at home with Sara, in their new room, she would talk about it.

"We made it home just in time for lunch. Any wishes?" Sofia asked.

"First I'd like to start the menu with a kiss from you, after that I'd like to continue with spaghetti, pesto and salad before I want a few more kisses from you as a desert. In our room where no construction worker walks by, we have some privacy and I might make you the dessert to my main dish."

"You want to eat me? Baby, I'm your woman."

"I know you're my woman." Sara smirked and stopped the car in front of the garage. Before she got out of the car, another car stopped behind her and her brother got out.

"What the fuck…?"

"You're going to talk to me, Sara." He stepped in front of the door so she couldn't open it.

Instinctive Sara locked the doors.

"You can lock yourself inside, keep the window closed but sooner or later it will be too hot for you. What do you want to do? Let the car run? Call the cops again? I swear when you use your cell phone I break the window and pull you out of the car."

"Sara." Sofia's hand found the hand of her lover while she kept her voice low. "It's all right, don't panic. I know his car blocks us, when we get out he will be hard to lose."

"We won't lose him. By the time we're in the house he's in too." With the wheelchair it was impossible to get into the house without giving him the chance to get in too. Why was Don at the department? He could have helped.

"Has your brother any violence issue?"

"With our father he has good chances of inherit it."

"Do you have any idea why he wants to talk to you?"

"The trial? Mom?"

"Okay, fact is we can't stay long in the car, it's too hot. How bearable is it for you to get out? We don't have to go back into the house but need to get out of the car sooner or later."

"Give me your gun."

"What?"

"Don't play me, I saw you put it around your ankle. Old habits die hard. Give it to me."

"I trust you." Sofia bent down and got the gun.

When Sam saw Sara with the gun in her hands, his face got pale.

"Are you crazy?"

"I'm getting out of the car now, you step a few yards back or I'll shoot you. I worked for many years law enforcement, I shot people before. Back off, Sam." When he stepped a yard back she unlocked the doors and got out. "Stay where you are, don't you dare to come closer."

"That's crazy…I can get you into prison for that."

"Why? You're the one who breaks the law. I told you twice to leave, the police told you to stay away, you came back, you're trespassing." Sara walked around the hood to help Sofia out of the car. The wheelchair was in the trunk, so she handed the gun back to Sofia.

"She's a lieutenant, don't try anything stupid. She shoots faster than you run or jump. Stay where you are."

"You're crazy."

"Runs in the family." Sara got the wheelchair out of the trunk, locked the car and helped Sofia into the wheelchair. "Get into the house." Sara ordered.

"Not without you." Under no circumstances would Sofia leave her lover alone.

"Please."

"No! I stay or we both go."

"Tell me Sam." Sara's hand found its place on Sofia's shoulder, stroking her lover's back. "What do you want? You didn't care about me the last thirty years, in fact you never cared. Like you didn't care about mom."

"I changed."

"You remember how often dad said that? Why would I believe you?"

"I'm not a hippie, I'm a lawyer."

"I met a lot of assholes from law school. Your job doesn't change you, doesn't make you a better person."

"Mom…she called me one day, I've no idea how she got my number. It's not like I hide or have any secret numbers. It was unexpected. We talked, I went there, we talked more. She's not…she's not feeling good. I've the feeling her disease is worse."

"It's a disorder not a disease and it won't change when I see her. I tried to talk to her, I saw her a few times the last couple of years, she gets worse each time. She didn't care for me when I was a child, when I needed her and she doesn't care for me now. Whenever I needed help she did the opposite of helping me. Frankly I don't care if she feels bad. Not at all. This chapter of my life is over, I won't worry about my past anymore. It's the present and future that counts. My life has been hell for years, this won't continue. There's no space left for bad things, bad memories.

You said you changed? Every thing I asked you to do so far you denied. You threatened me and my friend, you tried to force your will on me. You didn't change and if you did, you changed into somebody who reminds me a lot of our father. Nobody I want in my life. And if you have really changed you will accept I don't want any contact. Leave me alone, Sam. Go back to San Francisco, Seattle or wherever. Just leave me and my friends and family alone. Otherwise I will press charges against you and have every cop in Los Angeles coming after you.

And now: go!"

"Sara…."

"Go, Sam. Or I call the cops after I shot the attacker into the knee."

"You wouldn't…" Her eyes made him stop and slowly walk back to his car. "You can't run away from your past forever."

"I'm not running away, I leave my past in the past." She let go of Sofia's shoulder and helped her lover with the wheelchair towards the door. Without a look back she unlocked the door and went inside. Sam Sidle was a part of bad past and he hadn't done anything to change that.


	35. Chapter 35

"Sara? Are you there?"

The voice of Sofia got into Sara's ears, danced around her head and made her believe for a moment Sofia's voice was an echo. Every words seemed to repeat itself two or three times and matched all the colors she saw. Why did she see colors? It looked like she lives in a cartoon.

"Can you open your eyes?"

Can you open your eyes? Open your eyes? Eyes? This echo was horrible. Were her eyes closed? Why did she see the colors? It was obvious Sofia talked in colors to her. She never did that before. Or Sara never saw them before.

Carefully she opened one eye only to find out, the colors were still there but fainted away softly. Instead of a rainbow colored face Sofia's face looked ordinary and worried. Did anything happen that made Sofia worry?

"What happened?" Gosh, her voice had better times. She sounded like swallowed a dozen rusty nails and had some sandpaper for dessert.

"You fainted."

"Oh. Why?"

"Stress."

Where did Jules come from? She hadn't been here before, did she? At least Sara couldn't remember but there wasn't much she did remember. They were shopping, bought all furniture they needed and…she was hungry!

"What time is it?"

"Time for me to get back to work." Jules got up. "Sofia will explain everything to you. Stay down a little bit, you need to rest. I come back after work."

"Thanks Jules, I appreciate it."

"No problem. Take care of the godmother of my child."

Sofia sat next to Sara, took her hand. With concern in her eyes she observed the brunette who wasn't sure if she wanted to sit or stay like this.

"Do you want something to drink?"

"Yes." Maybe her voice became normal after a sip of water. She sounded a little bit like Bonnie Tyler, with the difference, she wasn't able to keep a note. "Thanks." The water felt good. "What happened? Why did I faint and what was Jules doing here?"

"She was the first who came to my mind when you fainted. Two years ago she knew what to do when you had a bout and I wasn't sure if it's not another bout you had so I called her after I checked your pulse. It wasn't that high like when you fainted the first time here."

"Why did I faint?" She had no memory of that. Did she lost conscious in the shop? While they bought furniture? No, they had coffee and donuts later. Oh god! She lost conscious in the car? Was there an accident? Was anybody injured?

"Sam."

"Sam?" Who was…oh. Oh. Sam. Right, they made it home and Sam was there.

"Your brother waited for us, he wanted to talk to you. With my gun you forced him to step back, told him he's your past and you don't want him in your present or future and offered him to walk away or shoot into his leg and call the cops. Somehow he believed you would really do that and frankly, in that moment I had no doubts about it either. We went into the house, closed the door and you collapsed in the living room. After I checked on you I called Jules and Don. Both were here within minutes, we got you on the couch and waited for you to come back. Don is on his way to the pharmacy, you hit the vase, it broke and cut you. We need new band aids."

Sara lifted her hand. A bloody band aid was on it. "Shit."

"Nothing serious but we're out of band aids. He gets some disinfections spray too."

"Is Sam really gone?"

"I haven't seen him, neither has Jules."

"Good." Sara closed her eyes. "I'm sorry I scared you."

"Not your fault. Besides I'm way too proud of you. You made your brother leave, you talked to him, calm and firmly, never gave him the chance to get into you…until you were inside. He made you vulnerable but you didn't show him, you kept your face until you were with me. And with me you can be vulnerable because you know I'd never use it against you. I take it as a compliment that I'm allowed to see you like that."

"Whom am I supposed to trust if not the woman I love?"

"Nobody." Sofia kissed Sara gently. "Somebody is hungry." Sara's stomach growled for the second time and got louder and louder.

"A little bit."

"Shall I order some Chinese food?"

"Sounds good. I can…"

"You are supposed to stay down, did you not listen what the doctor said?"

"She isn't a medical doctor."

"No, she's the only doctor you trust and do what she orders, makes her the best. She's your doctor Quinn while my doctor Quinn doctor Bendler is. Great woman."

"Are you slobbering over another woman?"

"Only a little bit. Great woman, great doctor, not even close to you, Honey. You're playing in a separate level, one nobody else will ever reach. I get the phone, stay where you are."

"Yes nurse." Sara smiled a bit. She could Sofia enjoyed the fact she could take of her. After all those weeks Sara took care of the blonde, it was the other way around now.

* * *

><p>"Are you again on the couch or still?" Jules asked Sara when she and Greg entered the living room.<p>

"Don't treat her like she's uneducated child." Greg reprinted his fiancé. "She's my best friend, change your tone." He sat next to Sara, hugged and kissed her. "Are you all right, Honey?"

"Yes, I'm feeling much better, thanks. And yes Jules, I stayed on the couch. My blonde and beautiful butler gets me everything I need. Only once I had to get up to use the toilette. When my Doctor Quinn tells me to lie down, I do it."

"Doctor Quinn?"

"Sofia called you my Doctor Quinn. Apparently she was the doctor everybody trusted. I learnt it was a TV series and will watch an episode at one point."

"I got you a bag of your favorite potato chips and a muffin from your favorite bakery. Vanilla strawberry, the lady there said these are your favorites."

"She's right. Thanks Greg."

"Can I do anything else for?"

"Could have a look what Sofia does in the garden? She went out five minutes ago to start the barbecue and I'm afraid she'll end up on the barbecue herself if nobody rescues her."

"I take care of your lover. Where's Don?"

"At work. He supervises a case they want to close today. Guess who else can't wait to get back to work and doesn't understand she's not supposed to?"

"The lieutenant. I talk her out of it. Try to."

"Thanks." Sara sat up and petted on the spot next to her as a sign for Jules to sit down. "Don't be mad with Greg because he defended me."

"I'm not, don't worry. He worries a lot about you."

"Like I worry a lot about him."

"You see in him your little brother and he sees in you his big sister, he has to defend and fight for. When you need him he comes from everywhere to you."

"Some women get mad and jealous when their fiancé cares so much about another woman."

"Lucky for Greg and you – as being the other woman – I'm not that stupid. The first thing I saw of him was how he lifted you up, hugged and kissed you. Then he denied any closer contact to me because of you, because he wanted you to finish your therapy first. He loves you, Sara. In a different way he loves me but nevertheless it's the same strength."

"Yeah…after Sofia he's the most important person in my life. And I heard you were dating somebody else when he asked you out."

Jules laughed. "Indeed I did. A very good looking doctor, trauma surgeon. My mother was absolutely over the moon, she arranged the first date."

"Trauma surgeon versus CSI, hard decision."

"A very good looking man with a lot of money, a house in Beverly Hills and on a Caribbean Island, four cars and a yacht versus a handsome man from Las Vegas, who has more humor than money and would walk through the fire for another woman. What do you think made me choose Greg?"

"The fact he would walk through fire for another woman; your patient. You knew he is able to love, has a bigger heart than the doctor houses and would change his life for somebody else. Your doctor would have never moved to another city, earn less money or leave his house for you. The doctor wanted another nice accessories for his collection, Greg wants a woman with a heart and soul, who has her own life and own decision. I bet Mister Superdoc never tried to find out who you really are, what you really want during the dates."

The other woman smiled. "One of the things Greg asked me when we had dinner the first time was, what I dream of. If he wasn't a CSI but a fairy what was the dearest wish I had. So I turned tables on him and asked him what his wish was. Without hesitation he said he wished that his family and friends would be happy and healthy for the rest of their lives. Because there are no fairies, he continued, he had to do his best his wish comes true."

"That's my Greggo. What is your wish?"

"I share the wish of my fiancé and like him I try to make this wish come true. There's no reason why we can't be our own fairy."

"My fairy is outside and having her with me is my wish came true."

"You're very lucky to have her and she's very lucky to have you."

"Yes. You know." Sara pulled Jules in her arms. "I'm really lucky to have you too. That we became friends, that you were my therapist. Since I met you, you save my ass all the time. Are you my guardian angel?"

"Kind of. If you ever tell somebody you were my patient I'm in big trouble."

"I think more than enough people know about us and none of them will ever blame you for our friendship. Quite the opposite. Be glad you were not one of my clients when I worked in Las Vegas."

"I'd be quite dead then. Why don't we get up and go out, have a look what your…did you ever think of marry Sofia?"

"Don't put ideas in her head! Don't! Never ever repeat this question! You know the first thing she told me after she found out you're pregnant, was, she wants a baby too! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that out of her head?"

"Oh Sara." Jules bopped Sara. "Sooner or later she wants you to pop the question or pops the question herself. Probably when you get the invitation to our wedding."

"She won't get it and we'll be on vacation somewhere far, far away."

"You and your therapist should talk about your problems with commitments."

"No, we talk about my fucked off family situation." Sara got up. "That will occupy us for a decade or so."

"Need somebody to talk about what happened this noon now? I'm sure we can stay inside a little bit longer and leave our better half to the barbecue."

"You're off duty, doctor."

"As a doctor yes, as a friend not."

"Not today, okay. I need to sort it out for myself first."

"Okay. You know how to reach me and I hope you will call."

"Will do." Sara took Jules's hand and walked with her into the garden. Despite all the bad things that happened in her life she was lucky to have friends who were always there for her.

* * *

><p>After all this time of using the wheelchair in the bathroom Sofia knew when to stop and turn it so she didn't bump into everything. It took her still a lot more time than before in here but she got better every day. Nevertheless she was happy when she could stand and walk again. Soon. A few more weeks. At least she could do more and more with her left arm. When she was very careful she could brush her teeth holding the toothbrush in her left hand. Amazing. It wasn't an useless limb anymore.<p>

Feeling brave and loaded with energy she got out of her wheelchair, held on to the doorframe, opened the door, needed a second to find her balance and jumped on one leg to her bed, the last yard with one huge jump and ended up on her right side next to Sara.

"Before you tell me off for jumping let me tell you I love you."

"I love you too and when you do this again I kick your lovely ass. This had to be painful for your shoulder and arm."

"Don't know, I took some painkillers earlier."

The look Sara gave her lover said more than a million words. Under this circumstance it was even worse. The blonde couldn't feel when she hurt herself.

"Is your phantom pain back?"

"No, this time it was the wound, the upper leg."

"Shall I check if the wound looks all right?"

"It does, I checked it. No infection, only pain. Hey, I could brush my teeth with the left hand, cool isn't it?"

"Yes." Sara smiled. "Your therapy pays out. Soon you can join Don in the department."

"One more week and I want to go back. My ability to work on a computer is limited so far but I read some files and do some light work. Please don't ask me to stay at home any longer, I go crazy here. I won't work eight hours day, I won't chase any bad guys but I need to get out." Sofia pleaded. She had never been somebody who felt good inside a building for a long time. This was a reason why she wanted to be a cop, to get out, move around.

"I won't stop you."

"Are you mad?"

"Of course not. I love you and I want you happy. You've been at home for almost two months, I can understand you want out. How do you plan to get there?"

"Kyle or Lynn can take me there and back…we do have busses in Los Angeles and they bend down for you. On Monday my parents are still here, if anything goes wrong, if I'm stuck, I call them."

"Okay."

"Really? Okay?" That seemed to be too easy.

"Yes."

Sofia eyed Sara suspicious. "Too easy. What comes now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Yes, nothing. You want to go back to work, I won't stop you. You love your job, you need it and you've been for a while. As long as you don't overdo yourself."

"Thanks. I take care of your girlfriend."

"Good."

"Will you take care of my smoking guns girlfriend?" Secretly Sofia had to admit seeing Sara with her gun was very sexy. She liked that and she was close to ask if she could take a photo of her lover with a gun. Sara Sidle, the revenge angel was back!

"Yes." Sara laughed.

"I thought for a moment you shoot your brother."

"No, I was never close to it."

"You certainly looked like it."

"That was my intention. Like it was my intention to see how good you can hold a gun in your left hand. Looked really good to see my detective with her gun."

"Lieutenant."

"Lover."

"I'm whatever you want me to be." Sofia switched off the light and got her arm around Sara. Tomorrow they couldn't sleep in, the brunette had to work late. "Do you think your brother will leave you alone?"

"Hard to say. He's stubborn. Maybe he'll be back tomorrow, I don't know. I made it obvious I don't want to talk to him, he made it obvious he wants to talk to me. We'll see where this ends. Of course I wonder what exactly he wants. What made him care about his mother and sister after all those years? Does he have his own family? Wants to get married and thinks he needs his family for it? Is he ill and needs a donor? These and a lot of more questions I've asked myself since the phone call from my mother and I came up with the same answer the whole time: I don't care. It's not like I wish him anything bad, he can live a happy life wherever he wants but I don't want him being a part of my life. All that is my past and I want to leave it there, that was the reason why I told the police about Trevor, so I can close this chapter for myself. It happened, I can't change it but I don't need to relive it every day. When I see Sam there's no happiness inside me. Nothing that indicates I want him as a part of my life. All I feel is disgust, disappointment and anger. Maybe this changes one day, if so I'm willing to talk to him. Until that day I don't want him in my life."

"What does your therapist say about it?"

"We'll talk about him tomorrow." Because of her bout Sara cancelled her appointment with doctor Luria and got a new one for tomorrow. "What about you? Your own PTSD therapy?"

"The therapist is satisfied with me, said because we started early I've good chances PTSD won't hit me hard. There are some nightmares, I do suffer because I've lost half of a leg but I can see and feel happy times too. That's a good sign."

"You're a fighter and a survivor."

"We. We are both our saviors and we're both survivors." And as long as they were together there was nothing they couldn't fight and conquer.


	36. Chapter 36

**Thursday, September 8th**

"How does it feel?"

"Amazing-weird-strange-great-wahoo." Sofia let go of the edge of the table. She could walk. She walked. On her own feet. Well, one foot was hers and one was her prosthesis. Step by step the room was hers, she was tall, she was able to get things out of the shelf. She could reach the chocolate now! The world was hers again. A free person.

She was in hospital, had an appointment with the orthopedic there to get her prosthesis and because doctor Bendler had helped her the whole time, she asked her to be there too. Two opinions were better than one. If one made a mistake the other could correct it. She wanted this prosthesis to be perfect, take it home and learn to make it one with her body. Her transtibial prosthesis, or how the doctor called it, her BK – below knee prosthesis. Carbon granite, extremely strong and apparently ready to do everything with her, she did before.

"Wow! A small step for mankind a huge step for me. Doc I can walk." Sofia smiled at doctor Bendler. Screw the protocol, she hugged the other woman. After all she was one of reasons why Sofia could walk again. Was alive at all.

"I can see that." Doctor Bendler smiled.

"Thank you so much."

"You're welcome. I'm glad you're happy again and walk."

"Do you feel any pain?" The orthopedic asked. He was in his late fifties, his short gray hair hadn't seen a comb in the morning, of that Sofia was sure. Crazy hair, just like somebody she knew. Was this the older and doctor version of Greg?

"No, no pain. It feels strange, unusual but it's because I'm not used to it. Like a new shoe you wear."

"Does the shoe fit?"

"If this was a sexy red high heel I could tell you, I know how they feel when they fit. I never wore a prosthesis before. I don't feel any pain, so the socket should be good. Can I go out and show Sara I can walk again?" Her lover sat outside, she was here to see Sofia walk again. Of course she was here.

"Okay, walk around a bit with her, take her in with out and we check on your leg again. The way you walk tells me your right and left leg have the same length, that's very good."

"Yeah otherwise I need two different pair of high heels. One two inches and one three inches."

"Try sneakers, they're better than high heels." The orthopedic advised.

"Boring. Explain him why women need high heels, doc." With a smile Sofia walked to the door. It was time to show Sara how she walked. With one last deep breath she opened the door and stepped outside. Maybe her steps were a little bit shaky now and then but she walked and she…she fell into Sara's arm.

"Are you all right?" Sara worried, holding her lover tight. Not that it wasn't a nice feeling to have Sofia in her arms, this wasn't part of the plan.

"Absolutely." Maybe she needed a little bit more practice and had to build up some muscles again. "I can walk. Most times without stumbling. Do I look sexy?"

"Yes."

"You can come in after we walked a little bit to see if I have any pain when I walk. You're allowed to stay with me. They want to check my prosthesis. I can't tell if it fits or not so they've to answer this question themselves. I want you with me, it's an important moment."

"Do you have any pain?" Sara took Sofia's hand walked with her down the hallway. It felt great to have her lover next to her side, they were at eye level again. Finally. No more bending down to look into these deep blue eyes she loved so much. No more bending down to kiss the woman she loved.

"No. I feel there's something – which I think should be good, my nerves are working around my wound – but it's not pain. You feel new shoes and when you walked in them for a while you don't feel them anymore."

"New shoes?"

"Yes. Do you think I can wear high heels with the prosthesis?"

"Why would you want to do that?"

"To have long and sexy legs." Why did she ask Sara? Her girlfriend wasn't a fan of these sexy shoes.

"You don't need high heels for that."

"Don't you want me to dress up for you?"

"No, you're not my toy, you're my girlfriend. I want you to dress in a way that keeps you healthy. And I prefer when you undress yourself for me. Get used to your prosthesis, walk in flat shoes and when you walk like before, feel safe and think you need high heels, do it."

"You have almost two inches of me, with heels I can be as tall as you are."

"I love you just the way you are."

"Thanks." Hand in hand they walked back into the room. With a wide grin Sofia stopped and turned around herself. Back and happy.

"How does your new leg feel?" The orthopedic asked. He wasn't impressed by her smile or her turning. "Do you have any pain?"

"Good. No pain, feels comfortable. I need to practice a little bit more, when I walked out I stumbled and ended in the arms of this wonderful woman."

"Hello Sara, you saved her again?" Doctor Bendler smiled.

"Hi, yes I try to do my best like she would do for me."

"And we try to do our best for her. Have a seat, Miss Curtis, we check on your leg again."

Sofia sat down and let the orthopedic check the prosthesis again. No, he wasn't a fun man, he was a matter-of-facts-man. Boring. She liked doctor Bendler more. The surgeon had some humor when she wasn't playing bad ass doctor. A bad ass doctor and a bad ass cop. They were so cool.

"You need to come in for regular checks."

"Can I go back to work?"

"Of course but please don't chase suspects. You can't climb and jump down walls, get in physical fights or do anything else that endangers your prosthesis. Especially at the beginning it's important to start slowly."

"Basically you tell me I can't continue my job, I've to be a pen pusher." Sofia stayed in the office the last weeks and she hated it already. Caught in a building, on a desk and the highlight of the day was the trip to the copier. If this was her future too she had to change something.

"Yes"

"Other people want to run at the Olympic Games."

"With a special prosthesis and only running, no fighting, not jumps from higher buildings or walls. You can play basketball later if you want."

"I've to become something very boring…like Deputy Chief."

"You will make your way. All right, everything looks good, you're free to go."

"Thanks. And thanks for being here, doctor Bendler."

"You're welcome. If you have any problems call us."

"I will. Come Sara, we can leave and I know exactly where I want to go first."

"A café to get some muffins?"

"No, a much better place." Sofia took Sara's hand. She had thought about what she wanted to do when she was able to walk again for a long time. There was one place she wanted to go first, a very special one.

* * *

><p>"You must be kidding!" Sara starred at the building in front of the car. This was the place Sofia wanted them to go to first?<p>

"No, I'm serious." She unbuckled her seat belt, got her arm around Sara's right arm, snuggled onto her shoulder and watched the building. The five star restaurant in Malibu, the place they had dinner one night. The dinner Sofia won in a club. The restaurant next to the ocean, with high prices, high end view and a menu to die for. More important: the night, the place they kissed for the first time. When they were here their relationship changed from friendship to love. For a long time Sofia wanted to come back to here, celebrate what the evening had given them, enjoy the view again. Now, almost two years after the first kiss and the first day she was able to walk again, this was the place she wanted to be with Sara. Here and nowhere else.

"You want us to have lunch in there?" Did she missed her girlfriend winning the lottery? They couldn't afford a lunch in here. After spending so much money on the new rooms, Sofia's medical treatments and the blonde not being on full money it was crazy to eat here.

"Absolutely. With a walk on the beach later. And a kiss. Or more than one. I need breaks when I walk."

"Sofia, it's…"

"Expensive? I'm aware of that. Compared to the fact I can walk again it's cheap. Please, we don't need a three course menu, lets have something small, a salad. We have dinner later anyway."

"A salad here is a three course menu somewhere else." Sara could remember the prices and she saw no need to pay a lot of money for a little bit of salad. Of course the restaurant was great, the look was priceless but they could also get something else and drive with the car to another nice place on the beach.

"Please. It's a special place, our first kiss place. It means a lot to me."

"Okay. If this is what makes you happy."

"No, this is what makes me really happy." Sofia kissed Sara gently. "The restaurant is only the ambience to be happy, has a romantic background story."

"Did you book a table?"

"Yes. I hoped I can talk you into going here."

"You're crazy."

"Crazy in love with you and very happy. Come on, we might also share a cocktail on the beach. Remember the little bay they have? The perfect place to snuggle up, feet in sand and sunshine on our face."

"For a cop you're very romantic."

"Use it for your advantage please." Sofia got out of the car. She was able to get out and stand up, could walk around the car, open the door for Sara and offer her a hand. Being able to walk made her feel like a grown up again.

"We aren't dress the way we should for this place." They both wore long skirts and tops. Sofia had beach shoes while Sara wore sandals.

"We look good." It felt a little bit strange to walk stairs again. Mostly because of the prosthesis, she felt it every time she moved. Not a bad feeling, still no pain only… there was something that usually wasn't there. With one hand on the railing and one holding on to Sara Sofia managed the twelve steps and needed a break. Who would have thought she was in such a bad shape? Twenty yards from the car to the stairs, twelve steps and she felt like she ran around the reservoir. From tomorrow on she'd exercise harder and more. Daily walks to the reservoir or the dog's playground.

"Until we can make long walks on the beach it will take some time."

"That's okay. When we take the dogs our we simply take the new wheelchair with us." Sofia was able to push herself in the wheelchair so they exchanged her old one today for a new one. Lighter and with no electric motor. She was supposed to walk as much as possible with her new leg but for long distances she needed a wheelchair.

"I hate to say this but you're right. My personal torturer will have a lot of fun with me. Treadmill and all the other things he has in his room."

"You practice a lot at home." They had half a dozen exercise machines on the third level and Sofia worked out a lot. Their personal gym was very handy for her and her favorite spot in the house next to their new bedroom. This looked the way they had planed. A big glass door led them to the balcony, big enough for a table, a little garden swing and two chairs. On wall in their bedroom were two wardrobes and shelves for their clothes and shoes, the desk next to the glass door was the whole day in light. Two dressers next to the door to the hallway and the bed under the window. Every night they could watch the stars before they fall arm in arm asleep.


	37. Chapter 37

In the second bedroom were two cots, a comfortable pull-out couch, a little wardrobe a shelf. So far they hadn't used the room. The bathroom had a bathtub, a shower Sofia was able to use with a wheelchair, a toilet, two basins and a cabinet. The little open kitchen faced the gym and like Sara said ones, you can fix yourself a snack in the kitchenette and go straight to the exercise machines afterwards. Or you spend an hour on the recumbent and eat afterwards whatever you deserve. All in all their new level was great fun for all of them.

"There was not much else to do for me plus the more I work the sooner I can return to my old life. Most parts of it." They waited for a waiter to show them their table. At this time of the day it wasn't very full, only a handful of tables were occupied and their waiter showed them a table outside, in shade and with a view onto the beach. Not bothering with the menu they ordered two small salads, a bottle of tap water and bread with dips.

"They didn't stare at me."

"Of course not."

"You can see I don't walk normal."

"You limb a little bit, that's no reason to stare at you."

"And you can't see the prosthesis under the skirt. Or what you see is not obviously a false leg. I'm glad they make them nowadays look like real legs, when I wear closed shoes and a long skirt it looks like it's my leg."

"It's your leg. Your new leg. It's a part of you."

"One I can put aside."

"Like me."

"Why would I put you aside? I'm not that stupid." Sofia took Sara's hand. "I want you close, as close as possible. Nothing between us is perfect."

"You can have perfect tonight, we have a reason to celebrate. First with our friends and later alone."

"In case you have a day off tomorrow, tell me tonight so I don't wake you up in the morning because I think, you slept in."

"Okay."

"Or you tell me now."

"No, the deal was I tell you after we had sex." Sara grinned.

"Right. Something to look forward to. Until then: thanks for coming here with me."

"Thanks for inviting me."

"I wanted some time with you alone."

Sara raised her eyebrows. Since when did they have to go away to have some time alone? They had their own room, Don wasn't at home.

"Do we have anything special to discuss?"

"Yes. Nothing bad."

"What is it?"

"You know I've been working the last weeks and I talked a lot with my captain about how my day will look when I have my prosthesis. He says I can't go back to the streets, it's too dangerous and there's no way I pass the tests. Means the place to be for me is dispatch or a desk. Not my world, I can't stay inside the whole time, carry files and talk into the radio. The thought of listen how my colleagues work cases, chase suspects while I'm damned to sit around and to nothing drives me crazy."

"Nevertheless he won't let you go back?" Not that Sara was unhappy about it, she was glad Sofia's boss wanted her safe and when safe meant she had to stay away from the streets, so it was.

"No."

"What does that mean for you?"

"That's what I want to discuss with you. Your opinion matters to me and my future job is your business too."

"I picked my job without you." Sara smiled. She remember how horrified the blonde was when she found out, Sara applied in fast food restaurants.

"We weren't a couple back then. Now you would talk with me about it."

"Do you have ideas what else you fancy?"

"Yes."

"You thought already about it!"

"Guilty." Sofia smiled. "I wasted a lot of thoughts about it and one is my favorite. First I'd like to know which jobs you don't want to see me in."

"I don't want to see you working any kind of job that makes you unhappy."

"Okay. What kind of job would you like me to work? Don't say anything that makes you happy. Be more specific."

"Something you can be outside, makes you use your head, has with law enforcement to do and be around people."

"I can't be a cop anymore."

"No, you said so. What is your idea?"

"You will think I'm crazy."

"Crazy in love."

"Yes." Sofia sighed happily. Crazy in love she was, without a doubt. "What would you say when I tell you I think of becoming…a…CSI again."

"Seriously?" Sara looked surprised. The blonde changed back to cop because she enjoyed this job more. Why go back to the lab now?

"It's law enforcement, I work with people, can go outside and use my head. There's no need for me to chase suspects, I've officers who will secure the scene while I can work."

"I think it's a good idea. You were a great CSI, there's no reason why you shouldn't continue where you stopped a few years ago."

"That's what I thought. Plus I can work with Greg again. This time he can teach me a few things, all the new machines I've no clue of."

"I'm sure he'll enjoy that and I will know you're in good hands – and Greg is in good hands too."

"We take care of each other if we can work together. I wanted to talk to you first before I put in an officially request. So far it's between you and me and there are a few doubts if this is the right way, if I shouldn't give the police work another try, maybe y boss can offer me something that makes me happy…but…yeah, if you agree the chances are high I'll be a CSI soon."

"Why would I say anything against it?"

"I don't know, I couldn't think of a reason, nevertheless I wanted to hear your opinion first. How it feels for you to have a CSI lover."

"Good because it makes you happy and you keep the city safe."

"Serve and protect – slightly different than I did the last years. Watch out, bad guys! I'll kick your ass, one way or the other I'm gonna get you!"

* * *

><p>"Wow, nice legs." Don pulled Sofia in his arms and kissed her. "Good to see you eye to eye again. What took you so long to come back home?"<p>

"Sorry, I invited my lovely girlfriend to lunch in an expensive restaurant in Malibu. We had to talk about a few things. I thought it's fair to tell her first I'll quit my job and start something else."

"What? You just tell me this like we talk about the weather? You can't quit, no fucking way! We need you, you're our lieutenant."

"Not anymore. I talked with the captain about it on our way back, tomorrow he'll get my resignation."

"No! No! No! You can't do that."

"Don." She took his hand. "I can't work the way I used to and you know I don't want to end up calling you to give you new cases."

"Work without you…sucks."

"If my plan works out we will continue to work together; only not as detective and lieutenant."

"What is your plan?"

"I ask if I can become a CSI again. This way we will meet at the scenes, you have to protect me from all the bad guys and I work law enforcement."

"A CSI? They forced you once to be one and you took the next best chance to be a cop again. What makes you think this time the job makes you happy?"

"I can't be a cop anymore, I hope there won't be a boss like Ecklie and it's the best alternative I've got. Yes I wasn't happy as a CSI in Vegas, mostly because the Sheriff volunteered me to it, never asked. This time it's my decision, it's not perfect but when you can't have perfect and there's no change you ever get it, you have to settle with the second best. A CSI, work with you crime scenes, have you look after me and we can interrogate suspects again."

"Okay."

"Hey, we will share crime scenes and when you destroy any evidence I'll kick your ass!"

"Oh yeah? Show me your leg so I can decide if I'm scared or not."

Sofia lifted her left leg. It was strange to see somebody touching something that looked like your own leg and not feeling anything. She couldn't feel his hands, not if he pressed his thumb tight or stroke softly with it. If her eyes didn't tell her Don held her leg she had no clue about it.

"Feels hard. How does it feel to walk with it? Wear it?"

"Strange. I'll get used to it. At the moment I can't walk a lot, when I'm in my room it will feel like I've climbed a mountain. Probably I need to take a break in each story."

"There's some space in my bed in case you need to rest longer."

"Thanks, if I can have Sara by my side and you use our bed."

"Why don't we all sleep in my bed?"

"Because there's only one person I share a bed with and that's her. My better half, my angel. Talking about my angel, there she is."

Sara and Sally came into the garden.

"Hi Don." Sara's arm got around Sofia's waist and she pulled her lover next to herself onto the garden swing.

"Hello lucky woman. Finally you can hug your girlfriend without problems."

"Finally she smiles again and doesn't look sad whenever she wishes to walk again."

"You will break Toni's heart." Sally said. She was in her early twenties, went to university and wished she could be an actress one day. Until that day she'd continue to study geology and philosophy, work as a waitress and go to every casting she knew of. Her long brown hair was tied back into a ponytail and the green eyes hidden behind big shades.

"Where is he?"

"Buying cake. To celebrate and to comfort himself." Toni was the second new housemate. Both, Sally and Toni, lived here since three weeks and so far they fitted in good. No fights, no loud discussions. Together they wrote down house rules to make sure everybody was aware and fine with the – so far unwritten - house rules. Everybody was allowed to bring guests, if the guests stayed over they were supposed to let the others know and keep the noise down. When they had parties in the garden it was clear they cleaned after themselves and during the week at ten pm. was the party over. On Fridays and Saturdays it was midnight. This way their neighbors were happy too.

"In this house somebody buys cake every day. How am I supposed to get a job when I put on a pound every week? What am I supposed to play? The Titanic?"

"A drama queen from the baroque era?" Toni joined them with a big bag. "Give me a hug, my golden angel."

Sofia laughed, got up and hugged the man who was half a head shorter than she was.

"Wow, you're tall."

"No, you're short."

"I'm not short, I'm quadratically, practically, great." He petted on his belly. What he was missing in length he had enough in being wide. Or like he introduced himself when he met them the first time: I'm like a basketball just that I can't jump that high.

"Now I've to look up to see you. What a pity, it was nice to look down on somebody, I don't have that very often."

"Sorry. But if that makes you a little bit happier, I continue to use a wheelchair."

"Which hides your nice ass. There are ups and downs on each side."

"Toni, when I catch you starring on the ass of my lover I throw you out of the house."

"Sara, do you want to be guilty of giving L.A. the next earthquake? When I fall out of the window there'll be a big boom…and I'll roll into the reservoir, which will be empty afterwards."

"Nut case." Sara shook her head.

"I see myself as a new Woody Allen in a different shape. Eccentric is word you're after." It didn't really surprise Sofia when she found our her second new housemate was also trying to get his foot into the movie business. He saw his destiny behind the camera, telling the stars what to do.

"I see you making coffee."

"Always blame the little fat ones…one day, we and our big brother and supporter – the golden seagull – will rule the world."

"One day people will realize what is really in the burger you get at the shops of your big brother and all the other fast food restaurants and they all become vegetarians."

"Yuck. Green poison."

"Aren't they great together? Like a comedy show." Sally leant back.

"My Sara is full of talents." Sofia smiled. Sara on TV. She'd definitely watch this program!


	38. Chapter 38

"Who is missing?" Sofia furrowed her brows when the doorbell rang and her dogs started barking. Everybody she knew was here. Kyle, Lynn, Greg and Jules arrived an hour ago, they were complete and ready to eat.

"Why don't you use your new ability to walk and have a look?" Don suggested. "The time is over when we had to open the door all the time."

"Yes Sir." She got up, needed a second to find her balance and whistled her dogs back. No more sitting around and wait while somebody else had to answer the door. She could walk and was she also able to jump? The tiny hopper she tried was not even close to a real jump and at the same time she felt very, very proud of herself. Yes she can! Hah!

With a smile she pulled the door open.

"Mom! Dad!" Her parents. Were her eyes playing her a joke? No, she saw right, her dogs were happy and jumped around her parents.

"Look at you!" Her mother pulled her into her arms. "You can stand, you can walk. Oh Honey, I'm so happy."

"So am I." And she cried. Why did she start crying? There was no reason, it was a good day, she should laugh and not cry.

"There, there. No need to cry, Baby." Her father pulled her in his arms. "You walk again, everything will be fine."

"No…yes…I mean…"

"Why don't we get inside?" He pushed her softly in the house. "Where is Sara?"

"Garden party." Sofia sobbed. Dignity, where are you? She turned into a baby when her parents surprised her. No wonder she couldn't work as a cop anymore. Lieutenant Whiny would be her new street name.

"Everybody is celebrating because of you? See, you make people happy, come together and have a great time. That's my girl."

"You're just in time for the steaks and sausages."

"Your father has always a good timing for food." Marie chuckled and followed them into the garden.

"Marie! Marc!" Sara jumped up and hugged the parents of her lover. "I thought you were caught up in traffic."

"We were."

"You knew they'd come?" Sofia asked, wiping away the last tear. It was necessary all her friends saw she was a whiny baby.

"Of course. I told them you'd get your prosthesis today so we decided it's a good surprise for you when they come along. Surprise."

"A great surprise. Thanks. How long can you stay? Don't tell me you have to leave tomorrow morning."

"Three nights."

"Cool. Oh, I can introduce you to our new housemate: Sally and Toni. Both want to work in Hollywood, finally we have some future stars here."

"Dreaming of becoming a star doesn't pay the rent."

"My mom says the same all the time." Sally sighed. "At the moment I'm a geology and philosophy student, part or more main time waitress and then comes Hollywood."

"Nothing special about people who pretend to be somebody they aren't, try to play you and build up sceneries that aren't real. As a cop you have these things every day."

"Marie, leave our baby alone! Stop suggesting everything has to do with police work. Maybe she wants to go a different way now."

Sofia looked at Sara. Did she tell her parents about their conversation today? The brunette only shook her head like she read her lover's mind.

"And you're Toni?" Marie gave Toni a firm look over.

"Yes, the one and only. Captain Curtis I assume."

"Correct. Are you only a dreamer or do you have a real life?"

"I work in an IT shop."

"At least your new housemates do work. I worried you end up with two stars from the day after tomorrow."

"I tried to talk her into taking two really hot chicks from our department but she said this won't be a police house." Don sighed.

"Because she has the best cop with her." Marie got her arm around him. "I'm glad you're here Don and I hope you will stay with my baby forever."

"I think this job is taken by your daughter-in-law."

"They both need you."

"Like I need them." Don smiled.

"How do you feel with your new leg?" Mark asked his daughter.

"Good. I need to work on my shape, I'm out of breath after a few steps…and mom…you need to be very strong now."

"Why?" This was supposed to be a good day, no bad news were allowed. She came here to see her daughter happy.

"I won't work as a cop anymore, no pen pusher, no dispatch. Tomorrow I give my captain my resignation. I talked to him today, it's all wrapped solid."

"What?"

"I want to work as a CSI. This way I can be in the law enforcement, can work on crime scenes and be around people."

"If that makes you happy…will you work with Greg?"

"Hopefully." Sofia looked at Greg. "Will you be my teacher?"

"Of course."

"And I take some private lessons by Sara. Care to help me out, Honey? Read the new books with me?"

"Sure." Sara smiled. Reading new forensic books with Sofia? That was like having the chance to experience the time again when they both were CSIs. Talking about evidence, DNA and traces. Maybe, just maybe, Sara would find her interest in crime scene investigating again. Wouldn't it be great if Greg, Sofia and her end up in the same team at one point? Since she was Los Angeles, since she was in love with Sofia, nothing seemed to be impossible.

* * *

><p>"What took you so long?" Sofia complained when Sara came into the bedroom. For over five minutes she sat on her bed, starred alternatingly to the door and an envelope in her hands. The one she got from her mother when they said good night and was only supposed to open when Sara was with her. Unfortunately her lover got stuck in a conversation with Greg on her way up to the bedroom.<p>

"Some gossip from Las Vegas."

"Since when are you interested in gossip?"

"Since I'm with you, gossip girl."

"Is the gossip worth delaying the grand opening of the letter?"

"Maybe. Why does your mother give you a letter anyway? And why are you supposed to wait until we're alone to open it?"

"If you had been here earlier we would know by now. Tell me the gossip."

"Catherine will get married."

"What? When? To whom?"

"Next month. She and Vartann will get married in Hawaii, on a little island there, very romantic."

"Exactly what I want."

"Exactly what Greg wants. He'll try to talk Jules into it."

"I'm afraid your former therapist isn't a fan of these things. A wedding on a little island means, your family has to stay out and there's no way her family will stay away. No, our Greggo will have his wedding celebration in Los Angeles, where his parents-in-law are, his own parents can come over and his best friends will be there to drink all the beer with him… and take care of the kids when they go on honeymoon."

"Are you telling me we'll have toddlers in the house for two weeks?"

"Yes and we'll both enjoy it, godmother Sara."

Sara grumbled something. Godmother. She wasn't happy with this, there were so many doubts if she could be a good godmother when she had no idea of children.

"Envelope?" Sofia offered with a smirk.

"Yes."

"Good." Carefully she opened the envelope and pulled a sheet of paper out.

_For Sofia and Sara_,

was written on it. Sofia recognized the handwriting as the one of her mother.

_My dear children, after all these weeks of pain, fear and desperation there was a positive change today. Sofia got her leg back. Of course, a prosthesis can never replace your real leg but it gives you most of the freedom back you lost the last weeks. And missed dearly. For us as your parents we felt the pain you felt. To see how your daughter suffers, how she has to fight every day not to give up, to be strong is as painful as it is for you. The fact that we live in different cities makes it even worse. All the more we are happy Sara was and is there for you. Sara, there are no words to thank you for what you did and do for Sofia. We'd like you to know we're very grateful for it and we hope you and Sofia will always be this close, will always be there for each other. That's what a relationship is meant to be. Being there in good and bad times. A problem shared is a problem halved and sharing luck and happiness doubles it. So after all these pain, all these hard times we thought it's time for the two of you to share – and so double – some joy. Therefore we got this little present and we hope you will accept and enjoy it. _

_Love your mom and dad_ .

Sofia opened another sheet of paper. "Wow!"

"Yes, wow!" Sara stared at the paper. A voucher for two week in a four star resort in the Dominican Republic. All inclusive.

"You deserve some time out, some time just for yourselves, without worrying about anything – not even the breakfast." Sofia read the little note next to the voucher.

"Two weeks in a resort? Why do they buy something like that?"

"Because we deserve it, you read what my mom wrote. They want us away from all the trouble, all the problems and give us some time for ourselves."

"Can we take this gift?"

"If you plan not to accept it, you tell my mom and I buy something black because there'll be a funeral soon. Save us all the trouble, be happy we got it and start packing your suitcase in your mind." Sofia smiled. A holiday trip. She had something like that on her mind herself. As a thank you for Sara. After all these weeks her lover did everything for her, didn't have the chance to live her own life, Sofia played with the idea to buy them a trip. Like Sara did last year as a thank you for Sofia.

"Okay. So we'll go on holidays…is there a date?"

"No. Do you have a date on your mind?"

"For two weeks in a row I need to wait a little bit longer. After this weekend work will slow down but I think the best time would be from the middle of October. What about you?"

"Well, I won't be a CSI before the beginning of November, need to wait until a spot as a CSI opens up…. or I stay a pen pusher until the middle of October, when I know there's an end it's easier to cope, we go on holidays and hopefully I can start as a CSI after it."

"Sounds like a good plan. I talk to my boss about the time off."

"And I talk to mine and mention in my application to my future boss I'd like to start my job in the first week of November. After we spent two weeks on a beach, let people bring us cocktails and cook for us. We'll feel like pop stars."

"You are my star."

"I thought I'm your savior."

"You are my savior – and my survivor. Both. An amazing woman."

"I think we're both saviors for each other and both survivors by nature. That's why we fit together perfectly." Sofia pulled Sara un her arms and kissed her gently. Yes, she and Sara were very alike, very in love and very much meant for each other. The perfect couple.


	39. Chapter 39

**22nd of October**

"Wow!" Sara starred at the room. Spacious, white marble floor, windows down to the floor, furniture held in white with light green decorations, white table with four chairs, a king size bed and a build in the wall wardrobe. Judging from the size of the doors a big one.

"Yeah, wow." Sofia agreed. On the right hand side were two doors. The first one lead them into a spacious bathroom, again everything in white with a shower, bath tube, two basins, a toilet and a shelf. On top of the shelf were towels and lotions. The second door was for a small and tidy kitchenette. A microwave, fridge/freezer combination, a kettle, sink, a small oven and two cupboards. A fruit bowl was there with at least five different kinds of fruits. In the fridge Sofia found a cooled bottle of water and a bottle of sparkling wine.

"We've got dinner – fruits and sparkling wine, no need to leave this room today. Want a glass?" Sara took the bottle out.

"It's just a little bit after noon."

"So?"

"Yes." Sofia gave the man who carried their suitcases and badge a tip and walked to the big window. Behind them was their balcony and a view. A view to a white beach, deep blue water and palm trees. All less than two hundred yards away from them.

"Wow again. You need to see this. We have an undisturbed look at paradise."

"Coming." With two glasses of sparkling wine Sara joined her lover on the balcony. "Yeah, wow again. That's…more than nice."

"Tell me about it." One arm around her lover's waist, the sparkling wine in her other hand the blonde pulled Sara closer and kissed her gently. "Almost as good as my company for these two weeks."

"Thinking about the fact my parents-in-law paid this I think I'm the lucky one. Who can say their in-laws pay such a trip and it's not even a honeymoon trip." Kissing the blonde hair of her lover the brunette watched the beach. Only a handful of people were there. According to the hotel information this was a private beach, only hotel guests were allowed. To get her daughter and daughter-in-law a lot of privacy Marie and Marc booked a small hotel. Fifty beds, mostly honeymoon holiday maker. No families, no children, no teenager. The perfect place when you wanted to be undisturbed and were in love.

"The only thing that can disturb our perfect holidays is a hurricane and the hurricane season is over."

"Babe, with you I hide in a cellar, drink more of this excellent sparkling wine and make sweet love to you for hours on a bed like we have in the room. Shall we test it?"

"Don't you want to go to the beach first?" Sara chuckled. The whole flight Sofia was anxious about the beach, having a swim in warm water, go snorkeling, lying in the sun, have a cocktail and watch the blue water and wait for a dolphin to show up. No word about staying in the room.

"The way it looks to me the weather will be also fine in an hour or so. I need a shower to get the stinky smell of the plane off me, want you to join me in the shower and when we're undressed we can stay naked and test the bed. There's a reason why they made it the center of the room. It must be the main attraction."

"Hard to believe when you see the beach."

"Might depend on who you have with you to share the bed. In my case it will be the highlight of the whole trip."

"Am I allowed to finish my sparkling wine before we take our shower?"

"Yes. While we do that I've a look at the barbecue here. It should be perfect for dinner. Can you picture us here, with a barbecue, a salad, a cocktail, watching the sunset and later the stars?"

"Absolutely." Sara smiled. "I can even picture me having you as my dessert here."

The blonde grinned. "Nice idea." The balcony had a railing of stone and to the left and right were stone walls so the neighbors couldn't see what they were doing. "Some nice music, a candle or two and the bed might have to wait for us a little longer. Nice. The sun lounger looks cozy and is big enough for two… well I think everything here is made in a way that two people can use it at the same time. I wonder how my parents found this."

"They were here a couple of years ago."

"What?" Sofia looked surprised. "How do you know?" Why did her lover knew this private detail about her parents while she had no clue they had ever been to this country at all.

"Marie told me."

"My mother and you seemed to get along very good. Sharing little private secrets."

Sara grinned. "Careful what you do and say, I might tell her everything."

"I'm very sure you won't tell them what I'm about to do with you. Finish your wine, it's time for a shower and an inspection of the bed."

"Didn't you say you were hungry when we arrived?"

"I am. It's not food I'm after, I'm hungry for something else, more delicious and much better than any meal can be." Sofia took the empty glass out of Sara's hands, left it on the barbecue and cupped her lovers lips with her own. They could have another glass of sparkling wine later. And some food.

* * *

><p>"This is a great way to start our holidays." Sara took the bottle of sparkling wine from Sofia, took a deep sip and kissed her lover with her cold lips.<p>

"The best. You taste really good with sparkling wine on your lips, maybe I should drink it from you."

"You think?"

"Yes."

"Okay." Sara took another sip, pressed her lips on Sofia's and the blonde sucked the sparkling wine out of her mouth. Her own glass, a Sara glass. Everything would taste a little bit like her girlfriend this way. Perfect.

"Very good. Makes an ordinary sparkling wine to a delicacy. Sparkling wine with a hint of Sara Sidle, a treat only I get. Priceless."

"When we drink the whole bottle we won't the leave the bed." The bottle was more than half empty and Sara felt the alcohol in her head and the rest of her body. Or was it the heat of the sex with her lover? Both was possible, both was good. And needed to be repeated.

"Yeah, we should take a break, go to the beach, have a look around the hotel, get us something to eat. We do have all inclusive, I've no idea why they built a kitchenette into the room. Who wants to cook when you get everything served?"

"The woman who loves her barbecue? Who is obsessed with making her own steak, have her beer next to a smoking barbecue and wants to be alone with her girlfriend during their dinner. People like her need a kitchen to fulfill all her dreams and wishes."

"And we need the fridge for the sparkling wine and the beer we get later for our barbecue. Your salad has to stay cold while we wait for my meat, and have some…starter… okay I get the reason for the kitchen."

"We can have some ice cream in the freezer."

"I love you." Sofia sighed. Wasn't her lover just perfect?

"Love you too. Shall we get up and dress?"

"Bikini, skirt, top."

"Sounds perfect for the beach."

"It is. Everybody will see I have a prosthesis, they can talk about it, get used to it or fuck off and later we can have a look if there are nice people around we want to talk to." She was used to people talking about her behind her back. It happened a few times in L.A. and she didn't care anymore. If it made them happy they could talk. "Later means tomorrow because we have already plans for tonight. Plans, we don't need company for."

"Honey, this is not our honeymoon. When your parents ask what we've done all the time you can't tell them we had sex all day."

"Why not? Besides, I said we can meet nice people tomorrow. This our night. Or do you want to go out and meet some people?"

"You should know the answer, you know me." Sara nibbled on Sofia's earlobe. Did she ever wanted to see other people when she had the chance to be alone with Sofia?

"You want me tonight. And if you continue what you do now we won't leave the bed for another hour."

"Mhm…you were hungry, we should leave…or has your appetite changed again?"

"Of some things I can't get enough."

"Chocolate, ice cream, muffins and your girlfriend."

"My girlfriend is on top of this list."

"Good to know." One last kiss and Sara sat up. They needed some food. "Time to have a look around. Can I choose what you wear?"

"Sure."

"The pink bikini, the white skirt and the pink top. What about me?"

"Green bikini, brown skirt, white top. It's a pity you don't have a white bikini."

"Do you want other people to see me half naked?"

"No. You're mine."

"Forget the white bikini in this case." Sara got up, walked through the room to their suitcases. Every step she took was observed by Sofia who wasn't sure if she could really just get dressed or had to pull her lover back to bed. They were in paradise, had a lovely bed (as their test had proved) why should they leave this place? Plus when she stayed here she could see her girlfriend longer without clothes and watching her naked was…her favorite pastime.

"Your eyes are pinning me down on the bed." With their bikinis the brunette came back to their bed.

"My brain does even more."

"Get dressed!"

"Only when you undress me later."

"I will."

"Can't wait for that." Sofia sighed and put on her bikini.

"Here." Sara handed her lover her prosthesis.

"Thanks. I'm glad I can take it with me into the water. The hotel does rent surfboards, don't they?"

"Yes. Shall we give it a try?"

"If you play my teacher. I'd like to give it another try and I'd like to go snorkeling with you. And parasailing."

"We'll spend a lot of time away from the bed."

"That's the downside." The blonde walked to her suitcase and got her skirt and top out. "The good thing is, we'll be together, I can kiss you all the time – okay not when we snorkel – and hold your hand. And we'll get a lot of cool photos. Us, up in the sky, parasailing. That would be such a great poster for our gym."

"You mean like Don's?"

"Better." Don did a skydive and got a poster of him in the sky, the ground a thousand yards under him. He put it in the gym, next to a collage of their basketball photos, Sara on a surfboard and the house playing beach volleyball in Santa Monica.

"Would you do a skydive too?"

"If that's okay with my leg I'd think about it? What about you?"

"Not my cup of tea. Same for a bungee jump."

"You can hold my hand when we both jump."

"No, thanks."

"Okay, we don't jump from a building…or a bridge. What else can we do? Crazy and dangerous?"

"Nothing? We don't need another injury. Don't tell me you have to risk your life now in order to feel alive."

"No. A kiss from you makes me feel alive, you're better than extreme sport. You make my heart jump, my pulse run and get me over the edge in a very satisfying and safe way."

"Good. My enthusiasm for watching you jumping off plans, bridge or high buildings isn't big. Parasailing is okay, all the other things…we can get our kicks in a safer way. Like on this bed."

"Or on a beach."

"This might not be the best beach for sex on the beach – only for the cocktail. And I'm not sure how open minded the people here are when we kiss."

"We should be fine here on the hotel's beach. If I recall the travel guide correctly we shouldn't kiss nor hold hands when we're out on the streets. Means when you want to go shopping you have to treat me like an ordinary friend."

"I'm supposed to treat you like a friend? How is that supposed to work out?"

"The same way I've to ignore the fact you lie next to me on the beach, in your short bikini, only a foot away and it's only look and dream and not touch and kiss. We will spend a lot of time in our room, I suppose."

"Absolutely! Paradise just got a few scratches. Silver Lake may not have a white beach but I can walk around, hold your hands and kiss you. Only a friend. There won't be any shopping tours this holiday. And when somebody at the hotel beach complains about us kissing and holding hands we complain about them and stay in our room, drinking all their expensive champagne and cocktails."

"Honey, sometimes you're so much like your mother." Sara grinned. The angry Sofia looked so much like an angry Marie. Both Curtis women didn't like it when people tried to tell them what to do and not to do. Rules that made no sense to them had to be bend and if possible taken out of their way. Both weren't open for arguments and discussions. Lucky for her, she loved them both and could handle their temper.


	40. Chapter 40

With an alcohol free cocktail in their hands they sat half an hour later under a palm tree and watched the ocean. A few more minutes and they were free to go into the water, after they applied suntan lotion on each other. It was hot, the sun was strong and none of them wanted to end up in their room for a few days because they got sun burnt the first day. Especially Sara could remember the pain when she became the 'Lobster of Venice'. Between them was an empty box of pizza, their lunch of choice. Not the typical hotel food but perfect for a snack on the beach.

"The man at the bar couldn't understand why we want to use our barbecue. Women don't operate a barbecue. Pffff, men think they're the only one who can make the perfect steak. I bet I'm better than their chef."

"Of course you are…well, you'll look much better in the apron with nothing under it."

"Want me to wear one tonight? With nothing under it?"

"Actually your bikini is just fine – and less cloth." Sara bent over and kissed Sofia's cheek. "If we get cursed at now or something hits our head the people behind us don't enjoy seeing us kissing."

"That was barely a kiss…shall we show them what a kiss is?"

"Lets start slowly, shall we?"

"Bo-ring." Sofia kicked some sand with her fins. They got a snorkel set for their whole trip, cleaned it and took it with them to the beach. Their room key was at reception, their valuables in the safe in the room. The hotel offered beach towels big enough to lie on them and stay sand free. Why again wasn't this a good place for sex on the beach?

"You are a little Miss Trouble today, aren't you?"

"I'm yours. Today and always."

"Come here." Sara pulled Sofia over and kissed her gently. "I can't pretend you're a friend when you say things like this. And hey, nothing can happen to me, I've my lieutenant with me. She protects me."

"I'm not a lieutenant anymore." Sofia sighed. Her job as a lieutenant was over. Like her whole career as a police officer. When she left her office last week it was the last time she was in the police department. At least as a police officer. The next time she'd be in there was as a CSI. Back to the time where she met Sara. Back as a CSI level three. But better a CSI than a pen pusher cop. These weeks inside the department drove her nuts. She needed fresh air, had to be out. Like a wild animal.

"For me you'll always be my lieutenant, no matter what your job is. Lieutenant Lascivious."

"I did keep my handcuffs."

"The fluffy ones are nicer."

"What if I packed them?"

"You didn't." Sara looked half amused half shocked at her lover.

"My dear, you'll find out. Maybe you find yourself one morning after you woke up cuffed to the bed and will be my personal toy for the rest of the day."

"Will I get food and drinks?"

"Yes."

"Bathroom breaks?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I can be your toy."

"I keep that in mind. Are we ready for the water?" Sofia let her finger run over Sara's skin. "Feels dry."

"In that case we're ready. Nevertheless we should be back in the shade in half an hour and return to the water later in the afternoon."

"Sounds sensible. We can shoot some pool in the bar or use the indoor swimming pool."

"With an ocean in front of our hotel I'd feel stupid to use the indoor pool. Pool, billiard, on the other hand is a good idea. We do have to get revenge for the last time we went out with the guys to play billiard. They won. This could be the perfect opportunity for us to practice. Beach and snorkel time in the morning, when the sun is too hot we play pool and later we go back to the water."

"Plan a few stops in our room for some privacy and I'm with you."

"Planed."

"Wonderful." Sofia got up and offered Sara her hand. "We do get looked at, could be because of the kiss, my prosthesis or because we're so sexy and everybody simply has to stare at us. Pick one."

"The last one."

"That was my pick too. Come on, my brunette goddess lets swagger our way to the water, enjoy the reef and leave the water even sexier than Ursula Andress did in James Bond a few years ago."

"The "Dr. No" movie? 1962 is a little bit over a few years ago. We weren't born when the movie was filmed."

"Are you a James Bond Fan?"

"Some movies were great."

"Well, this scene was great, she looked sexy."

"Honey, when you leave the water the way she did, you'll look sexier."

"Last summer I had."

"Your prosthesis doesn't make you not sexy."

"Maybe not the prosthesis but the fat around my waist."

"Fat? There's no fat."

"Yes there is." Sofia took the skin around her waist in her hands. "I put on five kilo, this is fat. My apps are gone, no more six-pack, it's a little keg."

"To me you're the most beautiful woman in the world and I'm sure if you were a celebrity, there were a lot of people who agree with me. This cute little stomach isn't fat, it's healthy. I told you months ago there's no reason for you to starve like one of these stupid Hollywood women. They can starve as much as they want, most of them are plain ugly and it's written all over their face, has nothing to do with the rest of their bodies. When you have a rubber boat in your face, paired with a ten times broken nose so it looks tiny and cute, the skin of your cheeks is behind your ears because of the face lifting you can't look good. You might look like a porn doll, a blown-up doll, but not like a beautiful woman. And you are a beautiful woman, the most beautiful woman."

"Remind me I need to kiss you at least ten minutes for that when we're back in our room." Sofia squeezed the hand of the brunette. "The thing is, I enjoy food too much to stop it and when the prosthesis and I are better friends I can do more exercise."

"We can go for a swim twice a week. It's good for your leg and the rest of our bodies. The swimming pool isn't that far away."

"I love that idea." Sofia put on her snorkel mask. "And you even more. Shall we discover our beach?"

"Side by side?"

"There's no reef that gets me away from you." Letting themselves fall into the water they put on their fins and started snorkeling. To their joy it was also possible to snorkel and hold hands for a while. Things got better and better.

* * *

><p>The smell of meat on the barbecue was in the air. For the split of a second Sofia wondered if she disturbed other guests by using the barbecue. Then again, it was here on the balcony, it wasn't decoration, people were supposed to use it. They won't use it every night, that was too much work and a hassle. After all, there was a great buffet downstairs, for free. Only today they felt like a barbecue, like being alone and sitting here, watching the steak, the two corn cobs and a filled pepper. It was a little bit like they were at home, only this time there was no garden, no dogs and no friends around.<p>

"The view here is really great." Sara looked at the ocean, savored the last rays of the sun on her face and smiled. "The only thing that's missing are our friends and the dogs."

"Yeah, apart from that it's perfect. I mean I want to be alone with you later, it's why we're here, for the barbecue I wouldn't mind them around."

"We're away from home for a day and miss it already."

"Strange, isn't it? Guess Silver Lake means home and these guys are family."

"They are. Like the guys in Vegas were."

"You have a part of your Vegas family now with you in Los Angeles."

"Two. My blonde detective and the crazy hair CSI."

"Happy with them?"

"Absolutely." Sara kissed Sofia. "I love them. The blonde like my lover, the CSI like a baby brother." Her thought moved to Sam, her real brother. She hadn't heard of him since the day she used Sofia's gun to send him away. Everything should be fine but she still had the feeling it wasn't over. He would come back.

"Don't think of Sam." Reading the mind of her girlfriend Sofia took Sara's hand. "He isn't worth your thoughts."

"I've the feeling he isn't gone forever. He'll be back in our life."

"And we'll kick him out again."

"He and my mother…they are my family too. Unfortunately. Blood family. Sometimes I feel guilty for keeping them out. Then again I remember what they did or didn't do and…I'd like to forget them, forget they exist and ever were a part of my life. Which isn't possible according to my therapist."

"Doc Luria is right on that. They are a part of your life, so is your high school. A part of your life but not important anymore for your present and future. It taught you a lot but that's it. You can use the knowledge from this time, everything else is not important anymore."

"Lets change the topic, we're on vacation and not therapy. We're far away from home, from all the problems and when you don't turn your steak it will be more than well done."

"Oh!" Sofia jumped up and turned her steak. It was supposed to be medium rare and not well done. "Oh, it will be crunchy from the outside."

"And soft and juicy from the inside?"

"Yes. Does the thought of a slightly bloody steak make you feel sick as a vegetarian?"

"No. Did I ever complain about your steaks? Or the fact you like meat?"

"Not that I remember. It could be something you want to change about me."

"I love you the way you are, that you're not a vegetarian doesn't matter."

"Every time you say you love me I feel like a million butterflies are in my stomach and start a race. Usually this feeling left after a few weeks or months of a relationship, with you it stays. You must be the one, Sara Sidle." Sofia pulled Sara in her arms and kissed her softly.

"Tell me about it, these butterflies seem to get more and more. Looks like we have to live with each other for a while. A long while."

"Forever may not be long enough for our love." Snuggling into Sara's arms the blonde watched the sun touch the water. "Time to watch the sunset, darling. In a few minutes we need candles."

"Also very romantic." The brunette got the bottle of sparkling wine. A little bit was left for them before it was time to have a beer with their food. Who would have thought they had a bottle of sparkling wine before dinner?

"So my parents have been here before?" The thought was stuck in Sofia's head. How could she not know her parents had been here? She thought she knew about all their vacation trips.

"Yes. When they had their twenty-fifth anniversary. Where were you? As their daughter you should have known where they were."

"All they told me was they'd go away for their anniversary, to a hidden and secret place so nobody could surprise or call them. I had no idea where they were, all the mentioned after they were back, it was an island, it was warm and they had a great time. You don't want to know more private details about your parent's holiday. The thought they might have been in the same bed and…no! No pictures! Aaaaaargh!" Sofia held her head with both hands and shook it. Not good! Really not good! She had a movie in her head and it was worse than a horror movie.

"They did the same things we did and will do."

"No picture! Don't say things like this!" She had to stop this movie.

"Honey, they're your parents, they had at least once sex. Twice because you have a brother. And I'm sure these two times weren't the only times."

"Will you stop it?"

"What's wrong with having sex after twenty-five years of being married? I plan to have sex with you in twenty-five years, married or not."

"That's different."

"Why?"

"That's us. I don't want to think about my parents…no! I need to check my steak!"

Sara chuckled. When it came to her parents her lover was a little bit old fashioned. Of course her parents had sex and Sara was sure, they still had sex. Maybe it was different to think about it when they were your parents, a think Sara didn't have to think about. Her father was dead, her mother in prison, if she had sex there…Sara didn't care. Like she didn't care what her mother was doing at all.

"Have you heard anything of our neighbors?" Sofia put her steak on a plate, checked on the corn and pepper. The veggies needed a few more minutes.

"No."

"I wonder if they're this quiet, the walls are thick or they're not in their room. There's a varied entertainment program downstairs."

"Live music band. We can listen to them tomorrow, have a few cocktails."

"To me most of people here look like they're in their honeymoon or planed this as their love escape…how many couples here are in reality not involved with each other? Officially involved. It's a great place to take your secret affair to. Quiet, romantic and nobody asks questions."

"Is the curious woman or the police lieutenant who wonders about this?" Sara grinned.

"Both. Aren't you curious? Don't you wonder about them?"

"No. All I care for is you. They can be married to whoever, have affairs with whoever it doesn't matter to me. All that matters are you. But if you plan to have an affair and take her to a place like this let me assure you, I haven't lost my CSI skills, will find the evidence you cheat, hunt you down and let your and her body vanish forever."

"I should feel scared or threaten when you say things like this but I feel very attracted to you when you made it obvious I'm yours. Makes me want to jump you." With one jump the blonde was in the arms of the brunette, kissing her passionately, her hands slipping under the thin top, moving up to Sara's breasts, softly caressing the nibbles.

"Are you having dessert before dinner?" Was all the brunette could moan.

"Only a little taste of dessert so the time before I can actually taste it won't be this long. Love this taste." Sucking the sensitive skin of her lover's throat, her hands never stopped, the thought of dinner became more and more unimportant.

"Who wants dinner anyway?" Sara managed to switch off the barbecue before her hands got the blonde, pushed her towards the sun lounger and pulled off the top. They could have their food later, at the moment they were hungry for something else. Something much more delicious than a steak or a salad.


	41. Chapter 41

"Sorry for the cold steak." The smirk Sara sent her lover told her she was everything but sorry for the cold steak. Laying on the sun lounger, naked, covered with a beach towel, they had the food and beer around them.

"I can see in your face how sorry you are."

"You started it."

"And you were happy to take it to next level. Looks like today we're not able to finish anything without ending up having sex."

"Is it something you dislike?"

"Stupid question. It's the perfect place for it. I'm glad we have some music on so our neighbors might not heard everything. Most people don't like to listen."

"Or we inspired them and this night there will be a lot of love around – and in a couple of month there'll be a lot of babies, all because of us."

"Talking about babies, did you send Greg a text?"

"No. What time do they have now?"

"They're four hours behind us…we could send them a text…later. I sent Don a text when we arrived, together with my parents. When you text Greg, ask him how my babies are. I miss them."

"You haven't seen Jules for a day, not a month."

"So? She's pregnant and changes every day. Don't you want to know how your godchild is?"

"My godchild fine because Jules is very responsible and does everything to make the babies happy. She stopped working, will spend a lot of time at home, relax and prepare the rooms. And has some time to work on a few articles she wants to publish."

"You had a long talk with her."

"Yes. We met for coffee and muffins two days ago when I came home from work. I stopped by her office, we stayed in there for an hour and talked. It was a little bit like back in the days only this time she wasn't fighting to get into my head and we had nice topics."

"You let her into your head willingly."

"Most times. She doesn't mess with it, she tries to tidy the mess up."

"What am I doing?"

"You?" Sara kissed Sofia's tip of the nose. "You make my head spin with your kisses and touches. You make my head forget everything but you. You give my head peace and distracts it from things that worries it. You're the best medicine for my head and the rest of me."

"I won." Sofia grinned.

"You always win. Nobody can hold the candle to you. And there are no shrink tricks that will change that."

"Those are the words I want to hear."

"I know some more: do you want some chocolate cake?"

"We have chocolate cake?" Oh yes, these were words she wanted to hear. It was an unnecessary question, she always wanted chocolate cake and yet….they had chocolate cake? Why didn't she know about it?

"They have it at the buffet, it's open for another hour. We can get some for you."

"Chocolate cake…sweet temptation…no…we have to get up for it, get dressed, walk down, talk to people in the worst case, get back here. Too much trouble. There will be a cake tomorrow and then I can take a few pieces up here, leave them in the freezer and eat them later."

"Okay. How is your leg?" A change of climate could make the blonde's injured leg sore. Or all the salty water.

"No pain. The salt water didn't do any bad, I've been in the ocean in L.A., Sara."

"Yes you were. Nevertheless I worry and want to make sure, you're all right. There's a doctor around in case you need one." She was sure Maria had been aware of that when she booked the trip for them.

"I know. There hadn't been a problem for weeks, Jules's mother checked on me a few days ago, no need to let fear disturb our holiday mood. The only problem with the leg is, I've no idea how to get up on the surfboard tomorrow."

"When there's no wind like today we won't surf because there're no waves. I haven't listen to the weather forecast but it could be we'll have another day for a snorkel trip. The resort offers trips to a reef, we could do one of them. And book the parasailing. One day I'd like to get to a bigger town, have a look around the market and buy a few things."

"Souvenirs. Will you buy something for me?"

"You're here yourself, Sofia."

"So?"

"Maybe. If I see something that reminds me of you I'll buy it. We left enough space in our suitcases to go shopping."

"Yeah…we'll have to do laundry while we're here. Strange activity for a holiday."

"It was the only way to have all these free space for the shopping. You plan to buy a couple of skirts, tops and your beach towel." The blonde had a long list when they were in L.A. of things she needed. In case she bought all of it they had to buy another bag for the flight back.

"I buy a beach towel every time I'm somewhere new. And a shot glass. If we ever make a trip through Europe I need an extra suitcase for my towels and glasses. Is there anything you buy all the time when you're at a new place?"

"Sometimes a shirt, a book, postcards. Postcards are perfect, they're light and don't need much space."

"Oh yeah, we need to take photos for the photo book I want to make of this trip." Sofia bought a water-, sand- and shock proofed camera for their trip to take a lot of photos of them in and around the water.

"Take a few of the room."

"Tomorrow, after the room service tidied up the mess we made. Shall we pick up our clothes before they come in?"

"Do we need them at all?" Sara had never been a friend of the room service. Strangers picking up your clothes, going through your things to tidy up a room. A little bit like a CSI at a crime scene. Too much work related. At home they didn't clean their bathroom every day, didn't tidy up everything and didn't change the towels every morning. Why do it here? The environment was happy when the didn't have a lot of laundry every day.

"No…I doubt they'll stock up the fridge with a new bottle of sparkling wine. We can get bottled water from downstairs. No, there's no reason for them to come in here. They can take a break instead."

"I'd like to watch a sunrise while we're here…have you seen any kind of tours to the other side of the island for this? We won't see much when we stay here."

"If they don't offer one we rent a car." Sofia bent over to get the beer.

"Sexy back."

"Only the back?"

"The rest isn't that bad either."

"My girlfriend still checks me out, very good. How tired are you?"

"A little bit. We got up early, had a long flight and were quite active – not only in the room. When we finish our beer we can get the things inside and go to bed, I wouldn't mind."

"Okay. Two more songs, a little bit more of snuggle and cuddle and we get up, clean up and go to bed. Before that you text Greg."

"I will. Plan one for tomorrow is sleep in?"

"Yes. Then breakfast, a snorkel trip, have another look around the resort, ask about the tours, play pool, back to the water, dinner with live music. In between a lot of time for ourselves. We'll be very busy."

"Sounds like it. The time in between, we have for ourselves, has to make up for all the stress we have outside the room. Plus I want an early afternoon nap, this is a vacation, there must be time for a half an hour or an hour nap."

"I'm in. Means we can stay a little bit longer awake in the evening, in case the music is any good. I'd like to dance…as good as I can still dance." Sofia hadn't been out dancing since she had the prosthesis. Most times she felt embarrassed because she couldn't move the way she used to. It was hard enough to walk like nothing happened, the limp was visible and frustrated her often enough. When people she knew from the clubs saw her like this, saw the way she danced now, they could laugh. On a bad day she wasn't strong enough to face them, face their comments. It was hard to face the rest of the world and their comments.


	42. Chapter 42

**Sunday, 23rd of October**

"I got a few nice shots of you in the water." Sofia played with her camera, shot another photo of Sara next to her. "Especially the photo strip I took when you left the water, very nice. I think I want them as my new desktop photos on the computer. My sexy girlfriend, walking out of the water. This will make me drool all over my task board and daydream about you and our trip."

"Not the things you're supposed to do while you're at work. You're not a sleepy donut eating cop anymore, you're a hard working CSI."

"I was a hard working cop."

"Give me the camera."

"Why?"

"Because your photo book needs photos of you too. We can play model on the beach."

"Why?"

"I want a few photos of you that make me jump off the chair when I see them at home and jump you."

"Shouldn't we take more private photos in our room?" Sofia grinned.

"I'm not talking about you naked, you're supposed to keep your bikini on."

"You want me play with the camera and you in the water, stay dressed and make you want to jump me?"

"Make the guys turn their heads."

"Make them jealous? Make them envy you for being my lover? We can do that. My skin feels dry, the sun lotion is ready to protect us. Can you take a photo of me diving? Head on the sand, feet to the surface?"

"We can try."

"A few with the body board?"

"Absolutely."

"Lets get started." Sofia got up, grabbed the body board and went to the water. Sara took the chance to take a few photos of her girlfriend – and her backside. There was no question Sofia took photos of her, close ups of her ass, legs and breasts, she knew her lover. They had to select the photos later, a few of them weren't for any other eyes than their own. A shot of her ass as a big photo on a single page wasn't what she wanted.

Taking a few photos of the blonde in the shallow water, putting on her fins, Sara did the same and followed her in the deeper water. A shot of Sofia lying on her back on the surface on the water, a couple diving under water, doing a handstand, blowing her a kiss under water they were very busy with the camera. Getting more used to the water they tried to take photos of them kissing under water, arm in arm.

"I could strip for you under water."

"As a former cop I don't have to explain to you what happens when you do this on a beach that's not a nude beach."

"All men will jump into the water and try to get the best look." With a smirk the blonde swam closer to her lover.

"Did you notice we got the attention of one couple already? They were a few yards behind us on the beach and didn't look too happy about us kissing on the beach."

"One single little kiss."

"One too much."

"Old-fashioned, narrow-minded people." Sofia knew which couple Sara referred to. The comment the man made was loud enough to hear it where they were.

"Told you some people might not like seeing us."

"They can look somewhere else." Embracing Sara's waist with her legs the blonde pulled the brunette closer. "And if I feel like having sex with you right here in the water there's nothing they can do to stop us. Having you this close, feeling your skin on mine makes me consider a quickie here."

"Forget it."

"A kiss?"

Sara kissed Sofia's tip of her nose. "We're here to have a holiday, not to piss people off and fight with them. When they have a problem with a little kiss it's their problem, we shouldn't provoke them."

"Okay. For our peace. Do you think we can leave the camera on the board, use the autotimer and take a photos of me lifting you up? Like in "Dirty Dancing" or close to it."

"The angle is impossible, we've ten seconds to prepare for the photo. Maybe we can try to take a photo of me lifting you and all you see of me are my arms."

"Only when I can try the same with you."

"Deal." Sara took the camera and board, tried to find the best position for the camera, programmed the autotimer, swam back to Sofia, dove and tried to lift her lover up. Whatever picture the camera took it wasn't what they planed. The blonde ended in the water, not very elegant.

"They call this planking nowadays if I'm right." Sofia said when they both got back on the surface. "This wasn't a good photo example. My body is supposed to look like a board and it looks more like a S."

"From the position the board has we have a photo of the beach, not of us."

"This kind of unwanted photos is in movies most time a photo that shows a crime or a criminal. We have to keep it."

"We're not at work!"

"No but when a crime happens we're the best the resort can get. A little crime scene during our holidays…you can be the CSI and I'll be the cop. Like back in the days. Or we're both the CSI and turn the resort upside down."

"How about we're guests, have a quiet holiday time, relax and you go back to crime when we're back in L.A.. Like any other ordinary couple."

"We're not an ordinary couple but if that's your wish we do it. Shall we also try another photo?"

"Did you enjoy the first try?"

"Your hands were on my body, of course I enjoyed it."

"We'll try it again." Sara blinked at her lover and swam back to the board and the camera. Maybe they would get the photo they wanted, maybe not. As long as they enjoyed what they were doing it was perfect.

* * *

><p>"The twelve in the pocket on the left." Sara bent over the pool table, targeted with the white ball the purple one, shot and watched how, the white ball hit the purple one exactly where she planed it to hit and the purple ball rolled towards the pocket – and stopped two inch before. Even strong blowing didn't help.<p>

"Honey it stopped, when you blow it inside it's cheating and doesn't count." Sofia chuckled. It looked funny how her lover tried to blow the ball into the pocket.

"Who was the one again who tried to blow my ball away from the pocket a few minutes ago? I forgot her name, she was blonde…" Lucky for Sara she took a photo as evidence. Or more for her own amusement.

"That was self-defense. You told me this mean rule I had no idea of it exists."

The brunette grinned widely. After she had already four balls in the pockets and Sofia none she told her, if she cleared the table with her balls and the eight before the blonde got one away it was her punishment to run around the billiard table naked. Apparently this was a well known rule around the world.

"Since when are you shy?"

"Since this man at the bar sends evil looks at us. Give him a few more whiskeys and he won't leave it by looks."

"His wife will control him."

"Hopefully, I don't want trouble in my holidays."

"What's your next shot?"

"I try to hit with the white ball the yellow one…number nine. If that works out I hope it gets the nine closer to the pocket."

"Give it a shot."

Aiming the nine Sofia gave the white ball a solid shot. Unfortunately she used too much force and the white ball jumped over the yellow one and ended in the pocket.

"Oh for crying out loud."

"A ball ended in the pocket. Not the ball you planed but it's a start."

"You used too much force and the cue hit the white ball too deep." A man stepped next to the table and looked at Sofia. He was in his early twenties. Together with his girlfriend or wife he played at a table next to them.

"I'm a beginner – and have no clue where to aim the white ball to make it push another ball into the pocket."

"If you want I can teach you."

"That would be great."

"Are you teaming up with her against me?" Sara cocked her head.

"Only if you don't mind."

"You play with her and I join her." The woman joined them. "Hi, I'm Rhonda and that want-to-be-teacher is Jeremy. If he teams up with your girlfriend I can play with you if that's okay with you."

"Sure. I'm Sara that's Sofia. It's our turn, ball in hand. We play solid. If you want you can have the next shot for us."

"Perfect." Rhonda took the cue, placed the white ball on the table, aimed and the blue ball was gone while the white ball ended in a perfect angle for the purple one. A few seconds later the orange ball was gone and so was the last one of Sara's ball, the yellow one.

"Black into the middle pocket, nasty. How will you do it, Rhonda?" Jeremy asked.

"You think I can't do it?"

"Will be hard."

"Sara? What do you suggest?"

"Try to get the black ball in a good position?"

"Can't do that?" Rhonda shook her head.

"Why?"

"Because he'll finish the table off when we let him get his turn, the balls lie too perfect. We have to hit the wall over there and the black ball in a sharp angle, with a lot of power so it spins into the pocket."

"Uhm." Sara could see what the red haired woman planed and understood in theory what and how to do it. The plan would fail in her case by hitting the white ball in an angle it would just touch the black ball so it spins and had enough power at the same time to get it into the pocket.

"Are you with me?"

"I'd like to see it."

"You can't do it, you tried it before and missed. It's our game, baby."

"Shut up!" Rhonda aimed, let the cue get close for a few times to the white ball before she hit it. Hard and fast the ball hit the wall, rolled over to the black ball, hit it and made it roll next to the hole.

"Told you."

"Bite me!"

"No, we don't bite loser. Sofia, do you mind when I make us the winner?"

"I'd be delighted when you can do that." She handed him the cue. She loved winning.

"Not when, we will win." He tied his long brown hair to a ponytail, aimed and two balls ended in two pockets. Straight forward, over one corner, making it look like he played flipper Jeremy cleared the table like it was nothing. The black ball had to get into the opposite pocket like Sara and Rhonda had to, the angle was in Sofia's eyes impossible, he smiled, hit the ball and sent it over the table and straight into the pocket.

"Wow!" Now Sofia was impressed. This was exactly the way she wanted to play. Elegant, smooth and ending the game as a winner. She had to learn how to do this!

"Told you we'll win."

"Show off!" Rhonda grumbled.

"Save your jealousy, loser."

"You were lucky."

"Maybe. It doesn't matter I'll get my treat for it later. Want another game?"

"I want to learn to play the way you do." Sofia stared at him. Did he use magic?

"That will take some time."

"This show off is in the top ten of the best American pool player." Rhonda said. "He makes his money with shooting pool, don't be too impressed. It's his job, not a hobby."

"Job or not it looked amazing." Sara had to admit. "Impressing. And you were quite good too. Are you a professional too?"

"Yes, since this year. I don't play for such a long time like he does, made it so far under the top twenty and when Mister Pool takes pity on me and shows me a few tricks instead of teasing me the whole time, I can get under the top ten."

"Great, we will be the audience while you play." Sofia prepared the balls for a new game. They had professional pool players with them, the best teachers.

"No, we won't make a show game for you, we'll let you play and tell you how to play. Like a coach. What do you think, Rhonda?"

"Sounds fair. Any idea of the price?"

"You lose you pay the dive trip. I lose I pay."

"Deal. Do you bet as well?" He looked at Sara and Sofia.

"Uhm no. Although…if you win Sara I'll be your personal slave tonight Sara."

"You chose something you enjoy, Honey."

"So?"

"Deal. When you win I'm yours."

"I like them, they play for the same things we did before." Jeremy laughed. "I get another beer, want some too?"

"I take an alcohol free cocktail." Sara decided. "Otherwise I won't remember all the tricks I'm about to learn."

"Sofia?"

"A Heineken please. While you get the beer I go to the ladies."

"Good idea." Sara left her cue at the table, took Sofia's hand and walked with her to the toilets. When they passed the bar the man who had sent them a few not nice looks grabbed the arm of his wife.

"You stay here Billy."

"Bob, I want to go to the toilette."

"Not while these dykes are there. You never know what they'll do with you. It's worse enough we have to see them here in our hotel."

Sara felt how Sofia became slower. She tightened her hand. "Keep on walking, Sofia."

"They won't do anything, Bob." Billy answered. Obviously embarrassed by the loud words of her husband. Not only Sara and Sofia heard them, half of the bar turned and stared at them.

"You never know what perverts like them do."

A grumble escaped Sofia's mouth. "All I want…"

"Please, for the sake of our holiday and for me. Let it go." She held on to the hand of her lover, pulled her into the bathroom, away from everybody.

"He's an idiot and deserves…"

"He is an idiot and doesn't deserve a second of your time and attention." Sara pulled her lover into her arms. "I love you, when you want to give somebody your attention, give it to me. Kiss me and make me happy."

Still not convinced the blonde kissed her lover. "People like this Bob need to have punched the crap out of their heads so the brain can work again."

"Leave the punching to somebody else. Please."

"Okay."

"Thanks." No fight in their holidays. She didn't want to risk any trouble or have the manager asked them to leave the hotel. They had another twelve days of paradise and Sara didn't want to lose one of them.

When they were back at their pool table Jeremy was back with the beer and the cocktail too. "You all right?"

"Yeah."

"Ignore the idiot over there. I bet he's anti everything."

"My fist feels like getting comfy in his face. Unfortunately my girlfriend does not want me to fight for her honor."

"People like him are not worth the effort. You and me, we concentrate on the game, learn something so we can win in L.A. when we play against our friends. Remember the revenge we need for the last game we lost? This is our chance to learn a lot. Plus when the Captain hears you got in trouble for a pub fight she'll kick your ass."

"Captain? Are you with the army?"

"No, law enforcement. Or we both were, I am still. Sara used the be a CSI, I was a lieutenant before my leg stopped me. The Captain is my mother, she's a captain with LVPD and like my smart girlfriend said, when I get in trouble – in a hotel they paid for us to have some time off and time to relax – she'll kick my ass."

"He talks bullshit again we will all four go and ask him if there's a problem. Most times men like him shut up when they feel people don't share his view."

"Maybe the others do."

"Got any trouble so far?"

"No, he is the only one who looks strange when we hold hands or kiss."

"Means he's the only idiot around. There's one at every place I suppose. Okay, forget him, it's time to learn how to open a table. What do you usually do, Sofia? Get in position to show me." Jeremy gave Sofia the cue.

"I aim the white ball somewhere, try to hit it as hard as possible and hope not the white or black ends up in a pocket – or off the table."

"Your cue has no solid ground. Sara, don't throw your cue on my head but I need to get close to your girlfriend to correct the way she holds the cue and her hand."

"I'm not that jealous. Only if she enjoys your present too much and it will be her who get the cue on her head."

"Good to know. Try to relax a little bit." Jeremy stood behind Sofia, bent over her and corrected her hands, arms, the cue. "Get down a little bit, you need to see where the ball is, where it will go to when you hit it. Try let the cue run over your hand straight. You want to hit the white ball in the middle, try it a few times without hitting the white ball. Get a feeling for the cue, how to move it."

Sofia let the cue run a few times over her hand. Jeremy corrected her, watched her and finally gave the order to play the ball. With power the white ball hit all the others, made them roll all over the table. To Sofia's surprise one ball ended the pockets. This game she'd play solids. And with him as her coach she should be able to be as good as Sara was.


	43. Chapter 43

Kissing Sara's naked shoulder, snuggling closer to her and pulling her into her arms Sofia sighed happily. Could holidays be better than ending up in bed with your lover every couple of hours? Having nothing between you and her, no shirt, no shorts, nothing. Only soft skin on soft skin, the heat of the other body and hungry lips that needed to find each other.

"You know, my slave, I was pleased with you."

"Thanks my Lady, I was very pleased with you when you were my slave before." The brunette laughed. "Both of us won once, a fair game."

"Yeah. We played some amazing shots, I was surprised a few times the ball really ended where I wanted it to end – in the pocket. Rhonda and Jeremy are great teacher. And when they played the last game against each other I felt like watching pool on TV. She started and when it was his turn half of balls were in the pockets."

"I think both of them had three tries before the game was over. When I play on the computer, with these lines that shows you where the ball will end and you can choose the speed, I need more."

"Me too. I have their game on video, we can study and learn."

"We do have another lesson tomorrow."

"After a very active day." They had made plans with Rhonda and Jeremy for the next day. Together the two couples wanted to go on a sunrise tour with breakfast, have a dive alternatively a snorkel trip at a reef, take the car to the nearest bigger town, go for lunch, visit the market and a few shops and come back to the resort in the late afternoon. After dinner they'd play billiard again.

"Yes. A lot of photos for our photo book." Sara got the laptop on the blanket. "Let see what we took today, what really ended on the photo when we tried to take the funny beach and water photos."

"I haven't heard of a crime in the resort, we should be safe."

"Holiday time, not crime time." Sara entered the SD card into the card reader. "And I'm sure there'll be a few photos I've to delete because somebody took close-ups of my body."

"No! Don't you dare! My personal favorites."

"When I see one of them in the photo book…"

"You won't. I promise. They're for my own satisfaction."

"Do you plan to make your own Playboy magazine?"

"No, they have a lot of not beautiful women in this magazine, I make a Sara magazine, a whole magazine filled with photos of you. It will be impossible to pick a favorite side, all photos are amazing with you as the cover girl."

"You're the blonde, the cover girl." Sara opened the folder. A photo of them in their room was the first shot. Several followed of the room, the hotel and the beach before she found the first close-up of her legs.

A pleasant sigh escaped Sofia's lips. "Legs like a model. You should wear short skirts all the time."

"Wait until we see the photos of you."

"You took close-ups of me?"

"Yes." Sara grinned.

"What part of me?" She didn't want any photos of her legs, especially not the left one.

"All. I couldn't make a decision which part of your body is my favorite so I made a kind of photo collage of you. When I print them off I can clue them together and have a life-sized poster of you. The perfect decoration for the bedroom. It's been a while I had a huge poster of a person in my bedroom."

"You're kidding me, right?" This had to be a joke. Sara could not possible have taken a lot of photos of her, photos that would be used for a life-sized poster. And there was no way a poster like that would end in their bedroom.

"No."

"When you get a life-sized poster of me I want one of you. Only when we put your poster on the wall in our room we can talk about mine on the wall. Or the doors of the wardrobe. And who was the last person or band you had a poster from on your walls?"

"The Beatles."

"She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah! Sweet British pop music. I had the Swedish version, ABBA before I turned to rock music. And now, here I am, a stunning blonde with a stunning brunette next to me. We could be the female part of ABBA. Without the men."

Instead of an answer Sara looked at the next photo and at Sofia in a way she needed no words.

"What? I think it's a good shot."

"The whole photo is nothing else than my boobs."

"I like them."

"If I see this photo or a photo like this in your photo book or somewhere where other people can see it, you won't see any of my body for a long, long time. Am I clear?"

"You have a beautiful body."

"Am I clear?"

"Yes." Sofia grumbled. For her there was no reason why Sara should keep photos of her hidden. Her gorgeous girlfriend could make poster out of every photo she took of her and put them up in the whole city to show people how lucky Sofia was. This amazing woman was her lover. She was the only one who was allowed to get her hands on Sara's body.

"Did you not take any close-ups of me?"

"I did. For my own pleasure and mostly because I knew you did the same with me before. And I don't want to see any of your close-ups in the book either. Your body is my property, nobody except me is allowed to see your body in this way."

"You can be very old-fashioned."

"Am I also clear?"

"Yes, only landscape, water and resort photos."

"You can add photos of us, normal photos like we are a part of the photo and not a part of our body is the photo."

"Can I have a close-up in our bathroom? It's our private room."

"Let me ask you something: how would you feel when you use your parent's bathroom and find nude photos of them on the wall?"

"Yuck! No pictures!"

"Our guests, like your parents, use the bathroom as well."

"No photo, I understand. Let us check the planking photos for crimes and criminals. You never know, we might be the first who find out there was a crime today."

"We are on holidays."

"Crime never sleeps."

Sara put the laptop aside and turned to her lover. "You miss being on the streets a lot, miss being a lieutenant, don't you?"

"Yes." The blonde swallowed. "I'm not a pen pusher and…and the job as a CSI doesn't make me happy. Not now. All I want is my old life back, have my leg back and be a cop again. It's not fair, I tried to save people and…" Tears stopped her from continuing. Sara pulled her in her arms, kissed her hair, stroke her back. There were no words she could say to make the woman she loved more than her own life happy. Nothing she could do to get her the left back, to make the whole day undone. No, it wasn't fair. It was unfair and Sofia deserved better, didn't deserve to have her life and her dreams ripped out of her hands.

"Sometimes…I…I wish I had died." This thought appeared every now and then for a moment, a scary and sad moment.

The brunette knew about this thought but had no idea what to do, what to say. Telling her it was good she was alive wasn't a help. Of course Sara was happy to have Sofia, to found her alive, the days when she feared for the life of her lover, were the worst days she ever had. Half a leg was gone. Half a leg and not a life. The problem was, with the part of the leg was also the job gone and when you love your job, it was the thing you always wanted to do, it was hard to continue or find another job you like.

"The only reason why I woke up, why I fought, is you. Most times I don't understand why you still love me and force myself not to think about it, just be happy about it and savor every day I'm allowed to be with you."

"I love you for your heart, your character, your personality. My love to you has nothing to do with your body. Two legs, one leg, one and a half, it doesn't matter. Your legs aren't you. Your arms, your hand, your toes, all these parts of your body aren't you. If there's a part of your body that is you for me, it's your eyes. Maybe it sounds stupid when people say the eyes are the gate to your soul but I do have the feeling I can see inside you when I look into them. But even when you lose your eyes I'd still love you because you will always be there as long as you live. Nothing can take you away."

"I'm incomplete."

"You make me complete."

"Your love gives me reasons to get up every day and try to make the best out of the day. With you I can get through everything…it's just difficult sometimes. Even when we're in paradise and everything is perfect like it is now.

Do you think I've to call my therapist?"

"No, you're on holiday. You should go back to him when we're back in L.A. and don't cancel your appointment again."

"I felt fine when I did it."

"What did he say?"

"You're not fine, you need another appointment. But I won't force you and wait until you see I'm right. Why do they always have to be right? Is doc Luria also right all the time?"

"Most times. But I don't tell her. Jules was always right. My Miss Right."

"Hey, there's only one Miss Right for you and that's me."

"True, she's Miss Always Right. While you're Miss Right ForMe."

"That's better." Sofia smiled a little bit. "Sorry for getting dark clouds on our deep blue sky. These are our days off, days with no worries and I made the sunshine disappear."

"Even in paradise is thunder sometimes. I wasn't better when I talked about Sam yesterday. We are on vacations, that doesn't mean we forgot our life back home, what happened. Although I've to say I worry when you say there're days you wish you were dead."

"Being a cop was always very important to me, I can't be a cop anymore and this leaves a void in my life. You are more important than the job for me, if anybody had given me the chance to choose between you and my job, my pick had been you, without hesitation."

"But it was and is very important to you. You had plans to make the tests for a higher rank, become a captain one day."

"I could become a captain. The problem is, the life inside a building isn't mine. I need fresh air, have to see the streets and work with people. A lot of people, not only colleagues. The job as a CSI gives me the chance to be outside, work crime scenes and stop criminals."

"Don't chase them again."

"I never chased a suspect when I was a CSI. I chased the evidence. Thanks to me, my sharp brain and fast legs we got the murder weapon, got the shooter and closed the case within hours. Grissom couldn't say anything against me, the Sheriff was very pleased to have a double murder case closed this fast and the killer in custody."

"Promise me if you have to chase evidence again, do it only when you have a weapon with you."

"Promise."

"Thanks."

"The first time I've to stay inside anyway, learn about all the new toys they have nowadays. My former student Greg will be my teacher. He's the best thing about the new job. I can work with the lab rat with the crazy hair."

"Leggo my Greggo."

"Our soon-to-be-dad. I wonder when he and Jules will get married."

"In two years when the twins can walk, carry the rings and are happy about a two weeks vacation with us so you can spoil them. Or their grandparents, depends on who wins the fight."

"We will. We always win because we're the best." Sofia pulled Sara in her arms and kissed her. Holidays were the time to be happy, but every now and then it was necessary to be sad too and cry on the shoulder of the one you loved.


	44. Chapter 44

"CSI Sanders calls CSI Sidle."

"CSI Sanders you live in the past, there is no CSI Sidle anymore." Sara laughed. Only a few minutes after she had sent Greg a text message her cell phone rang.

"Sorry, CSI Sanders calls Ranger Sidle. How is the wild life in the Dominican Republic? Did you observe any exciting animals?"

"Hundreds of fish on the beach in front of our resort."

"White sand, blue sky and crystal clear water?"

"Of course."

"I envy you. Is the place good?"

"Magnificent."

"Make sure you get a business card. When I see photos and like it, it might become the place for my honeymoon."

"Does your future wife like places like these?"

"We'll see when she sees the photos."

"How are you both?" Or was she supposed to ask how the four of them were?

"I had a day off, took some time to spoil my fiancé, did some housework, went shopping and cooked a nice dinner for us. Jules is a little bit tired."

"Is she okay?"

"Yes. Her mom was here today, checked on her. I bet she's the only pregnant woman who has a trauma surgeon with her every two days to make sure she's fine. I'm glad Alison doesn't bring the gynecologist with her. A photo of the twins every two days."

"I bet she'd love to do this and Jules told her she'll lock her out in case she dares to do so. I can see them arguing."

"Nothing has changed the two days you haven't seen us. Are you enjoying the place? What did you do? You saw fish, so you were snorkeling. What else?"

"We played billiard."

"The pain of the loss?"

"Hah, when we're back we'll never lose again."

"How comes?"

"We have our personal teachers and will play every night. When we're back you'll all want to be in our team."

"Your teachers must be good."

"They're great. Wait, my Sweetheart wants to talk to you. I give her the cell." Sara handed Sofia her cell phone.

"Greggo! How are you?"

"Anxious to see you back in L.A. and start to work with you. I bought some good coffee for our break times together. And told all the guys if they dare to hit on you I'll hit them – with whatever hard, heavy or sharp is around. I'm the only man who's allowed to flirt with you. Most of them know you anyway and you know them…will I be your favorite colleague?"

"Of course." The blonde laughed.

"Good. Are you and Sara okay?"

"So far so good. I miss being a cop and whined about it today. Sara cheered me up a bit."

"You were a great cop and I had loved to work with you as the lieutenant at my scene. Now you'll work with me the scene as a CSI, means you'll spend more time with me. I like that but I wished you had become my colleague because you wanted it and not because there weren't many other choices."

"There are million of choices, being your colleague is the best."

"Am I allowed to tell Don this?"

"Be nice to my detective. Is he all right?"

"I think so. We want to meet him for dinner tomorrow."

"That's a nice idea. How is your fiancé?"

"She can tell you herself. Give my beautiful brunette with the sexy gap a kiss from me, will you?"

"You're the only one who is allowed to call her this and who is allowed to send her kisses."

"Thanks. Take care of her and yourself, I love you both and want you back in one piece and happy."

"We do our best. Take care of yourself and your fiancé. I want the twins around in a few months."

"Okay."

She heard how Greg gave the cell phone to Jules.

"Baby! Baby! Baby!" Sofia squeaked.

"Not yet. Also I look like I want to go into labor any second. You won't believe it but since we haven't seen each other I put on another pound and look more and more like a whale."

"Must be the most beautiful and skinniest whale ever."

"Don't try to charm me, I know the truth. Are you having a good time?"

"We swim, we eat, we drink, we learn how to play billiard. And in between we have a lot of time for ourselves which I won't define any more."

"Not needed. I looked the resort up in the internet, it's a heaven for couples, I assume you're surrounded by people who are as much in love as you two are."

"Probably. Most people are happy and relaxed. But not everybody is happy about Sara's and my love."

"Can you ignore them?"

"Yes. I'd prefer to punch the crap out of their brains but my girlfriend asked me to ignore them. Can't deny one of her wishes."

"Listen to her, she loves you, she knows what's good for you. Do you have any exciting plans? Planed anything crazy?"

"Is parasailing crazy?"

"For me yes. For you not. Can you do it together?"

"No, unfortunately not. One is up in the air the other one takes photos of the flight. It's mean to make us be apart."

"Will you survive it?"

"It will be hard. If you want to be here for your honeymoon, I take care of the babies." When Jules agreed now Sofia had a good reason why the twins had to stay with her later.

"Until we book our honeymoon it will take some time. No need to think about it now."

"Right, first the wedding."

"Two more years. Maybe we have a double wedding?"

"You should talk about this with Sara. I hand you over…good luck, do your best! Please!" With a smirk Sofia gave the cell phone back to Sara. A double wedding sounded too good to be true in her ears. If her lover saw it the same way? Probably not.

"Jules?"

"Hey, I'm supposed to talk you into a double wedding in two years. Do you agree?"

"Make it a legal wedding for Sofia and me and we can talk about it. Aren't you supposed to use some of your therapist-around-twenty-corner-questions? Talk me slowly into it? Not straight forward."

"Do you want to talk to a therapist or your friend?"

"My friend."

"Do you need to talk to a therapist?"

"You know me."

"Sara, are you and Sofia all right?" There was some concern in Jules's voice.

"There are some clouds in the blue sky sometimes."

"Sam and her accident."

"Did you put a bug in our room or are you just that good?" Or was it easy to find out what two topics could have brought them clouds in their perfect sky? Was it a skill of a therapist to know the demons of your friends? Were they this obvious?

"I'm just that good. Plus I know you for almost two years and listened when you told me things. How bad is it on one of your hated scales?"

"We're back on a higher number. No need to call your cousin, we will sort it out."

"Want me to listen?"

"When we're back yes. And I want you to talk about you and Greg. We'll deal with it, Jules. Thanks. If we don't know what to do next we'll let you know. Until then you should concentrate on my godchild and the sibling."

"My baby wants a happy godmother. Try to push the demons away, Sara. You and Sofia, you deserve some happy time together."

"We have a lot of happy time. Really."

"I want to see you both when you're back."

"Before or after I saw you cousin?"

"How much time is between your return and the next appointment with her?"

"Five days."

"Before."

"I tell Sofia. We call you in a couple of days again, take care of you, the babies and your boyfriend."

"We'll fine and you make sure you and Sofia are fine too."

"Okay. Miss you Jules, give Greg a hug and a kiss."

"No problem. We miss you too. Talk to you later."

"Later Shrink." Sara ended the call, hugged and kissed Sofia. "No, these weren't ordered by Jules, don't get excited. It was only your girlfriend who wanted to hug and kiss you."

"Only my girlfriend? Shall I show my girlfriend how much I adore her? Every inch of her."

"Every inch?"

"Do you need a proof?"

"I do." Sara grinned.

"Baby, this will be a proof that takes some time and will leave us both exhausted and over the moon." Sofia pushed Sara down and started kissing her. Showing her lover how much she loved her was something she really enjoyed. There was nothing in the world she enjoyed more.


	45. Chapter 45

**24th of October**

The boat swayed softly on the small waves and made the ocean feeling perfect. Hand in hand Sara and Sofia sat on a table, a hot coffee in their hands and waited for the sun to climb out of the water and up into the sky. It was half past five in the morning, they were awake since one hour, had left the resort with Rhonda and Jeremy, drove to the east side of the island to watch a sunrise from a boat.

Her head on the shoulder of the blonde Sara yawned. For a holiday they had not much sleep last night. First they went back to the bar around nine to play another billiard game, met Jeremy there who taught them a few more tricks while Rhonda was already in bed. It was after eleven when they got back in their room and instead of going to sleep the brunette asked the blonde which inch of her body inspection a few hours before had been her favorite, Sofia couldn't pick only one spot and kissed all of her favorite spots. Sara stopped counting after two dozen.

So their night was short but otherwise exactly what they wanted. And now they had the sunrise they wanted with a breakfast later. It was a tour with twenty people, mostly couple who sat together arm in arm like they did and waited for the sun. There were no clouds on the sky and it was warm.

"We should see the sunset more often at home. It's a beautiful sunset on the beach and we miss it most times." Sofia said.

"When we work and come home late, have to get through the rush hour to get down to Venice, Santa Monica or Malibu it's stress to be on time. If we make it at all and won't get stuck in traffic."

"Yeah." An hour from Silver Lake to the beach was nothing at rush hour.

"But when it's spring, the days are longer and warmer we can take the dogs on a day off to the beach and stay until sunset, have dinner there."

"They'll love it. I guess sunrise and sunset are more holiday activities. You see them while you work. Not with the ocean."

"No, it can be nice in the forest as well; especially when you're up on a mountain. Shall we do this as well? Go to Angeles National Forest very early, get up on a mountain and watch the sunrise?"

"Is it not too close to work for you?"

"No, I like the place I work, it's a park, it's nature, the perfect place for a day off. With the perfect person to be." Sara squeezed her lover's hand. How much in love could you be without being crazy? Or wasn't it bad to be crazy in love? She definitely felt like she was crazy love. Not only today, every day and it felt great.

"Tell me about it. This looks like paradise, my girlfriend is paradise. Compared to you all these nature wonders are boring."

"Ladies, you're both nuts and should have stayed in your room." Jeremy said amused. "Are you sure you're not on a honeymoon trip? You definitely sound like it."

"We practice for the honeymoon. Maybe you should say something nice to the woman next to you too." Sofia suggested.

"Oh no, you told Sara all she has to know." He chuckled and got a slap from Rhonda who sat on his other side.

"She meant me, you idiot."

"Rhonda is very charming."

"Just shut up, the sun rises."

They turned their attention back to the sun. The first bit of it was out of the water. Her camera in one hand and the other hand still connected to Sara's Sofia started taking photos. Sunrise and sunset photos belonged to every holiday trip. Plus it was a good chance to let Jeremy take a few photos of them together. When the first warm rays hit their faces it was like a soft touch. The air had been warm before but there was a difference between warm air and the touch of warm sunshine on your face. Together with the light it made you feel happy, made the day begin in a very good way.

"So beautiful." Sara whispered.

"Like my girlfriend." Sofia got her arm around the brunette. "I love you."

"Love you too."

"Kiss her, for crying out loud." Jeremy complained. "I can't watch you trying to stay away from each other while you hold on to each other. Forget them, if one of them says something stupid they'll get in trouble with me!"

"We try to be…"

"Be yourself, don't be what you think they want you to be."

"We had some stupid comments about us in the resort yesterday."

"You have supporter next to you."

"Thanks for that." Sara smiled and kissed Sofia quickly.

"I hope you kiss her more passionately when you're in the room."

"Definitely. And before you complain more, why don't you hold hands and kiss your wife?"

"She isn't my wife."

"Huh?" Sara saw the ring on Rhonda's hand. It was a wedding band, she was sure about it. There wasn't a ring on Jeremy's hand, she thought it was because he didn't like jewelry or the ring was in his way when he played pool.

"Your ring looks like a wedding band to me." Sara said to Rhonda.

"It is."

"Why does he say you're not his wife? Is he mocking you again?"

"No, he's right. I'm not his wife, this isn't a ring he gave to me. The pair who played billiard with you yesterday, who enjoys the sunrise with you today, isn't married. I'm married to somebody else. It's a perfect place for honeymoon couples, couples in love and affairs. My husband is in the States."

"O-okay." Sara was stunned. The friendly wasn't a couple, they were….cheaters.

"My husband knows I'm away with another man. He's in Michigan with his secretary…not on business. We're not hurting anybody or cheating."

"They call it an open marriage." Jeremy said like he talked about the weather and not the fact he was with a woman, who wasn't married to him. Didn't he feel bad? Jealous?

"It is. We're aware everybody believes we're married to each other, it seems to be obvious. In life aren't all things that appear to be obvious right."

"Tell me about it. When we first met it was obvious Sara and me can't become friends." Sofia grinned.

"Guilty."

"I also didn't believe this arrogant asshole could be a man you can talk about serious things with. He is such a show off when you meet him at games. I felt a few times like spilling my drinks straight in his face."

"While I was sure with this short red hair she had to be a witch. One who hates men and especially me."

"Sounds like you can tell us an interesting story."

"We can…not here but maybe later when we have lunch, a few cocktails."

"Or you come over for a barbecue and a couple of beer. There isn't much time for lunch and cocktails when I remember our time limit in the town correctly." Sofia was sure she could use a few more hours for shopping. With less than four hours they could have a little snack to keep them going. Or skip a few shops for a real lunch.

"Were you the guys who used their barbecue two nights ago?" Rhonda grinned.

"Yes…did you smell it?"

"Our room is above yours. We smelt it, we saw the smoke… and your music wasn't loud enough."

"Oh." Sofia felt how head shot into her head and made it red. Their music wasn't loud enough. Was it a good idea to ask how much they heard, what exactly and…no, it was better not to ask any questions. They should have turned the music louder or go inside…no, turn the music louder. Being outside was one of the thrills they wanted to experience, part of the holiday fun. Maybe they should apologize.

"We didn't hear everything but what we heard…was inspiring."

"Okay."

"You're in paradise and in love. Nothing we don't do as well."

"We should get our attention back to the sunrise…is there space on the card left for our snorkel trip, Sara?"

"Babe, it's a four GB card, we can take a lot of photos."

"How many did you take today?"

"Around fifty."

"That's not too bay. Give me the camera, it's time to take a few photos of you and Sofia. Photos to make the family jealous."

"They paid for the trip." With a smirk Sara handed the camera over. It was only fair to show Marie what they did with the trip she and Mark paid for.


	46. Chapter 46

Long slender legs in deep red sandals, straps around the ankle, like a snake that made elegant its way up a tree, almost hiding the flower. Thighs touched by soft red satin, slowly moving around white skin, like playing tag, showing sometimes a few inches more of the skin, sometimes hiding a little bit more, sitting tight around the waist, showing off a cute little bellybutton. More skin before more red satin starts again, cupping breasts, smoothly holding them, leaving the shoulder free. Brown hair, still a little bit wet, softly curled, fell on the shoulder, surrounding the long and slim neck. Red lips, pursed in amusement, a coy smile obviously hidden in the corner of the mouth and the cute nose, holding big sun glasses to hide dark brown eyes finished the perfect picture. A picture of a woman Sofia had no other choice than taking a photo of after she got herself out of rigor and could get her eyes off her for a second.

"I think I died and went to heaven." A little bit ashamed of the reaction and the husky voice she cleared her throat. It wasn't like she saw Sara for the first time, they weren't in a kitschy Hollywood movie.

"And I think I should skip the barbecue tonight. There are at least eight pounds too much around my waist. I've my own lifesaver." Sara pinched her skin and grabbed it with both hands. When did she put on this much weight?

"You look so adorable I want you to cover yourself up before all men start fighting over you and I need to shoot them all. And I definitely have a hard time to keep my hands away from you."

"I look like I work in a muffin bakery and not a national forest."

"To me, if my opinion counts in any way, you look like the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Am I drooling already?" The blonde closed her mouth with her hand. "Gosh Sara, you're wow. I love you."

"Stop it." Sara smiled and blew Sofia a kiss. How was she supposed to act like they were only friends when her lover said words like these?

"If you don't buy I'll buy it for you."

"Why don't you try your own stuff on?"

"Will you buy it?"

"I look fat in it…I am fat…"

"Stop talking bullshit and buy it. You look amazing and when you wear it tonight for the barbecue I won't waste any look at my steak."

"Try your things on." Sara vanished in the fitting room of the little beach shop. Of course Sofia said she looked beautiful in this dress, she was her girlfriend, it was her job. Okay, it looked good. No, it looked great and she loved it. It was perfect for the beach and there weren't any reason why she shouldn't buy it. The fat around her waist…it would be there even when she left this outfit in the shop. Her new clothes could be a reason to lose some weight. To make it look better and better on her. Yes, that was a good idea. It was her new motivation. Whenever she felt like having a muffin she'd look at her dress and turn to an apple or a carrot. What a great idea. Losing weight, saving money to have money for another beach trip or something new to wear.

With her new outfit over her arm she waited for Sofia to get out of the other fitting room.

"Talking about fat, I found enough to fry a ton of French fries." Pulling on the skin of her lower body Sofia came out in a white bikini.

"A mermaid in a shop on the beach, nobody will believe me this story." Sara grinned. "Give me the camera!"

"Why? You want to have a photo of fat? My apps are all gone." A few months ago there had been a little six-pack where now was fat. A lot of fat. At least it looked to her like a lot of fat. No wonder she needed two sizes more now. Or one and it was tight.

"Will the bikini turn transparent when it's wet?"

"No, the sign say it stays white and won't let people see what they're not supposed to see."

"Good. I don't want to shoot men and women for hitting on my half naked girlfriend."

"Since when are you jealous?"

"Since I'm with the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

"Don't you trust her?"

"I trust her with my life. It's all the other people I don't trust. Or let me say it this way: if I were solo and saw a woman who blew my mind like you do, I'd try to make her mine, no matter what."

"You don't hit on women, I'm the only woman you were interested in." Sofia grinned. Didn't this make her even more special?

"Get changed, buy it and hurry. We don't have too much time left and you want a beach towel and shot glasses."

"Mostly I want you." What was it with this holidays that made her turn into a horny teenager? Did the heat mess around with her hormones? It wasn't much hotter than in L.A.

"Get in the fitting room, give me your bikini, get dressed."

"Want to undress me?"

Sara knew her eyes said the opposite when she answered: "No." She'd love to undress Sofia. The problem was, this wasn't the right country nor the right place.

"Liar, liar, pants on fire." Sending a mocking look to the brunette the blonde vanished.

A deep breath helped Sara to fight the urge to follow the other woman and do exactly what she had asked her to do. Not the right place. Think of the first evening, the barbecue, the too quiet music…when the bikini appeared over the curtain the brunette took it and went with it to the check-out.

"I owe you money."

"You can pay me later – in something else than money." Sara grinned.

"Really? I think about it. Can we stop over there? I'd like to buy a sarong."

"Sure."

Sofia took a look at the rack. A blue sarong or one with a beach scene?

"How about the orange one?" Sara held up a sarong.

"No, I want a long one."

"Okay…are you all right?" The enthusiasm that had surrounded Sofia five minutes ago was gone.

"Yeah…"

"Your leg." Sara knew when the blonde tried clothes that showed her leg most times she became sad. A bikini was nice, it looked great but it showed everything, without any chance to cover the injuries and the prosthesis. There were more than one or two looks the blonde got today for her leg.

"A little cover when I don't feel like walking around like a cover girl for a medical magazine. Or am I stupid?"

"You are never stupid."

"I feel stupid when I hide and at the same time it gives me some protection. No matter how much I try to ignore it, people stare. Because of my leg. What annoys me most is that I care. For weeks I've talked about it with the therapist, we talk about it, I know there's no reason to hide, to feel ashamed but sometimes I can't use my brain, my knowledge. Why is that so Sara? For what reason worry I?"

"It takes time. That's my therapist tells me all the time. It takes time to learn new things. You have to learn to live with the prosthesis, you haven't completely accept it. Until you haven't done this you will worry. It takes time. Look at your girlfriend, she struggles with her past, with things that happened thirty years ago. Most times I'm fine, can handle them. Sometimes you find me crying. From time to time scars hurt."

"Like hell."

"Want a cocktail to dowse the fire?"

"We don't have time."

"Are we on vacation or at an army meeting? My chick wants a cocktail, she gets one. And her sarong. Buy the one you feel comfortable with and when you can't make up your mind yet, buy both of them. Over there are beach towels, have a look if you like one. I organize you a Margarita, we buy some shot glasses and we stop in the little supermarket for our barbecue and beer. Anything else I can get us?"

"Chocolate…no, there was all this fat…"

"You get chocolate and when you say again you're fat I won't share the bed with you for the rest of the time we're here."

"Ditto!" The blonde turned tables. She wasn't the only one who complained about fat.

"We're both gorgeous looking women and a lot of people would be over the moon when one of us were their girlfriend. We deserve chocolate. And chips."

"I love you."

"You'll love me more when I was shopping. Get your sarong, towel and what else you want and come to the supermarket."

"Okay." How was she supposed to love Sara even more after the brunette was shopping? Right now it felt impossible to love her more, Sofia was already at one hundred percent and more than one hundred wasn't possible, was it?


	47. Chapter 47

"Turn around."

Obeying Sara turned around. She was on the balcony, just finished setting the table for the barbecue. All what was left were their guests. Why she had to turn was a riddle. Sofia's hands moved her hair aside, stroke softly over the skin, kissed it before something cold was placed around her neck. A necklace.

"Turn again."

"What…" The brunette wanted to look down, but her chin was lifted by the other woman's finger and their lips met. For a couple of seconds their tongues danced with each other before Sofia broke the kiss, hugged Sara and pulled her into her arms.

"You know you're my life, don't you?"

"Yes."

"I love you more than my own life."

"Sofia…"

"Everything is fine, don't worry. All I want is to tell you how much I love you, how important you are to me and that I'm very happy to have you. If there is a god or a higher power that makes the decisions about our life I have one wish: let us stay together for the rest of our lives. A long life because there are so many things I want to do with you, experience with you that every second we have to leave this planet earlier means I miss out a lifetime experience with you. I love you."

"Love you too." Sara kissed her lover softly. "More than any words can describe."

"Guess that makes us quite a good couple."

"The best." A look at the pendant told Sara she owned a silver heart pendant now. One you can open. When she opened it her and Sofia's name was engraved on one side and on the other one was a photo of them kissing. The first photo they ever took of them kissing. Two years ago. Tears ran down Sara's face. Her lover was…there were no words. She pulled the blonde back in her arms and kissed her softly.

"Thank you so much. You need one too."

"Got one. All I need is my wonderful girlfriend to put it on so I can wear it." Out of the pocket of the shorts appeared a second pendant that looked like the one Sara wore. With trembling fingers the brunette took it. Why were her hands shaky? She was about to put a pendant on and not put the wedding band over Sofia's hand. Or was it like a wedding band for them? Their own kind of wedding? Their own kind of wedding band.

The knock on the door made Sara sighed. What a terrible timing. "I hate our dinner date right now."

"Whatever you have on your mind to do if Rhonda and Jeremy weren't here, keep it on your mind and we'll make it come true later."

"With louder music."

"Yes." Sofia laughed, kissed Sara and turned. Time to let their new friends in and have dinner with them.

"Hey, are we too early?" Jeremy asked in a very good mood.

"Usually people asked if they're late."

"Not when you're here and most people don't use their rooms for sitting around…oh, I see there's something around your neck that wasn't there before. Did we disturb something romantically? Shall we come back later? Tomorrow?"

"Don't be silly." Sofia pushed them into the room.

"We have some fruit salad and two bottles of champagne. I know most people prefer beer to their steak but maybe we want a glass of champagne before we eat and later. Sara, you said you're a vegetarian, I found a tofu steak."

"Where did you find that?" Sara had looked in the supermarket and all she got was an ordinary steak. There wasn't a bog vegetarian section. No special meals, all she could buy were vegetables.

"We came across a vegetarian shop and got it because we thought you won't find it. You were busy with the shopping. I want to see what you bought!"

"She bought a dress that makes your jaw drop to the floor." Sofia sighed. "I needed all my willpower to stay away and not push into the fitting room and…the music wasn't loud enough."

"Sounds like a good outfit. We want to see it, Sara."

"No, it's…I look fat in it."

"Than it's not a good outfit. Let us make our own opinion. Change while we start the barbecue." Jeremy blinked at her and took the steaks with him.

"There's a man who wants to see me half naked. Shouldn't you do something?"

"No, I want to see you half naked too! Sorry darling, he's right. Go and change."

"You have to show your bikini as well."

"After you."

Rolling her eyes Sara got her new outfit and went into the bathroom. This was supposed to be a barbecue and not a fashion show. Why did people always want her to do things that weren't in her nature. Showing new clothes wasn't her cup of tea. Especially not when they barely covered her body. And her fat.

With a grumpy face she appeared on the balcony.

"Wow." Jeremy said.

"You look beautiful and for a second I asked myself if I should leave the long haired man for you." Rhonda smiled.

"Hands off my woman!" Sofia stepped between them and Sara. "She's all mine. I love her and she's my private property."

"Jealousy. A good sign. By the way, there's no fat on you, Sara."

"Jeremy, there are at least eight pounds of muffins too much around my waist."

"Muffins can never be too much."

"Says the skinny guy."

"Not my fault. Ask Rhonda I eat the whole day, mostly unhealthy stuff, I should be weigh at least three hundred pounds."

"I hate him for that!" Rhonda hissed. "He eats croissants with an inch thick chocolate spread for breakfast, three of them, plus cappuccino made with cream, waffles, rolls, sandwiches and everything with a lot of sugar and fat. Look at him. There's nothing on him! I hate him for it! Hate you! Hate you! Hate you!"

"You can hate me as much as you want, Sara doesn't want you."

"No, she wants to change back into her clothes." Sara said and left.

Sofia sighed. "I'm so into this woman. Scary."

"She's so much into you. You're each others destiny."

"Yeah…there's no way I let her ever go."

"There's no way she leaves you for whoever. Go and get changed, we want to see your bikini."

"More fat."

"More bullshit. Go!"

Sofia grabbed her bikini and went to the bathroom. When she wanted to open the door Sara opened it.

"My turn. Kiss please."

Sara kissed her lover. "A dollar please."

"You're a cheap kisser." The blonde closed the door.

"I'm not the cheap one, the blonde." Getting four glasses for the champagne the brunette went back to the balcony. "We should drink before the good stuff gets warm."

"Good thinking." Rhonda shot the cork under the ceiling. "Ooops."

"You shoot with the cork like you shoot with the cue."

"Shut up!"

"No wonder you aren't top ten."

"One more comment like that I shoot the next cork lower into a part of your body that will hurt a lot."

"You will suffer as well."

"No, I do to the bar and get a replacement."

"You won't, you like me too much."

"In your dreams."

"Stop fighting, this is a peaceful balcony." Sofia came back.

"Wow…can I spill my champagne on you?"

"You can Jeremy, it won't do what you hope it will. This bikini isn't transparent when it's wet."

"Spoilsport."

"Looks great on you." Rhonda ignored her boyfriend.

"Thanks. It would look better if my fat turns back into apps. Somehow after the accident I put on some weigh…a lot. Too much. Mostly muffins."

"Muffins are good. I think I said this already before."

"Not around my waist. Anyway, next year there'll be less muffins and more sport. When the prosthesis and I are better friends and found out what we can do together."

"Does it hurt a lot?"

"Only sometimes. Let me change back into something…no, I feel comfortable…where's the sarong? Or does anybody mind?"

"Not at all." Jeremy grinned. "And the other two won't be asked."

"My wife's opinion is always above everybody else."

"Your wife?"

"The only woman in the world for me, my wife by heart. Shall I get dressed again, Honey?" Sofia sat on Sara's lap.

"You wear what you want to wear, what makes you feel comfortable."

"I put on the sarong. Be right back." Taking a sip from Sara's glass the blonde got up and left the balcony.

"Are you planning to get married?" Rhonda asked.

"We can't. Not at the moment, not in California."

"Come to Massachusetts. You can get married there."

"Yeah, you can stay at my place. Misses Rhonda's place isn't that nice for a meeting."

"How do you know? You've never been there."

"I got never invited."

"There's a reason for that."

"Your husband."

"Whose husband?" Sofia came back and sat on Sara's lap again. A nice way to be close, have her lover in her arms. Kiss her whenever she felt like it.

"Rhonda's."

"Oh yeah, the husband." Right, there was a story they wanted to know. "The not married couple…or not married with each other. What story do you have? Where are your deepest secrets? What scandals are you hiding?"


	48. Chapter 48

"Scandals do only exist in L.A., not in our place. No, the story is short and easy: my husband and me we know each other since high school, were high school sweethearts. His mother wanted us to get married, we did because when you're young there's nothing more romantic than a wedding and a honeymoon. We married when we left university, reality got to us two years later and made it obvious four years later, we are not meant for each other. His mother sees that different and she made herself clear when she told us, there's no way we get any money if we get divorced. She has a lot of money, employs us both. Of course it's possible to work somewhere else for less money but in my case I have to give up billiard, the money I make at the moment makes it possible to travel and play without worrying. He has to give up the standard he's used to. My mother-in-law is happy when we act like a married couple on the annual company celebration, if we see each other at other times isn't important. Just hold the perfect company picture. We don't hate each other, it's no problem to be together for one evening, make his mother happy. We have a big house, he has his own story, I've mine, both have separated entries. Whatever he makes in his part I don't see, hear, care and the same for me. End of story."

"Do you want to pretend being a couple for the rest of your lives?" Sofia asked. To her it was impossible to imagine living together with somebody she doesn't love while the one she loved had to stay away. Keeping her and Sara's love a secret, not being able to have her around her at home. No money in the world was worth being without her.

"No, for the rest of her life. Or until we don't want her money anymore. Which pays for such nice things like this trip."

"A trip with your affair. How do you feel being the side dish?"

"Most times the side dish is what you really want." Jeremy smiled. "I knew she was married when I met her, I knew she has no intention leaving her husband and I know she doesn't love him. Yes she lives in the same house like him and I haven't been there. So what? Most times when we in the same city we stay at my place, we try to travel to the same games and go on holidays together. If she divorces her husband she can't do this anymore and we won't see each other a lot. For us this situation is better."

"I couldn't do it. Could you, Sara?"

"Being with you while I'm married with somebody else? No. I like to end things when I feel they're over. It's not always possible, I know and it's a weak spot of myself to pretend the past didn't happen but that's me. No, I couldn't live the way you two live but when it works for you, there's nothing bad about it."

"You cheat on your husband, I'm in a lesbian relationship, looks like we're four bad people in honeymoon paradise. Hopefully we don't influence their happy perfect life."

"An elderly woman who is here to celebrate her fiftieth anniversary with her husband, asked me since when I'm married when Jeremy and me sat at the bar. She liked my wedding band. I told her since when I'm married and didn't tell her I'm not married to him. She was so happy when she told us it's good we make such trips to keep our love alive."

"We do keep our love alive here. It's a place we can relax, be together and have fun."

"Are you together when you play billiard?" Sara turned the steaks and the corn cobs. Even when Rhonda and her husband lived in different parts of the house, didn't care that the other one was with somebody else, they had unusual jobs.

"Most times. Or we try to go to competitions that are in the same area if we can't find some in the same city. Next month is a big event in Las Vegas, when we manage to get into the final we'll be there for over two weeks."

"Viva Las Vegas." Sofia smiled. "Our old home."

"You are from Vegas?" Jeremy asked.

"I am, Sara isn't, she worked there for eight years."

"From Vegas to L.A., from one glamour city to the other. Which one is better?"

"I'm a native Sin City woman, I've to say Vegas. Sara?"

"Both are great. I loved Vegas, you meet so many different people, the weather is great and there's a never-ending choice for entertainment. Los Angeles on the other side has wonderful beaches, various landscapes and there isn't a water sport you can't do. For a woman from San Francisco water is important. You should come around after you won in Vegas. Have you been to L.A. before?"

"A few times, for a few days, we haven't seen much of the city. Did the main tourist spots and that's it. Have you been there with your hubby?"

"No, well he travels a lot of L.A., I joined him a few times, we were in Downtown, that's it. There wasn't much time for sightseeing. So yes, we should take your invitation and have a closer look. Where do you live?"

"Silver Lake."

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"East of Hollywood. A nice place."

"Door to door with the stars. Did you see a few?"

"Women and their star search…"

"Yeah, we saw a few stars, some live in our neighborhood, mostly TV stars. Most of them aren't any different to other people."

"Their houses are only bigger and the cars more expensive. Otherwise had my lovely lieutenant given them the same treatment like everybody else. And now, when she's a CSI, she'll get their asses when they did anything wrong."

"If they don't have a star bonus."

"I heard somewhere the police in Beverly Hills drives stars home when they're drunk. A nice service."

"No comment on that." Sofia grinned.

"Did you ever…?"

"No!"

"Be honest."

"No Jeremy, I never gave a star special treatment. The only one who would get away with everything is my lovely girlfriend and I don't have to worry about her. She'd never do anything that might get the cops involved. And if she does have the cops after her, she was the best CSI I ever worked with, nobody will find any traces at the end."

"Sara can get away with murder? Interesting."

"It's nothing I plan to do. Only if my girlfriend makes the decision she wants somebody else in her life…I have to get rid off this woman."

"Ah, the other woman, not Sofia." Rhonda smiled.

"Yes. I love my smug blonde, can't live without her, so I can't kill her. I do would make her pay, no doubt about it."

"Honey, believe me, I'd kill myself if I'm ever stupid enough to cheat on you." Sofia squeezed Sara's hand. Only a complete idiot would cheat on a woman like her girlfriend and such an idiot didn't deserve to live.

* * *

><p>When Sofia fell into the bed after midnight she felt like she had been awake for longer than twenty hours. Getting up before sunrise after a short night, being on a boat, snorkel, walk around the town, have barbecue with two new friends, a few drinks, all things she really enjoyed but for tomorrow she wanted a lazy day. Sleep in, a few swims, doze on the beach, a billiard game, food, a nap. Everything you could think of for a lazy day in paradise.<p>

Sara placed her head on the blonde's chest, listened to the heartbeat. A nice sound, steady, comfortable, familiar. Listen to the heartbeat of the woman you love was one of her favorite pastimes.

"This was a great day, I enjoyed every second of it but for tomorrow I want a quiet day. Lazy time on the beach, a nap around noon, no stress, no sport, no obligations."

"Exactly what I thought. If we have another day like today we need to extend our vacation time. Do you think my parents will pay it?"

"When we tell them how happy we are here, that we forget all our problems, don't bother about anything and feel like we're on our honeymoon I'm very sure they'll pay for another week. Your mother wants you to be happy, wants you to get your head off Los Angeles, the accident and all the problems and your father pampers you since you're a baby. All you have to do is ask and he'll make all of your wishes come true."

"He doesn't! It's a mean lie by my mother who is jealous because dad and me are always on the same side."

"Daddy's little girl."

"Maybe I am daddy's little girl? So what? It's nothing wrong."

"No, it's how it's supposed to be. I'm glad you have such a great relationship with your parents. Shows me, there are normal parents around, who do what parents should do. Love, protect and be there for their child. Sometimes it makes me sad I never had that, that my childhood was the opposite. Then I think, I got the great chance to experience real love of parents and it's a reason to be happy. Your parents treat me like I'm their daughter too, an equal part of the family. This feeling makes up for all the things I've missed when I was a child. And still miss."

Sofia pulled her lover into her arms and kissed her. "You are an equal part of the family. They know you're the most important person in my life, I love you more than I love my own life and there's nothing they wouldn't do to make you happy. Get used to the fact my dad will pamper you too."

"It's a nice thing. And it's good to call somebody mom and dad who act like parents. Do you think we should give your parents something? After all, they've been through a lot too. Came to L.A. a couple of times to se how we are, helped us with the house and everything else. They deserve a special treatment too."

"I agree, they do. Got an idea?"

"What do you they like? Both like?"

"My dad is more the quiet type while my mother is into action. History is something they both enjoy. Like I told you my dad took me to all places of the civil war and I know he has a few favorite spots he wants to go to again. We could give them a trip to one of these places and a weekend after it in New Orleans. They love this city."

"Sounds like a good idea. A nice Christmas present."

"Yeah. What do you want for Christmas?"

"I've got my present already in my arms." Kissing her lover the brunette smiled. Her Christmas gift was Sofia. Her lover survived the explosion, fought herself back into life and was with her. A better gift was nowhere to find.

"Do you have a wish?"

"I want a girlfriend who doesn't tease and mock me all the time."

"You want a new girlfriend?"

"No!" The blonde bopped the other woman. "I want my girl-friend to be kind and nice to me."

"Honey, when we stop mocking and teasing each other it will be very boring, we will miss it and something is seriously wrong with our relationship."

"You're right…whenever you mock or tease me we can pretend we fight and make up afterwards. I love it when we make up."

"What do you love most of it?"

"Your hands on me and my hands on you. Or lips on me, my lips on you. Your skin on me, my skin on you."

"Right, these are nice things. It's a pity we won't have this tonight."

"Why?"

"Because you're too tired. Your eyes are small and sleepy, you're too old for days like today and need your grandmother sleep now."

"Beg your pardon?" Indignant Sofia sat up.

"This day tired you out, you can't…" The rest of Sara's sentence was washed away by a furious kiss. Too tired? Too old? Grandmother? If Sara didn't take this back within the next seconds Sofia would make her pay for it. For every single word. No, every single letter. And she'd make her pay anyway. This was a fight and they had to make up. In a way the brunette that made the brunette suffer, made her feel tired and unable to move a single limb when Sofia was done with her.

* * *

><p>THE END<p>

Thanks for reading and reviewing. If you like, you can have a part three, there so many things in Sara's and Sofia's life, that haven't been told yet :-)


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